Heart of the Beholder

24

THANE HELPED brIDGETTE UP INTO the carriage before turning to Edgar. “She has requested we stop at the corner before the cottage, so as not to make a lot of noise and risk disturbing her mother’s rest.”

“Very good, my lord,” the valet said with a bow.

Thane entered the carriage and sat next to Bridgette on her bench. Edgar shut the door and climbed onto the driver's seat. Once they started to move forward, he looked over at her and couldn’t help but smile to see she was already looking at him. Bridgette quickly looked away, but he could see the smile she was trying to repress.

Thane looked out the window while he sorted his thoughts. Everything was going better than he had planned. Of course, he had panicked internally when she had fallen in the middle of dancing and when she had been sobbing in the entrance hall. For a moment, he had feared everything was ruined, but looking back at it now, he was grateful for it. She had willingly told him of her vulnerability, and he had been able to comfort her. He couldn’t lie to himself and say he wasn’t scared when he told her he didn’t want to lose her. Thane had never been comfortable sharing his feelings, but after he’d heard the terrible things she had said about herself, he’d had to do something. He had waited for her to pull away from him and ask to be taken home, but she didn’t. Though she hadn’t commented on his confession, it was almost as if she were more open to him. It made him feel good, especially when she had held his hand. Maybe she would let him hold her hand again.

He looked over, expecting her hands to be wrapped up in her skirt like she always did when she was nervous, but that was surprisingly not the case. She looked out the window with one hand in her lap and the other resting on the bench between them. He couldn’t just let her hand stay like that and get cold, so he took it with his own. When she looked at him, he could see a mixture of delight and relief in her eyes—light hazel eyes he wanted to study in the light and capture in a painting.

Thane cleared his throat. He could get lost in his thoughts later. The evening wasn’t over yet; there were still things to do. “I have been working on something else I wanted you to see.” She raised her brows and waited for him to continue. Reluctantly, he pulled his hand away from hers and reached into the inside pocket of his vest. He pulled out a stack of folded papers and handed it to her. She looked at him, confused, but took the papers and unfolded them. Thane took a deep breath as she angled the paper toward the window, using the light of the moon and stars to read down the list of names.

“Who are these people?” she asked as she flipped to the next page. Her brow furrowed. “Anne’s name is on here.”

“I have thought a lot about what you said about me not being a monster, because I am remorseful of the things I have done,” he said carefully. She looked up at him with the kind eyes—the kindest eyes that probably ever existed. “I don’t want to be a monster. I want to move on from being the man I was before, but I think I am trapped in my guilt, so I made a list of all those I can name who I have ever wronged. I know there are plenty more, but I thought this would be a good place to start. I can go through and correct the wrongs I’ve made, if I can.”

“I think that is a wonderful idea,” she said, giving him her perfect smile. “What do you plan to do?”

“Well, I scared Anne out of her position at my manor. I suppose for her, I will find out if she still needs work and help her find it. Write a letter of recommendation.” He moved closer to her so he could point to the names. “Mary was the last maid who served me before I left my family’s estate. She poured hot soup on my pants. I yelled at her and made sure she lost her work. So, I will probably do the same for her.”

“Would you like some help? I know Edgar has connections, but I know Anne, and I can reach out to her, and help with anything else you might need.” She looked up at him, and he felt the strong urge to wrap his arms around her.

“You don’t have to help me fix my mistakes.”

Bridgette adjusted herself on the bench so she faced him more directly. Her knee rested against his thigh. “I want to,” she said, her tone insistent. He froze when she slipped the folded papers back into the inside pocket of his vest for him. It was shocking, but he had enough mind left to know it was not an accidental touch. He grabbed her hand as she pulled it away and kissed it. “Thank you for sharing that with me,” she said. Her cheeks darkened in the barely lit carriage, but she did not look away.

“Can I ask you something, Bridgette?”

“Yes,” she whispered, letting him hold on to her hand.

“Would you like to live at the manor with your mother and Birdie?”

“Live…with you?” she asked, hesitantly.

“I know, you don’t want to feel like a leech, but I promise you are not. You have proven you can take care of your family on your own. You are strong and capable. But it doesn’t make sense for you to have to travel so far between the cottage and manor every day. If you were all at the manor, you could always be near your mother in case she needed anything. And I could easily call for a specialist to come and look at her,” Thane said, hoping he was helping his case and not hurting it.

She was quiet for a long moment, but finally said, “I cannot deny the appeal of your offer.”

