Grumpy Doctor’s Holiday Twins (Forbidden Doctors #17)

9. Melody

9

MELODY

T he roads were so slick, I had to drive well below the speed limit. At the pace we were going, I knew the trip across town to Ethan's house would take at least thirty minutes and then another thirty back home. And when I got there, I was going to make John stay over. No sense in risking a fender bender or slip and fall when I had a perfectly suitable pull-out sofa.

"What's it like being a mom?" Ethan asked, and I felt a little tense about the topic. I was sure by now that John would have told him I had children. But maybe Ethan's distance from Mistletoe Springs just made it less obvious of a subject to talk about. I was sure they had other things to discuss, like Ethan's travels or John's promotions.

"Uh, well it's busy and stressful, but I wouldn't trade it for the world." I meant that statement with my whole heart. Motherhood had been such a blessing, and I knew it would continue to be. I loved Holly and Noel more than anything, and I didn't know if I'd be the same person without them.

"Always wanted to have kids," Ethan said, and his voice was quiet. At first I thought maybe he was putting two and two together, but he didn't act suspicious, more like hopeful for his future.

I felt a twinge of guilt when I thought of it. No one knew Ethan was their father except for me. I didn't list a name on their birth certificate and they took my last name, so not even my doctors or the state record keepers knew. It was better this way. Ethan had such big plans for his life that didn’t involve me or children, or being anywhere near this small town. I knew in my heart that keeping this secret a while longer was the best thing I could do for him. He would just feel obligated to stay, and his dreams would slip through his fingers.

"I can't believe John never told you." I kept my eye on the road, but I wanted to see what his expression showed. But the snow was falling so hard, it made it risky to look away even for a second.

"I never really asked about you much…" If he was quiet before, he was near silent now. I felt the weight of that comment hit me like a ton of bricks. When I left town in a rush, I did so with a chip on my shoulder.

I knew I was pregnant and I intended to tell him, but I wanted the moment to be perfect. I wanted him to be willing to take the first step toward a real relationship and tell John about us. His insistence that we were "coworkers who shouldn’t date" and that John would be furious kept a wedge between us. When he told me about Doctors Without Borders, it made it that much easier to tell Mom and Dad I'd go with them.

Dad couldn't drive her around. She was too weak. Public transport wasn't a good situation for a woman whose immune system was compromised by chemotherapy, and I would only hold Ethan back from his plans. So I left, and the emotional upheaval of everything was too much for me. I shut down and spoke to no one but Mom, Dad, and John for more than a year.

"What about you? I asked John for updates all the time. You’ve been all over the world." I risked a glance at him and noticed him sit a bit straighter. He got louder as he started to explain his exploits—trips around the globe, saving children from malaria, and identifying hereditary conditions.

"Man." He sighed, smiling. "The rush I get when I see a little kid recover and feel better and I know I helped do that… I'm telling you, Mel, there's nothing like that. And these kids have nothing. They eat a cup of beans twice a day for the right amount of protein, and they're so skinny. But they have so much to give this world. I wish we could do more."

It did my heart good to hear the way he talked about his job and the passion he had for it. His entire face lit up, and even his posture was different. Ethan had found his calling in life, and he was so happy doing it. There was no way I could tell him about the twins and wreck that for him. I wanted him to be this happy version of himself, which I hadn't seen since coming back. John was right. Something was off about Ethan, but it wasn't lack of Christmas cheer. Ethan was a fish out of water.

"I'm so happy for you. You seem to really love that." I turned onto his street and the headlights flashed across his too-large home. Even this house seemed to be ill-fitting for him. His heart was in the third-world countries where impoverished children needed healthcare. I didn't see how he even felt comfortable living here now. It was a social construct imposed upon him by society and his parents. But mostly his parents.

When I stopped in front of his house and parked, he didn't get out. He sat there watching the snowfall through light coming from my headlights, and he sighed hard. Then he angled his shoulders to face me and asked a hard question I'd hoped I'd never have to face.

"Why didn't you just tell me where you were going? Why the secrecy? Why just run off and not answer my calls or respond to my text messages?"

My heart sank hard and I dropped my hands from the steering wheel to my lap. I looked down, trying to form words. Why had I done that? I had every good excuse, but they all seemed to fall short in the face of the hurt in his eyes.

"Mom was so sick, Ethan. Dad had no way to care for her. He was so limited by his wheelchair. And she had to move quickly to get into that trial. I was terrified she was going to die and so stressed out about the move. When they gave us such a bad prognosis, she was the only thing I thought about." I pressed my lips into a line and looked up at him.

"You had that job lined up with Doctors Without Borders and you were leaving town anyway. I just knew how tricky the situation was between you and John, and if you had told him when he was already so worried about Mom, I didn't know how that would have gone, so I did what I had to do to get through it mentally."

And I was doing it again now. Keeping the twins' parentage a secret now meant protecting Ethan again. I felt like we were replaying the same scenario over again. Only this time, he was the one leaving soon, and it had to stay that way.

"I see…"

The car was silent for a moment, but I felt like I still had so much guilt over not telling him why I just vanished. I was on the verge of crying, but I had to say something to make my racing thoughts stop.

"I'm really sorry. I never got a chance to talk to you about it and I should have at least called you. Then Mom got sicker, and when she died…" That was the drop of water that burst the dam, and my eyes overflowed.

Ethan said nothing, but he did reach over and brush a tear from my cheek. Then another, then he leaned forward and I didn't pull away. His lips pressed against mine in a soft, tender kiss that took my breath away. He hadn't ever been so intimate with me to comfort me like this, and I liked it. It sparked a hunger inside me to go back to those moments and make them different somehow.

