Guarded Rebellion (The Baranov Legacy)

12. Eva

12

EVA

K elly: I can’t believe he’s not letting you come to class.

I narrowed my eyes at my phone, smirking at the screen.

I can. I had no problem stretching my imagination for this scenario to happen. Lev wasn’t a guy who just talked the talk. He walked the walk. Bluffs didn’t apply to a hardcore man who didn’t play around or say something he didn’t mean. He’d tortured enemies to the family. He’d killed for the Boss. Lev didn’t give empty promises—or threats.

True to his word, he “grounded” me. All last night, into today, I was kept inside the apartment as a lesson. As a disciplinary measure.

The fucker.

Eva: He was mad.

Kelly: I’ll say. He looked like he was capable of murder when he saw you kiss Bryce.

“He is capable of murder, Kel…” I whispered aloud.

The device buzzed with an incoming FaceTime call from her. I sighed and shifted higher on my bed before I answered. “Hey.”

She was walking outside, just leaving the lecture hall from the looks of the sky in the background. An umbrella covered her, but I saw the sky behind it. Wet snow fell, and I snuggled into the warmth of my bed. “Huh. I was thinking you’d look madder.”

“Oh, I’m mad,” I replied. I was livid with Lev. And I was frustrated with myself, too. After his distracted mood with all those calls, I worried that he’d be taken off my security. That was when I hatched the idea of pushing him, of being disobedient just to get his attention, but that wasn’t what happened at the library.

“Well, you got what you asked for.” She grinned, shifting her bag and making her end go skewed for a moment. I almost thought she’d drop her phone. “Don’t lie. You kissed him just to make Lev jealous.”

I pulled my lips in and bit down. “Maybe.”

“Ha! There’s no maybe about it.” She waggled her brows. “I’ll say you got the reaction you were hoping for, then.”

I rubbed my hand down my face. “Yes and no.”

“Huh?”

I hesitated but felt ready to take this risk with her. I wanted to open up, to really have “girl talk” with someone who wouldn’t be biased to remind me of my position as the Baranov Mafia princess.

“It’s just…” I released another deep breath, hating how dramatic this mood was. “It’s just pointless.” I shrugged, wishing I didn’t have to admit this. “I know I’ve been closed-lipped with details about my life. About my family and where I come from.”

She lifted a hand, almost losing her grip on the umbrella, her bag, and the phone again. “Hold on. No, no, no. I don’t want any details, Eva. Come on, I’m not dumb. When you say the ‘family’, I know that means the Family. As in the mob.”

“Right.”

“So, yeah. The less I know, the better.”

“True. But I don’t know any secrets to tell you. I’ll be vague, all right?”

Her grimace didn’t convince me that she wanted me to share about anything of this nature.

“I’ve grown up knowing I would be married one day. Expected to marry and have kids. And my husband would be someone my uncle would choose for me.”

She nodded. “Yeah. Arranged marriages. I’ve heard about them. I mean, I’ve read some dark romance over the last couple of years.”

“Uh-huh. So dating anyone—kissing anyone—is futile. It won’t go anywhere. And that includes, um, this weird addiction I have of wanting to get a rise out of Lev.”

Her lips curled up in a naughty, sinister smile. “Ah, the forbidden relationship. So juicy.”

“So pointless,” I corrected. “He can get jealous all he wants. Hell, maybe he’s not even jealous and?—”

“Oh, no.” Kelly shook her head. “I saw him before you did. He was definitely jealous when Bryce kissed your cheek.”

Is it just because he hates Bryce? Or would he be like that if any other guy were flirting with me? I wasn’t about to test that theory.

“Anyway, it just doesn’t matter. He won’t act on anything.” I furrowed my brow, recalling how tense the moments were when he pushed me against the wall and shoved his body against mine. His placement of his leg between mine had to have been deliberate, too.

“Damn.” Kelly frowned, looking genuinely sorry for me.

I didn’t want her sympathy, at least not on the proverbial “blue balls” situation I’d have to face until I was taken on my wedding night.

“And that’s not really why I’m so mad. Or upset.” I sat up more, wrapping my arms around my knees with my phone atop them. Honestly, I had no grounds to be mad at anyone other than myself. I knew what I was doing when I kissed Bryce so quickly. I’d done it for no other reason than to piss off my bodyguard because he looked like a dictator hell-bent on controlling me.

