Her Beastly Duke (Damsel in Distress #5)

Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

E mmeline and the children were a welcome distraction, but Briar wanted to be alone. She had to escape them for a while. She had been subject to emotional twists and turns for the past few weeks. Julius had a strange animal magnetism that drew her to him. Why? She did not know. It was just there. She felt more relaxed and serene today, but that was only because she was sitting by the river. She had not been back there since Julius plucked her from the water and carried her home, and so much had happened since then. There was a gentle breeze, the birds were singing, and the water was calm. The geese were going about their business with not a care in the world, and for a moment, she wished she too had no troubles.

She had truly tried to put her feelings for Julius aside, but it was incredibly difficult. They had settled into a routine that made her yearn for a life she dismissed only a few months ago as meaningless. Domesticated bliss was no longer unappealing, and she had Julius to thank. She dreamt of him at night and even daydreamed about what it would be like to remain at his side forever. The dreams always ended the same. When she peered at him under her lashes last night, she wondered if he ever had that fantasy, if only for a fleeting moment.

What was worse was that she knew what it was like to have his eyes caress her with lusting, invisible fingers. No other man had ever looked at her like that. That look made the blood throb in her veins with a scarlet web of desire. Every inch of her lit up with the burning, urgent need to possess him. At night, when she lay in bed and thought of him moving inside her, she hungered for him. She could only toss, turn and plump her pillows for the hundredth time. Amidst the pain and longing, there was a strange sense of comfort because she had the memory of their night of passion, and she could relive it when she closed her eyes.

Briar walked along the river banks where lower downstream, it babbled, gentle and soothing. It hurt to think that he was not forming the same attachment, so she did what she could to avoid encounters and conversation. Would it not be better to express herself to him? No. What good would that do? He does not want her and will not choose her, so she must protect herself from the pain of his rejection. He must never know how she truly feels. Since he wants to be happy with a darling from the haut ton, she will accept it and do whatever she can to support his endeavor. If he finds a lady of the right lineage and he is happy, she will be delighted for him.

They were leaving for London tomorrow, and she was expected to find a husband. How could she? Her feelings were not reciprocated, and she was doing her damnedest to control them, but how could she turn toward seeking romantic connections elsewhere? She could not imagine it. She was not interested. Her heart was not into it. This was rather foolish, she knew. She should not let her affection for Julius fill her heart because she would never let anyone else in if she did.

“I am sorry. I did not mean to intrude.”

Briar gave a start and spun around. She was face to face with Julius. She would have heard him if she was not so engrossed in her musing.

“You are not intruding. I was looking at the geese and envying them for their simple existence.”

“Animals have to hunt for their food, and that is not always easy.”

She paused and held his gaze. He was staring at her, and it was that look . The warmth of her body traveled all over and ended between her legs. At this moment, they were the animals, hungry savages, primitive in their desire.

“True. Yet, they survive and adapt. They feel grief, anger and fear just like us.”

Julius took a tentative step forward. “Is that what you are feeling? Grief, anger and fear?”

How could she reveal it? She must not. He could not know how much she grieved when she questioned why he didn’t choose her. Why did she ached so much inside as if a part of her was missing? He could not know that she wondered how it would be when they were in London, and he was not by her side like in her dreams. A part of her was angry … angry that she was not born into a more prestigious lineage. She feared he would find his duchess, and she would never be able to give another man a place in her heart. Yes, she felt grief, anger and fear, but it would be her secret.

“Don’t we all feel these emotions at some point?”

His gaze was boring into her, and it had not shifted. “Is that all? I get the distinct impression there is more to it.”

Briar bit her lip and said nothing. He took another step and closed the gap between them, and he was close. Too close. She inhaled his scent, sandalwood and coffee. She wanted to take a step back, but there was a powerful force between them that kept her rooted in the spot. His eyes dropped to her lips and unfurled a fire in her loins and desire in her belly. Her breasts strained against her dress, aching for him to release them.

Animal hunger took over; raw, wild need engulfed between them. His lips were a crush of desire, and she matched his hunger, her tongue desperate to tase more of him. The kiss was so intense that she could hardly breathe, stroked by the carnal ferocity and pent-up need. Her hands moved wildly through his hair, and his hand dropped to her derriere, pulling her against the hard length of him.

Julius groaned. His heart pounded but not as loudly as the overwhelming need to be inside her. His finger yearned to touch the wet spot between her legs and to trail kisses along her folds. As soon as he had seen her, a lusty feeling washed over him and his cock twitched. His mouth ravished hers with a wet heat that left him breathy.

By God. He missed her taste.

He caught her lower lip, something between a nibble and a kiss. As she savored him, her soft gasp made his cock quicken. His teeth and tongue were in a savage frenzy when they raked her neck. One hand clutched at his hair while the other dug into his shoulder.

Suddenly, she wrenched herself away and took a few steps back. His breathing was erratic and he waited for it to recede into the usual slow and steady pace. Julius started to groan in protest, but the look in her eye arrested him. The sound died softly in his throat. Instantly, her desire was replaced by a trembling chin, a dull expression, and wet and dull eyes. She quickly shifted her gaze upward, then downward, anywhere, just away from his. He opened his mouth, but she spun around and ran toward the house before he could utter a word. It was not before he saw a tear trickle down her cheek. The last thing he wanted to do was to make her sad.

“Briar, wait!” he called after her. Still, she ran without a backward glance.

Julius had always been confident until he was scarred. Over the last few weeks, he felt his confidence returning. Yet, he hesitated to go after her. It was all his fault. After all, he was the one who decided not to pursue her; even so, he felt powerless against his emotions. He should have returned to the house when he saw that she was alone. He ought not to have approached her, yet he could not walk away. He was defenseless with her, making promises to stay away that he was unable to keep. Turmoil raged in his gut. Should he chase after her or leave her be? He was uncertain of his own mind. In the space of a minute, he made the decision, yet he discarded it.

He ran his hand through his disheveled hair. “Damn it!”

She had captured his attention from the first day he saw her, and now she had captured much more. These feelings, a combination of euphoria and disquiet, had never existed before. Why did she have such an effect on him? She possessed him in a way that he could not forget. Every day, he had to reaffirm the decision he made to stay away from her when all he wanted to do was sneak into her room and burrow in the sheets next to her warm body. He had gone as far as getting up one night and padding to his door. When his hand was on the doorknob, he hesitated before he returned to his bed and fell back onto it. He could not have her. Still, that did not stop him from wanting her. Bloody hell ! He needed her.

The irony was that in the beginning, he thought he was rescuing her, but she was the one who restored him to his former self. She redeemed him. He trusted her and confided in her more than anyone else in his life. It had been so easy for him to open up to her, and he felt like he could share any secret with her, and it would be safe. She was special in that she made him lower the barriers he had put up for years, blotting out the rest of the world. If she had not come along, he would not have given a second thought to going to London for the season or even taking a wife. She was well suited, except for … what was the point? Thinking like this would not change anything.

He was afraid to admit it to himself, yet he knew it to be true. He cared for her but could not say where she would fit into his life. Knowing how he felt, wouldn’t it be odd for him to stand aside while gentlemen danced with her at the balls? They would admire her beauty and wit. Julius clenched his jaw until it ached. He did not want other men to pay attention to her or gain her favor so that they could take her away from him. He felt a stab of jealousy. He was being totally irrational in the way that only she could make him. Briar was free to dance with and see whomever she wanted, and he could not interfere.