Heir of Stardust and Secrets (Mythic Spark #1)

38. We’ve All Heard It

Chapter 38

We’ve All Heard It

T he next day, the four of us met in the study. Other than what transpired with Amos, we hadn’t risked debriefing in the Summer Court.

I endured hours of Nevander’s clinical questions, turning over details repeatedly until he’d received the precision he was after. Exhaustion clung to me, and I felt relieved once we’d finally gone over everything.

Thinking we were done, I went to get up. Nevander quickly crushed that notion with another question and my heart sank. I wanted to help, but I was worn out.

“You described it as tumbling when you were with Caius, and that the moment you touched, he valenned you to the grove where you’d left from. Is that correct?” Nevander asked.

“Yes.”

“And what exactly were you tumbling through?”

“Blackness.” Nevander’s hard gaze let me know it wasn’t a good enough answer. I dug deep into the memory, trying to find the words. “I’m not really sure how else to describe it. I couldn’t see that we were falling, but I could feel it. It wasn’t like a fall from a tree, but closer to being caught in the churning bottom of a waterfall while plummeting at the same time. If I were forced to call it anything, I’d call it a void.”

“Why do you think Caius risked waiting for you to come with him instead of valenning himself back? And are you sure he valenned you?”

I thought for a moment before answering, “I’m not sure. About either. I assumed he was the one who valenned us back. It felt the same, and we ended up exactly where we’d left from. But I never explicitly asked him.” I paused. “I’m sorry, I never thought to.”

“It’s okay, Nyleeria, that’s why I’m asking these questions. It’s important to know what is assumed, over what’s fact,” Nevander offered. “I know you don’t know why he didn’t leave without you, but if you had to guess, what would your theory be?”

“I mean, it could be anything. Falling through nothingness was terrifying, but the threat felt more like we’d be falling in perpetuity, or get separated, as opposed to the actual risk of dying. Maybe he didn’t fear for his life, so there would be no need to leave me? Also, the fallout of him taking me somewhere, only to return alone…he’d have to be desperate, or stupid, not to try everything possible to make sure I came back with him.”

“Those are our theories too,” Nevander confirmed. “Did you use your powers at all? Even if it was accidental, or insignificant, while you were there?”

“No,” I said firmly. “As I’ve explained, even with Amos, I held it back. I’d thought about it in the vision, tried to grab for it, but it wasn’t there. I never explicitly used it, but it reacted whenever I was close to a high lord.”

“What do you mean?” Nevander asked, and I realized this was a new detail I’d accidentally omitted the first time around.

“It’s difficult to explain, but it was like being in the presence of their power, its raw strength, pleased whatever lies within me. As if coaxing it awake, or singing a melody that made it want to dance.”

Nevander thought over my words and looked to Tarrin and Thaddeus, a silent conversation passing between them. Possibly seeing if they had anything to add or if they wanted to tuck that information away for later.

“And Endymion,” I added, remembering.

“What about Endymion?” Nevander asked.

“It felt the same with him too.”

Nevander’s dark brows knit together. “Was it all fae, or just the high lords and Endymion?”

“I was only in close enough contact with three fae outside of them—Fiora, Kai, and Artton—and I never had that feeling with them. Maybe Endymion is more powerful and that’s why I felt him?”

“Perhaps,” Nevander hedged.

Nevander was about to continue and I sent Thaddeus a pleading look.

“Nevander,” Thaddeus broke in, “are there any other questions that you have for Nyleeria, or can we let her take a break?” The tone of his voice was clear: either Nevander had something of grave concern he had to ask, or he was done questioning me.

Nevander’s thin lips narrowed, the movement almost imperceptible. He was clearly used to interrogating people with different methods, and for as long as he chose—leaving no stone unturned.

“No, that should be good for now,” he said, then excused himself from the room. Tarrin followed, giving no indication as to what he thought about the exchange.

I thanked the Mother silently. Sharing every detail about Endymion, and what the darkness had whispered to me, were things I wasn’t willing to divulge. I knew if Nevander continued, he’d whittle down my resolve—it had already begun slipping from my grasp as weariness fell over me.

Thaddeus sat next to me on the couch and pulled me into him, placing a kiss on my temple. I released a breath and nestled my head against his chest, listening to the steady heartbeat through his shirt.

A cloudless sky met us as we made our way out to the veranda off the study. Sitting beside each other, I tucked my feet beneath me. The petal pink of my skirt splashed across his light-gray slacks as I leaned into him, his arm wrapping around me.

