Her Knotty List (MVP: Most Valuable Pack #4)

Chapter 19

chapter

nineteen

I’m pretty much an expert at embarrassing myself.

So trust me when I say: There is no humiliation quite like having a hormonal meltdown, riding one stranger’s face and another’s dick, then having your big brother’s friend burst in and almost get beat up by the forty-something alpha whose leather sofa you just squirted slick all over.

Yeah.

So…

I think I’ve peaked.

“Thanks,” I sniff, my eyes downcast as Knox hands me a bundle of fresh clothing from his dryer.

The warm fabric sends an answering chill down my bare back. Or maybe that’s the crushingly dominant alpha’s gruff voice when he replies, “You’re welcome.”

Figuring there’s no sense running to hide in a corner, I drop Knox’s throw blanket and slip his navy sweatshirt and baggy joggers on as quickly as I can.

I notice Micah, focused on donning his own underwear, his hazel gaze never leaving the floor. He’s probably horrified by me at this point.

I can’t say I blame him. I’ve been forgettable for half my life and a hot mess the other half—but I’ve never done anything quite this insurmountably mortifying before.

I choke down whines any time I glance at the firefighter’s tight features, my shoulders hunching lower with every passing second.

Zane—freshly dressed in clean Knox-wear—snags my gaze. Something about the playful look inhis eye and the concerned crease between his brows hits my tender heart. He doesn’t know what’s wrong or what to do, but he’s trying. Which is so much sweeter than I deserve, after essentially using him and leaving him high and dry.

He hesitates, uncertainty filling his features. “You… good?”

My teeth sink into my lower lip. “I—I don’t even know what to say,” I babble, hoping no one else can hear. “But I’m so sorry ?—”

Zane visibly balks, his perfect face dropping into a scowl. “Why?”

“For—for—” Grinding mindlessly into your mouth . Using you to get off. Losing my mind in the first place.

But I can’t get any of that out, so he starts guessing. “For having the most perfect pussy I’ve ever seen? Or the best slick I’ve ever tasted?” He gives an exaggerated scoff, all sarcasm and charm. “I mean, I guess I can forgive you, gorgeous. Just don’t let it happen again, huh? My knot might explode.”

I smile despite myself, a watery giggle sticking in my throat. The second the amusement fades, though, another, deeper stab of chagrin hits .

Zane didn’t want to be the one who took me, I remember, my insides curling tighter. He gave me to Micah…

Who won’t even look at me now.

But that’s okay! That’s… okay? I think I’ll probably live if he rejects me. Most likely.

I mean, I did when Gunnar pushed me into Theo’s pool…

Maybe everything the Dunlap Pack said about me was true. Here I am, with my dumb brain and hopelessly hopeful heart, trying to turn this whole situation into something positive .

It’s possible these guys will see how naive I am and be just as off-put as my last “mates.”

Thinking this, I drop Zane’s gaze, sitting on the sofa where I can reach McKinley’s furry face. None of the alphas loitering around the edges of the room question me, but I sense Zane’s scent burn.

Tears start gathering then. A mixture of every kind of embarrassment—a different strain for each catastrophe I’ve endured in the last twelve hours.

For a while, I keep the waterworks under wraps. Calling upon years of stumbling through life and swallowing what little pride I definitely don’t have, I force myself to take the plate of reheated breakfast food Knox hands me.

I pick at it while the guys grunt and huff, shooting one another dirty looks. They all find places to sit around the palatial living room, stabbing at their food and eyeing each other between bites.

Gunnar doesn’t sit down or take his plate, though. He whips out his phone and starts making calls while he paces.

When he finally gets ahold of Theo and tries to hand me the cell, I blink up at it. My chin wobbles when I attempt to summon the courage to face my big brother after everything I put him through. In the end, I shake my head so hard thatthe tears at the corners of my eyes leak out.

Frowning, Gunnar mutters, “Uhhh, actually, Theo? She just went to the bathroom. I’ll have her call you on our way ba?—”

With a whine, I frantically whip my head faster. Gunnar’s wide-eyed look and nervous stammering might be cute if I wasn’t about to burst into tears. “Aaaaaactually…” he corrects, “We might stay here for a beat. Emma’s upset and—no.”

His gray eyes land on me, lips quirking down. “ No , man,” he says, firmer. “She doesn’t want to talk to you right now. And she doesn’t want to come back. …Yeah. Okay… I’ll call you.”

He hangs up, and I realize the whole room is watching me. Again .

Knox pins me in place from the other side of his U-shaped sofa. I’m not sure what it is about this alpha that lets him see right into my soul , but he does.

