Her Secret Santa

Chapter Seventeen

ZADE

I stare up at my ceiling, blinking against the lazy morning sunlight peeking in through the gaps in my curtains. I expected sleep to be as easy as it usually is, but I spent the night tossing and turning, thoughts of Clara whirling through my mind.

Last night may have been a mistake.

Seeing her wasn’t a mistake, never. Having her fall apart beneath me could never be a mistake. But not leaving like I always do?

That… that may have been a mistake.

I could have tucked her in and asked Cain to send someone to take care of her, but the thought of leaving her had made acid burn in my gut. She’s mine now, even if she doesn’t know how serious the promises she made last night were. I can’t stand the idea of her waking up in a cold, empty bed and having a stranger worry over her.

My driver didn’t ask any questions when I came out of the back door of Eternity with her in my arms, which is good. I pay him a lot for his discretion. He just rolled the partition up and drove to the address I gave him without comment.

That PI finally got back to me, and while I still haven’t had time to look through everything, I memorized her address first thing.

She’s in the Bronx, which already doesn’t make me happy, but seeing the state of her apartment building made me even more concerned. It’s a ragged old building that’s falling apart at the seams, and her actual apartment is the tiniest one bedroom I’ve seen in my entire life. It looked cozy enough at least, and it smelled like her—vanilla and fresh flowers and warmth.

I thought a lot last night about trying to get her to move, but I don’t think she’d agree. Her stubborn streak is a mile wide, and it’s not like she knows who I really am. I’d have no reason to ask her to move unless I told her everything.

She would look so good in my apartment, in my bed, on my couch with her feet up while we watch a movie. I’ve never wanted that with anyone else.

She’s the happiest person I’ve ever met—always kind, always smiling, always bending over backward for everyone else. I have no idea how the fuck she does it all. She gives every penny she gets to someone else, and I just want her to have something nice for once. Something hers .

I probably made the decision last night, but sitting up in my king size bed in my silent apartment, alone, that I finally accept it.

I’ve never wanted something like this before, but I’m still Zaiden Hawthorne. I’m still a man who gets everything I want. What I want this time is to stop running. I want to put my mouth where my money is, to step up and take care of my girl properly. I want more than just nights at Eternity. I want lazy mornings and hot coffee with her at my side, I want to make every single thing on her Christmas wish list come true, I want her days—good and bad—I want it all.

No more masks, no more hiding. It’s time to come clean, to tell her everything and hope she’ll accept me as Zade instead of an anonymous Elite.

To start, though, I need to bite the bullet and really clean up my act. There’s not much I can do in the six days I have left until Christmas rolls around, but some effort is better than none. I’m serious about this, and I won’t let myself get in my own way.

She’s too perfect to deserve anything but the best, and unless I can be that, I run the risk of her slipping through my fingers. Not that Landon has a chance with her, but seeing his interest in her makes it obvious that I’m not the only one who notices just how incredible she is. A life without her at my side isn’t something I’m willing to risk.

I’m not supposed to be going into the office today, having a shift as Santa this afternoon, but no one is going to question me calling a meeting. As soon as I finish showering and shaving, I shoot off an email from my phone, asking all the department heads to clear their schedules for a late morning meeting that Gabriela and I will be heading. I text Gabriela to expect me in her office in the next half hour before dressing for the day. I pick something a little less imposing than I usually go for, a dove gray Kiton with a navy tie.

I call Heidi on my way in, stretching out in the backseat of the car as my driver weaves in and out of traffic.

“Good morning,” she answers, a note of confusion in her voice.

“Heidi, can you help me out with a few things?” I ask, glancing down at Clara’s Christmas list where it rests in my palm. “I need to have a meeting with Gabriela this morning, and I won’t have time to get everything else set up.”

I hear the rustling of paper as she pulls a notepad closer to her before she answers me.

“Of course.”

I fire requests off the top of my head, everything that I can think of that would fit into the festive spirit. Catered lunch for the entire office for the rest of the week, hefty gift cards to restaurants and movie theaters for all of the non-executive staff, the biggest tree we can get set up in the lobby on short notice. I want coffee mugs and gift baskets on every employee’s desk by tomorrow morning, and the same delivered to everyone working from home. She doesn’t say a single word until my final request, writing everything down studiously.

