Give & Take (Redbeard Cove #2)

17. Lana

Chapter 17

Lana

W e were supposed to meet Mike in town at the diner for lunch and mini golf. I promised myself I wouldn’t vanish when he was in town, and planned the day to show the girls we could co-parent like champs. When he shows up. But Mike asks if we can hang out at the house instead, because he’s got a surprise for the girls.

And like an absolute caricature of himself, Mike shows up with a box as big as a small car.

After a dramatic unboxing, he finally reveals what it is. It’s called a “Deluxe Inflatable Splash Pad.” But what it really is, is an outrageously outsized inflatable village. It’s practically a theme park with three separate pools, a castle with turrets, and inflatable rainbows and palm trees. Everything sprinkles water.

“Sorry, I know it’s a little overboard,” Mike says a half hour later as the kids go inside to get changed. He has to shout to be heard over the whine of the pump. But he doesn’t sound sorry at all. He has his hands on the hips of his khaki shorts as he struts around the backyard, his Oakley sunglasses cutting into the flesh at his temples.

“A little?” I ask. “It takes up the whole yard!”

“What can I say? I love my girls.” He whistles as one side of the castle starts to lift off the ground, like this is a new convertible he’s checking out and not a colossal abuse of plastic.

I know I’m being ungenerous. The kids are obscenely excited. And Mike does love his kids. This is just a very large symbolic piece of his half-assed style of parenting. On Monday, he’ll be gone and this thing will probably be filled with holes and the tears of my girls.

Ungenerous. I know.

While he walks around, yammering about the quality of inflatable goods, I take the opportunity to study my ex-husband, blatantly comparing him to the man we’ve been spending so much more time with than him.

Mike is tall, at 6’2, but still shorter than Raphael. He’s got a bigger frame than him though, but he doesn’t use it effectively. He kind of lumbers around, hands in the pockets of his khakis. He still has most of his hair; it’s a muted sandy brown. He’s still ostensibly handsome.

But somehow he seems so…banal. Like he’s just the shape of a person. A man I could walk by on the street and not give a second look to. Even if Raphael weren’t so beautiful, he’d still be so much more of a presence than Mike ever was. Raphael just takes up more space in the world, and not in an intrusive way.

I only half-listen as Mike goes on about his firm, where he’s a partner now. He talks like I should care deeply about the place that indirectly ruined our marriage. The small-p politics of the office. An ex-partner going through a messy divorce. A paralegal who botched a D-list celebrity’s case. But as he talks, all I can think is I once loved this man . I once agonized over him letting an actress kiss him at a party. I was so deeply hurt. I could tell he liked it, even though he had to have known it was a laugh for her. He’d eventually peeled her off of him, which I really thought was something to hold onto at the time. But right now, I can’t figure out why I ever felt the way I did about him. He has no personality beyond work. He name-drops TV stars constantly. But worst of all now is how he talks about how much the kids have grown because he hasn’t been here in real time watching it happen.

That is a choice.

I realize a pause has occurred in his talking.

Mike looks at me expectantly.

“You with me now?” Mike says, looking at one of the turrets currently erecting itself. “It’s a real castle. What little girl doesn’t love a castle?”

“Nova,” I say drily.

Mike looks confused. “Since when?”

“Since two years ago.”

Mike blinks. “Really.”

If we hadn’t met in law school, I’d be surprised he passed.

He wasn’t always so oblivious. When we met, we were both young and ambitious. He was relentless in his pursuit of me. Told everyone who’d listen how I was single-handedly resurrecting my family’s reputation, if not in so many words. He said it so adoringly it wasn’t until later I realized how much the words grated.

Mom had come from money, but was the black sheep of the family when she dropped out of high school to have me. Mike was smart enough never to share those sentiments around her, and at first, she was happy for me when we met. Mostly because he encouraged my drive.

She never said it, but I knew she wanted me to make something of myself; to stand up on my own two feet. You don’t want to end up like me, sweetheart. Run off my feet serving other people dinner.

It’s why I went to law school in the first place. For her.

But eventually the sheen wore off. She pulled me aside before the wedding and asked me if I was sure about going through with it.

“I thought you liked him?” I’d asked, aghast.

“I just want you to be happy,” she’d said. “For you. Not for Mike. Not for me.”

I’d been annoyed how that wasn’t an answer. How she’d sprung this on me last minute.

Later I realized she’d been telling me all along to live my own life. I just hadn’t been listening.

“Think you got a delivery,” Mike says from the far side of the monstrosity, which is nearly fully inflated now.

“On a Saturday?” I ask. I look up, and my stomach plunges. Raphael’s coming up the walkway to his place, a package under his arm. He’s looking at his phone, earbuds in his ears. He hasn’t seen us yet. He’s wearing a sweat-drenched loose tank top over running shorts that show off lean, tanned legs. He pauses to punch something into his phone. His skin is covered in a sheen of sweat, and I have an obscene thought: I wonder what it tastes like.

The hell? I should be grossed out by that thought, but instead my nipples pinch under my t-shirt.

“Lan?” Mike asks, sounding bewildered.

I wrap my arms over my chest. “What kind of delivery person wears workout clothes? And don’t call me Lan.”

Mike looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. Which, maybe I have.