“Then what?” She huffed. “You can’t seriously be bothered about missing a class. You’re acing everything so far.”

“No. It’s what he said, though.”

“That you’re grounded?”

I shook my head. “He didn’t say those words exactly. But he commented on my ‘stubborn opinions about a fallacy of independence’.” Paraphrasing Lev’s words stung all over again.

“What does that mean?” she asked.

“He just had to throw it in my face like that. That I’m being so stubborn to go to college. I had to fight tooth and nail to come at all. Because, again, that fate, that expected path of life I know I have to follow. I begged my uncle to let me go to school here because I was so determined to experience a little bit of a normal life. My independence is a joke. It’s not real freedom with a bodyguard directing my every move. I’ll never be independent in any real sense of the word. I have no choices to call my own.”

“Fuck, Eva. I’m so sorry.”

I let out a shaky breath, feeling marginally better just to get that off my chest. “I know I’m not escaping my fate. I can’t change who I am or what family I was born into. But I hate that he can’t lighten up and let me fool myself into thinking I could have a grasp of some independence while I am here.”

No wonder Sonya ran with Mother. No wonder they never wanted to come back.

They were right to leave when they could, even though I couldn’t forgive them for not taking me too. I was too young, I supposed, but that didn’t make it right. All my life, I resented not having a chance to spread my wings and make a life of my own, to make any decisions of my own—my clothing, my behavior, my diet, and my interests. It was all predestined.

“This lifestyle is suffocating, Kel. It makes me want to dig in and be more stubborn. It makes me want to evade Lev as much as I can and defy him at every turn because I’ll never be this fucking close to freedom ever again. I’ll never have a chance to get this close to feeling like an independent person again.”

“You’re saying it’s more than wanting to be a pain in the ass so he’d notice you?” she asked.

“Yes. I just want to… live.” I blinked quickly to stop the tears from burning my lids any further.

“Then I suppose I shouldn’t play devil’s advocate and mention that frat party coming up tonight…” She glanced aside in a terrible feign of innocence. “Because if I were trapped in a hopeless future I didn’t want, going to a party would sure as hell be a once-in-a-lifetime experience I wouldn’t plan to miss.”

I smiled. For the first time today, I let my face morph into something other than a frown or scowl. “A party?”

Kelly nodded. “I’ll go if you go.”

The logistics of pulling this off would need to be addressed. I’d need her help to sneak out. I could hope for Lev to be distracted with calls again. Something would have to give because she was right. If I wanted to truly live and embrace this freedom the rest of the world could take advantage of, to go and do as they pleased, then I had to go to this party. Not to get drunk or high. Not to score with a man and lose my virginity. I wasn’t stupid and I wouldn’t suddenly become a bad girl gone wild. I just wanted to… see. To walk on the other side and experience it all.

“We’ll figure out how to make it happen,” I told her before we disconnected the call.

I lay back on the bed, sighing and letting my hopes rise. I would make this work. I’d go to that party, if for no other reason than to prove to myself and Lev that I could.

He’d be so mad…

If he were to learn of my plans to defy him and party, he’d be so furious that he’d ante up his discipline.

Which… wouldn’t be that bad.

I toyed with my lip, raking my teeth over it as I considered how my strict bodyguard might react to my stubbornly disobeying him and going to this frat party. I hated to admit it, but seeing him get all high and mighty and mad made him hotter. Hearing the command in his gruff voice turned me on. Something had to be very wrong with me to feel my heart racing in excitement at his grabbing my hand, holding me in place, and ordering me to be disciplined.

“Of course, I’m fucked up in the head,” I mumbled, rubbing my hands over my face.

My father never acted like a parent and never disciplined me. My mother had been absent my entire life and I’d missed out on her guidance. Only Uncle Oleg served as a form of adult mentorship, but that didn’t mean anything ordinary. The man was a fearsome Mafia Boss, and I learned early on that if I minded my own business and stayed out of his way, I would never need to be disciplined.

But with this intoxicating thrill of defying Lev and the nearness of experiencing something that would never be feasible in the fated future I would have to suffer, I couldn’t wait to act out and step out of line.

I was allured by the chance that I could push my sexy guard into more discipline. More guidance and commands.

Maybe, just maybe, I could push him so far that he’d snap and give me what I was slowly realizing I wanted so badly.

Another illicit kind of experience—intimacy with him.