“And I want large donations made to Brooklyn Gardens Nursing Home and the Jackson Children’s Home,” I say. “At least half a million. I’ll run the budget to see if we can spare more tomorrow morning.”

“Those two specifically?”

The curiosity in her voice is blatant, but she won’t come out straight and ask me unless I offer more information. She’s known me for my entire life, and I’m sure she has her suspicions already. I haven’t exactly been subtle, after all. I’ll have to tell her the truth about Clara later, but I’d rather do that in the privacy of her office.

“Yes. I’ll have Gabriela get a list of other places together, but start with those two. I’m pulling up to the office now, we can talk more about this after my meeting.”

We hang up as my driver pulls up to the lobby doors, and Gabriela is waiting for me just inside. I head in, my shoes tapping out a crisp staccato against the marble floor, and she falls into step beside me. She looks just as neat and serious as usual, a tablet in her hand, but there’s a sparkle of something akin to pride in her brown eyes.

“You said we’d be heading a meeting this morning?” she asks as we step into the elevator.

“I assume you have a list of charities you’d like me to donate to,” I say, punching in the number for the top floor. “Let’s make a list, get some ideas of places that are close to home for my employees, get a budget set up. Run your articles, set up whatever events you want me to sponsor. Just send me the financials for it all and I’ll approve it.”

She looks over at me, one thin brow arched in surprise. I keep my eyes focused on the shiny metal doors in front of us. My mind is too full of ideas, thoughts on how to show Clara that I’m serious and can be a better person, a partner who might someday be worthy of her.

“Is this meeting to announce that?” she asks, turning her attention back to her tablet and typing feverishly away.

“I’ll also be accepting suggestions on charitable donations from the department heads and VPs,” I say as the doors slide open. “I’ll need you to spearhead making their suggestions actionable and ensuring they’re good for PR.”

She nods sharply as we step out onto the top floor. I can practically hear the wheels turning in her head as she taps out notes.

I suppose I can begrudgingly admit that she’s really fucking good at her job. It may not be her influence that’s making me get my act together, but it’s her expertise that will make the attempt effective.

We step into the meeting room together just as the last few executives are taking their seats.

All eyes fly to us, nerves sitting heavily in the air.

“Gabriela Rockwell, everyone,” I introduce bluntly. “Everyone, Gabriela Rockwell. She and I are putting together a list of charitable donations and holiday gift ideas for company investors and employees. We’d like at least one suggestion from all C-level staff and their VPs.”

I’m met with blank stares and pin-drop silence. All of my executives sit around the table, New York a glittering, snowy backdrop out the windows, and they all look like I’ve lost my damn mind. Considering it was hardly a month ago that I was insisting we cut bonuses and donations entirely, I don’t blame them for their surprise.

Pax stares at me from the end of the conference table, total shock written plainly across his features. Landon sits across from him, looking absolutely pissed as people start chiming in ideas. I’m not surprised that he’s not pleased—he’s losing all of his break room shit talk about me, after all.

My executives are still looking at me like I’m absolutely insane, but Gabriela fields questions and adds their suggestions to her notes.

“If anyone has further suggestions, email them to Gabriela or me. She’ll be finalizing all requests.” It’s getting close to ten thirty, and I still need to talk to Heidi before I leave for the mall. “I apologize for the late notice on all of this, but I appreciate your cooperation. Thank you all for your time.”

Usually, my executives at least toss a goodbye my way, but they all just sit there in heavy silence, gaping at me. I tug at the hem of my jacket and glance away from them, uncomfortable with their scrutiny, before nodding sharply and stepping out of the conference room. I leave the department heads and Gabriela to talk over anything else they need, heading for Heidi’s office.

I hardly make it ten feet down the hallway before my uncle’s voice stops me in my tracks.

“Zade!” He sounds breathless, and when I turn to face him, he has the widest smile I’ve ever seen on his face. “Zade, glad I caught you. I’ll be quick.”

He jogs down the hall to meet me, keeping his voice low as the other executives file out of the boardroom. They shoot confused, curious glances our way, but they all head toward the elevator at the other end of the hall.

