Fracture

13. Stella

CHAPTER 13

STELLA

Zee’s face is frantic as they walk into the restaurant, eyebrows lifting as their eyes land on me and they rush between the tables towards me.

“Girl, what the fuck is going on?” They ask, grabbing me in a hug before they sit down beside me. “Dylan and Levi have been blowing up my phone, they almost called the fucking cops because they didn’t know where you were, and now you’re calling me and asking me to dinner, and my fucking god, what happened?”

“Nothing, nothing bad, I promise.”

Their eyebrows shoot up. “Nothing bad? They’ve had me running around town looking for you because nothing bad happened?”

I take a deep breath. “I just had to get out and clear my head, and I needed to talk to you.”

“Well, I’m right here.” Zee leans their crossed arms on the table, their face still twisted with concern. “Anything you need to tell me, I’m right here.”

I take a sip of my water, trying to order my thoughts and figure out where exactly in this whole mess I need to start.

“I had sex with Dylan,” I tell them.

They stay silent, watching me with a neutral face. Finally they nod, and shrug. “OK. Was it… not good?” Their eyes widen, and they reach out to take my hand. “Did he hurt you?”

“No, no, nothing like that. It was… It was really good. Probably the best sex I’ve had.”

Zee’s face is instantly a picture of relief, followed by confusion. “Girl, I don’t want to push you here, but Dylan was freaking the fuck out, and Levi didn’t sound much better. You’re telling me you had the best sex of your life and then ran away?”

“Dylan and Levi had sex.”

Zee leans back in their chair, eyes wide, jaw dropping. “Levi, as in… No. No way.”

“Yes way.” I clench my eyes shut. “Oh god, this is so messy.”

“Yeah, you can say that again. Why the fuck would Dylan cheat on you? With your stepbrother? With his best friend? I mean…?” Zee trails off, putting a hand to their forehead. “My head hurts, goddamn.”

I put my hands to my head. “There’s more.”

“ More ?”

I drop my hands from my face and grab Zee’s hand. “Please, just let me talk. I need to get this out.”

“Go ahead. I’m listening.”

Before I can stop myself, it all comes tumbling out. Levi’s confession that he’s always loved me, the kiss we shared in the kitchen, Dylan’s tearful admission that he’d slept with Levi and the raging desire that unleashed inside me. I even tell them that I locked eyes with Levi while I fucked Dylan, that I let him watch us, that I could see him getting hard while I rode Dylan right in front of him, and I liked it. Fuck, I loved it . Having Levi watch us, his eyes filled with hunger, made me come harder than I ever thought I could.

“I didn’t leave because I was angry,” I say once all the sordid details have come out. “I left because… I liked it. That’s sick, right?”

Zee downs a glass of water, throwing themselves back in their chair, and staring at the table. “Of all the things you were going to tell me, this was not what I was expecting.”

My head drops. “You think I’m disgusting, right?”

Zee’s hand is on my arm, and when I look up at them they shake their head emphatically. “No. Never. Oh my god, I’m just… surprised. That’s all. But I am not disgusted.”

“Levi’s my brother, it’s just sick.”

“Stop saying it’s sick.” Zee squeezes my arm. “It’s not sick. He’s your step-brother, and not even one you grew up with.”

“Dylan was so upset.” I press the heel of my hand to my eye, remembering Dylan’s pleas for me to stay and talk to him. “I hurt him.”

“Girl, you needed a minute.” They cross their arms over their chest, mouth twitching as they watch my face. “So, what you’re telling me is they want each other, and you want both of them, and they both want you.”

“I suppose so.”

“Like, a poly kind of situation?”

I frown at them, considering that term. Polyamorous. “I guess?”

“Well, that’s not really a big deal.”

“How is that not a big deal? People won’t understand.”

Zee laughs, running a hand over their hair. “Girl, listen to me. I’m the asexual non-binary hairdresser in this conservative little white town, you think I have time to worry about what folks understand or not?”

My cheeks flush, and I nod. “Sorry, I probably sound like a spoiled brat.”

“No, you’re just confused, and dealing with all the monogamy propaganda we get fed.” They lean closer to me, smiling softly. “You’re not sick. And the fact Dylan told you openly, even though he knew he might lose you, I mean, maybe this is a good chance for the three of you to talk it out. Really lay out on the table what you all want.”

