Heart of Defiance (The Royal Spares)

Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Signy

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Iko look remotely flustered before, but his tan face reddens as he seems to grope for the words to answer my question. My stomach drops.

All I made out of their low voices was something about “she” needing to know what her options are. And the only “she” around here is me.

What options could there be beyond heading back to their squadron and seeing how much farther we can take this mission? Are they discussing whether they should try to convince me to back down?

Why would they be having any kind of conversation that concerns me off where I can’t be a part of it?

Iko opens his mouth to speak, but Jostein beats him to the punch. Though the squad leader looks a tad ruffled himself, his voice comes out with typical steadiness. “I mentioned to Iko how much I admire you, and he’s trying to persuade me that I shouldn’t act on my interest.”

Even as my heart stutters at the confession, Iko is jumping in, his cheeks still flushed. “That wasn’t it at all, Jos, and you know it. I was only saying that I have just as much right to express my own interest.”

My jaw has gone slack. I glance from one handsome face to the other, my pulse recovered and thumping at twice as rapid a pace as usual. “You mean… You would want… Both of you…”

I can’t quite seem to sort my thoughts out into a coherent order. I thought the flares of attraction I’ve felt were mostly if not entirely on my side.

I’m a nobody who’s accomplished nothing before the last few days, whose own godlen didn’t believe in her. How is it possible that not one but two stunning, capable men could want to court me?

“It’s out there now,” Jostein says to Iko, and turns his attention back to me. The intensity of his bright blue eyes sends a thrill down the middle of my chest. “You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met, and I’d be honored to become more than just your colleague.”

Iko rolls his eyes as if exasperated by his friend’s formal phrasing. When he looks at me, there’s something oddly nervous about his usual carefree smile. “You’re fucking fantastic. I’d welcome the chance to give you everything you deserve from a man.”

He pauses, taking in my reaction. “Although naturally you don’t have to accept either proposition. If you’re not inclined to be kissing either of us, we wouldn’t press the issue.”

A startled laugh tumbles out of me. I rake my hand back through my travel-mussed hair, my head still spinning, and look down at my feet. “That isn’t the problem. I never expected… I think you’re both incredible too. ”

There’s a beat of silence, and then Iko cracks a grin. “We’ve made a good impression then.”

“I guess you could say that,” I mutter, and inhale slowly.

I’ve stared down Darium soldiers, ready to meet my death by their hands. I should be able to look these two men in the face while I’m talking about a much more enjoyable outcome.

I lift my eyes, girding myself. A blush tickles across my cheeks at the avidness in both their gazes. My heart is still thumping along far too quickly.

“We’ve only just started to get to know each other,” I say. “I like both of you a lot so far. I don’t think I could choose between you right now.” Not without risking regretting that choice before long.

Gods above, how did I end up in the position to need to choose at all?

Iko cocks his head, his smile turning sly in a way that sets off sparks over my skin. “Maybe that’s not a problem. You could get to know us both a little more at the same time.” He glances at Jostein. “Friends don’t have to pitch a fit about sharing, do they?”

Jostein blinks at him and then considers me. A glimmer of passion lights in his eyes. “We do work well together in many other ways…”

“Mmhm. So why not give this a try? Fan our spitfire’s flames twice over.”

Iko trails his hand down my arm, and I sway toward him automatically. Heat courses through my body, muddling my thoughts even more.

The soldier steps closer, brushing my hair back over my shoulder, and presses a tentative kiss to the side of my neck.

The graze of his lips brings a gasp to my throat. I tilt my head farther to offer him better access, my skin lighting up all the way down to my toes .

I haven’t been touched with any kind of desire in more than two years. I’d forgotten how good it can feel.

It’s never felt this good, with the certainty that the man offering it truly wants me for more than just his satisfaction.

As Iko deepens his attentions with a flick of his tongue, a strangled sound escapes Jostein. He eases in at my other side, tips my chin upward, and captures my mouth.

Great God help me, this is another realm of pleasure altogether. I kiss him back instinctively, more heat flooding my body and pooling between my thighs.

The two men enfold me, Iko teasing his hand across my belly to rest on my hip, Jostein caressing the small of my back. When Jostein releases my mouth to trail his lips along my jaw and nip my earlobe, Iko wastes no time in claiming a kiss of his own.

A whimper of need escapes me, which might be embarrassing if these men didn’t seem to need me just as much.

Jostein stifles a groan and nibbles a path right down to my shoulder. His stroking fingers creep up under the hem of my skirt, drawing scorching lines on the bare skin of my back.

Not to be outdone, Iko lifts his hand to skim his knuckles over the peak of my breast through my shirt. My nipple pebbles with a jolt of bliss, and he swallows my gasp with the deepening of his kiss.