I can tell from the look on his face that he doesn’t understand our connection either. He said he lived alone—and the way he said it, like it was a point of pride for him, seemed like he enjoys being by himself. And maybe even likes not getting along with most people.

So I’m not sure how he manages to look over at me and see the truth I haven’t even admitted to myself.

His voice drops low. “You aren’t going back.”

My teeth nip the corner of my lip while more tears spill from my eyes. My head shake is much smaller this time. “I can’t. They—It’s better if I don’t. They’ll be…”

The last word is so hard to say, even though I know it’s true. For them and for me.

“ Happier ,” I croak. “They’re happier without me.”

Knox’s eyes blaze, but his expression doesn’t change. Gunnar’s arms drop to his sides, shock sailing over his features before he shuts them down.

Zane leans over his lap and pets McKinley, turning to frown softly at me. I see the question in his dark irises.

Why?

Micah’s the one who asks, though. His scent sharpens before he sets his hand on my back. “Do you want to tell us what happened, Emma?”

Ever been in a room full of strangers who all want to shred each other to bits?

Ever been in a room full of strangers who all want to shred each other to bits and then go kill your ex-fiancés?

McKinley huddles into my legs as I finish my sorry story, flattening his ears against his head. I can’t say I blame the pup—the energy in here is razor-sharp .

My Omega doesn’t like it, either. She paces my insides the same way Gunnar keeps pacing the raised platform leading to the front door.

He’s almost slipped into the sunken living room twice. I’m starting to think he might be as clumsy as me.

Zane seems restless, too. Halfway through my tale, he gets up and starts wearing his own path into the floor; though his route is shorter, less predictable, and more lopsided.

Micah pumps out alpha aggression by the bucket-full, but his hand on my back hasn’t so much as twitched. He listens with his eyes on the coffee table, blinking and squinting at all the right moments, silently telling me he’s heard every single word.

But Knox…

I’ve never had anyone listen to me the way Knox is right now.

The entire time, really. While I fumbled my way through my humiliating account of the last twenty-four hours, he watched with rapt attention.

His cool eyes somehow see right through my mind, past all the chaos swirling my thoughts and anxieties, straight to the heart of me. It’s steadying and terrifying, and I have no idea how to feel about it.

Or how to look away.

When I finally finish my story with the moment I woke up here, Gunnar stops carving ovals into the hardwoods and turns to me.

They all do. Three pairs of eyes join Knox’s, all staring at my tear-smeared cheeks.

Usually, I pride myself on staying positive. That part of my brain pings, telling me they’re all just surprised. Surely, they don’t think I’m as pathetic as I sound…

But there’s another voice in my head now. One that had been dormant for a long time before everything happened yesterday. The hiss that reminds me I’ve never been anyone’s first choice—or even their second choice.

I’m always the one no one remembers. The most easily-overlooked Matthews; the average omega with a boring job and far too much optimism for my own good.

This is it , she says. This is the moment they all turn their backs on you and decide any attraction they felt isn’t real. Or maybe just isn’t worth the trouble.

The room holds its breath. I blink at each of their drawn faces.

And then they’re on me.

Zane looses a soft groan, snapping forward to crowd into my side and drop his face to my shoulder. “They were going to use you. Emma, baby , that is so fucked up.”

Micah slides his hand around my waist, frowning mightily. “Those alphas should be ashamed of themselves.” When I turn to him, his free fingers wrap around mine, squeezing softly. “How could anyone ever try to deceive you like that?”

Because I make it too easy?

I don’t get a chance to answer him. Gunnar stalks into the fray, dropping to kneel in front of my quivering legs. When his palms cup the sides of my thighs, tingles race to my core.

“Fucking what ?” he demands, gray eyes seething for a whole different reason. “Your brother barked at you? I’ll kick his ass!”

That might actually be… hilarious. If Gunnar is as klutzy as I think, Theo isn’t far behind. Watching the two of them try to beat ea ch other up is the sort of thing that would usually have Lucy and me laughing for days.

I file the mental image away, my middle a mixture of bemusement and wistfulness. I wonder if my brother is still mad at me, and if my sister made it there in one piece.

Even if I can’t bring myself to face Theo yet, I really should call Lucy, at least. And Bridget.

Just as a fresh round of dismay starts to delve into my guts, a crack of attention-grabbing, big-knot energy snaps across the room.

When I look up, I find Knox looming right behind Gunnar, thrumming with urgent alpha power that belies his solemn, calm expression. When I dare a glance into his piercing blue eyes, he sighs, releasing a tiny bit of the tension gripping his broad frame.