Placing a kiss on my head, he said, “You did good, with Nevander. He can be…intense with these kinds of things.”

“I got the feeling that was the…toned-down version,” I said, focusing on the garden beyond.

Thaddeus chuckled. “It was the lover’s treatment. He would have been much more odious with anyone else.”

“And here I thought the only benefits of being your lover were free food and the occasional roll in the sack,” I teased.

“Occasional? Woman, I’d bed you day and night if you’d allow me.” My toes curled. He noted it and tipped my head up, kissing me deeply, unhurriedly.

A woman cleared her throat softly, announcing her presence. Thaddeus released the kiss, and we found Ava laying out food.

“Apologies for disturbing you, Your Majesty,” she said with a deep bow, leaving before Thaddeus could reply.

The formality with which she addressed him jolted me, reminding me that he was, in fact, a king.

The thought made me queasy, and I pulled away a fraction.

Beside me, holding me, stealing kisses from me, was Thaddeus Artemis Alton the Third, king of the human realm. And I was…what? Nyleeria Nobody from Nowhere?

My chest constricted as the weight of our disparities settled in. Slowly, I disentangled myself from him and sat up, reaching for food—not out of hunger but to mask the sudden urge to distance myself from him.

Thaddeus dished himself a plate and ate, while I merely shuffled the food around—my thoughts spiraling fast and hard.

“Nyleeria?” the king asked, a hint of wariness in his tone.

My gaze remained downcast.

“What is it?” he prodded, concern deepening.

When I didn’t answer, he relieved me of my plate and put it down with his. He reached for me, but I pulled away, and he stiffened, his eyes widening in surprise.

“Nyleeria, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I finally said, but the quiver in my voice betrayed me.

Breathing became hard, my chest feeling as if a large stone now pressed upon it. I couldn’t stay here. I stood, unable to find words, and began walking away. An urgency resonated in his voice as the king called after me, but I continued forward, blood pounding in my ears.

Entering my suite, I closed the double doors behind me and locked them.

My heart pounded against my chest, and I bent over, trying to force in gulps of air, but I couldn’t.

The same rapacious thoughts kept repeating again and again. Faster and faster.

Nyleeria Nobody from Nowhere. Nyleeria…nobody…from nowhere. With a king. A bloody king. Who do you think you are? You’re not even good enough for an average village boy’s family to approve of you. You’re a poor, defiled, cursed waste of human flesh. Your family didn’t even want you. Your parents didn’t even love you. Eithan was only with you because of the bargain. And why not sleep with you when you made it so easy? Apparently, you spread your legs for anyone who smiles at you. Eithan never loved you. Nobody ever loved you. You poor, cursed nobody from nowhere. Don’t kid yourself—King Thaddeus is only fucking you because you’re the most convenient hole for him right now. What, like he was going to fuck a fae while in the Summer Court? You were the only one there. He doesn’t have feelings for you, you’re just a means to an end. And what a waste you are, at that—you can’t even use your powers. Spark, what a joke. Fizzle is more like it. You sparkless, useless waste of human flesh. Who the fuck do you think you are? A king, for gods’ sake. How exactly did you think this was going to play out? Nobodies from nowhere don’t marry kings, they only keep their beds warm until it no longer pleases them. How long until you no longer please His Royal Majesty? You better keep letting him ram his cock into the back of your throat if you want him to keep warming your bed, Nyleeria Nobody from Nowhere. Too bad you didn’t die in the womb instead. Maybe your twin wouldn’t have been such a waste of breath.

“Stop it!” I screamed, falling to the ground, my knees protesting as they slammed against the hard tile.

“Stop it!” I sobbed as the thoughts kept pounding into me, becoming crueler and crueler with each pass.

I folded over myself, head and forearms on the ground. I couldn’t get in any air as the torrents of endless, gasping, guttural sobs ripped out of me.

Pure exhaustion was the only thing quieting the demons that whispered their songs to me. The crippling weeping eased into silent tears, then gave way to fits of sobbing when their melodies rang out once more.

Finally, when my body was wrung out, when every part of me hurt, when the pain wasn’t gone but the ability to cry was, I fell to my side and curled up in a ball.

My head rested on my arm, and I stared into oblivion as tears cascaded down my cheeks, their accumulation splashing softly as they hit the tile.

Each blink felt more labored than the last, until no amount of effort could make my eyes open again.