From Air (Wildfire)

Chapter Twenty-Five

CALVIN

Jamie’s been gone less than a month, and Will’s antsy to get a new roommate.

Sitting on her bed, I still smell her—a mix of flowers and sugar. I think about texting her. But why? I have nothing to offer her.

Locking the door to the shed, I vow to let her go, even though she’s already gone. I pitch in, scrub the kitchen sink, and clean both bathrooms since I have a feeling I’ll be headed to McCall tomorrow, and there’s no telling how long I’ll be gone. After dinner, I shower because there’s also no telling how long I might go without one.

When I open the bathroom door, Maren ascends the last few stairs, carrying her boots in one hand and her purse in the other. “Hey! I’m surprised you’re still here.”

“I leave in the morning.” I tighten the towel around my waist.

“Lucky.” Her nose wrinkles. “I’m swapping out clothes and leaving in an hour.”

“Have you seen Will lately?”

She shakes her head. “I always miss him. You?”

“No. But he messaged me, asking me if I knew anyone who might want to rent the shed before he posts it online.”

“I don’t know why he’s so anxious to rent it. I might decide to move back out there.” She grins. “Anyhoo, I have to get going. See you on the other side of the smoke.” She starts to shuffle past me and holds out her hand.

I high-five her. “See you on the other side.”

She halts. Her hand grabs my wrist and lifts my arm a few inches.

I narrow my eyes at her for a second before following her gaze along my bare chest.

The tattoo.

“Don’t jump to any stupid conclusions,” I say.

Her gaze inches up my body. Lips parted. Eyes unblinking. And I swear the blood’s drained from her face.

“I lost a bet with the guys.”

Maren still doesn’t blink.

“So I had to get a tattoo of their choosing. Therefore, knowing I have no interest in ever being in a relationship, they chose this stupid thing to make it look like I have someone. I’m thinking of getting a female dog just to prove them wrong. How do you think Will would feel about a dog?”

If I didn’t know better, I’d say she has tears in her eyes.

“Maren, what is it?”

“I think ...” She swallows hard.

Not since her brother died have I seen her look this lost and disoriented.

“Maren, you’re worrying me.”

“I think Will is going to be angry.”

“If I get a dog?”

Her gaze lowers to my tattoo again. “He’s going to be angry that you broke the rules.”

“What are you talking about?”

She knows. I don’t know how, but she does. However, I’m not handing her one damn thing. If she does know, she’ll have to say the words.

“I’ve never cared that you’ve been hell bent on living a bachelor’s life for eternity. Marriage and babies aren’t for everyone. And I honestly believed you were incapable of that kind of love.” She blinks up at me. “But, Calvin Fitzgerald, you fell in love with Jamie. And she fell in love with you. And you ...” Her eyes narrow as she slowly shakes her head. “You let her go. You found love. And. Let. Her. Go.”

I can lie to Maren when I think the lie will do less harm than the truth. I no longer know if I have an accurate version of the truth. Is my truth the same as Jamie’s? “We’re friends. Close friends.”

“Did you sleep with your close friend ?” She doesn’t blink, but I’m sure all the previous suspicious incidents (close calls) are replaying in her mind. She’s known the answer without really knowing the answer.

“Yes,” I whisper.

“Do you love her?”

“Yes.”

Maren’s lips part with a tiny gasp. She didn’t expect that answer.

Neither did I.

“Fitz, what are you doing?” Her voice is soft but laced with pain. “You were put on this earth to do more than fight fires. I’d give anything to find someone who made me want to risk losing my home. Losing my friends. Losing everything . That kind of love is a goddamn gift. You don’t let her walk away.”

I won’t give Maren a knee-jerk reaction. Instead, I hold on to my words to ensure they’re the right ones. I let her see the sincerity in my eyes. And then I hope ... I really hope she understands enough to respect my decision. “You’re right. She is a gift—just not mine.” I rest my hand on her shoulder briefly before heading to my bedroom. “Have a safe flight, Mare.”

“I’m not going to tell Will. What’s the point?” she says.

I stop with my back to her.

“You’re not the easiest guy to like. You’re reserved and cut off from most other people. Jamie’s not stupid. She’s a beautiful, kind, and intelligent woman who could have her choice of men. Yet she fell in love with you. I do not doubt that you never led her to believe it would go anywhere. You’re too broken.”

I wince.

“So that means she likes you, Fitz. She likes you enough to take you any way she can get you. She didn’t die. She moved to California. Be her friend. Reward her for leaving you by giving her whatever part of yourself you can. She doesn’t actually have to be yours for you to love her.”

Fitz: Know of any good salves for burn scars?

I make an effort. It’s foreign to me. I don’t know what a genuine effort should look like. And I’m scared out of my fucking mind that I’m leading her to think we can be more than friends.

Fitz: Maybe something that can double as a testicle lube because it has nut oil

I grab my keys and head out before the sun rises. There’s a good chance I won’t return home for several weeks.

Just as I climb into my truck, my phone vibrates.

Jaymes: It’s 4 am here. You’re an asshole

I grin, and it feels like life. By the time I get to the base, there are two more texts from her.

Jaymes: I’ll have it sent to u.

Jaymes: Venmo me $30

Fitz: U make more $

Fitz: U should gift it to me

“It’s too damn early in the morning for any rational human to have that monstrous smile. Who sent you titty pics?” Todd asks when we reach the door at the same time.

“Your sister.” I open the door for him.

“She sent them to me last night too. I had to rub one off just to get to sleep.”

I shake my head. “You’re a sick son of a bitch.”

He shoots me a self-satisfied grin over his shoulder. “I’m an only child.”

I pull my phone out of my pocket when it vibrates while heading back to the ready room.

Jaymes: Don’t die today unless u specify in your will that u owe me $30

Gary plucks my phone from my hands. “Todd says you’re rapturous today.”

I snatch my phone back from him. “ Rapturous isn’t in Todd’s vocabulary.”

“He might have said perky.”

“I’m perky every day.”

“Jamie, huh? Why does she think you might die?”

“No idea.”

“Tell her you have more lives than a cat.”

“Let’s get serious. We have a job to do,” I manage to say with a straight face while collecting my gear.

Gary chuckles. “Yeah, but not a serious one.”

Eight men and four women load up for the trip to McCall.