Gamers’ Omega (Gimme MMMMMore #5)

Chapter 7

~Early April~

“H ey Hot Stuff,” Ian teased as he strode in.

I laughed and looked behind him. “This isn’t your usual day… or time. Meeting everybody here?”

He grinned. “Naw. I’m picking up a to-go order. My team just finished up with a large project and I’m treating them to lunch.”

“Not in lieu of a bonus, right?” I jabbed.

Ian burst into laughter. “Hell no. My bosses know how to keep good people. I don’t know what the bonuses will be, but they will definitely be better than a pizza party.”

“Good to know.”

“In case you go into architecture?”

“Yep!”

He grinned. “Just let me know when you do. I’ll help you with the homework.”

“Ew, homework? Nevermind.”

Ian laughed again. “I feel that.”

“Is the order under your name?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“Lemme go grab it.”

“Ok.”

I ran to the back, grabbed Ian’s order—half a dozen pizzas—from the holding area, and returned to the front.

“Anything else?” I asked as I pulled his order up on the computer.

“Yes,” he replied. “But nothing on the menu.”

I turned and met his gaze. “Hmm?”

“Are you busy tonight?”

“Uhhh… no. Why?”

“We’re all going to dinner and a movie, and wanted to invite you to join us.”

I blinked several times. “Wouldn’t I be interfering with your quality time?”

He smiled. “Not if we all want you there, and we do.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “I wouldn’t have asked if we weren’t all in agreement.”

“Sounds serious,” I joked. “Like you’re asking me on a date.”

Ian rubbed the back of his neck. “We kind of are…”

The blood drained from my face. “W-what?”

Ian sighed. “I know it’s unusual, but we enjoy spending time with you, and we want you around more often.” He paused. “If you’re interested, anyway.”

I licked my lips, unsure how to respond.

“Look,” he pleaded. “Come out with us. We can discuss it as a group. Even if you’re not interested in a poly relationship, you’re still our friend and we want to treat you to something fun tonight. Ok?”

I swallowed, then nodded slowly. “I-I’ll come.”

His smile was radiant. “I’ll text you the details. It’s going to be a casual place, so don’t feel like you have to dress up or anything.”

“Ok,” I whispered.

He reached across the counter that separated us and rested his hand on mine. “You’re our friend first. That won’t change. Ok?”

I nodded again, then quickly finished processing his payment before the moment could get any more awkward.

Ian gave me a weak smile when I handed back his card. “See you tonight?”

“Yeah…”

∞∞∞

I stared at my phone, torn between backing out and letting the guys know I was on my way.

The problem was that I wanted to go. I’d fantasized about what it would be like to be with the guys ever since Mandy had teased that they were interested. They were kind and fun, and I’d caught myself daydreaming about cuddles, kisses, and hugs from all of them.

However, every time I thought it could work, my intrusive thoughts would remind me about the teasing between them. They were very open about sex…

And I wasn’t.

Would they still be interested once they learned that?

I scrubbed my hands down my face, sent off a message that I was on my way, and changed into clean clothes before I had a chance to second-guess myself.

The guys were my friends, and they’d shown that they were willing to put work into their relationship.

Maybe they'd be able to give me what I needed as well.

The drive to their house seemed to both take forever and flew by. My hands trembled whenever I stopped at a light. By the time I parked in front of their house my stomach was in knots.

Agreeing to a date had been a mistake. The guys were some of the best friends I’d had in years, and I should have told Ian that it needed to stay that way.

I’d go up, tell them I’d changed my mind, and hope we’d be able to pick up without any hard feelings in a few weeks.

I took a deep breath, then another. Finally I’d managed to gather my nerves and forced myself from the car. I wrung my hands as I waited for somebody to answer the door.

My plan to cancel evaporated as soon as Freddie opened the door and concern filled his eyes.

“Oh, Eric,” he murmured and pulled me into a hug.

Relief that I hadn’t expected crashed over me, along with years of pent-up fears. My entire body shook from it.

“Change of plans,” Freddie called into the house. “We’re staying home and talking things out here.”

“Got it,” Tony yelled back.

“Come in,” Freddie said softly against my hair. “Take a few minutes to collect yourself, ok?”

I nodded against his chest.

He guided me to their massive couch while the others gathered around.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I babbled as I sat.

