Her Christmas Wish (The Cottages on Ocean Breeze #1)

Chapter Thirteen

S age dreamed about Gray that night. Not one solid story. Or dream. Instead, it was a night filled with various sides of him. Flashing vignettes. Like letting go had opened up a floodgate of memories she’d been refusing to acknowledge for the past ten years.

Closure, releasing, meant setting it all free.

Sunday was the day to get ready for the week and after watching kids’ church online with Leigh, she took the little girl out to lunch and then shopping, ending up at the grocery store, before heading home to relax for a few hours.

As chatty as always, Leigh kept Sage’s thoughts occupied, often jumping from one topic to the next, as she saw things or other thoughts occurred. Their conversations ranged from Uncle Scott not being lonely now that Mr. Buzzing Bee was there, to nose picking. With a whole lot of whys , how comes , I wants and can I haves thrown in. Sage figured there might come a day when she’d crave mental quiet time, hours to entertain thoughts of her own, as she’d read in a few of the online forums for young mothers, but she wasn’t there yet.

Sunday afternoon was dog time on the beach, with owners home, not working and wanting to give their companions time to run and play freely. Folks mostly stayed on their own porches, or in front of their own properties, which made everyone out of hearing range, but the dogs pretty much ran freely. And came and went, with a huge celebration every time someone new arrived on the scene.

And then there was Leigh.

Who ran through the front door of the cottage to the back, as soon as they got home. Saw her uncle, and as Sage came in with bags of groceries, announced that she was going to play with Morgan.

Scott generally made his way down to spend time with his niece, most particularly on Sundays. The two of them having quality time together, as near daily as possible, was the whole reason Sage had moved to Ocean Breeze. So that Leigh would have a father figure in her life, teaching her things Sage didn’t know or care much about. Growing up twins, going through school together, Sage and Scott had been close. And at the same time, she’d been all girl all the way. Loving the frills. And Scott had been all boy.

Generally speaking, when it came to the mechanics of things, Sage didn’t care how it all worked. She was just glad it did. Scott could explain in real detail how a car started just because you pushed a button. She’d deferred that question to him just the week before.

Scott also challenged the little girl to try, when Sage would have issued more caution. Gave her different insights, different ways of approaching problems, different thinking skills.

Where Sage tended to react emotionally in certain situations, Scott was more practical. Like the time Leigh had fallen, running on the beach, had hit a lawn chair and needed stitches in her head. She’d been less than two. Sage had been fighting tears on the way to the hospital, hating that Leigh was having to go back, to suffer more, and Scott had spent the time making funny noises and singing silly songs as he drove.

When she’d asked him about it later, Scott had told her that he knew Leigh would be fine. Stitches were a part of growing up.

And he’d been right, of course.

Still, Sage had suffered every second of discomfort right along with her little girl. Wishing she could experience the pain in Leigh’s stead. And Leigh had wanted only her mother with her, holding her hand when the doctor had been stitching up her head. Staring at Sage, the toddler had whimpered as the numbing spray was applied, but after that, she’d just lain still. Watching her mom.

Because of those months of gestation as Gray had called it the night before?

He’d put a lovely spin on what had seemed such a heartbreaking time.

And...she wasn’t going to do more than acknowledge that she was happily adopting the new perspective, giving him credit, with gratitude for giving it to her, and moving on.

No glomming on the gift giver, she reminded herself as she put away all the household items she’d stocked up on that day.

Though, didn’t closure open the door to a new possibility? That of the two of them as friends?

She didn’t hate the idea.

She was still toying with it in her mind as she finished up and went outside to join her daughter and brother.

They were no longer alone. As often happened, Angel and Iris had joined them. The professional photographer lived in the cottage next to Sage, and the two women had been friends since the first day Sage had looked at her new home. There’d been several places to choose from, some already renovated, some that could be done to her liking. She’d ultimately chosen the one she did partially because of Iris Shiprock.

The woman had lit up when she’d seen eight-month-old Leigh—in spite of the two tubes still connected to the small-for-her-size baby. She’d gushed and engaged—and had shown real compassion, too, though not in front of the baby.

And...Iris had also been a twin. She’d lost her sister in a car accident, Iris being the only survivor, and had moved into the cottages when she’d been ready to start her new life.

Sage had always figured her and Scott’s twin status had been why the three of them had bonded so quickly.

