Heart of Christmas (Curiosity Bay #4)

21. Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-One

Audrey

“ O kay, Dottie.” I smiled at the pug dressed as a snowman. “Sit.”

She stared at me, still standing, and yawned.

“Dottie, sit.”

Another yawn.

“How am I supposed to get a Christmas card made if you don’t help out?” I teased as she stretched her two front paws in front of her like a cat and left.

“No luck?” Mae came through the coffee shop to the store, holding two drinks.

“The stinker won’t listen, and Mom wanted us to get the annual Baubles and Curiosities Cards out this week.” I watched Dottie trundle toward the front window without a care in the world. “Unless I can do a rear-end shot, I don’t think it’s happening.”

“At least the outfit covers her bum,” Mae teased, handing me a cup of coffee. “It would be kind of cute.”

I held up the drink. “Thanks. So sweet of you.”

She grinned, leaning an elbow against the counter. “I feel like I owe you one.”

“Why’s that?”

“I didn’t mean to involve the whole family in your love life.”

I laughed. “Sure, you did.”

“I didn’t think it was that complicated. When Mom filled me in, everything sounded on the up and up. I honestly didn’t know you were dealing with so much inner stuff.”

“Thanks, Mae. You’ve always been so understanding.” I sighed, wondering if I wanted to fill her in on the latest. “And sweet, but it wasn’t you. I’m just unsure of everything.”

The texts had become spotty since the day he’d asked about the cookies. I didn’t want to make anything of it. After all, we were just friends, and that was saying something since we started as enemies.

“I’m starting to come out of the fog. I think I was so stunned that I’d been cursing him for the last ten years for no reason that my mind didn’t know what to make of it.” I shrugged. “I mean, the moment I saw him, everything came rushing back. The attraction was there instantly, even after I thought he’d left me high and dry.”

“It’s a weird predicament.” She nodded.

“But I like him. Really like him. I felt like we could tell each other everything, and we did… as much as we could fit into nine hours.” I set the coffee on the counter and sighed wistfully. “And once I got done flinging insults in his direction, we picked up right where we left off.”

Mae chuckled. “I’m impressed he hung around for all that.”

“Right? That says something in itself.” I chuckled, thinking back to MacGregor’s good looks. It was hard to believe he only got better looking as the years passed. “Anyway, I might have blown it, though. His texts have slowed in recent days.”

Mae smiled and shook her head. “He’s probably just busy with the holidays.”

Dottie barked at the window, and we both looked over to see her tail wag as she turned in circles.

“What’s gotten into her?” I asked, walking over.

Dottie was used to people walking on the sidewalks and customers coming in and out of the store. When we reached the window, we saw nothing out of the ordinary.

The door chime rang into the store, and I spun around to greet the customer.

My heart stalled when I saw MacGregor in the store, holding a sweet dog. Dottie bolted past me and started doing spins at MacGregor’s feet.

“Surprise,” he said, smiling.

My sister tapped my shoulder. “I’m headed back to the coffee shop.”

It was like the world around us fell away.

“Meet Jasper,” MacGregor said, walking toward me.

My pulse raced with excitement and the crazy meaning I wanted to be behind this gesture.

“I’m in shock,” I said, admiring his rescue as he stood before me.

Dottie wouldn’t leave MacGregor’s ankles as I stroked Jasper’s forehead and ears. He closed his eyes happily as I looked up to see MacGregor watching me.

“Is it a good surprise?” he asked, his voice lowering.

“The best surprise I’ve ever gotten,” I said, taking a slow breath. “Should we put Jasper down to see what happens?”

“Hopefully, the introduction will go better than ours a few weeks ago.”

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “There was a reason.”

MacGregor laughed and leaned over to set Jasper on the floor next to Dottie. They sniffed each other and became immediate pals. Dottie started toward her dog bed with toys, and Jasper went right after her.

“Well, at least one couple has been established,” I teased. “And Dottie is a hard one to impress.”

“She’s not the only one,” MacGregor said, smiling.

It was difficult to believe he was standing in front of me.

I’d always been a dreamer. I’d get lost in my thoughts and forget about the world around me. Even all this time with MacGregor, I’d conjure up different outcomes from that night and how things could have gone had I not brought him to my hotel room.

Now, I wouldn’t take any of it back, but all this time, I thought I would.

“Sorry for not responding to your texts as much,” he said, stepping closer. “But I knew I’d blow my operation if I chatted with you too much.”

I smiled and stepped closer, resting my hands on his chest and looking into his eyes. My daydreams seldom came true, but just this morning, I was fantasizing about this very thing.

About MacGregor and me seeing each other again.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I said softly. “I’m sorry about making things way more complicated than necessary.”

“I get it,” he said softly, moving his arms around my waist. “There was a lot to sort out. You had expectations of what I was, and those got blown out of the water.”

“Turns out you’re a nice guy,” I teased.

“What a conundrum.” He smiled. “And with you, I want to do better.” He pressed his forehead against mine.

“What made you come?”

