Gone Away Home (Bringing Home Trouble)

CHAPTER 8

ZAYLA

Sitting in Dustin’s truck, I stare at the house in front of me and dread has my stomach curling in on itself. It’s threatening to crawl its way up my throat by utilizing those pickaxe things you need when traversing a glacier, at least in movies, and I have no doubt I’m turning green. There’s just no way it’s not happening at this point.

I really want to be the person who walks into our parent’s house with my head held high fully prepared to flip off the world, but it’s simply not me. Dustin’s right, we aren’t doing anything wrong; it certainly doesn’t feel wrong. I’m also not going to stop being with him, it’s simply not a possibility at this point.

I’m too far gone.

Still, knowing all of those things doesn’t help the fear I’m feeling from taking over.

When my door opens, I let out a shriek of surprise and turn my wide eyes toward the man who has become a whirlwind of love, support, and dreams I always thought would go unanswered. His mossy green eyes are soft as he looks at me and I get lost in those eyes.

How many times did I imagine being right here with him someday? And here I am. I should embrace it and I’m trying, really, but the thought of Mom being disappointed in me or Thad feeling disrespected is like a noose around my neck.

Dustin doesn’t look away as he reaches around me and unbuckles my seatbelt. It’s such a sweet gesture and I feel my eyes well up with tears. I’m a mess, emotional and barely holding it together, but he understands. Could I really ask for anything more?

“Come on, sweetheart.” When he offers me his hand, mine are shaking so hard where I have them twisted together on my lap that I hesitate. Understanding softens his features, and he teases, “I can carry you if you’d prefer?”

My hand flies into his so fast I can’t help but laugh. “You carrying me would not help right now,” I deadpan.

The way he smirks at me tells me his only goal was to get me to laugh and stop being so serious. As he helps me out of the truck, I try and relax, but it’s not easy.

Over the last few days, as I’ve overanalyzed and worried way too much about this exact moment, one thing Dustin hasn’t offered were empty platitudes or false hope. He didn’t try to talk me into ignoring my fears or to leave space for our parents to surprise me.

Instead, he’s given me exactly what I needed. He’s simply been a strong, steady presence at my side while I freaked the fuck out. There was no wavering, and he remained resolute in his assertion that their opinion didn’t matter to him, and it won’t change anything.

Our fingers twine together as we turn and face the house where we both lived at one point. It was so long ago that the reality of the way our families are connected through marriage having no bearing on what we are to each other now hits me hard. I give his hand a squeeze and he gives one right back.

When we walk toward the door, we do it together.

I’m still petrified, but there’s no way I’ll be giving Dustin up. I’ve waited and my heart has existed in purgatory for far too long to walk away now.

“Dustin,” I whisper as we stand on the porch and I turn towards him, “I haven’t thanked you.”

His eyebrows pull together as he looks down at me, his eyes searching my face. His words are filled with confusion, “Thank me for what?”

“For coming home. For coming back to me,” my voice is thick with emotion. “I loved you all those years ago, even when I had no idea what those feelings really were. Even then, you put me first and wanted to give me a little time instead of bulldozing your way into my life to suit yourself. Then everything was pulled out from under us. While I didn’t know how you felt, I knew something was missing and it hurt. I don’t know if it would have been better for me to know back then or if it would have only made the last 14 years harder, but I’m grateful for right now. There is no one else I want to stand next to and have as a partner in this life.”

I swear his eyes glaze over with unshed tears and I watch his throat bob as he swallows hard. His voice is rough, “No more fear.”

He kisses my forehead before we step up to the front door side-by-side. He rings the bell and I’m sure if he wasn’t being his amazing supportive self he would not be holding my hand right now. There’s no way it’s not clammy and gross. But he doesn’t even look bothered by it.

When the door is yanked open, Mom is there with a big grin on her face. She glances between us and down at our hands before she launches herself at us and wraps us both up in a hug. I’m not ready to relax, but I really want to believe her reaction is a good indication that we won’t have a fight on our hands.

“Oh, Dustin and Zayla,” Thad’s voice comes from behind Mom, and I look up to see him watching us closely, “I didn’t realize you two would come together.”

“Of course we’d come together,” there’s an edge to Dustin’s voice and I squeeze his hand, the hand I refuse to let go of even as Mom has become like an octopus around us.