Freddie took a seat beside me and ran a hand up and down my back. “Shh. Ian told us that you seemed off after he invited you.”

“I’m sorry,” Beck said softly, kneeling in front of me as he took my hands in his. “We never meant to stress you like this.”

“We’re still friends,” Tony stated, “even if you don’t want to date us.”

I shook my head. “It’s not that…”

“What do you mean?” Freddie coaxed.

“I-I want to date you all… I really do.”

“But?”

“But you’re some of the best friends I’ve made in years, and I don’t want to lose you when you find out I’m not a good omega,” I whispered. “You’ll end things, and I don’t know if you’ll still be my friends.”

“Wait… what?” Ian asked. “What does you being an omega have to do with any of this?”

I bit my lip. “Alphas expect things of omegas, and I… I can’t…”

Freddie wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. “We don’t care that you’re an omega. It’s not like it’s been a necessity for us in the past.”

“It-it’s more than that though,” I whimpered.

“It’s ok,” Beck replied, bumping his thumbs over my knuckles. “You can tell us.”

I squeezed my eyes shut.

Would they laugh?

They were my friends and had been nothing but nice to me.

“I’m scared of sex,” I blurted out.

There was a moment of silence, then somebody squeezed my shoulder.

“Bad experiences?” Tony asked from behind me.

I shook my head and kept my eyes closed. “I-I’m a virgin. I’ve never had sex.”

“But you’re scared of it?” Beck asked.

I nodded.

“Are you ace?” Tony asked.

“Not that it’s a problem,” Ian immediately cut in.

I opened my eyes. “What? But you guys are always joking about sex, and…” I motioned to myself.

Tony leaned over the back of the couch and kissed the back of my head. “I won’t lie, we enjoy sex… a lot. But it’s not everything.”

“We enjoy spending time with you,” Freddie said.

“Your presence improves our lives, and we hope the reverse is true. The days when you’re here feel richer,” Ian stated. “It’s the same sort of feeling we had when we all first got together. We’re better as a team than apart.”

Beck slid his hands over my wrists until he could rub my arms. “If you’re ace, you can tell us. We’ll figure out what you need to feel comfortable with us.”

I shook my head. “I-I don’t think I’m ace.” My face burned with a blush. “I mean, it feels good when I play with my dick. I get horny, and part of me wants it. But…” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I’m scared,” I whispered.

Beck squeezed my forearms, then climbed up next to me on the couch—where he pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me.

It was that quiet acceptance that made the dam burst, and I started crying. Over and over—for years—I’d been told that I’d love sex once I had a knot in me. Other alphas would laugh and call my fear ridiculous.

Of all the men I’d dated, none had seemed to care about my concerns. They’d instead asked questions about how long I thought I’d need to be ready—how long until I’d spread my legs for them.

For the first time, I felt seen. I knew the guys didn’t understand, but they’d already demonstrated more willingness to accomodate my needs than any previous partner.

Movement and shuffling around me. The couch dipped as Ian and Tony took seats. Then hands on me, rubbing my legs and arms in a silent show of support.

“Let it out, Sweetheart,” Freddie murmured.

“I—I’m sorry…” I cried. “I don’t… don’t know… why I’m crying.”

Beck nuzzled my hair. “It’s ok.”

I clung to Beck’s shirt as I cried—until the tears turned to hiccups before stopping. The whole time the others kept contact, making it clear that they were there for me.

Finally, I slumped against Beck’s chest. A wave of relief washed over me—though I didn’t know what it was for.

The room was silent for several minutes until a soft, “I love your butt!” came from Pico’s cage.

I started laughing, then giggling uncontrollably. Of all the things that could have been said at that moment, that was the most absurd.

And the most needed.

“Right,” Freddie said as he squeezed my leg. “What’s your comfort food of choice?”

I managed to get my giggles under control. “Normally I’d say pasta, but…” I shrugged.

“But you work in a pizza slash Italian restaurant,” Ian laughed. “Tacos it is, 'cause everybody loves tacos.”

I smiled. “Tacos sound great.”

“I’ll call in an order,” Ian stated before standing and heading toward the kitchen.

“Come here,” Freddie said, holding out his arms.

“Hmm?”

“Beck’s foot is falling asleep,” he replied with a smile. “I can tell by the way he keeps moving it.”

“I’m so sor…” I started.