That afternoon, as soon as she saw the game of chase ball that Scott was instigating with his niece and both dogs, Sage took a seat in the sand right next to Iris.

She was on a mission to set her friend straight.

“I’m guessing, from the way you were pushing me on Gray last night, that you were thinking about our history.”

With almost twenty-four hours to consider it, she didn’t blame her brother for confiding in Iris—most particularly if he’d been concerned and had wanted perspective.

“Noooooo.” Iris’s eyes were alight as she pulled out the word with a sound of anticipation and interest. “You know him?” she asked, then answered with, “Well, obviously, I know you knew him since you and Scott said he’d known him since high school...but history? As in, you know him know him?”

Cringing inside, Sage gave herself demerits for overreacting. And creating an issue for herself where there needn’t have been one.

She should have trusted her brother to hold her privacy sacred. He always had.

“Come on, now, you’ve spilled the beans. Do tell!”

She didn’t want to tell.

Not even Iris. Didn’t want to talk about the past. She’d just gotten closure. Hadn’t even had a full day to savor the freedom.

Hashing up the past so soon just seemed...dense. Ignorant. Like nothing good could come of it.

Which was why she’d intended to let Iris know that no matter what Scott had told her, there was absolutely nothing between her and Gray.

She’d needed the woman to let go, just as she had.

And to that end... “I just...the way you shoved me over there last night, visually at least...if you didn’t...why did you do that?”

Iris hadn’t known? And she’d still...

The why suddenly took precedence over what she’d sat down to do. Letting Iris know that there’d never be anything between her and Gray, other than a possible lighthearted, very casual friendship, and to stop pushing them together.

“Seriously, Sage...the vibes between you two? They were setting the beach on fire!”

“They were not.” They couldn’t possibly have been.

And... “You think everyone thinks that?” Horror rushed through her so strongly, she didn’t even try to keep it out of her voice.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Iris allowed slowly, ostensibly watching the antics on the beach between dogs, man and child, but Sage saw the glances Iris was stealing...all aimed at her. “The rest of them don’t know you like I do.”

True. Iris knew all about Leigh, had sat with Sage late one night, asking questions, shortly after she’d moved in. Had wanted to see all the pictures. And was always up for watching Leigh if Sage had to work late.

The woman had done some pretty phenomenal photo sessions with the two of them, too. Both individually and together. Catching an essence Sage had never seen in herself.

But one that she’d been trying to get to know better ever since.

Partially appeased, Sage nodded. “Get it!” she called out to Leigh when the little girl was racing her uncle for the ball. And followed it with, “Good girl!” as Scott let the preschooler win.

“Back to Gray,” Iris said, and it was like Sage could feel the other woman’s insistence. Her need to know.

“There are no vibes between us.” She had to get that straight, make it perfectly clear, right up front.

“You can say so,” Iris told her. “But my eye doesn’t lie, girl. I know what I see.”

Right. Iris’s photography was so good because of all the things the woman noticed that others didn’t. Slammed by her own previous thoughts of just minutes before. Still... “No one’s perfect, Iris. Even you have to get it wrong once in a while and this is that while.”

Iris didn’t even seem to consider the possibility. The strength with which she shook her head further abased any hint of her being wrong.

“You can deny it all you want. I know what I saw. And, I might add, not just on you.”

Sage stared at the other woman. She thought Gray was lusting after her, too?

Now that was just ludicrously...not hitting her as negatively as it should have been.

Shaking her head, shooing away any chance that there could be a little bit of truth hiding in Iris’s erroneous perspective, Sage asked, “You feel like leftovers for dinner? Scott and I both have fridges filled with salads. From potato to broccoli...”

Broccoli salad made by Gray. She’d made sure what wasn’t eaten had made it back to Scott’s refrigerator. Not her own.

“No way, Sage. You aren’t dissing me on this one. Seriously. You and Gray have a past. You just admitted it by thinking Scott had told me about it.”

Yeah. But that didn’t mean she had to spill her guts if she chose not to. Even to her closest friend.

“It might help, having someone impartial to him who could have an eye out for you.” Iris’s words fell softly then, all teasing gone. “Obviously, it’s something of a big deal to you or you wouldn’t be avoiding talking about it.”

Silently entertaining the thought that if Iris knew she was avoiding the topic, she’d be kindest just to leave it alone, Sage homed in on the rest. Someone having her back. Just in case.