“Owen came for the holidays. It’s one of the few times he graces us with his presence.”

I chuckled. “So you had to leave?”

He grimaced. “Kind of.”

I brushed my finger along his cheek, feeling the day’s growth tickle my skin.

“He started talking about some new, big project he’s working on, and hearing all the important things to him scared me. I knew I didn’t want that life anymore, and these last six years of not chasing the next big deal have been wonderful.”

“He can’t be that bad.”

“You have no idea.” MacGregor let out a low growl of a chuckle. “He’s giddy right now at the prospect of buying land next to a small family lodge to make a bigger and better one to either put them out of business or in the position of needing to sell.”

My jaw dropped. I knew how much love, blood, sweat, and tears went into family businesses, and the thought made me sick.

“Your brother is happy about it?”

“Happy about the money he thinks he’ll make.”

“Wow. That’s not very Christmasy.”

“No, it’s not.” He shook his head and let out a deep sigh. “But it got me thinking.”

“Yeah? You want to buy the antique store? It’s not for sale,” I teased as he straightened, and I instantly missed his touch.

“I don’t want to only be friends with you, Audrey. I want a future together. I want to try for something that we’re both afraid of, even if neither of us will admit it.”

I laughed and shook my head, reaching for my coffee. “No, I’ll fully admit it.”

He smiled and closed the gap between us again. I couldn’t help but notice how at ease MacGregor was at this moment. There was some unspoken energy swirling in this room and bringing us closer.

But something felt different this time, a good different.

“I lost you once because I didn’t tell you how I felt. I’m not going to lose you again because of something I screwed up.”

My breath caught in my throat as I saw kindness threading through his gaze and hope and determination resting behind his eyes.

“I couldn’t go through the holidays knowing I didn’t tell you precisely how you make me feel. I don’t want to pretend I’m okay with the only-friends commitment. I’m not. I want more, but I only want more with you. The dreams I have are because of you. I don’t think about any of the possibilities churning through me unless you’re in the middle of them with me.”

I stared quietly at MacGregor, thinking about what to say or do next. For as long as I could remember, I’d always been able to keep my feelings locked away. It wasn’t on purpose, but I’d somehow developed a habit of keeping things sealed up over the years. I figured men were only out to use me, so whenever I came close to feeling something, I pushed it down and became busy with something else.

That’s why I was always leaving Marigold Island. I didn’t want to be quiet with my thoughts. I wanted to keep doing things to keep me distracted from the more significant issue. The thought of being vulnerable was terrifying.

The moment MacGregor popped back into my life, I realized the most crucial thing in the world. Feelings don’t just disappear when I ignore them. The emotions and thoughts build and build until the weight is such a heavy burden to carry, I explode and lose myself.

Being snippy and rude to him at the wedding wasn’t who I was. I’d never been that person, but all the hurt and embarrassment I’d carried through the years boiled over. Thankfully, I’d had enough sense to keep it as subtle as possible so I didn’t ruin my sister’s wedding. Yet, there was some part of me that knew better, knew something different. There wasn’t a reason in the world I needed to invite MacGregor to my house. I could have called my brother or even let him sleep at Mae’s empty house, but I chose to have him stay with me.

I blinked my eyes, studying MacGregor as he patiently waited for my response.

“I’m terrified of getting hurt again,” I said softly.

Disappointment darted through his gaze, and my stomach tightened.

“But I’m even more frightened of not feeling anymore. I’ve done that for years, but the moment I laid eyes on you, I felt something.”

MacGregor chuckled. “I don’t think that was the right something.”

Warmth spread through me, and I nodded. “No, but it was something, and that anger felt… good?”

“I’m sure I could come up with something now and again to get the fire going again.” His wicked smile made my tummy dip as I thought about how amazing it would be to be in his arms, reliving that night from so many years ago.

I laughed and shook my head. “I think I’m past that now.”

“I promise not to hurt you, not intentionally.” He brushed a piece of hair from my face.

“I know that about you now.” I nodded and let out a slow breath. “What I realized recently was that I’d been so busy shutting down any situation that could eventually lead to pain that I forgot to live. I didn’t allow myself the ability to connect and be happy and ride out the roller coaster of a relationship.”

“I’m sorry I did that to you.”

Horror dashed through me. “No. It wasn’t you. I did it to myself. I think I was looking for a reason to turn everyone away. I found safety and comfort in isolating myself. That’s what I realized these last few days, and you reminded me of who I was.”

“And how fun it can be to be angry?” he teased.

“Kind of.” I pressed my lips together and watched Jasper and Dottie napping together on her dog bed. “You had your brother to remind you of what you didn’t want your future to look like, and I had my past to do the same. I’m exhausted from running from the possibility of happiness.”

“So, what are you saying?” he asked cautiously.

“I’m saying I don’t want to just be friends either.”

The instant I said the words, it felt like the biggest weight had been lifted. I could take a deep breath and not feel like my chest was tightening as I exhaled.

MacGregor cupped his hands around my cheeks and kissed me. This time, he wasn’t holding back.

And neither was I.