“It’s fine,” Beck interrupted.

I shifted off Beck’s lap, and was immediately tugged onto Freddie’s.

“I’m… I think I’m better now,” I said.

“Maybe,” he replied. “But it seems you need this.”

I sighed and settled against his chest. He wasn’t wrong.

Freddie rubbed my arm. “We’re not going to push. But we’re here when you’re ready to talk about it.”

I closed my eyes and blew out a long breath. “Can I stay like this a few more minutes?”

“As long as you need.”

“Tacos and a few dessert choices are on their way,” Ian stated as he returned to the living room. The couch dipped as he sat, then he squeezed my leg. “How ya doing?”

I let out a wet laugh. “I’ve been better.”

He patted my leg twice. “Freddie’s a good cuddler. You’ll feel better in no time.”

“Ok, what do you need from me?” Tony asked. “Ian’s covered comfort food, and Beck and Freddie are on cuddle duty. How can I help?”

I licked my lips. “Just… don’t laugh at me.”

There was a beat of silence, then, “Why would I laugh?”

A half-laugh, half-sob escaped. “Everybody laughs. I mean… what kind of omega is scared of sex?”

“Well that’s just shitty,” Tony stated. “Everybody is scared of something. I’m scared of ladybugs. Everybody else thinks those little monsters are cute and coos when one lands on them. Not me.”

“Are you scared of other bugs?” I asked.

Tony laughed. “No. Just ladybugs. It’s weird, I know, but it’s who I am. And that has way less impact on my life than your fears.”

I sighed and Freddie kissed my hair.

“Is that ok?” he asked a second later. “Kissing you, I mean.”

I nodded. “Mm-hmm.”

“Good.”

A different kind of silence fell—a comfortable one where I felt supported.

“This doesn’t change anything, you know,” Tony said after several minutes. “We still want to date you.”

“Even if…” I took a deep breath. “Even if I’m never ready?”

“I’m not going to lie,” Ian said. “I’d love to be with you like that, to see your face when you’re overwhelmed by pleasure. But like Tony said: sex isn’t everything.”

“We’re here, and we’re listening,” Freddie murmured. “You have boundaries, and we’ll respect them.”

I sniffled. “Really?”

Beck growled. “Honestly? I want to pummel whatever alphas made you even question it. What you haven’t said speaks volumes. You were shaking when Freddie opened the door. You told us that people always laugh.”

“You were worried we wouldn’t want you as a friend,” Ian added.

“Even a dummy like me can read between those lines,” Tony said. “You’ve been hurt before.”

I closed my eyes again and nodded.

“I don’t know if this will work or not,” Freddie said, nuzzling my hair. “That’s why we wanted to date you. But if, for some reason, it doesn’t work, I can promise that it won’t be about sex. Ok?”

“Ok,” I whispered.

“Good,” Freddie replied. “Now, let’s have some tacos and do something fun. We can leave hard conversations for another day. When you’re ready.”

I smiled. “Yeah.”

∞∞∞

I squirted a dollop of sunscreen into my palm, set the bottle aside, then smeared the lotion onto my face.

I’d officially dated the guys for a week, and they’d been incredible. They took things slow and checked in frequently to make sure that I was comfortable.

It was more consideration than any previous partner had ever demonstrated.

One of the ways they’d kept things light was to keep our first few dates on the fun side. One night we’d done bowling and laser tag, another we’d gone to a comedy club—where one of Owen’s mates was a comedian.

The outing for that day was mini-golf and go-karts, and I couldn’t wait. It had been years since I’d done either, but the guys had a way of making each date an experience to remember.

I finished slathering myself in sunscreen, checked my outfit in the mirror, and sent off a text that I was on the way.

The guys were waiting for me as I pulled into the parking lot, and my heart melted a bit at the way they all grinned when they spotted my car.

Ian was the first to reach me, and he pulled me into a hug. “You ready for some fun in the sun?”

I laughed. “I’ve got sunscreen on.”

“Probably want to bring your sunglasses, and a hat if you’ve got one,” Freddie said.

I nodded and snagged my sunglasses from the center console, then we all made our way inside.

The building housed a small arcade but primarily served as a ticket office. As soon as we’d paid, we were outside again.

Tony grinned and rubbed his hand together as we paused in the shade of a patio. “Ok, what first? Go-karts, or mini-golf?”