“I know you were young when your dad passed, but Mitch always believed in you. He was a good man, a kind man, a generous man,” Pax says, the words choked with emotion. “I didn’t get to see that side of him in you until now. I thought that part of my brother died with him, and I’m just glad you’re keeping it alive. Whatever the reason. Thank you, Zade.”

I was seventeen when my dad died. Young, sure, but old enough to understand the way things had happened. I knew about my dad’s childhood in foster care, and my uncle’s struggle with alcohol, the mess our family was before my dad buckled down and built Hawthorne Enterprises from the ground up. I just never lived it. It always felt so far away from my life, from the world I actually exist in, and it was easy to turn a blind eye to.

Until now, watching Clara keep giving and giving and giving until she has nothing left for herself.

Pax isn’t exactly right. I’m not the generous man my father was—and he wasn’t entirely selfless, either. He always ensured his own success first. But maybe one day I could be more like him. I want to be. I want to try.

After he died, I wanted to be as far away from anything that reminded me of him. I turned a blind eye to everything but my own interests and forgot about what was really important.

“Thank you , Pax,” I say, clapping my hand over his shoulder and squeezing tightly. “I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

He claps me on the arm, his eyes watering ever so slightly, and nods firmly.

“You’re a good kid, Zade. Go do what you need to do, I’ll handle as much as I can here.”

I nod in agreement and turn away from him to continue toward Heidi’s office. I knock sharply on the door when I reach it and step inside without waiting for her to answer.

“Zade,” she says when I step inside, looking up at me with a proud, curious shine in her eyes. “I’m finalizing the documentation for the donations you requested.”

“Thank you.” She blinks in surprise, and I realize that’s the second time today I’ve said those words. Maybe I’m already changing for the better. “Can you set one more thing up for me?”

“Of course.”

“I want to host a Christmas party—a real one this time—and I want it to be a bit more formal. Something more like a masquerade ball. Gowns and tuxedos and masks, the whole deal.” I didn’t bother showing up to the one I approved for our investors, but now that Clara’s part of the company, I want it to be special. I want her Christmas ball fantasies to come true. “And I want Clara there. Send her an exclusive invitation, not the standard one.”

Heidi’s eyes widen slightly in surprise, and a warm smile teases at the corners of her lips. She’s been with the company since my dad started it, and she watched me grow up. I won’t begrudge her some grandmotherly gushing, not with how long she’s known me.

“Oh, Zaiden,” she coos, her cheeks pink, eyes sparkling with glee. “You send me the details and I’ll make it happen. I’m just happy you finally found someone.”

I can’t fight off the answering smile that stretches my face.

I have finally found someone. Now all I can do is hope she wants me the same way I want her—wholly and entirely, with none of the facade between us anymore.

“I’ll text you what I want the invitation to say,” I tell her. “And I want her best friend there, too. We’ll be sending them both dresses and passes to a spa. Do you know a nice one in the city?”

She beams at me, already scrawling out notes on the post-it in front of her.

“Of course. I’ll get it all set up,” she promises.

“Thank you.” That makes three times. I never expected to change this much, and I never expected to like it. “I have to go be Santa for a while. Text if anything comes up?”

“I will.”

I’ll get all of Clara and Allie’s information over to her before I start my shift at the mall, and I’ll find dresses for them both tonight. Maybe I’ll get Arlo’s opinion on something for Allie. He probably won’t find it as entertaining as I will, but it’s worth annoying him a bit to amuse myself.

I come face to face with a frowning Landon when I step out of Heidi’s office, and I shoot him a glare. Was the little fuck listening at the door like a creep?

“Can I help you?” I ask archly, staring down my nose at him.

“Not at all,” he scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I needed to discuss something with Heidi.”

I glance back toward her office, a muscle in my jaw ticking.

“Make it quick,” I snap. “She’s quite busy, as I’m sure you can see. If you need something that’s going to take time, bother someone in your own department.”

I leave him scowling behind me, ignoring the insults he mutters under his breath as I make my way down the hall. It’s hardly past eleven, which means I’m right on time to head over to the mall for my shift.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited to play Santa.