“It’s so good to have you both here. Our babies,” she gushes, and I laugh softly at how excited she sounds. When she pulls back from us, she looks Dustin over like she’s trying to see any injuries he may have sustained while in the military. “Dustin,” she breathes out, “I’m so glad you’re home safe. We’ve been worried about you, but so proud at the same time.”

I swear Dustin’s cheeks turn a little pink as he ducks his head slightly. “Thank you, Janice.” He gives my hand a squeeze as we’re ushered inside. Thad is there, his eyes are shrewd and intent as he takes us in but then narrow when he notices our hands. “Dad,” there’s a warning in Dustin’s tone, “it’s good to see you.”

Thad wraps his arms around Dustin and it’s like he takes a moment just enjoying having his son safe and sound for a beat. The smile he gives me is soft after releasing his son and turning toward me. He hugs me as well and I swear he tries to tug me away from Dustin’s side and separate our joined hands.

Not going to happen.

Not when I need Dustin’s strength and surety. I’ll drown in fear if I let go, and we’ve made a vow to each other that fear isn’t going to rule our lives. Not anymore.

“Come in,” Mom gushes and gives me a pointed look, “I could use some help in the kitchen if you guys want to go and watch the game.”

“I’ll be happy to help in the kitchen, Janice,” Dustin interjects immediately.

Janice blinks at him a few times, her tone confused as hell, “You cook now?”

Dustin chuckles and nods while giving Mom a gentle smile. “I had to learn or else there were times when I wouldn’t eat if I couldn’t cook. I didn’t ever have a nice kitchen to work with like you do Janice, but I do okay.”

“He’s being modest,” the words slip past my lips without really thinking about them, “he’s a great cook. Everything I’ve tried has been delicious.”

When what I’ve said sinks in, I want to slap a hand over my mouth or pluck each word out of the air and swallow it back down, but that’s impossible. When I look up at Dustin he’s smirking at me with amusement dancing in his eyes. Damn it, I love it when he looks at me like this; it turns me on something fierce and now is the worst time to become a horny puddle of need.

Talk about inappropriate.

“How would you know, Zayla?” Thad’s voice is suspicious as hell and bordering on rude which has Dustin bristling beside me.

Before either man can say anything else, Mom pipes up, directing her words to Thad, “Oh, I’m sure it was all innocent, honey. Maybe they ran into each other in town and have been getting caught up,” there’s so much hope in her voice that I almost hate to dash it.

Almost.

Dustin stands at his full height and shakes his head slowly. “No, that’s not what happened, Janice.” He sighs and rubs his hand across his jaw and draws my attention to the stubble there. It’s not helping how much I need him at all. “I’m going to say this once, but I want to start with letting you know it’s not up for debate and we won’t stand for judgement or hate.”

“What are you talking about?” Thad sounds exasperated and on the edge of losing his shit as he keeps glancing down at our joined hands.

“I was really hoping we’d get past the foyer before this came up, but it’s okay,” he mumbles before shaking his head and flashing me a small smile.

Can’t say I wasn’t hoping for the same thing, but here we are.

“Zayla is the reason I decided to be discharged after putting in my time and not serving for another tour.” Mom’s eyes go wide while Thad’s harden. “She’s the only reason I came home.”

“What are you talking about?” Mom looks between us like she’s trying to piece together a puzzle with 1,200 pieces.

Dustin sighs and nods toward the living room. “How about we have a seat?”

Mom rushes into the room, but Thad eyes us for a moment before he follows her. We enter the room last to find them sitting on the couch together which leaves two chairs for us. Dustin doesn’t even break his stride as he heads toward a chair, sits, and pulls me down on his lap.

I shoot him a look that screams ‘what the fuck are you thinking?’, but he simple shrugs and winks at me, not giving a single shit about anyone’s reaction to us being together.

Thad booms, “What is the meaning of this?” He waves as if to encompass both of us. “You’re brother and sister.”

“No,” there’s no room for argument in Dustin’s voice, “we’re not. At most, we’re step siblings, but we were both older when you got married. We are not siblings, and we have never felt sibling feelings toward each other.”

Thad sneers, disgust written all over his face and Mom pales. “You don’t mean,” she starts and shakes her head as if trying to get herself under control before trying again and it’s clear the words are hard for her to get out, “did something happen back when you were both in high school?”

“No, Mom,” I assure her, “nothing happened back then.”

Dustin looks Mom in the eye, not sparing a glance at his father. “I have loved your daughter since the moment I saw her. It was the first day of her freshman year and all it took was one look. I was hooked, but I also wanted to give her a little time to get used to the new school and feel settled. While I was only a year older than her, I knew it wasn’t a good idea to sweep in before she had time to spread her wings a little.”