I narrow my eyes at them. “You’re taking this way better than I expected you to.”

“To be honest, I’m irritated I never picked up on Levi Fenton liking dick.”

I grunt out a laugh. “Oh my god.”

“I’m serious, girl.” They lift their hand and call over the waiter. “My bi-dar is never wrong, and of course Levi fucking Fenton threw it off.” Zee gives their order of an iced tea and some sort of fancy salad to the waiter, and I order a martini to try and give myself the courage to go home and face the two men I love.

“What’s a threesome like?”

Zee grunts as they pour themselves a glass of water. “One second you’re scared of being poly and now you’re asking about threesomes?” They lift their eyes to me with a grin. “Bold of you to assume I’d know.”

“I don’t mean that you’d know , but like… have you ever talked to someone who’s had one?”

“Yeah. Dylan” They laugh out loud as my face scrunches up, my whole body feeling like it’s going to cringe itself into next week. “Girl, listen to me. Whatever it is you think you want, whatever it is you want this situation to be, I think the guys will be more open to it than you think.”

I look at them with a heavy sigh, staying silent as the waiter brings us our order. When he leaves, I take a swig of my cocktail.

“I hope you’re not going to drive after all this,” Zee says as they start on their food. “I’ll drive your car home, and you get an Uber.”

“What do I tell my family?”

Zee stops chewing, and raises their eyes to me, glaring at me through their eyelashes. “I want you to repeat this mantra to yourself - ‘My family sucks. Their opinions mean nothing to me’.”

“But-”

“Girl, those people abandoned you to Gloria fucking Fenton. I called your aunt when Gloria landed you in the hospital, remember what she said?”

I swallow hard, and shake my head, even though I do. I can’t bring myself to say it.

“Your fucking aunt asked me what you’d done this time .” Zee throws their fork on the table, and shakes their head, making their dreads dance around their shoulders. “You do not need those people, Stella. And if being with Levi and Dylan makes you happy, that’s good enough for me. And it will be good enough for anyone who actually gives a fuck about you.”

Unexpected tears sting my eyes, and I reach across to take Zee’s hand. “Thank you.”

“I love you, girl.” They pull me close and put a lithe arm around my shoulders. “I don’t care whose dick you get where, I just want you to be happy.”

I can’t help but laugh, and cover my face with my hands again. “Oh my god.”

“Now, how about we finish our drinks, you get yourself home, and put these poor fellas out of their misery?”

The house is lit up like a Christmas tree when the Uber pulls into the drive, as though Dylan and Levi were hoping to send up a beacon to light my way home. I tip the driver, and climb out of the car on feet that are still steady despite the two martinis.

I take a deep breath, and walk up the path to the front door as the car pulls away. Before I reach it, Levi tears the front door open, his face crumpling with relief.

“Thank god.” He rushes towards me, taking me in his arms. “Jesus Christ, we were so worried.”

I look over his shoulder to see Dylan at the door. He shakes his head, leaning against the door frame.

“I’m OK, I just needed a minute.”

“Come inside, my god. I thought I was going to lose my damn mind.” Levi drapes his arms around my shoulders and guides me into the house, past Dylan’s guilt-twisted face, and into the kitchen. He urges me to sit down at the table, fussing over me and bringing me water. But I get to my feet and head out onto the porch, needing fresh air, and something else.

“Do either of you have a cigarette?” I ask, and Dylan rushes forward, pulling an almost empty packet from the pocket of his jeans. I take the next to last cigarette and let him light it for me with a silver lighter, and he hurriedly lights the last one for himself.

“Sit down,” I say to them both, gesturing to the seats at the table, and taking a drag of the cigarette that makes my head spin unpleasantly. “I think we need to talk.”

They both sit down, backs unnaturally straight as though waiting for me to strike, or scream, or tell them how disgusting they are. I guess I looked exactly like this only an hour or so ago when I sat opposite Zee and confessed all my secret desires to them, braced for judgment and misunderstanding.

“How many times?” I ask, casting my eyes to the table.

“Twice.” Dylan says it quickly, a clear confession. “Just twice.”

“Just nothing, Dylan.” I look over at him, and flick my cigarette into the ashtray. “Don’t diminish what happened, that’s not fair.”

His head drops, and he nods. “You’re right. Twice. It happened twice, and I’m sorry.”