Someone who could save her from herself if she slid back out of closure...

A woman who could talk womanly emotions with her. Things like, say, lust. A topic she and Scott had never and would never address.

And so, trying for as few words as possible, she told her friend, “We were engaged. Ten years ago. I wanted a family. He’d said a few times that he didn’t get the whole family thing. That he was open to getting it, but wasn’t sure he’d be a good father. Things like that. Never with any explanation, you know? Even when I asked why he’d say those things. He’d just shrug. And then two days before the wedding—a two-hundred-guest affair, which we’d been planning for almost a year—he tells me that he doesn’t ever want to be a father, doesn’t want a family and since he knew how important it was to me to be a mother, he thought it best if we called everything off.”

There. She’d talked about it.

Saw the change come over Iris. Compassion and support, rather than teasing or egging her on toward a possible hookup.

And Sage finally had closure.

The next week passed in a flurry of business. Gray made the decision to start up a series of clinics, assuming he had enough vets willing to put their names on the dotted line, rather than just into conversation. He’d reached a goal and didn’t want to be scared into sliding backward into one affordable clinic that offered basic care and surgeries at a cost lower-to middle-class families could afford.

And he was calling them Buzzing Bee Clinics. It was a great name for animal clinics. Made him smile. He’d texted the name to Sage, a bit apprehensive that she’d read too much into his adopting her daughter’s name for him for his new start. He needn’t have worried. She’d simply texted back a smiley face, and got to work on filing for the corporation. Drafting bylaws. An employee manual. Composing contracts for all veterinarians to sign, making them wholly responsible, separate and apart from Buzzing Bee Clinics, for their own choices and actions. They’d be contractors. Not employees. And could be terminated for not following contracted mandates.

Each separate clinic would have a manager, who was hired by Gray and reported directly to him.

The list of protections went on, and while Gray wasn’t sure he’d ever find anyone who’d sign on with him under the proposed guidelines, at least not with his reputation currently in tatters, he’d been bolstered by the conversations he’d had the week before and had to try.

All because of Sage.

Before she’d called him to talk business, he’d been thinking in terms of applying to become a government employee paid to work at the shelters where he was currently volunteering. Abandoned animals didn’t give a snoot about reputation. They just wanted to be helped and loved.

Both of which he knew he could accomplish.

Just until the courts were done with GB Animal Clinics and he could see what was left to start over. At which time he’d go back to working the shelters for free.

The house selling had bought him more time.

And Sage...

Heading up the elevator to her office to go over the final draft of the new corporation business portfolio on Thursday afternoon, Gray thought again of his conversation with Sage Saturday night on the beach. He didn’t let himself dwell.

Much.

Hadn’t been home to see her or her little miracle on Ocean Breeze since that night, but he did occasionally have to stop and readjust his thinking of her to a brand-new version.

A beautiful version.

But one that more clearly didn’t fit as a partner in his life. Being a mother was Sage’s life goal.

Being a wife had been a means to that end.

Her door was open and with a light knock, he headed in, closing the door behind him. Sage, on a call, waved at him, and he took his usual chair over in the conversation area of her office.

They’d established a routine. Knew each other’s expectations.

It was nice.

In a black, slim-fitting, above-the-knee skirt, tight white tank and short black jacket, she came over to join him.

He didn’t react.

A definite sign of successful wall building.

Of recovery.

Holding up the folder he’d carried in, the house sale papers she’d requested him to bring, he asked, “Which do you want to do first?”

She’d brought a pile of folders over with her.

“The house.” She didn’t even hesitate on that one. Held out a hand. Their fingers brushed as he passed it over. And...he didn’t get hard.

She’d become only a friend. No more heightened senses around her. No more tension as he worked hard to be everything she needed. To get every bit of everything right.

And no more open door to sexual memories, either.

He watched her pore over the pages, was fond of the focused look on her face as she read every word of a very standard, very boring real estate contract. And then copies of title papers that he’d be signing as soon as he left her.

The tip of her tongue snuck out to lick her bottom lip. He noticed. Stared at it for the second it took him to realize he was doing it and stop.

And he didn’t get hard.

She read the last page, nodded and said exactly what he’d expected her to say. “Everything looks good.”

