Heart of the Damned (Alice Worth #9)

Chapter 13

Chapter

Thirteen

When O’Neil pulled into our driveway, I wasn’t surprised to see Sean waiting. We often met each other on the porch. No doubt he felt more concerned about my safe arrival than usual.

What did surprise me was the sight of Matthias’s enormous brindle wolf peering out of the darkness around the northeast corner of the house. While most new shifters reveled in their furry form, he’d shifted only a handful of times since becoming a werewolf. His aversion to his wolf form worried Sean and me because we weren’t sure if he disliked being a werewolf, or he worried he couldn’t control himself or protect others as well as a wolf as he did as a man.

At this moment, Matthias’s wolf stared at O’Neil’s SUV as if he wanted to take a bite out of the vehicle or its driver and didn’t particularly care which. His eyes glowed as he bared his teeth, his ears flat against his head. I saw no sign of the cowering, limping wolf I’d met when Matthias first Changed. If I hadn’t seen that version of Matthias myself, I might not have believed he was the same wolf as this fierce guardian.

A sudden thought made me pause with my hand on the car door: What if once he comes into his full potential, Matthias is more dominant than Ben or Nan?

Meanwhile, O’Neil’s gaze remained fixed on Sean and Matthias, watching for any sign of trouble. Over the past few weeks I’d assessed her to be a very capable bodyguard, though I hadn’t had the opportunity to see her in action yet. If my past was any indication, it was only a matter of time before something blew up. Something always did.

Her charge from Moses was to keep me alive and unharmed, under penalty of her own especially unpleasant death. But if she turned on me, on his orders or for any other reason, I’d have to kill her.

Moses’s cold voice echoed in my head: “Remember that every time you feel tempted to consider her an ally or friend.”

A few hours ago, as O’Neil and I argued over whether I would ride shotgun or in the back seat, I’d told her if we ended up in a fight, we would fight together. I’d said it knowing Moses would probably hear me, because I wanted him to know I didn’t cower in the back seat while someone took hits meant for me. And in response, he’d reminded me my morals didn’t apply to O’Neil. I had to keep her in front of me—not because I wanted her to take bullets for me, but because I couldn’t trust her at my back.

I got out of the SUV. “Thanks for the ride.” I shut the door before she had a chance to respond. I wanted away from Moses, O’Neil, the whole mess.

Sean met me halfway across the yard as O'Neil made a three-point turn in the driveway and headed for the road. He wrapped me in his arms and rested his chin on the top of my head. I sensed Malcolm go inside the house.

“Do you want to talk about it, or do you need some space?” Sean asked.

I appreciated that he’d offered options when both he and his wolf probably wanted to hold me and not let go until I stopped shaking with pent-up anger. “I want to talk,” I said .

He took my hand. “On the deck, with beers?”

One of the many things I loved about Sean was his willingness to go with the flow, even when I had unexpected requests. “Upstairs,” I countered. “With no clothes on.”

He blinked at me. “You want to take our clothes off and then talk? ”

Okay, so maybe he didn’t always just go with the flow. “Yes. And after we talk, we can do…other things.”

“Well, in that case.” He smiled. “Lead the way, Miss Magic.”

Matthias had already disappeared into the night by the time we reached the porch. I hadn’t sensed him shift back to human form, so maybe he would stay a wolf for a while. That made me hopeful.

When we got inside, I called, “Malcolm?”

He floated up through the floor from the basement. His expression indicated my tone had tipped him off that I wasn’t happy. “Hey, Alice.”

“Where did you go?” I demanded. “While we were in the conservatory, where did you go?”

Sean went still. “Malcolm.” His voice sounded deadly. “You didn’t leave her alone with that bastard, did you?”

Malcolm floated back and forth. More emotions than I could count flashed across his face, but when he spoke his voice was quiet. “I was gone for about five minutes.”

I thought Sean would shift in pure rage. “Five minutes? He could have killed her in a second!” He nearly roared the words. “You swore to me you would never leave her side while she was at Merrum Manor. How could you betray Alice like that?”

“I didn’t betray anyone.” The more Sean raised his voice, the quieter Malcolm became. “Moses and Alice were chatting. It was friendly.”

“There is nothing friendly in anything I do with Moses.” My voice was quiet too, but for an entirely different reason. I hurt almost beyond belief. “I don’t know what to say. I count on you to have my back the same way I have yours. Why did you leave? ”

“To find Liam.”

“Oh, Malcolm.” I sagged against the wall. Finding out he’d left had been a punch in the gut. The grief on his face now felt like a second one. “Moses has traps and wards all over that manor. He could have captured you. We talked about this. It’s too dangerous for you to snoop around.”

“I had to know!” Malcolm burst out. “I had to know if he was there—if he was still alive. Well, not alive alive. You know what I mean.”

“You know who is alive?” Sean cut in. His eyes glowed like golden lanterns. “ Alice is alive. It’s your responsibility to care about that and keep her safe.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Malcolm shouted. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d heard Malcolm yell in anger, or even if I’d ever heard him do so. “Leaving Alice to look for Liam was just about the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and you don’t know what I’ve had to do in my life or my afterlife. Don’t you dare accuse me of not caring.”