"Ethan, I?—"

"Shh, just kiss me. I've missed you."

He pulled me hard against his mouth, and the center console got in the way. I tried my hardest to struggle against the seatbelt and angle my body to something more comfortable, but the car was so tiny. When I heard the click of his seatbelt and then the woosh of it retracting, I undid mine. The next thing I knew, we were shedding our coats and I was climbing over the console.

"I don't have a condom," I muttered as I fumbled with the button on my pants.

"Yeah, it's okay." His lips stole a searing kiss as I wrestled my jeans to my knees and managed to slide one leg out. As I straddled him, his fingers found my core and started rubbing. My panties were soaked and my knees were jammed between his hips and parts of the front seat of my car, but my body was screaming to feel the connection we once had.

I nodded, panting as I tipped my hips, and pulling my panties to the side, I guided him home. He filled me to the hilt, and I moaned, long and low. It had been so long and he felt so good. His hands gripped my hips and he thrust upward. I pressed down and ground my hips against his. It felt so right, like we’d never been apart.

"God, I've missed this," I panted as he kissed my neck.

"I know, me too," he gasped between thrusts.

I crushed my mouth against his in a heated kiss. He bit my lip, and I felt his hands slide up my back and around to my tits. He kneaded one and rubbed my other nipple through the fabric of my sweater and bra. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, but we were taking enough of a risk having sex right here in my car parked on the street.

“Your body still feels incredible,” he grunted, then he lowered his mouth to where he had caused my nipple to harden and bit me through the fabric.

I hissed and sucked in a breath, arching my back. The pressure on my core was building slowly toward climax, and I rocked my hips in a steady rhythm. Ethan's hands strayed again, now to my backside, where he pulled me down harder. The length of his shaft pressed into my back wall, and I winced, but the pain was only momentary as he found a new position and hit my cervix again and again. It was only seconds before I was coming undone around him.

My body twitched and spasmed, and I held on to the seat as I continued to rise and fall on his dick. Ethan took the opportunity to lift my shirt until his head was beneath it and his beard was raking across my skin. He sucked and licked and pulled my bra down in front as my pussy clenched on him and milked him. It'd been ages since I felt this amazing, and I wanted more.

"Oh, God, yes," I panted, and the low growl from his chest was encouragement.

"You need more," he said, and it was a statement, not a question. His hand slipped between our bodies, and he rubbed my clit as I continued to ride him, though my movements were slower and more exaggerated. I wanted to feel every inch of his length slide in and out of me.

"Yes, I need more," I moaned, and I leaned down to kiss him as he pulled me down on his lap. I couldn’t move, couldn't rise or fall. All I could do was sit with him buried in me balls deep and wiggle my hips, but it was enough. His thumb rubbed my clit as he sucked a nipple and bit down on it.

I hissed at the sensations and whimpered with greed. "Make it happen. Oh, God, Ethan, make me come again." I could feel myself right on the edge. The painful ache of lust, of wanting so desperately for my coil to snap again, drove me insane. I tried to bounce on him, but he held my hips in place and slowly pumped his. It was torture.

"You used to like this, Mel."

"My God, I'm so close, please…" I whimpered, and when I clutched his head between my hands, he bit my nipple harder and thrust upward.

At the same time, he let go of my hips and I started riding him, and my orgasm came crashing into me. I shuddered. My legs felt weak, and my thighs burned from exertion.

"My God, oh, my God. I can't…" I gasped and choked, and he pulled his head out of my sweater and kissed me.

It was so intense I thought I would pee myself, but I clenched and he groaned. "God, you know how to ride dick," he grunted, but I couldn’t respond. I couldn’t breathe. The sensations were so powerful I wanted to do this all night, but Ethan pulled back and lifted my hips at the same time, and I looked down in a lust haze. His dick shot wads of stringy white cum onto his dress shirt, and his head dropped back as he breathed out, "Oh, yeah…"

I perched on his knees until his cock stopped pulsing, and then I struggled back into my pants before collapsing into the driver's seat. Ethan lay there with his chest heaving and his dick lying in the puddle of his own seed on his belly. I was giddy with endorphins and barely able to catch my breath.

"I'm sorry, Mel… for taking advantage of your vulnerability." He spoke with his eyes shut and didn't look at me, but his hands worked to tuck his dick away and zip up. "This shouldn’t have happened. I'm leaving in a few weeks, and it wouldn't work out."

I listened to what he was saying, but it was a strange contrast of desire for him, longing for what we used to have, and understanding that everything he was saying was true. He was happy out on the road, and even the greatest sex in the world wasn't a reason to stick around here where he was miserable.

"John would be furious, you know… And we can't do this if we are working together. I'm literally your boss." At no point did he turn to look at me, and at no point did his tone change from cold and emotionless to anything resembling the intimate connection I craved. It was obvious he still wanted me, and my gut told me he cared too, but if I let myself feel what my heart wanted to feel, I'd be setting myself up for disaster.

"You understand," he said as he opened the car door. He climbed out, careful not to let his coat touch the mess on his shirt, and leaned down to say, "Thank you for dinner and the ride home."

"Yeah," I said softly. I watched him shut the car door and stomp through the snow to his front door. There was nothing in the world like connecting emotionally through sex, but even the strongest connection required sacrifice and commitment, and I cared about him too much to ask him to sacrifice what he wanted most.

I pulled away feeling sad but knowing what happened was for the best. Ethan never dropped his old excuses, and I had fought him for months only to end up leaving town, and he never tried to chase me. He just wanted me to call and explain. Well, he had his explanation now, and I felt a bit of closure.

I was worth more than a booty call.