“I say go-karts, mini-golf, then more go-karts,” replied Beck. “We paid for unlimited, might as well use it.”

“I second,” Ian added with a laugh.

“Eric?” Freddie asked.

I shrugged. “Works for me.”

“Yes!” Tony cheered. “Eat my exhaust.”

“Don’t think I’m letting you win that easy,” Ian shot back.

I chuckled.

“You’re cute, but I’m not letting you win either,” Ian said to me with a wink.

“Oh, you’re on,” I laughed.

We continued bantering and shit-talking as we waited for our turn. Finally, we were strapped in and the light turned green.

Tony was off to a fast start with Ian right behind, but both were quickly overtaken by a couple of teens. I held my own around the middle of the pack with Freddie and Beck, and some parents with kids riding brought up the rear.

I managed to overtake Ian in the final lap, but Tony finished first among our group—though the teens held onto their lead for the win. Then we headed over to one of the mini-golf courses.

“Hot damn, look at that ass,” Ian teased as Tony leaned over, calculating his putt.

“Thinking of a different kind of hole-in-one?” Tony asked as he wiggled his butt.

“You know it.”

“Get a real hole in one, and we’ll talk.”

My face heated, and I wasn’t sure if it was the sun or the banter.

Tony took his shot, and groaned when the ball bounced from a bumper and ended up almost back at the start. “Damnit!”

Beck laughed. “Isn’t that the best start you’ve had in a while?”

“Fuck you very much,” Tony huffed.

I giggled and turned to Freddie. “Do you guys come here often?”

He nodded. “Several times a year, depending on weather and schedules.”

“And I don’t even remember the last time I did this, it’s been that long.”

He smiled. “We like it. It’s something fun we can do as a group. We also go to Neon Ridge when they open for the summer.”

“Neon Ridge?”

“Oh yeah. I forgot you moved here in the fall. Neon Ridge is the local amusement park, but they’re only open from late-sping to early-fall.”

I laughed. “I guess it makes sense that they would be seasonal.”

He nodded. “They tried staying open on weekends only several years back, but they must have decided that it wasn’t viable, since they returned to their regular schedule after the summer.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Yeah, but if the business can’t support it, then not much choice”

“True.”

“Ok you two,” Ian called. “Get a move on. You’re up.”

I turned and saw the others standing near the cup.

“Go ahead,” Freddie offered.

“Thank you.”

I lined up my shot, and managed to get relatively close to the cup. The ball went in on my second putt, and Freddie followed up with three.

Conversation was easy as we made our way around the course, although I still found myself blushing when the guys teased each other about sex.

“You’re ok?” Freddie asked. “With the joking I mean.”

“I’m… not used to it,” I admitted.

“I can tell them to knock it off.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want you guys to have to change. You’ve all been good about not joking like that with me.”

“Are you sure? We want you to be comfortable.”

I nodded. “I think… it goes both ways. You’re not trying to change me, and I can respect that the joking is part of your dynamic.”

He smiled. “Ok.”

We continued chatting until Tony let out a loud groan at the sixteenth hole.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I hate this one,” he grumbled. “It’s the hardest one on the course.”

I eyed the hole. On the surface, it appeared easy enough. A bridge went over a water feature with an open line right to the cup. However, the bridge had a steep rise, and bumpers on either side of the area past it meant that a ball could start bouncing in weird ways.

If I hit the ball too hard it would go right past the cup, if I didn’t hit it hard enough it wouldn’t go over the bridge. If I hit the wrong angle it would get trapped behind bumpers.

“I believe in you,” Freddie said as Tony lined up to take his shot. “Only two over par this time.”

“Those are high hopes,” Ian laughed.

“Oh fuck off,” Tony huffed.

“I say four over,” Beck stated.

“Not helping!” Tony complained.

Ian turned and looked behind us. “The next group is a few holes back, so I don’t think we’ll have to worry about them asking to play through.”

“You guys suck.”

Ian laughed. “Yes, we do, especially when you ask nicely.”

Much to my surprise, my dick twitched at the thought of them sucking each other.

“Ok,” Freddie interrupted. “Let’s play before we have to let them play through.”

Tony nodded, hit the ball, and cursed when it failed to go over the rise of the bridge. A couple more attempts and he finished five over par for the hole.

Both Beck and Ian managed one over par, then it was my turn.