“Good girl,” he grunts. “Most people—once they’ve sunk so much into something, they’re too scared to walk away. I’m proud of you for leaving when you did.”

His approval soothes the choking mortification squeezing my gullet. My shoulders drop as my mouth falls slack, mind reeling.

He isn’t going to tell me I’m dumb for being fooled? Or silly for hoping for the best until the last possible second? Or an utter failure for losing all that money? Or a complete and total inconvenience to him—ruining his day, taking over his house, filling it with people he doesn’t know when, clearly, he likes to be alone…???

Nope. He doesn’t say any of that. He just keeps gazing into me like he can read the inside of my skull.

It might be unnerving if he wasn’t also filling the great room with a thick, weighted blanket of serenity.

It isn’t just him, actually. Micah gives off the same reassurance; though his is tinged with a fondness that has me pressing closer to his side. When his chest begins to rumble gently, I make a very obvious moaning noise that has everyone tensing.

Except for him.

Micah tsk s quietly, his strong arms easily lifting me into his lap. The delicious purr vibrating behind his pecs gets louder as I bury my face against it, absorbing the shivers of pleasure that skitter over my scalp and down my spine.

I wish I could help myself, but I can’t. His purr is all my Omega has been begging for—and everything the Dunlaps refused to give me.

Micah seems surprised by my reaction, craning his neck and chuckling quietly while I move closer. Hazel irises trace my face for a long moment before any hint of amusement falls from his straight features.

Understanding blooms in his eyes. “Sweet girl,” he whispers, “You need this, don’t you?”

My voice quivers as I deliver the same promise I always made to William and Rob. “I—I just need t-two minutes.”

The hard muscles wrapped around me seem to tighten and soften all at once—turning into a solid bear hug that holds me exactly where I want to be. “You could stay right here forever,” he replies. “And I’d be the luckiest alpha on this whole damn mountain.”

A rush of warmth washes through me. My heart leaps, so eager to believe that he means what he’s saying.

But I’m trying to be smart now. And isn’t this the same alpha who couldn’t even look me in the eye twenty minutes ago? Has he changed his mind again? Or is he maybe just… shy?

Looking up at his handsome face, muddled with all my uncertainty, it hits me: I don’t know any of these guys.

And they don’t know each other.

It probably doesn’t matter how I feel. A year ago, I would have believed that all of this must mean something. Now, though?

She’s the neediest, naivest klutz that’s ever lived.

If I really was smart, I’d just close my eyes, block out their scents and my Omega’s frantic internal whines, and tell them to call my brother to come get me. Or my parents.

Then I could go home and face the music. Move back into my childhood bedroom and beg the school to give me back my old job. Hang out with Bridget when I feel lonely .

But all of that starts with getting off Micah’s lap…

…which has somehow become impossible?

Especially when Zane slides right into Micah’s side, totally unbothered by the other alpha’s proximity. His chest buzzes on a low sound that isn’t quite a purr, but the wry, beautiful smile he flashes makes up for it.

“Sorry, gorgeous, I’m a bit rusty with purring. I’ll get better. You can whip me into shape,” he says, winking on the last bit.

I can’t help the snuffly laugh that bursts out of me. He’s so ridiculously good-looking, trying not to giggle like an idiot when he looks right at me seems hopeless.

Plus, he’s literally the only person I’ve ever seen pull off a wink. On Zane, the move doesn’t feel cheesy or even trite. It somehow just… works .

A bolt of arousal snakes into my stomach, gelling the lower muscles of my belly while my heart flutters. Tittering like a moron is the only way I can cover the fact that slick and perfume slip into my second pair of borrowed pants.

Zane can tell, though. Instead of getting cockier, his grin grows completely genuine. The vibrations in his chest deepen into a real purr, and he slowly leans his forehead into mine, closing his eyes briefly.

“What are we going to do, gorgeous?” he whispers. “I don’t want to leave here without you.”

Micah’s fingers tighten on my back just as Gunnar’s latch around my legs. The mood shifts instantly. All three of them go from comforting to confrontational. Micah’s purr drops into a growl, and Zane’s follows suit.

Alpha tug-of-war? my Omega asks, all-too excited by that idea. I bat her aside, refusing to admit how good it feels to have these sexy men fight over me.

Knox releases a low bark, mumbled but deadly. “ Knock it off. ”

All of their growls cut off abruptly. I crack my eyelids open, chancing a peek at each of them. Knox has his head tilted back and his eyes shut—likely asking whatever God he believes in why he’s been saddled with this mess.

