Heart of Defiance (The Royal Spares)

Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Landric

I t’s strange to realize that after all the hours I’ve spent in the company of the duke’s son, I’ve never actually visited his family residence just an hour outside of Feldan. I always had to wait for Rupert to come to me.

I never had any delusions about him seeing me as a true equal, but as I rein in the horse Captain Amalia gave me leave to borrow, I feel just how expendable I’ve been to him on a deeper level than ever before.

How expendable we all are, possibly. The image of the guards in Duke Berengar’s livery has haunted me since the confrontation with the Darium company yesterday.

The duke’s son and heir might not see me as worthy of full consideration, but there’s no one else from Feldan I can imagine him listening to at all. At least he’d decided I was one step up from a country hick.

If anyone’s going to talk to him, it has to be me.

A guard in the same dark green jacket calls to me from the other side of the gate. “What’s your business here? ”

Not even a “sir” to soften the bluntness of the question, but then, I hardly cut a picture of refinement in my borrowed tunic and trousers that hang a little awkwardly on my body. I washed and tidied my hair as well as I could, but there’s only so much you can do with nothing but streams and camp soap to work with.

“I need to speak to Master Rupert about an urgent matter,” I say, attempting to make up for what I lack in appearance with lordly airs. “Tell him Landric from the town of Feldan is here—he knows me.”

The guard grunts. “You’ll need to wait at the gate.”

He trots off to the residence, leaving a silent companion behind. I adjust my position in the saddle, not sure whether I should dismount or expect to ride on in.

It takes several minutes to get my answer, with the thud of two sets of footsteps across the lane on the other side. I’ve swung out of the saddle before the guard can even open the gate, knowing Rupert will respond better if we’re on level footing rather than me looking down at him.

He strides out to meet me, his broad chest even more puffed up than usual but his eyes warily narrow. “Landric! I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

There are a lot of ways I could interpret that sentence. I decide it doesn’t really matter exactly what he’s implying.

I bob my head deferentially, as he’ll appreciate. “I apologize for the intrusion. I needed to speak with you—I’m sure you heard what happened to Feldan.”

Rupert grimaces. “A bad business, that, but not unexpected after an act of revolt. I trust your mother was able to evacuate safely?”

The fact that he bothers to ask gives me a tiny spark of hope. “Yes, thank the gods.” My fingers sketch down my front automatically in the gesture of the divinities. She’s joined the refugees who were taken in by one of the nearby towns. “But the threat isn’t over yet. We’ve been warned that a large Darium force is marching on Velduny.”

“That’s not surprising either, with the continued attacks on Darium posts. Some kind of order needs to be restored.”

My stomach twists. I remember all too well the way he spoke when we watched the celebration in the town square. “I heard that some of your family’s guards rode with the Darium soldiers.” Better not to admit outright that I was there to witness them myself.

Rupert doesn’t even hesitate to nod. “My father knows where he owes his loyalty. We were glad to supply whatever support they’d find useful.”

I wet my lips, choosing my next words carefully. “Seeing how events have played out so far, I can’t help wondering if there might be a real chance of regaining Velduny’s freedom… if enough of us banded together. We could be loyal only to?—”

The duke’s son cuts me off with a scoffing sound. “Challenge the entire Darium army? You sound as mad as that Signy must be. Of course it’d all start with the waif of refuse.”

A chill trickles through my veins at his words. When the Darium tribune asked for her, I hadn’t wanted to think—but Rupert and his friends were the only people outside of Feldan who knew that Signy instigated the revolt. The only people who could have mentioned it to our enemies.

“You told them about her,” I say evenly, not even a question.

“The blame should be dealt out fairly.” Rupert chuckles. “I can’t imagine why those upstarts haven’t given her up already. What about her is worth preserving?”

My teeth set on edge, but I’m as much frustrated with myself as with him. Stung by the memories of all the times I let statements like that stand or even tacitly agreed with them.

I can’t shout at him the way I’d like to right now. Jabbing at his ego might make him even more eager to see Signy destroyed.

But I won’t keep quiet either.

“Perhaps that should be a sign that there’s more to her than you’ve recognized.” I turn back to my horse. It’s clear I’m not going to make any progress with Rupert, and anything more I say could incite him to have me detained. “I hope you evaluate your loyalties with all due care.”

Rupert’s eyes narrow again. “Landric, what are you saying?”

