Grumpy Doctor’s Holiday Twins (Forbidden Doctors #17)

27. Melody

27

MELODY

N urses surrounded Holly's bed and pushed me back. I was forced to stand in the corner sobbing as they shoved the chair back and Ethan came barging in barking orders. The look on his face wasn't concern anymore, and I didn't know why, but I didn't stop to care. Holly was flatlining and they used paddles to charge her heart back into normal sinus rhythm.

"Oh, my God," I whimpered, covering my mouth. I watched the horrific scene unfold and wished John were here, but he left. I didn't know where he went or why, but I felt untethered and unhinged. This was my scene. This was what I did for a living with patients even this age, and here I was having a total breakdown, and it hurt like hell.

"Oxygen now, and get that dialysis machine out of here," Ethan ordered. "We need a unit of O negative immediately, and as soon as we get her blood typed, we need a perfect match." He shed his coat and threw it against the far wall, then took one of the nurse's stethoscopes and pressed it to Holly's chest. The nurses had already stripped her down, and her frail little body looked lifeless.

"What is it?" I asked. "Oh, my God, what's happening?" I felt panic like I'd never experienced in my life before. There had been scary moments in my career, losing patents and feeling like a failure. I'd even had scary times as a mother, like when Noel choked on a grape once and I had to get it out of his throat. But this was so terrifying, I felt like I'd pass out.

"Get her out of here," Ethan barked, and I was sure it was because this was what we did. It was protocol. I was the mother, not a nurse. I wasn’t supposed to be standing here watching my daughter code.

A kind nurse I didn't know ushered me out of the room, and I cried harder, scanning the ER for John. I wasn't about to go looking for him because I needed to stay right here in case they needed me for Holly. But I was frantic. What if Holly had gotten into some toxin? Dad watched her most of the time when I wasn’t around. I'd been so busy with the stupid holiday decorations and the float, he'd basically been her primary caregiver. I was a horrible mother. I couldn’t believe I let this happen.

And she was sick from that ride on the carriage. I should have told Ethan it was too cold for them outside. She had already been so tired and fussy, complaining about her belly hurting. I should have taken her home in the warmth and given her a hot bath, not dragged her around the town on a carriage ride in below freezing temps.

My heart felt like it was giving out. I leaned against the wall and pressed my hands to my ears to stop the alarms from triggering more fear or panic. My phone buzzed in my pocket but I ignored it. It felt like my world was ending, and all I wanted to know was what was going on.

I stood there for what seemed like hours, but in reality, only ten minutes had passed. The alarms stopped and one by one, the nurses left Holly's room, but I hadn't been invited back in yet, and I couldn't even remember how many people were in that room to begin with. All I knew was Ethan was the doctor in charge right now and I was happy about that. He was the best this city had to offer, and I knew Holly was in good hands with him.

None of the nurses' expressions were mournful. I felt confident Holly was okay. So after waiting a few more minutes, I rounded the corner and walked into the room, hovering by the doorway. One nurse stood at the head of the bed watching her vitals with a unit of blood hanging on the IV post, and Ethan stood at the foot of her bed with his head hanging.

"Ethan?" I mumbled, hoping he could switch off his professional mode for a moment and just talk with me. "Where's John? I need him…"

Ethan didn't move. His shoulders didn't straighten. His head never came up. His fingers dusted the foot rail and he stared at my little girl—his little girl, whom he knew nothing about. For a moment, I got a shot of panic, as if something terrible had gone wrong, but I glanced up at Holly's vitals readout on the monitor above her bed and she was fine, resting peacefully now.

"Ethan," I said again, walking up to him. I put a hand in the small of his back and stood at his side, wrapping my arms around him, but he didn’t embrace me. He took me by the shoulders and held me at arm's length. "Are you okay?" I asked, but a new sense of dread washed over me as he refused to let me seek physical comfort from him.

He took a deep breath and his lips formed an O as he breathed it out. "I need you to sit down and focus on Holly right now. Can you do that for me?" Something was different about his tone now, something cold. I wanted to cling to him and ask him what was the matter, but I also wanted to do whatever it took to make sure my little girl was okay. Ethan was only doing his job.

"I can't be the best doctor for her if my emotions get out of control, okay?" While his words were professional and reassuring, the look on his face and the tone of his voice were not. I didn't realize he cared so much, and I found that part endearing, but I felt like something was wrong. Maybe he just wasn't as good at compartmentalizing away his feelings as a doctor as John was.