“Stop, stop.” I raised my hands. “Both of you, please stop.”

Sean stalked back and forth across the living room. Malcolm watched him, guilt and anger warring on his face.

“Did you find him?” I asked.

“Yes.” Malcolm floated close to me. “We were right about him being a prisoner. He’s in a crystal in a mage’s workshop in the east wing of the manor. They’re using him as a power source for spellwork.”

I flinched. There was a big difference between suspecting Liam was trapped and knowing it. My anger and sorrow made me feel sick. “I’m sorry, Malcolm. No one deserves that, especially Liam. I know it doesn’t help, but I’m glad we know where he is.”

“I want to free him somehow. There has to be a way.”

“I will find a way,” I promised. “Somehow I’ll get Moses to hand him over. I just have to come up with a way to do it without him figuring out that it’s something I need, because he’ll use Liam as leverage in ways you or I can’t imagine.”

“I know.” He hung his head. “I just couldn’t wait to know any longer.”

“It’s okay.” It wasn’t, really, but nothing about any of this was okay. I might have done the same thing in his place if Sean were trapped and tormented in Moses’s clutches.

Maybe that occurred to Sean too, because his fury had gone from an eleven to about an eight. But that didn’t mean he could let it go. “I can’t forgive you for this, and I won’t forget it,” he told Malcolm. “I trusted you. You gave me your word.”

“I understand.” Malcolm floated back. “I’ll give you both some space.”

“That’s probably for the best,” I said. I was so tired. “Good night.”

“Good night, Alice.” He floated back down through the floor to the basement.

Sean scrubbed his face with his hands.

“He loves me,” I said. “He loves Liam too. I know he broke his word to you, but we’d be inhuman if we held his pain against him.”

“Alice.” He joined me by the stairs. He was so angry, but he didn’t seem to know where to direct it. Malcolm, Moses, Charles, even Matthias. And me too, a least a little. Maybe he thought I wasn’t supposed to have forgiven Malcolm so quickly.

“Come on.” I took his hand and tugged.

He let me lead him upstairs. When we got to our room, I shut the door, stripped off my clothes, and tossed them in the direction of the bathroom. I sat on the edge of the bed while Sean undressed and put our clothes in the hamper.

“You’re such a neatnik,” I told him as he joined me on the bed.

“If we leave them out, Esme will steal them. That’s my favorite pair of jeans. And I like how you look in that top.” My werewolf settled in with his back against the headboard and held out his arms. “Come here. ”

I didn’t need to be asked twice. I curled up on his lap, my head against his chest, and listened to his heart. Our wolf amulets hummed when they were close to each other. I’d teased that it sounded and felt like they were purring. Sean always made a show of taking umbrage to the comparison to cats, but I could tell he didn’t hate the idea.

“So why talk naked?” he asked.

“Why not?” I countered.

He chuckled. I snuggled in a little closer. “You know, all this wiggling makes it difficult to remember we’re here to talk,” he said, only half jokingly.

“Sorry.” I got comfortable and held still. “I just like how it feels when we’re touching skin with nothing else between us. It comforts me. Who knows why since your skin is like a million degrees. I’m roasting.”

“Skin contact is a shifter thing, and I love that you want it. Can’t do much about my body temperature, I’m afraid.” He let out a quiet growl. “You smell like Moses’s house.”

“I know. I wanted to shower, but I didn’t think you’d let me shower alone. I doubt we’d be able to talk in there without getting distracted.”

“Fair point.” He squeezed me. “What do you want to talk about?”

I gave him a summary of what had happened before, during, and after my visit to Merrum Manor. He listened quietly, rubbing my back as I talked.

“It’s not that he caught me off guard by reminding me O’Neil isn’t a friend,” I said after I described my interaction with my guard and Moses’s comments about it. “Or that I’d thought of her as a friend. I’m not an idiot.”

“No, of course you aren’t.” He kissed my hair and curled his fingers around my forearms. “You’re home, Alice. You can let it out now.”

I realized I’d wrapped my arms around my tummy because it had been churning and hurting since I’d seen that damn bowl of soup. I’d had to hide that fact until I was alone with Sean. Only now, when I was safe and warm and protected, could I let on how much tonight had taken out of me.

“Okay.” I took a deep breath and exhaled. “Why am I so worked up about this?”

“I think you’re remembering what it’s like to be involved with a cabal.” Sean rested his head against mine and ran his hands along my arms as if he could take my hurt away through osmosis. “These interactions are triggering all kinds of traumatic memories from the years when you had to be wary of everyone around you.”

“That’s probably true, but it’s not like those memories are ever all that far away.”

“Your life is different now. You’ve built a family around yourself of people you can trust, who’d put themselves between you and anything that might cause you harm. You’ve changed your perspective. It makes these interactions more jarring than they used to be.”