A few tears slip down Mom’s cheeks, but she’s not looking at us with disgust. No, that’s all Thad.

“I had a plan,” Dustin’s voice turns sad before he shakes his head and explains, “and all I was waiting for was for her to be a sophomore. But it didn’t happen because you took us to Millie’s out of nowhere and told us you were together and getting married.”

Mom gasps and covers her mouth with her hand. I can see the apologies in her eyes, but they aren’t necessary. “You sacrificed your happiness for ours,” she whispers, “didn’t you?”

Dustin sighs and nods, but I’m the one to reassure her. “I didn’t know how Dustin felt back then,” I try to explain, “but I did have a huge crush on him. I thought he was the most attractive guy in school, and I spent much of freshman year doodling our names together and daydreaming about being his girlfriend.”

“Is that why you left?” There’s a broken look on Mom’s face as she asks Dustin, “Is that why you decided to enlist?”

“Yes,” he admits, his voice strong and sure, “I couldn’t continue to sit on the side lines and not be able to go after the one person I wanted.”

“You both deserved to be happy. You still do,” I add and Dustin nods in agreement.

“It was probably puppy love,” Thad tries to brush away our feelings and our past. I’m a little surprised, I’ve never known him to be a dismissive man. Even mom looks shocked. “You should have gotten over it.”

“That’s just it, Dad,” Dustin growls, “I never got over it. I missed Zayla like hell every single day and I couldn’t shake the feeling of being lost without her.” He tries to soften his voice, but it doesn’t quite work, “Recently I realized life is too short to have regret weighing me down. And not being with Zayla for your sakes, or because I was too afraid of judgement, has been the biggest regret of my life.”

“This is disgusting,” Thad sneers and I gasp while leaning back against Dustin’s chest. “I’ll never support you in this and if you insist on parading your relationship,” he sneers the word, “in front of us then I don’t want to be around you.”

Dustin stands up quickly, lifting me with him and making sure I’m steady on my feet before he takes a menacing step closer to Thad. “You better watch what you say to my woman,” his words are dripping with barely contained violence, “I won’t allow you to disrespect her in any way, dad or not.”

The way he’s defending me, not caring who he’s going up against, makes me fall deeper in love with my man. Just another way he’s shown me what love truly means and how he’s in this with me for the long haul.

“You need to leave.” Thad’s face is twisted up in a scowl as he stares at us.

“Oh, please let them stay, Thad,” Mom pleads with him. “We haven’t seen Dustin in years and Zayla doesn’t come around very often either. Please don’t kick them out. Let them stay for dinner.”

Thad looks at Mom and his eyes soften, but I know he’s not going to change his mind. Not now. Maybe not ever.

My heart swells as Mom tries to defend us, but it also scares the hell out of me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think Thad would ever hurt her physically, but I don’t want this to be a wedge between them either.

The tick in Thad’s jaw tells me he’s not going to budge on this, no matter how much mom begs.

“We’ll leave,” Dustin sounds almost relieved. His eyes harden, but he doesn’t yell or raise his voice. “Know that when you choose this path it means you’ll be missing out on a lot. You may find you have regrets of your own when you wrap your head around this and get your head out of your ass.”

While I’m sure he wants to hint at how we’re not doing anything to prevent me from getting pregnant, just to twist that knife a little, he holds himself back. I’m thankful since that could turn this awkward situation into something even worse.

As we pass Mom, I kiss her cheek and Dustin does the same. Thad doesn’t say a word, he only watches us walk right back out the door.

The moment we’re back outside, I take a deep breath. Dustin is there to wrap his arm around my shoulders and tuck me into his side.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. We’re going to be just fine. I’ll never apologize for being with you,” his voice soothes some of my frayed edges. “Let’s go home. I’ll cook you something delicious and then you’ll be my dessert.”

“That’s not really an offer I can pass up,” I try to joke, but it falls flat.

“Come on,” he leads me to the car and helps me inside. “I need to worship my woman, and I can’t do it in the car. I’ll cook after.”

Even though that was a horrible confrontation, one there was no way to fully brace for, I’m looking forward to spending tonight as just the two of us for our first Thanksgiving together. He’ll help me forget the shame twisting inside of me.

“No more fear,” he murmurs as he grabs my hand and starts to drive.

“No more fear.”