I lined up my shot, made my putt, and watched as my ball went over the bridge, straight down the middle, and slowed as it reached the cup.

“Don’t go past,” I pleaded. “Don’t go past.”

My ball veered, and for a brief moment I worried that it would end up in the bumpers, then it turned back, and time stopped as it dropped over the edge into the cup.

I stared at where my ball had disappeared, not yet trusting my eyes.

“Eric!” Tony cried. “That was incredible!”

Footsteps as he ran back over the bridge, then I was swept into his arms and lifted off my feet. I started laughing as Tony spun us in celebration before setting me down again.

Then, before I realized what was happening, his lips were on mine.

I froze, then relaxed as my body remembered what to do. It had been a while since my last kiss, but oh it felt good.

He pulled back as suddenly as he’d initiated the kiss. “I’m sorry. I didn’t ask. Is this…”

“It’s ok,” I interrupted. “I liked it.”

“Really?”

I nodded.

“May I kiss you?”

I nodded again. “Yes.”

Tony tightened one arm around my waist and slid his other hand along my jaw as he drew me in. His lips were soft; a light stubble scratchy against my skin.

A gentle lick was all it took for me to allow him in, and I couldn’t hold back a soft sigh as his tongue slid against mine.

“May I cut in before I play?” Freddie asked from beside me.

Tony released me, and I turned to step into Freddie’s open arms.

Freddie’s kiss was confident. One arm slung low around my waist, while the other hand plunged into my short hair so that he could angle me as he wanted.

Beck and Ian started whooping and hollering from the other side of the hole, and Freddie released me.

“Head on over so I can play,” he said, before pecking my lips.

“Ok,” I replied dreamily.

Tony chuckled and wrapped an arm around me to guide me over the bridge to where the others were waiting.

Ian stepped forward and pulled me into his arms. “Congrats on the hole-in-one,” he murmured before brushing his lips over mine. Ian’s kiss was playful, his tongue teasing mine and making me chase him.

Finally, it was Beck’s turn. He slung an arm across my shoulders and kissed my temple. “I think I’ll save mine for later,” he said. “When we’re not potentially holding up other players.”

There was a flash of disappointment, but I nodded. “Ok.”

He smiled. “I’m also just not into PDAs as much as the others.”

Any lingering disappointment vanished. “I get it.”

“I thought you would.”

We watched as Freddie managed to get par for the hole, and finished just as the group behind us caught up.

“Epic cuddles at home after we’re done here?” Ian asked.

I smiled. “Epic cuddles sound great.”

∞∞∞

It had been a good day. I was lightly pink from the sun, but not burned enough to be a problem, we’d had a ton of fun with both the go-karts and mini-golf, and I was indeed enjoying some epic cuddles.

Somebody had moved the ottoman into the empty space in the U, and the couch had become a giant plush surface that we could all lounge on. It meant that rather than being spread out, we’d piled into the middle so that everybody could cuddle easily.

I was sprawled across Beck’s chest, with Tony resting on my legs. Ian and Freddie were on the other side.

It was comfortable, and I felt supported.

For the first time, I actually wanted to tell an alpha why I was scared, rather than feeling badgered to talk about it.

“I… I’d like to talk about it,” I said softly. “I mean, if you want to hear.”

Beck shifted and lifted my chin so that our eyes met. “Are you sure? We can wait.”

I nodded. “It’s fast, but it feels right, too.”

Tony squeezed my thigh, and Ian reached across to take my hand.

“Only if you’re ready,” Freddie said.

“I think I am,” I replied.

“Then we’re here.”

“Thank you.”

I settled back on Beck’s chest and squeezed my eyes shut.

“My papa was a single parent,” I said after several seconds. “One omega with two kids: me, and my older sister—Danny.”

“Danny?” Tony asked.

“Short for Danielle.”

“Ah. Ok.”

I took a deep breath. “Danny hated me. Still does, I think, though I haven’t talked to her in years.”

“Why does she hate you?” Tony asked.

I shrugged. “Because I exist.” I paused. “She was already seven when I was born, and, from what I’ve been told, was Papa’s little princess. My relatives all said that Papa doted on her. He never had much money, but he made up for it with time. They were always doing things together.”