“Just a bit of common wisdom.” I haul myself back onto the horse and nudge it to a canter without another word, leaving the duke’s son staring after me. “I should get back to helping my neighbors recuperate.”

Just not in the way I hope he thinks. Great God help me, let me not have soured the situation even further.

I have a couple of hours’ journey to our current camp to reflect on the conversation and what I’m going to say when I return. I didn’t speak to anyone except for Captain Amalia before I left, but I suspect Signy will have noticed my absence by now.

I wish I was bringing better news. I wish I’d accomplished anything at all with my little quest.

By the time the procession of soldiers, civilians, and pack-laden horses comes into view up ahead, I’ve considered all the possibilities and settled on the bald truth as my best option. Get it over with, move on.

The three captains now leading our uprising have us moving to the east, so we’ll be ready to stand against the Darium army before they can rampage through any major settlements. New allies have been joining us by the hour, drifting in from towns that have caught word of our efforts, but still Signy takes note of my arrival before I’ve quite reached the edge of the march. Her leanly athletic figure comes into view veering off in my direction, the two soldiers who’ve become her biggest advocates close at her heels.

At the sight of her companions, the image flickers through my mind of the two men with their arms around her, their mouths claiming her lips and neck. Jealousy flares up inside me, burning my cheeks and constricting my throat.

She really didn’t understand why it rattled me, seeing that. I’m so far from a potential suitor to her that it never even occurred to her I might want to court her.

Who do I have to blame for that other than myself? From nearly the first moment they met her, Jostein and Iko have stood by her, spoken up for her.

Why wouldn’t she want them?

Pushing down the churn of my emotions, I dismount when I’ve come abreast with her. My horse will need some time to cool down at a walk and then one of the soldiers like Jostein will no doubt claim the animal.

“Where did you go?” Signy demands before I can so much as open my mouth.

Her sharp green eyes pin me in place. Jostein and Iko are watching me too, but I barely feel their gazes compared to hers.

I push my mouth into my best wry smile. “I went to the duke’s estate. I wanted to see?—”

Signy’s stance tenses. “You went to the dukeling ? After everything that’s happened, you’re still trying to impress?—”

“No!” I break in. “I don’t give a shit what Rupert thinks of me now. I only thought—I could at least find out exactly where they stand—if there was any hope of persuading them to oppose Dariu?—”

Iko, who doesn’t even know the duke or his son, snorts, and a shamed heat floods my body. The idea didn’t seem so absurd when I first thought of it.

Signy folds her tan arms over her chest. “They already offered their guards up to the Darium army. It’s obvious which side they prefer to be on. How could you still think you could trust them?”

I swallow thickly. “I didn’t, not really. I just wanted to try. To do something .”

Jostein studies me with his usual authoritative calm. Whatever he thinks of my attempt, he doesn’t reveal any disdain in his voice. “What did they say?”

“They’re totally committed to supporting the empire,” I admit. “And… Rupert’s the one who pointed the finger at Signy.”

Her eyes flash. “Of course he was. You only just figured that out?”

My words stall in my throat. It was the obvious answer. Maybe there is something wrong with my own loyalties that I didn’t fully believe it, didn’t want to believe it, until I heard it from him directly.

But even when his opinion mattered to me the most, even when it seemed as if all my dreams of getting out of Feldan depended on his good will, I never felt half as desperate as I do right now.

I meet Signy’s piercing gaze, letting it hollow me out. I wanted to do something to help our cause, but all I’ve done is make her question my loyalty. My fucking common sense.

And I don’t know if I can tolerate a world in which this woman looks at me with suspicion any longer.

How did I never realize just how spectacular she is before? These two men saw it so quickly.

She’s single-handedly set a revolution in motion, rallied hundreds to the cause, seen the ways to cut through the empire’s bullshit .

All the dreams I once had are nothing but shadows compared to the future she’s aimed us toward.

I don’t really care where in the world I end up or what I’m doing there, as long as I’m at her side seeing what she’ll do next.

So everything I do from here forward, it has to be proving myself to her. Earning her trust, her friendship… I don’t know if I can dare to hope for more than that.

It doesn’t matter. I’ll take as much or as little as I can get as long as I can be here with her.

No resolution has ever felt so right. The decision steadies me.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “Old habits die hard, but this one couldn’t be more deceased. We don’t need the help of the nobles anyway, not when we’ve got you pointing the way. What’s the best thing I can do for our revolution right now?”