I didn’t like what he’d implied. “I’ve gone soft, is what you’re saying.”

“That is not at all what I’m saying.” He tipped my chin up so he could meet my gaze. “You recognize the cabal mindset for what it is: brutal, unnatural, and inhumane. Unfortunately, that used to be your normal. You acclimatized to it because you had no choice. Now you have a different life and you’re pushing back against anything that reminds you of how your life used to be. That includes forced proximity to someone who might save your life one minute and try to take it the next.”

That made a hell of a lot of sense, and it went a long way toward explaining why Moses’s warning about O’Neil had affected me far more deeply than I’d thought it should.

“I don’t want to live like that anymore,” I told him. “The life I have—the life I want —isn’t compatible with cabal mentality. But as long as Moses and I have a truce and a contract between us, I can’t escape it.”

“Remember what you told me before you signed the contract with Moses: he’s playing your game on your board by your rules,” Sean said. “He just doesn’t know it yet. That’s how you’re going to beat him, eventually, when all the pieces are on the board and the timing is right. No matter how many bowls of soup he serves you or what happens to O’Neil, that’s what’s going on. The more he thinks he’s throwing you curveballs, the more he’s snarled in your web.”

“That was a lot of metaphors,” I teased. Finally, the pain in my stomach and my uneasiness began to fade. “I get what you’re saying. Okay. I’ll think about that.” I sighed. “Item number two: Matthias.”

“I see a change in him already after your talk this morning.” He frowned. “What’s bothering you?”

“What happens if he turns out to be as dominant as Ben or Nan? Or more dominant?”

“New werewolves have entered packs for as long as there have been shifters.” Sean pulled me close again. “Issues of dominance have always been settled in more or less the same ways. What problems have we had bringing all the new wolves into our pack since you joined us?”

“Not many, but none of the new wolves are very dominant. I have a feeling Matthias is…or he will be. You saw how he reacted last night when he saw me fall down. And then tonight when I got back he looked ready to rip that SUV to shreds. What if he’s a third, or a beta? What happens to Nan and Ben?”

“Do you trust Matthias?”

I thought about that, but only for a moment. “Yes.”

“Nan?”

“Of course!”

“Ben? Me?”

“You know the answer all those questions.” I eyed him. “Where are you going with this?”

“If you trust us, then you can trust that we’ll resolve any issues of pack hierarchy, no matter what they might be.”

“Telling me to just relax and let things play out is a quick way to find yourself on my shit list, Wolf. You know that’s not how my mind works.”

As usual, Sean knew the right question to ask. “What are you afraid might happen?”

I opened my mouth, closed it, and tried to figure out what exactly had me in knots. “I’m worried I’ll have to watch Matthias fight Nan or Ben,” I said finally. “Even if it’s to submission, I don’t want them to hurt each other. And Daniel’s still upset that he Changed Matthias unintentionally. How will he react if Matthias turns out to be more dominant than his mate?”

Sean rested his chin on top of my head again. “Knowing Nan and Ben as well as I do, and knowing Matthias as well as I can at this point, I don’t think a fight will be required. If it is, it will be to submission. I can’t tell you they won’t hurt each other because that’s not true, and I won’t tell you not to be upset because you’d have reason to be upset. I won’t be happy either. Unlike other packs where violence is the norm, bloodshed among our pack members is not something we encourage or experience very often.”

“So how should I feel?”

“Exactly how you feel. I can’t promise that everything in our pack will always be smooth sailing. In fact, I can promise you it won’t . We will have conflicts—sometimes major ones, just like any group of people. What I can promise is I will do whatever I need to do to keep us all as safe, happy, and without conflict as I can. I can also promise that however this works out, we will all be fine. It just might take some time to get there.”

It wasn’t so much what he said as the conviction in his voice that made the prospect of letting things play out seem if not preferable, at least acceptable. I relaxed against his chest before I realized how tense I’d become. “Thanks for that,” I said, rubbing my nose against the hot skin over his heart. “If you can let it play out, so can I, I guess.”

“Atta girl.” He kissed the top of my head. “Are we done talking? Or is there more on your mind?”

“Lots more, but nothing that won’t keep.” I smiled at him. “I’ve made you sit here naked with me for a good half hour. I think your patience deserves a reward.”

“It’s not so much that I’ve been naked as that you’ve been naked, Miss Magic.” He smiled as his hand slid down my side to rest on my hip. “What kind of reward did you have in mind?”

I let out an exaggerated sigh and started to get up. “Load the dishwasher and do some laundry, I guess.”

He rolled us over and pinned me to the bed with his body. “ Or ,” he murmured, his lips moving from my earlobe along my jaw, “You could stay right here and let me do things to you that will make you blush when you think about it later.”

I made a pfffft sound and arched my back to encourage him to make his way south of my collarbone. “As if you know how to do things that make me blush.”

Teasing him like that was playing with fire, especially these days when his wolf’s demands for intimacy were at an all-time high.

But fire was what I wanted, what I needed , and what I intended to get.