I curled my fingers into Beck’s shirt. “Then I came along. Nobody knows exactly what happened, and Papa never talked about it, but everybody seems to think that a heat partner decided to not use condoms. All I know is that the alpha dipped before I was born, and never paid any kind of support.”

“Do you know their name?” Freddie asked.

I shook my head. “Papa didn’t name them on my birth certificate.”

“I’m sorry,” Ian said.

I smiled. “It’s ok. Sometimes I wonder, but then I remind myself that I shouldn’t care about him if he didn’t care about me.”

“Is that why you’re scared?” Tony asked. “Are you worried that somebody will knock you up and leave?”

I thought about the question for a moment, then shook my head again. “I think every omega is scared of that in some way, probably female alphas too. But, no. It’s because of Danny.”

Beck started trailing his fingers up and down my back in a silent show of support.

I sighed and curled against him. “Some of my earliest memories are of my sister complaining about me, or being mad at me because Papa did what I wanted instead of what she wanted. Even for my birthdays, she’d find something to blame me for. One year it was about a chocolate cake when she wanted strawberry. It didn’t matter that it was my birthday, she didn’t want chocolate. Another year she complained to all her friends during her party that her birthday would have been so much better, except that Papa had to save money for mine, which was several months later.”

“Rude,” Tony stated.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “If she didn’t like something, she found a way to make it my fault. Papa always tried to shut her down. He’d punish her and do his best to reassure me, but she kept it up.”

I paused and took a deep breath before releasing it slowly. “It all took a darker turn when I was eight. I got sick and had to spend a few days in the hospital. They didn’t know what was wrong at first and did several body scans. That was when we found out I’m an omega, rather than when I presented. It turned out that I just had a virus with nasty symptoms, so I got fixed up quickly, but Danny had something new to torture me with: my own biology.

“By then I’d grown so accustomed to her little jabs about how she wished it were still just her and Papa that they barely registered. But as soon as she learned that I’m an omega…” I shuddered. “She said it was my punishment, that God made me an omega for coming between her and Papa. She also…” I swallowed. “She also told me that alphas would only want an omega like me for one thing: sex. And that because where… you know… it would hurt. A lot. Every time.”

Ian squeezed my hand. “Your papa didn’t put a stop to it?”

I shook my head. “Money was tight after I was sick, and Papa had to take extra shifts. Danny was a bit young, but old enough that he took the risk of her babysitting.”

“Even after all the times she’d been awful to you?” Tony asked.

“There wasn’t much choice,” I answered. “We didn’t live near any relatives, and a babysitter would have cost almost as much as he’d have made. Papa did warn Danny that she’d be in trouble if she didn’t feed me, and there were other things that I’ve forgotten. But really, he just had to hope.”

“Did she feed you?” Freddie asked.

I chuckled. “Kind of. She always gave herself way more and would throw it out when she couldn’t finish rather than let me have her leftovers. I was never full on the nights she babysat. But I did technically get dinner.”

Beck growled low in his throat, and I patted his chest a couple of times to soothe him.

“Danny was a teen, and going through sex ed classes—the ones they give before presentation. It gave her no end of ammo. She’d take anything even potentially scary for an eight-year-old and blow it up. How dangerous pregnancy is, the pain of childbirth, the intensity of heats… But it was that sometimes it hurts that she latched onto. After being poked and prodded in the hospital, I was scared of anything that would hurt, and she knew it.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “Then she went in for the kill. The walls were pretty thin in our apartment, and though Papa tried to be discreet, we sometimes heard. She told me that he was in pain every time he was with an alpha. That he’d had to suffer for me.”

I clenched Beck’s shirt. “Papa didn’t bring men home often, but every time I heard him moaning I thought he was hurting. It’s stupid. I know better now, but every time I think about sex, all those fears come back. The voice of the scared little boy I was asks if I’m sure.”

Freddie shifted so that he could rub my arm. “It’s not stupid. Things that happen in childhood can affect us for the rest of our lives.”

“You’re not mad?” I whispered.

“Why would we be mad?” Tony asked.

“Everybody else I’ve told got mad that I was letting something from my childhood keep me from sex as an adult.”

“Well now I’m mad,” Ian growled. “But not at you. I’m mad at your sister, and whatever assholes told you that.”

I let out a relieved sigh.

Beck shifted and kissed the top of my head. “I’m not trying to push, but is this something a therapist might help with?”