I look at Levi, taking a long drag of my cigarette. “And did you tell him about us?”

Dylan’s head shoots up, and he looks from me to Levi with an expression of pure shock. “Tell me what?”

Levi can’t look at him, sighing heavily and reaching for the beer he’d placed on the table. “No, I hadn’t told him.”

“Looks like we all had secrets, huh?” I stub the half-spent cigarette out in the ashtray, hating the way it tastes and how it’s making my head spin, and fix Dylan with a stare. “I kissed him. The day after your grandfather died. And he told me he’d been in love with me for years, but couldn’t ever tell me before because he didn’t want to hurt you.”

Dylan looks over at Levi. whose eyes are still fixed on the table. “Is that true?”

Levi nods slowly, and sighs. “I’m sorry.”

“No one is apologizing for anything here tonight.”

They both look at me, frowning.

“I mean it. If we sit here pouring out nothing but apologies and regret, we won’t get anywhere. Do either of you regret what happened between you?”

“Yes,” Dylan replies instantly, and Levi’s body language shifts, sitting up straighter.

I shake my head. “No, you regret it because of me. Because you don’t want to hurt me. Take me out of it. Do you still regret it?”

Dylan rakes his hands over his head. “It doesn’t work like that. I can't take you out of it because you’re in it .”

“OK then, tell me this - did you enjoy it?”

They both stare at me. They were not expecting this, that much is clear. I glance from one to the other and raise my hands when they continue to just gape at me.

“Well?”

“I mean… yeah.” Levi finally admits. “I struggled with it, because I was convinced I wasn’t gay.”

“And you’re not,” I remind him, and he nods.

“No, I guess I’m not.”

Dylan puts his cigarette out and throws up his hands. “What are we doing here? Do you two want to be together? Do you want me to go? I don’t understand.”

“There isn’t any way I would ever want you to go.” I drape my arms over my crossed legs and lock eyes with him. “I love you, and I was afraid to lose you because of all this.”

“Me too,” Levi admits, frowning at the ground. “It… It fucking killed me. Thinking of losing you.”

“So what are we doing here?” Dylan looks from me to Levi and back again.

“What if we could all be together?” I ask, shrugging. Dylan still looks bewildered, but Levi nods slowly.

“Yeah, what if?” He looks over his shoulder at Dylan. “Maybe we don’t have to choose.”

Dylan shakes his head, rubbing a hand across his forehead. “I’m still struggling to… You two?” He gestures back and forth between us. “When did you realize this was a thing?”

“Her seventeenth birthday.” Levi smiles sadly at me. “Well, before that really. When our parents got married. At least for me. But I didn’t think it’d ever…. I don’t know.”

Dylan fixes me with sad eyes. “So, I’m not enough for you?”

I shake my head. “No, just like it’s not that I’m not enough for you.” I gesture to Levi. “Was sex with Levi better than sex with me?”

“No,” he says quickly. “No, it was…”

“You said it yourself, pretty boy.” Levi smiles over at Dylan. “Not better, it just depends on the person, remember?”

Dylan gets to his feet, biting his lip and shaking his head. “I’m gonna need a minute.” He looks at me, opening his mouth to speak, then shakes his head again and walks into the house. Levi and I sit in silence as Dylan’s footsteps fade into the distance, and then it’s just us alone outside on the porch.

“He’ll be OK,” Levi says to me with a smile. “I don’t think this is what any of us was expecting.”

“No, I guess not.” My head is still spinning from the cigarette and probably the martinis, and I sigh as I look at him. “You watched us on the stairs.”

“Yes, I did.” He scoffs with a crooked smile. “Never thought I’d be the one who’d be down for this first.”

“For this ?” I want to hear him say it. I want to hear him say he’s choosing us both, to live in this relationship together, to tell me that I’m not sick for wanting it.

He nods, sprawling back in his chair, stretching his long legs out in front of him. “The three of us. I don’t know what folks call that now, kinda been a little isolated for the last few years.”

“Polyamory. That’s what they call it.”

“Right, right.” His mouth twitches into a grin. “Yes, I watched you on the stairs, as you very well know.”

“And you weren’t jealous?”

He shakes his head slowly. “Not even a bit. I liked it. Seeing you two together, watching him finish inside you. I saw that, and…” He hisses in a breath, and my clit throbs at his words. “I wasn’t jealous. I wanted it too.”

