Golden Cages (Human Pets of Talin: Origins #3)

17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Present Day, onboard Progress

Iris

“I woke two rotations later in the brig. I never even got to say goodbye,” Damascus explained, his voice low and monotone. “They probably sat down to their dinner that night and thought I’d forgotten about them. The next rotation, they were bombed. Every single Nimon on that planet died because I couldn’t save them from the Orlok War or Yawnom’s greed.”

Now Iris understood. She might’ve lost family and friends, but she’d never felt responsible for their deaths. This was an intense case of survivor's guilt!

She knew words were probably useless, but she tried anyway. “You can’t blame yourself for the Orlok’s willingness to kill everyone in their path!”

“You don’t understand. I thought I was giving them everything,” he continued. “But all I was doing was locking them into their death. I’m the one who declared them landowners. That meant it was their responsibility to find transportation off Lotrom. If I’d left their status as imported labor, then Yawnom would have been forced to take them with us.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. “Corrupt people are good at being corrupt. He probably would've found some other way to leave them behind. It’s nearly impossible to negotiate against greed.”

Damascus was silent for a moment. “Perhaps. But having the law behind me might’ve given me leverage to enlist my group's loyalties.”

Iris didn’t try to argue further; he wasn’t ready to hear it yet. “What happened after you woke up in the brig?”

“Yawnom didn’t place any formal charges against me, but he gave me a very poor review. My ground unit commander status was revoked, and I was offered a low position helping with planet assessment. By then, the Red Sun Offensive failed, and the Orloks were asking for surrender negotiations. Membership in our military is voluntary, so we can leave at any time, though we’re supposed to go through a process. I didn’t bother. I packed up my things and left after we finished at Dandilow II. The only satisfaction I got was that Yawnom was forced to eject most of his treasures into space to make room for the Tanash station refugees.”

“Too bad you were in the brig,” she murmured. “I bet he had a big temper tantrum.”

He grunted in agreement, and they lapsed into silence. There was still a question about the present she needed to understand.

“I understand why you’ve been wandering around outside the Talin Empire,” she murmured. “After that, I wouldn’t want to go back either. But why do you want to get to Balforge all of a sudden?”

“I haven’t been wandering around,” he retorted with a huff, finally showing some emotion other than grief. “I’ve been working my way to Balforge. It’s in a barren solar system with no trade routes or waypoints. It’s taken me solars to get this close. I was worried it would take me another three solars to get any closer. Then I saw Merrick. I only worried he’d die before I could resell him to another Talin.”

She knew he was trying to upset her, but she didn’t take the bait. “Keeping him from dying is different from what you did. When I talked to the med techs, they said you agreed to pay for all treatments, not only the life-saving ones. You could’ve cut corners, but you didn’t because you care, even if you don’t want to.”

“Think what you like,” he answered sharply.

“What’s on Balforge that’s so important?” she asked, ignoring his surly words.

“Yawnom,” he answered. “He was given a promotion and became a diplomat. That’s his current assignment.”

Although she was pretty sure she knew the answer, she asked anyway. “Why do you want to see him?”

Damascus's one-word answer was brimming with anger and menace. “Revenge.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

There was a beat of shocked silence before Damascus violently pulled away from her and sat up. “What did you say?”

Sitting up and scooting away so she didn’t have to crane her neck to look up, she crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow. “You heard me.”

“You call vengeance dumb!” He wasn’t asking a question, he was making his outrage clear.

She wasn’t daunted by his show of temper. “Yes, dumb. So you get to Balforge and kill Yawnom. Great, now what?”

His rage gave way to confusion as a questioning rumble filled the space between them. “I don’t understand.”

“You have your whole life ahead of you, but you're only thinking in the short term. Instead of processing your grief and building a new life, all you’ve done is plan someone else's death. When you finish that, what do you do?”

He stopped rumbling and he looked to the side, as if unable to continue eye contact. “I don’t have my whole life ahead of me.”

Those weren’t the words she was expecting. Was he dying of some disease? “Explain, now!”

“After I’ve executed Yawnom for his crimes, I’ll be arrested and extradited to Talarian. I’ll be judged and found guilty, then it will be my turn to be executed. It’ll be swift and painless. All my suffering will be over.”