“I had a therapist at one point. She helped me a lot and is one of the reasons I’m able to pinpoint what Danny used to tell me as a cause. For the longest time, I was afraid, and scared that it would hurt, but didn’t know why.”

“Why did you stop seeing her?”

“I moved,” I replied. “I’ve moved a lot since leaving home. Every year or so.”

“Why so often?” Ian asked.

“At first I just wanted to get away from Danny. She’d stayed living at home after high school. She tried community college for a few semesters but dropped out pretty quickly. Papa would never kick either of us out though, and I would never make him choose. So when I graduated I had a choice: stay with somebody who hated me, or move. I decided to move.

“Since I was getting my own place, I decided to find somewhere pretty to live. I had no plans for college, and it’s easy to get server jobs. I didn’t have a bunch of stuff to worry about. So I saved up for a few months, kissed Papa goodbye, got in my previous beater car, and left to find my new home.

“My first place was in a beach town on the east coast. I’d never been to the beach before, and I loved it. I’d thought I’d found my home…”

“But?” Tony asked.

“I started dating,” I replied. “This was before I saw a therapist, so I didn’t know why I was scared of sex, only that I was. The alpha promised we’d take things slow, but, to him, that meant a month. Then he started pushing. He’d swear that it wouldn’t hurt; that I’d enjoy it once I’d taken a knot. The more I refused, the angrier he got about it. It all blew up when we realized my heat was approaching. He’d decided that he’d spend it with me and was livid when I told him I’d be spending it alone. He broke up with me the day after my heat ended, but only after several hours of demanding to know who I’d spent my heat with. He refused to believe I’d go it alone.”

“Asshole,” Ian growled.

“It hurt, but I told myself that he wasn’t the man for me. I threw myself a pity party and moved on. About six months later I was dating a new man when we ran into the first outside the local movie theater.”

“Trouble?” Tony asked.

“Yeah,” I confirmed. “I’d just started dating the new guy and hadn’t figured out how to tell him. Well… old guy storms over outside the theater, clearly drunk, and demanded to know if I was letting the new guy fuck me. When I told him ‘no’ he turned to the new guy and accused me of being a selfish prude just pretending to be scared of sex. He even claimed that I’d spent my heat with another alpha instead of him.”

“Shit.”

I nodded. “New guy didn’t dump me on the spot, but he backed out of our next date with a lousy excuse.”

“I’m sorry,” Freddie said.

I shook my head. “It’s in the past. But it added a new fear. I moved again not long after that. I couldn’t take the chance that an angry ex would ruin a relationship before it even got started again. After that…” I sighed. “I always left after a breakup, when my lease ended anyway. Why stay and risk it when there are plenty of new places to go?”

“Oh, Sweetheart,” Freddie murmured. “Nobody should ever make you feel like that.”

I forced a smile. “At least I got to explore the world a bit, right?”

Tony shimmied up from where he’d been resting against my legs and wrapped his arms around me, displacing Beck’s hand. “Don’t go. Even if this doesn’t work out, you’re still our friend.”

Beck carded his fingers through my hair. “Thank you for telling us.”

“Thank you for listening. I know it’s a lot.”

“It’s good to know though,” Ian stated. “And now the door is open to really discussing your boundaries.”

“My boundaries?” I asked as a knot started to form in my stomach.

“Yeah,” Ian replied. “Like when we were joking earlier. You blushed a lot. I heard Freddie offer to ask us to stop, and you said you didn’t want to change us. But we want you to be comfortable. That’s more than what’s happening to you, it’s also what’s happening around you. Joking is one thing, but would you rather not be around when it’s real dirty talk? Do you think you’ll want to sleep in the same bed as us, or in the other room in case we get frisky and want to fuck each other?”

I swallowed. “I… I don’t know.”

Ian squeezed my hand. “You probably have more boundaries than just sex and have been afraid to voice them. But it’s better for us to know what they are so that we don’t cross them.”

How was I supposed to respond to that?

“You don’t have to tell us right now,” Freddie stated. “And we know things will change as time goes by. You might find yourself more or less comfortable with certain things, and that’s ok. Just let us know. Ok?”

I sniffled. “Ok.”

“Hey,” Beck said softly. “Mind if I collect on that kiss now?”

I laughed. “Sure.”

As our lips came together, something inside of me insisted that this was right.