“Both of us.”

He nods, and thanks to his spread legs, I can see the growing bulge in his groin. It feels sick and twisted to have come here to try and talk this whole situation out, to be an adult and work this out so no one gets hurt. Instead, I’m staring at that swelling, feeling myself getting wetter, and wanting Levi to fuck me.

“I love both of you,” I admit, meeting his eyes. “I love both of you the same, and totally differently, but I feel like without you, I’m not me. And I won’t be happy without you both.”

“I feel the same way.” He smirks, shaking his head and raking his fingertips along his thighs. “I’ve never felt the way I do about Dylan, and I never thought I’d like it with a guy. I… I guess I had a lot of things to find out about myself.”

“I guess so.”

He licks his lips as he gazes back at me. “If you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to have to take you upstairs and fuck you.”

My heart takes a leap at his words, my nipples bunching and my throat going dry. “I’m just looking at you.”

“You never just look at me, baby girl.” He gets to his feet, crossing the porch to stand in front of me, gazing down at me. “You look right through me. Like you know exactly what’s in here.” He puts a hand to his chest. “And it doesn’t scare you off.”

“I do know, and it would never scare me.” I get out of the chair, standing in front of him, our bodies only an inch apart. “I’ve never been scared of you, not once. Ever.”

“I’m a monster, baby girl.” He smiles as I shake my head. “But I’ll never hurt you. Not you. Ever. And I’ll kill anyone who does.” He moves to kiss me, huffing out a laugh as I pull back. I put my hand over his, and he exhales heavily.

“I want things from you, but I don’t know if now is the time. Not while Dylan is… adjusting.”

“No, you’re right.” His head dips so our foreheads are touching. His breathing becomes more rapid, and his other hand winds around my waist. “Even though it’s going to make me crazy.”

“Me too.”

“I’ve dreamed of you, for years. What you look like naked, what you taste like, what you feel like…” He trails off, tilting his head to brush his lips along my cheek.

I look into his eyes, and the urge to touch him, to kiss him and taste all of him, it’s overwhelming. “Did you - do you want to come and watch?”

He sucks in a breath. “Watch what?”

“Me, in the shower. It’s so hot, I need to cool off.” God I’m fucking twisted. Like having Levi watch me is so much better than him fucking me. I try to tell myself that Dylan will be up for it, and that this is fine. He just needs his moment. He just needs some time.

And if he and Levi have taken that time for themselves twice over, maybe me being selfish and claiming him for myself, when he won’t even be touching me, isn’t that bad.

Maybe I’m just a fucking bitch in heat and I need an ice bath.

But Levi follows me to my room, past Dylan’s closed door, his fingers entwined with mine. He closes the door softly behind us as I flip on the lamp. I turn to face him, and he takes off his shirt.

“This is all,” he says, dropping the shirt to the floor. “And I won’t touch you.”

“OK.”

“But I want to see.”

My breath hitches in my throat. “See?”

“I want you to bend over the bed, and show me your pussy. I want to see it.”

I don’t move, just stare at him.

“If you want to stop, Stella, you tell me to stop. I’ll get the fuck out of here.” His eyes skate up and down my body. “But if you don’t want to stop, then bend over, spread your legs, and show me just how wet you are for me.”

I bite back a moan at his words, and strip out of my shorts and tank top. His eyes stay on my face, and he doesn’t move an inch towards me, just watches me. When I’m naked, I turn my back, leaning slowly over the bed.

“Wider,” he says in a tone of voice that is the furthest thing from brotherly.

I shuffle my feet along the wood floor, opening wider for him and lifting myself on to my tip toes. It’s filthy and carnal, being open like this to him, all of me bared to him. He takes two measured steps closer, and sinks to his knees.

“Fuck, baby girl,” he breathes, sounding almost reverent. “This is the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen in my life.”

The praise has my stomach tied up in a knot, and I moan softly into the bed.

“You like being fucked like this?” His voice is rough, and I swear I can feel his hot breath cross the distance between us. “Bent over the bed?”

I nod against my shoulder. “Yeah.”

“ Fuck .” His voice is full of barely contained restraint, and it makes me tremble. I want to tell him to forget about it all, to plunge himself into me, to give in to all the longing we’ve been fighting all these years.