“Then accept it,” he said, taking her other hand as well.

“But,” she said, and his heart deflated a little.

“But what?”

“There are things that probably have to change in order for it to be proper,” she said.

“Nothing has to change,” he said. He had thought she might say this. “Most maids live at their employer’s residence; it's almost expected, really.”

She laughed and said, “Do most employers hold their maid’s hand while accompanying her on a carriage ride home?” Thane looked down at his hands holding hers, but did not let go. “Do most employers throw a last minute ball and spoil their maid with thoughtful gifts?” She could have been calling him out, but when he met her eyes, she smiled and ducked her head. “I am fairly certain most employers don’t look at their maid like that. The rumors have already started, and they will flourish if there is actually something for them to gossip about.”

“You are probably right on that account,” he agreed. “So, what if you were not my maid?”

She made a face. “I kind of like being your maid.”

“So you would rather stay a maid and walk to and from the manor every day?”

“I didn’t say that,” she said quickly.

“So you want to give up being a maid and live in the manor?” he tried.

She laughed and squeezed his hands. “I didn’t say that either.”

“Then please, save me the torture and tell me what you are thinking,” he teased.

She looked thoughtful for a moment. “I cannot deny that lines have been crossed tonight,” she said. Thane’s stomach dropped like a rock to the ground beneath the moving carriage. He had messed up and gone too far. His face must have shown his thoughts, because she quickly said, “Don’t think I am upset by it, because I am not. I just think we are dealing with something that should not be taken lightly. I don’t think either of us wants to hurt the other.”

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

She smiled and said, “I know.” Thane’s heart warmed at her statement.

“What can I do to convince you to move into the manor?” he asked in earnest.

She looked directly into his eyes as if she were searching his soul for something, then her gaze dipped to his lips. If she asked, he would give, but not before then. He was trying to separate himself from the cad of a prince he used to be. His heart thundered in his chest, and it took all of his willpower to not pull her to him and kiss her. She slipped one of her hands out of his and brought it up to his face. She hesitated, then gently touched his cheek that was not covered by the mask. He closed his eyes as he soaked in the softness of her touch. It was like nothing he had felt before, and he wanted more. He had been touched by countless women, but not one had the ability to ease his troubled heart like Bridgette did.

“Your hood is gone, but you still wear a mask,” she said, keeping her hand against his skin. Thane opened his eyes to meet hers. There was open curiosity in her gaze, and it scared him. “What are you hiding?”

“The parts of me that are too terrible to be seen by your eyes.”

Sadness crossed over her features. “Will you let me be the judge of that?”

It was like all the air in the whole world had disappeared, or perhaps his lungs were paralyzed. He could not breathe. How could he risk scaring her away? But how could he deny her? If she asked for the world, he would give it to her. Thane could only nod. Bridgette caressed his cheek lightly before lifting both hands to remove his mask. He felt her fingers on the edges when she whispered, “Leander.”

Hearing his fake name on her lips ripped him out of the intimate moment and into the unfortunate reality. Thane grabbed both of Bridgette’s wrists and pulled her hands down from his face. “Bridgette, I need to tell you something first.”

The carriage door opened, and they both jumped back from each other. “Here we are at the corner before the cottage, my lady,” Edgar said through the opened door. When had the carriage stopped?

Bridgette smiled shyly at him before exiting the carriage with Edgar’s help. Thane blew out a long breath, then exited behind her. As soon as he stepped down, she turned to him. “Today was incredible.Thank you.”

“Can I walk you to the door?” he asked, taking her hand.

She glanced at Edgar, who was dutifully standing by the carriage a few steps away, then back at Thane. “I think I need a moment by myself before facing Birdie, especially after all you have given me to think about.” Did she not know what she was doing to his heart, or was she intentionally making him suffer? “But you can stay and watch to make sure I get inside safely,” she said coyly.

“Will you be coming back to the manor?” he asked, afraid to let her go.

“Yes,” she said with a giggle. It made him want to pick her up and put her back in the carriage, so he could take her home.

“As a maid?”

She stepped closer and motioned him to lean down so she could whisper in his ear. Her breath tickled his neck as she said, “Tomorrow is my day off, but I will return the next day. It will give me time to figure out what I want to do. So for now, it is a surprise for both of us.” She gave him a quick peck on his cheek and left him standing there, dumbfounded, with his hand pressed to his face. She looked at Edgar and said, “Sorry about the dishes.” Before Thane could do anything, she was walking away from him, toward her cottage.