On the floor beside Knox’s booted feet, Gunnar’s face has gone completely blank in a way I don’t understand. It’s the opposite of Micah and Zane’s expressions—which are both variations of thinly-veiled aggression.

I’m embarrassed to admit… it has taken me this long to realize:

If I stay here and wait for Theo or my parents, I’ll be staying with Knox . Which, because they aren’t packed, is basically the same as telling the others to go back to their lives and forget about me.

The thought alone is a stab of panic, right between the ribs.

But… if I don’t stay with Knox—if I leave him here—I’ll have to choose one of them to go with.

I know I seem stupid, but my brain does work. I know Gunnar makes the most sense. He’s the only alpha in the room that I’ve met before and the only one who knows my family.

I suppose, if I still had the capacity for my usual optimism, I might also notice that we’re from the same city, which may give us future courting potential.

But the look on his face scares me. He seems bleak . Like he’s completely checked out of this whole situation and no longer cares what happens.

My Omega whines at the thought, and Micah hugs me tighter. Reminding me that, so far, he’s been the one to prove himself the best caretaker here. But, then, Zane is trying so hard …

Oh my God— what is happening?!

Am I honestly going to pick one of these guys? Is there another option?

All of the above , my Omega shouts, filling my head with supremely unhelpful images.

Sensing my rising panic, Knox intervenes again. I’m starting to suspect he can’t help it—he clearly hates that he’s become the de facto leader almost as much as he obviously loathes having company in the first place. A slight snarl mars his rugged features as he blows out an exasperated breath.

“Emma will stay here with me until her family can come get her,” he decides, then flicks a look at Gunnar. “Since you know her brother, I suppose you can stay while we wait for him.”

Gunnar’s features don’t move, aside from a tick in his jaw. Micah’s crisp scent sharpens into a cold blade as he swallows hard.

But Zane erupts .

“You’re not the boss of her!” he snaps, glaring. “I’m already heading into Asheville today—I should just take her with me!”

Micah lets a small growl slip, nodding at the back wall of windows and the chaotic blitz of white beyond. “To the airport ? Do you honestly think either of you will be flying anywhere in weather like that ?!”

“The roads aren’t safe right now anyway,” Gunnar grumbles, falling onto his butt and scrubbing both hands over his face. Exhaustion lines his thoughtful scowl. “Unless whoever owns that big-ass truck out there has tire chains for it.”

“Of course I do,” Micah grunts, rolling his eyes. “We live in the mountains .”

“Fucking city boys,” Knox adds, shaking his head. “Neither of you are taking Emma anywhere. You couldn’t navigate your way out of a wet paper bag, let alone a storm like this.”

His strong jaw clenches as he skirts blue eyes to mine. “If you don’t want to stay here, omega, Micah and I will drive you back to your family.”

Gunnar snarls. “Over my dead body will any of you be alone with her again. I saw what you were doing when I got here. Absolutely fucking not .”

I open my mouth to defend the guys, but Zane answers with a fearsome roar. I cower from the noise while Micah wraps a hand around my head, protecting my ears.

“She was in a heat-spike, dickhead!” Zane shouts at Gunnar. “She would have been in pain . And where the hell would you have been? Not fucking here because you rejected her last year. And now you think you get to make orders? Get fucked, man.”

That does it. The room explodes into yelling, growling, barking, and a swirling soup of alpha pheromones so strong that my head spins. McKinley and I whine, the piercing noises blurring into the high-pitched shriek that suddenly sounds in Knox’s pocket.

“ Quiet! ” he barks, cutting through the commotion as he yanks out a phone and frowns at it.

Spitting a vicious curse, he tosses the device to Micah and plows both hands into his hair, spinning to stalk out of the room.

Well, then .

Micah grabs the cell and scans the screen, sighing his own, “Fuck,” before falling back against the couch cushions and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“What?” Zane demands at the same time Gunnar bites out, “The hell else could be wrong now?”

Micah’s hazel eyes fly open, pinning the other two alphas in place. “It’s a notification from our local authorities. They have an emergency alert system.”

My insides go cold, my scent plummeting as fear grips my throat. Micah feels my reaction and pulls me back into a hug. His voice loses every last edge before he murmurs, “Do you want the good news or the bad news first, sweet girl?”

Maybe I’m still too stupid to live after all, because I immediately say, “Good news.”

His smile is as wry as it is handsome. “The good news is, we don’t have to fight about who’s leaving. Because none of us are going anywhere. The road is washed out.”

I blink at him, not understanding. His brows quirk as he looks to the others and back at me, translating, “We’re snowed in.”