Nerves clench my stomach. I’m going overboard with my bitchiness. But that’s because I’m sure Mike’s going to see it all over my face. That I’ve hired this incredibly gorgeous young nanny and part of me wonders if it was just for my own sick, twisted enjoyment. Like the fact that he’s actually amazing with the kids is just a lucky break.

“It’s hot out here, isn’t it?” I ask, trying to distract him.

Maybe Raphael will walk right by and not notice. Maybe Mike will get distracted or maybe I’ll get sucked right into the back of that air pump and disappear for a little while.

Mike stares at me. “Lana, who is that? Do you know that guy?”

I sweat hard, like the sun is right next to me, pointing at me. Shame!

The girls burst out the backdoor just then. “Raph! Look!” Aurora shouts. Nova grabs him by the hand, startling him. He grins, popping out his earbuds. Then he spots the inflatable jungle coming to life and immediately his eyes go to me.

And Mike.

Without meaning to, I take a tiny step sideways away from my ex-husband. Then I feel like a fool for doing so. I’m so fucking obvious.

But more than embarrassed, I’m nervous. Panicked, almost.

“That’s Raphael,” I say brightly.

I feel Mike stiffen beside me. “Who the hell is Raphael?” His voice is kind of high. “And why are the kids all over him?”

I take a breath. I knew this was a possibility. The minute I got that text. Hell, the minute I hired Raphael. I can do this.

“Raphael’s the nanny,” I say in a tone that dares him to say something about that. My voice is aloof, but my palms are still greasy with sweat.

“Nanny?” Mike asks, incredulous.

Of course Raphael comes our way.

With each step my heart’s tempo increases. “That’s right,” My chest organ’s going like a timpani by the time Raphael reaches us. He thrusts a hand out to Mike.

“Hello,” he says. His voice is unrecognizable. Not aggressive, like it was with Daniel. But not warm either. Miles away from any of the multitudes of tones he uses with me.

From the Hey, Lana to I’m just going to say hi to your mom. Or, Hey, Sunshine.

Not that he uses that anymore .

“Raphael LaForest,” Raphael says. “You must be Mike. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

It’s neutral. Respectful.

“From your girls,” Raphael elaborates. His eyes dart to mine, and there’s a reassurance there. An I’m here. I’m okay, you’re okay.

Mike takes a second like he’s still sorting this out in his head. He looks Raphael up and down like he’s some kind of model.

Then Nova appears. “Dad. Raphael’s taking care of us for the summer while mom’s at work. He’s really fun and we like him.”

Bless her.

“Yeah!” Aurora says from where she’s already trying to take a seat on one of the slides. She sinks right down to the grass, giggling. “You should be his friend, Dad. Because you’re both boys.”

The thought is so ludicrous I laugh out loud.

Mike glares at me.

“You hired a male nanny,” Mike says to me. It’s like an accusation.

Raph doesn’t blink.

“Is there an issue with that?” I ask. “Raphael came highly recommended. He’s exceptional with the kids. Treats them like they’re his own.”

Raphael’s eyes snap to mine.

Fuck. I don’t know why I said that. My breathing feels shallow.

But suddenly, Mike laughs. It’s a big, booming laugh. “Whew!” he says. He’s having trouble breathing. He sets his hands on his hips and says to Nova, “For a minute there I thought your mom got herself a little boy-toy!”

“ Mike! ” I say, mortified.

Nova frowns. “What’s a boy-t?—”

“Your dad’s making a very bad joke,” I say. “That’s not funny at all . In fact, it’s completely inappropriate.”

It’s good to be mad. It helps squash my nerves.

When I look over at Raphael, his eyes are on me. His jaw is flexing, and I can see the question there. Are you okay? Or maybe, can I please hand him his ass—with words? It doesn’t matter that Mike’s a lawyer used to talking. Raphael would still destroy him.

Raphael’s look is clear: he’ll be a gentleman, but only so long as I want him to be.

I give him the slightest shake of my head, telling him I’ve got this.

He hesitates, like he doesn’t like this one bit, but says tightly, “Nice to meet you, Mike.” To me, he says, “Lana.” I think if we were in the Wild West and he was wearing a hat, he’d tip it, with one hand still on his gun in case Mike made any sudden moves.

He says goodbye to the girls separately before heading for the stairs to his place.

Mike turns to me, muttering, “Jesus, Lana, you’re really?—”

“We’re having a barbecue tonight,” I blurt out to Raphael’s back. “Did you want to join us?”

Raph pauses.

The girls squeal. “Yeah! Come and have hot dogs with us!”

Mike has an unbecoming expression on his face. Distaste on full display. I don’t even care how awkward it’ll be. Anything to spend a moment with Raphael. To see him run circles around Mike.

For Mike to see how happy I am.

But Raphael gives a regretful smile. “I’ve actually got plans tonight.”

My stomach twists. Of course. It’s Saturday night.

Mike looks visibly relieved. “Hot date I bet, young stud like you.”

“For God’s sake, Mike,” I say under my breath, but loud enough for him to hear.

“I could—” Raphael begins, his eyes boring into me.

But I shake my head. “No. Have fun, Raph. We’ll see you around.”

There’s that look again. You okay, Sunshine? What I wouldn’t give for him to call me that one more time.

I nod, feeling a strange thickness in my throat.

I’m not okay, but he really doesn’t need to know that.