Instead, I push myself up on my hands, sucking in a breath before going to the night stand and opening the drawer. I retrieve my wand vibrator, and turn to face Levi, whose face is dark and desirous in the half light. Wordlessly, I walk into the bathroom, and flip on the light.

I turn on the water, waiting for it to get hot, and Levi follows me, still silent, just watching me. He leans against the counter as I step into the water. I turn on the wand, and hold it to my nipple as Levi gazes at me. His muscles seem to bulge, the tension in his body more than obvious.

“You like to watch?” I ask.

He nods, watching the trail of the wand from my nipple down my stomach. “Your face, when you come, it’s fucking beautiful.”

“I had a fantasy, the other day.” I cough out a gasp as I press the wand between my folds, nudging it against my clit. “I imagined you, in my mouth, while Dylan ate my pussy.”

Levi’s jaw feathers violently, his knuckles turning white as he grips the edge of the sink.

“Have you ever had a threesome?”

Levi shakes his head.

“Good. I’d like to be your first.” I moan, pressing the wand against my clit. “I want both of you. Everywhere.”

“In your throat?”

I nod. “Yes.”

“You want me to toy with your pussy while you suck Dylans’s cock?”

“Oh god, yes.” My hand claws against the tiles as my climax begins to rise, growing and tumbling inside me, bringing with it all the knowledge that this is wrong, and that no one will understand. But it all goes away as Levi makes a sound like a growl.

“You want me in your ass, while Dylan fucks your pussy?”

I gasp, because I’ve never liked anal. It always felt like something that was done to me, not something that was done for me, for me to feel good. But with them… it’s different. I want them everywhere, I want to give them every part of myself.

“Yes.” It’s not a word, but a high-pitched, needy whimper. “I want you, all of you. Everywhere.”

“Good girl.” He steps closer to the shower, his fists balled at his sides. “I want to watch you come, but next time, know that you’ll come with me inside you. It’ll be my name you’re screaming, mine and his.” He puts a hand against the shower screen. “You’re ours, baby girl. That sweet pussy belongs to us.”

I clench my eyes shut, my stomach tense with desire.

“Eyes on me,” he commands.

When I force my eyes open, my mouth sucking in air in small, gasping breaths, he has one hand on the shower screen, the other wrapped around his swollen cock. He’s gripping himself, moving in short, hard strokes, his teeth gritted.

“You’re going to come for me, baby girl.”

“Fuck, Levi. ” I thrust my hips, rubbing my clit against the vibrating tip of the wand, gripping the handle hard and imagining it’s Levi’s cock in my hand, as though I’m guiding him towards me, inside me, to fuck me and claim me as his.

“I love hearing you say my name,” he breathes. “Say it again.”

I meet his eyes, and just as my pussy begins to contract, as the pressure of the wand somehow becomes too much and not enough at the same time, I gasp his name. “ Levi.”

He grunts, his abs contracting violently as his shoulders heave, and he watches me come undone on the other side of the pane of glass. He braces both hands against the glass, his teeth still gritted, and I expect him to come charging in, to lift me up against the wall and have his way with me.

Instead, he watches me come down off my high, and tucks his thick cock away in his jeans. Once I’ve stopped trembling, he opens the glass door and turns off the water. He wraps me in a towel, drying me off gently, not uttering a word, his eyes full of reverence again. It feels like an act of worship, or gratitude.

When I’m dry, he guides me to my bed, pulling back the covers for me to slide in.

“Are you going to sleep with me?”

He shakes his head and smiles. “Not tonight, baby girl. We’ve got to work this all out first. I need us all to be together. Otherwise it won’t feel right.”

I swallow down my disappointment, knowing he’s right. “Well, umm... I hope you sleep well.”

“I’ll be dreaming of that pussy all night. I don’t think there’ll be much sleeping tonight.” His eyes wander over my face, and he reaches out a hand to brush his fingers down my cheek. “You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you.” I grab on to his hand, guiding his fingers to my lips to place a gentle kiss against them. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yes, you will.” He plants a brief kiss on my forehead before leaving the room.

I stare at the ceiling for a long time, trying to make sense of everything that happened today. My heart is a complicated mess, and my head can’t keep up at all. But I tell myself that everything that needs to happen, will happen.

As long as I have the two of them, it doesn’t matter.

Nothing else matters.

Just us.