He nodded. Not surprised. But pleased to have her expert opinion just the same. He had hundreds of thousands of dollars on the line. Even after all his years of success, he didn’t feel the wealth lightly.

Putting the pages back in the folder, Sage didn’t hand it back to him as he’d expected. Half sitting forward to take it from her, he watched her put the folder on her lap, her hands clasped over it, and sat back.

Was something wrong? Making her hesitate? He didn’t ask. If there was a problem, he didn’t have to pull it forward. It would find him.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Gray?”

The compassion in her expression as she met his gaze hit him hard. He hadn’t been expecting it. “You think it’s a bad move?” He was pretty good with numbers...and getting more than market price on a cash deal.

“Not financially,” she said. “Of course not. You come way out on top here. It’s just that...” She glanced away, and then back. Taking him back.

To that damned surfboard.

Which couldn’t be happening.

But he’d seen the look before. The time he’d told her he’d sold the board for the earrings. He hadn’t thought about that transaction in a decade, and suddenly it was there twice in a week?

“This house...it’s everything you always wanted, Gray. Your dream home. And it’s not like they’re a dime a dozen around here. Obviously. Based on what the new owners are willing to pay to get it. I just hate to see you give it up.”

He opened his mouth to speak. Stopped the words that were about to come out because he’d be mirroring a scene from a lifetime on the other side of the wall.

“I’m pretty sure we’re going to be able to get you that income fund, Gray. The deposits all line up exactly, as you’d said they would. We’ve already talked to the judge. A hearing is scheduled, which is part of what I have to talk to you about today.” She nodded toward the much larger pile of file folders on the table in front of her. “You don’t have to do this.”

Maybe not in her world. In his...he didn’t have his account back yet. His own fault for leaving the money in the corporation at all. And Gray didn’t live on hopes and probablys. “If I renege on this offer, I might not get another one as sweet,” he said. And then, feeling cornered, finished with the blast from the past. “I just don’t have an attachment to things, Sage. If I need another house on a cliff over the ocean, I’ll find it. And pay what I have to pay to get it.”

He knew, even before he’d finished, that he should have kept his mouth shut.

The expression on her face...he’d seen it before, too. A mixture of sorrow and something more. Not horror. Nothing as acute as that. But a total lack of understanding, for sure. Like maybe she was looking at a creature from outer space.

Almost as though there was something wrong with him.

Only this time, he didn’t feel threatened. He no longer needed her to see him in his best light. Didn’t have to feel like he had to downplay the details of who he’d been, where he’d come from. He’d never lied to her, or Scott, about his youth. They knew the basics.

In that moment, with her looking at him as though there was no wall separating past from present, he said, “When I was growing up, everything in my home, every possession I had, had a price tag on it. Any given day, any given thing could disappear if money was needed for groceries or to keep the electric on.” He wasn’t looking for sympathy. He was about to be a very rich man again, whether she got him his income savings back or not. Some part of him just needed to clear up a mistake from the past.

Not for her.

But for himself. He was done selling his own truths short.

“Any time I quit playing with a toy for more than a couple of weeks, it was put up for sale. Either with a sign on it in the front yard, or through word of mouth.”

Her mouth hung open, her eyes wide with the horror he’d escaped earlier. “I’m so sorry, Gray, I had no idea...you never said...”

He cut her off with a wave of the hand. “I’m fine with it, Sage. That’s the point. I learned young that I’d have what I needed to survive, and the rest...the wants...they were dispensable. But I also learned that things could be replaced. Through my own hard work.”

Speaking of things he wanted, he held out his hand, looking at the folder on her lap. With a quick glance down, she picked it up. Held it out toward him. But when he’d taken hold, would have pulled it away, she held on to her side. Placing her free hand over his.

“Your surfboard meant more to me than the earrings, Gray,” she said softly, shocking his equilibrium straight to hell. She’d remembered.

He met her gaze. Couldn’t look away.

“It meant more to me because you’d worked so hard to get it. You were so proud of it, used it all the time. It was more than a surfboard. It was a reward for your dedication and hard work and you deserved that joy.”

Her words, her eyes, her touch... Gray was starting to flounder again.

As though she was reading his thoughts, she said, “I still have those earrings. I kept them because they’re a symbol to me of hard work and dedication—and the joy to be gained from both.”

As she finished, she squeezed his hand.

And Gray got hard.