"Okay," I told him, and I pulled a chair up and sat down. I kept stealing glances at Holly's face. She was so yellow now, and pale. Even I knew that was jaundice, which meant her blood cells were breaking down, which was the reason for the blood transfusion. Neither John nor Ethan asked my permission, which meant it had to be a very severe emergency. I racked my brain to try to figure out what was going on.

"Tell me about Holly's life so far, her habits and her normal daily schedule."

Ethan wanted answers as part of the process of figuring out what was wrong. I understood that, but his insistent tone and the way he spoke made me get cold chills. I thought of Dad and how being disabled made him less able to care for her and Noel. How maybe he'd missed something or the kids had gotten into things they weren't supposed to. Then I thought of that call I ignored and wondered if Noel was sick too, if Dad had tried to call.

"Melody, focus," he snapped, and I jumped in fright.

"Uh, okay… She's potty trained. She eats a healthy diet. I give her a Flintstones vitamin daily, and she naps… Well, she used to take one nap a day. Lately, she's been sleeping more. She naps at least three times a day, and she's not as playful." Seeing these symptoms made me feel like not only a horrible mother but a horrible person in general.

I spent so much time doing things for this job that I was neglecting my twins' care and I knew it. I should've been with them more, but the job had requirements. I felt torn between making the money I needed to pay bills and being with my kids. Hindsight is always 20/20, though, and my heart was breaking.

"Does anyone in your family have a history of any hereditary conditions?" Ethan's question wasn't out of the norm for something like this, but it made me bristle in fear.

I swallowed hard, hoping he didn’t ask directly about her father. I didn't know what I'd say. I didn’t want it to come out like this. I wanted to tell him on my terms when I felt like our relationship was stable enough to take it.

"Nothing that I know of…" I blinked slowly and stared up at him. I didn't know Etan's family history. I didn’t know his own personal medical history either. I had never asked. There was never a reason for me to ask him when we were dating years ago, and now that I was back, I had thought he was moving on. So many things were shifting and changing daily now, and I felt confused and frightened by it. "Why?"

He licked his lips and dragged a hand down over his face, then sucked in another deep breath. There was something on his mind he wasn't saying, and my thready pulse couldn’t take one more bit of stress.

"What is it?" I couldn’t stand it. I needed him to speak.

"She has hereditary spherocytosis." He pursed his lips and huffed, his nostrils flared, then continued. "It's when the red blood cells are sphere shaped instead of peanut shaped, like normal. The spleen doesn't know what to do with them so it breaks them down more quickly. It causes anemia, and in this severe case, probably triggered by an infection in her body, it can cause blood to back up in the kidneys, the liver to start failing, and sometimes death…"

"I don't understand. How could this happen? I don't have this." I shook my head and tears welled up.

"It's hereditary, Mel." Ethan's words were so gruff I felt like he was angry with me, and I still couldn’t connect the dots. "Have you had this condition?" His question was so direct, so on the nose, I knew that somehow, he had figured this whole thing out.

"No," I muttered. "Is it curable? What do we do?" I hoped he wouldn’t say what I knew he was going to say. I wanted to focus on Holly and the treatment. I needed to know she'd be okay.

"Melody, I've had this condition." He spoke calmly, lifting his shirt to expose the scar on his side I'd never asked about. How many times had my fingers traced that line? How many times had I seen it and never wondered what it was from? "A splenectomy when I was five…" His eyes were steely and cold. Pain showed itself in his furrowed brow, the way his lip trembled, the way he lowered his shirt to cover the scar.

I watched his upper lip bulge as if he were drawing his tongue along his teeth. He took a few deep breaths as I stared at him with so much tension in my body, I felt like a guitar string ready to snap. The air in the room was tangible. I could feel the temperature rising.

"Holly and Noel…" He gritted his teeth. "Born August twenty-first, three years ago. That makes them almost forty months old around Christmas…" His nostrils flared and his hands curled into fists as my eyes welled up. "That means you were roughly two months pregnant when you left Mistletoe Springs to go to Chicago to care for your mother. They’re mine, aren’t they?"

The verdict had yet to be pronounced, but the way he squared his shoulders revealed his reaction, even if his voice was calm and even keeled.

"Ethan, I can explain…" I started to stand, to reach for him, but he pursed his lips hard, looked down and away, and then turned and walked out the door.

I felt frozen in place, planted to the ground, unable to go after him or speak. I thought I had cried all my tears already, but more came, hot and fast. I sank onto the chair and sobbed, curled over on my own lap, hugging my knees and burying my face. My heart was ripped out of my chest and bleeding.

"Mel?" I heard, and I knew it was John, but I couldn't respond. I didn't know if I could ever breathe again. It shouldn’t have come out this way.