It was rare for Iris to be so stunned her brain couldn’t form words, but Damascus had managed to do it.

To her further shock, he continued speaking. “I’m tired, Iris. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of seeing the Nimons’ faces in my mind. Sometimes they’re happy and laughing, and sometimes they’re screaming in pain and dying. I don’t know how long I can continue to see them and remain sane.”

She didn’t know what to say. No matter how bad her life was or how many people she lost, it never occurred to her to die.

Damascus wasn’t looking for revenge. He was trying to commit suicide.

***

Damascus

Giving voice to the pain inside should’ve made it worse, but instead, Damascus felt strangely calm. Even more curious was Iris’s silence. The little human was never one to keep her thoughts to herself, and yet now she didn’t make a sound.

When he finally let his eyes move back to Iris, he was surprised to find her chewing on her blunt human fingernail. As he watched, a speck of blood appeared on her thumb. Why was she hurting herself like that?

Without thinking, he reached out and tugged her thumb out of her mouth, gently holding her hand in his. “You’re doing damage.”

She stared at the thumb. “I don’t even realize I’m biting my nails sometimes. It’s an old habit.” She raised her gaze to him. “I don’t want you to die.”

Those simple words had a profound effect on him. It was the first time since becoming an adult that anyone expressed concern for him, outside of severe injuries that needed to be treated. Even then it was about having a fit soldier, not worrying about his pain.

“It’s for the best.”

She finally reacted in an expected fashion. Her expression tightened and she frowned at him.

“How can it be for the best if it would hurt me?” she asked. “I don’t know why, but I like you. I don’t want you to go off and do something that’ll get you killed.”

Before Iris, he was never interested in talking about any of this. Something about her made him want to divulge everything going on in his head.

“You shouldn’t care about me,” he answered, feeling his stomach sink at the idea of Iris taking his advice.

“I’ve got some information for you, Damascus,” she said, tugging her hand free and crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t have to do anything you say. Not only do I want you to live, but I know Mia would agree. Dek-lee’s fond of you too. You can’t go around giving people thoughtful gifts, then wave your hand and say ‘I’m off to die now.’”

He sounded a confused rumble. “I’ve never waved my hand and said that.”

She sighed and relaxed her hands into her lap. “It’s hyperbole. What I’m trying to say is revenge that gets you killed isn’t worth it.”

“Then how do I avenge the Nimons from Lotrom?” There was no anger in his words. He was truly curious if Iris had an answer.

“Maybe we could get Palathum to talk to the right people,” Iris offered. “Get the guy demoted and publicly humiliated. She’s really powerful, and if she can’t do it, she probably knows someone who can. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve to die, but not at the expense of your own life.”

“That’s not good enough. He shouldn’t be allowed to live while others more worthy than him were never allowed to grow up.”

To his surprise, Iris’s eyes went glassy. “It's hard when you lose kids.”

Then she launched herself at him. He went still to see what she would do. Instead of slapping or hitting him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him tightly.

“A year before Hes showed up, we lost two kids, and one of them was only five. They were playing in an area that suddenly became unstable and turned into bog. When that happens, it’s like the ground under you turns into thick mud you can’t get out of. It was so fast they didn’t have time to run, and they drowned. There’s nothing worse than burying a tiny coffin. They never take up as much room in the earth as they did in our hearts.”

Perhaps she did understand his pain. “I tell myself it was probably too fast for them to have felt anything. The weapons the Orlok used were powerful, and their deaths would’ve been swift.”

She pulled away, but only far enough to look him in the eyes. “I promise you one thing, they would never blame you.”

“You don't know that,” he responded.

“I do,” she insisted. “If the situation was reversed, would you have blamed them?”

“That isn’t—” he started to answer then stopped and let out a long breath. “No.”

She leaned close and pressed her lips to the side of his face, right over his scent gland. It should’ve felt sexual, but it didn’t. He felt nothing but comfort and care.

He wanted to melt into her embrace and beg her to never let go. He felt guilty for thinking it, but being with her was as wonderful as being with the Nimons. Even better in some respects.

“I’m going to hang out here for a while,” she murmured. “Then I have to go talk to Merrick, but I’ll come back here. We don’t have much time left together. I want to do my best to show you that living is a viable option.”

“I invite you to try,” he agreed and meant it.