I grip his shirt and Jostein’s arm, my legs abruptly wobbly. All at once I’m wondering whether I should ever have to choose.

Their combined attention is so delicious. How could anyone give this up once they’ve had it?

Jostein lets out a little growl that seems to demand he resume his claim on my lips. Iko draws slightly back with a soft chuckle? —

And a twig cracks beyond the clearing with a rough inhalation.

All our heads snap around. Landric has halted several paces away into the forest, but well within view of our intimate embrace. His eyes have gone wide, his face wan but spotting with uncomfortable red before my eyes.

“I— Never mind.” He whips around and strides away, his shoulders hunching.

A different sort of heat ripples through me—a mix of shame and anger that this man who’s never treated me as better than trash before the past few days can make me feel that shame.

What’s it to him who I kiss or how many?

Then it occurs to me with a sudden chill that my private choices might become much less private as soon as we reunite with our neighbors. Is he going to tell all of them that I’ve become some kind of insatiable seductress on top of all my other failings?

My stance tenses, the desire that consumed me earlier snuffing out.

Jostein sighs. “He’ll get over it.”

What’s there to get over? It’s not as if Landric’s ever wanted me for himself.

I shake my head and gather myself. “I’d better go talk to him, to make sure this won’t become a bigger problem.” I pause, glancing at both of them with a renewed blush tingling across my face. “Um, but it definitely wasn’t a problem for me.”

I hustle off after Landric before I can get any more embarrassed, with Iko’s pleased laugh following me.

Landric has stalked all the way back to the stream. He’s crouched down at the bank, peering into the water but giving the impression he’s not actually seeing anything there .

At my approach, his gaze jerks up. He pushes to his feet and turns to face me, his expression tightening.

I stop a few paces away, my stomach balling into a hard lump. I just had one of the most amazing experiences of my life—why did this jerk have to ruin it?

“It wasn’t even my idea,” I blurt out. “Not that I’m saying it won’t happen again. Not that it’s any of your or anyone else’s business.”

The blotchy flush has crept back over Landric’s face. His eyes flick down toward the ground and back to me. “I know it’s not. I wasn’t going to criticize.”

I frown, crossing my arms over my chest. “You want to, though, don’t you? You look like you’re already thinking of all the new insults you could toss at me.”

To my surprise, he flinches as if the accusation startles him. “Of course not. I wouldn’t— I never said anything against you.”

My eyebrows shoot up. “One of us has a very spotty memory, then.”

Landric’s hands twist the fabric of his tunic. “I know how it must have sounded. But whenever I heard anyone speak against you, I did my best to push them in another direction, to get their attention away from you so they’d leave you alone.”

He did?

My mind careens back through all our brief encounters over the past several years. It’s true that in most of them I remember someone else making the first jab or two, and him diverting them to some other topic. But the way he did it…

“You made it sound as if I wasn’t worth bothering with.”

Landric’s head droops. “If I was too obviously defending you, everyone would have looked at me differently too.”

My tone sharpens. “How horrible for you.”

He meets my hard gaze with obvious effort, his dark brown eyes simmering with emotions I don’t understand. “I didn’t want to make myself a target. I had things I was trying to accomplish… It was selfish, and all of that seems pointless now anyway. I’m sorry. I should have spoken up for you more, clearer. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

His voice has gone raw, every word searing with honest regret. My arms fall to my sides. I don’t know what to do with his apology.

“What makes you so sure I didn’t deserve it?” I find myself asking.

His expression turns incredulous. “So you overstepped when you were twelve. Twelve-year-olds aren’t exactly the wisest human beings in the world. And you didn’t get along with your aunt and uncle—well, I didn’t find them to be the most agreeable people either. You took care of yourself without hurting anyone, even though the way we all acted must have hurt you. You even took the time to look after the memorial.”

Landric hesitates and then offers me a cautious smile. “Thank you for that. I liked knowing that someone other than me cared.”

His father’s name was among the last few additions to the limestone walls that have since fallen. I hadn’t realized he even noticed me going up there for the weekly cleanings.

I shift my weight. It feels as if the ground between us has tilted, and I’m no longer sure what to make of him.

He did speak up for me in front of everyone after we fled town. He’s pulled his weight on this dangerous mission he volunteered for, from packing horse shit to charging into battle. The bandage on his arm shows how much he risked.

But how can I weigh that against all the times he listened to others disparage me and simply dismissed me as not worth even that much attention?

I drag in a breath. “All right. I’m not saying I’m okay with what happened before. But we can move forward from that. There are bigger things to focus on.”

Landric nods with a relieved air. His smile grows. “And you’re the one who was brave enough to see how much we could do. Let’s get back to our army and tell them it’s time to really fight.”