Her Secret Santa

Chapter One Oil Rigs and Dying Mothers

HAVEN

“ So…what did the doctor say today?”

The question causes me to flinch. I’d anticipated it, of course, but I hate having to answer. Releasing a long sigh, I look up to meet my brother’s dark green gaze.

“He said it was just a matter of time now,” I murmur, clutching my glass of beer so hard, my fingers turn white. “All we can do is make mom as comfortable as possible.”

Gary sucks in a deep breath and then lets it out in a long whoosh before taking a drink. “Shit. I was afraid of that.”

“There’s a chance she won’t make it until after you’re back,” I say

He nods, his scruffy jaw tensing. “Yeah, I figured as much. They’ll let me come back early if I have to, though, so don’t worry about that.”

I lift my head higher and reach out to snag his arm in my hand, unable to hold back my relief.

“Really? I didn’t think the oil fields would be that flexible for you.”

He shrugs. “It’d be different if I was on an off-shore rig, but since I’m inland, it’s easier.”

Thank God! I feel like a bit of the weight on my shoulders has been lifted. His boss acts like the rest of the world doesn’t exist outside of the oil fields when Gary’s out there, so I’ve been scared he wouldn’t let my brother go if things with Mom took a turn while he was away.

“How’s Peter doing?” Gary asks.

Peter, our stepfather, is so over the moon in love with our mom. I know her death will devastate him. I don’t want to put any more stress on Gary’s shoulders, though, so I don’t tell him how Peter barely kept it together after the doctor gave Mom’s final prognosis.

“As good as can be expected, I guess. Losing mom is obviously going to be hard for him, but he was putting on a brave front today.”

“Peter’s good.” Gary shrugs, dropping his gaze from mine. “He’s always been good. You’ve always been good too, Haven. You’re better than me, especially when it comes to Mom. I know I should’ve been there today, but I just…you know…”

“I do know.” Reaching out to squeeze his arm, I try to offer what comfort I can. “Don’t worry, I get it. It’s a lot, but you promise you’ll see Mom before you leave, right?”

“Of course.” His voice trembles. It’s barely discernible, but I pick up on it. I know him too well. It’s hard for him to see Mom suffering. Gary’s the type of guy who sees a problem and wants to fix it, but he can’t fix Mom. He’s also not good at dealing with feelings of helplessness. “I just didn’t want to be there and listen to the doctor tell us there wasn’t any more hope.”

We fall into silence as we sip our beers. What more is there to say, really? Even though I’m on the verge of tears, I hold them back. Crying never solved anything, and I don’t want to make Gary feel worse than he already does. If I can focus on the soft murmur of the bar’s activities around me, I can hold out and delay my breakdown until later, when I’m alone and away from my brother.

Besides, I can’t let my emotions ruin this time together. It’s tradition that before Gary goes off for his month-long shift in the nearby oil fields, we come to our favorite spot, Carson’s , and sit at the bar together to get beer-drunk before he goes off to join his fellow roughnecks.

Living in Blue Ridge Falls, Texas, roughnecks are everywhere. Plenty of oil magnates reside in this state, and some even come from the off-shore rig in the Gulf, working inland until the off-shore rig has some new work for them.

Roughnecks are, by and large, young, wiry guys with muscular forearms, tattoos, and sometimes less than spotless backgrounds. My giant of a brother fits that description to a T, apart from the shady past. He towers over me with his 6’2” height and wide, muscular frame. His dark hair and closely cropped beard give him a rugged appearance, and he has a reputation for being a total playboy, since the girls seem to throw themselves at him.

Which…you know. Gross.

Gary finishes his beer and then waves the bartender, a burly man who looks more like a lumberjack than a bartender, over to order another one.

“Did I tell you my friend Christian is moving into town?”

The topic change is abrupt, but not worth bringing attention to. It’s hard enough for both of us.

“Your friend from college? The billionaire? Why the hell would he move to Blue Ridge?”

“He wants a quieter life.” Gary shrugs. “The peaceful small town experience, you know?”

I roll my eyes. “Ah, I gotcha.”

What Gary really means is his rich buddy decided he wants to come to our town, build a monstrosity of a house that he’ll call his ‘country home’, and spend a couple weekends out of the year here when he gets bored of the city. Typical.

Gary absentmindedly scratches at the stubble on his cheek. “Yeah, he’s coming to town next week. I’ll be in the fields by then, but once I’m back, I want you two to finally meet.” ‘Finally meet’ has an undertone I’m not thrilled about.

“Oh, yeah?” I chuckle. “Don’t tell me you’re going to try and hook me up with your rich, pretentious middle-aged friend, Gary. I’ve already told you, I’m not…”

“I’m not trying to hook you up with anyone,” he insists. But I know him better than that, and it’s not like this wouldn’t be the first time.

“Oh, sure. You just want us to meet for shits and giggles.”

Gary nods to the bartender when his beer is placed in front of him, frowning at me before he takes a drink. “I promise you, I’ve no intention of hooking you two up…and he’s not middle-aged. He’s just a guy, and he’s not going to hit on you, so you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Good. Because I’m not looking to date any stuck-up oil magnate nepo baby.”

“You have such a weird thing against rich people,” Gary mutters.

“It’s not weird! We grew up with practically nothing. People like your friend are born with a silver spoon in their mouths and they don’t appreciate anything.”

Gary’s back stiffens, and he doesn’t look at me when he says, “Christian’s worked hard for what he has.”

I know Gary’s just defending his friend, but I don’t back down. “How hard do you have to work if daddy gives you your first job?”

Never one to let things bother him for too long, Gary takes another swig of his beer, shaking his head. “I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.”

I scowl at him, playing with the little bowl of peanuts between us. Finding the biggest one, I chuck it at his head, and laugh when it bounces off and lands in his beard. Gary’s always taken care of me, been the best big brother anyone could ask for. Growing up poor in a small town like Blue Ridge was hard, but Gary made sure I had what I needed, and even a few things I wanted by taking extra shifts or working odd jobs. That was before he became head honcho of the inland rig just north of Blue Ridge.

Maybe he’s a little overprotective, but he’s a good big brother.

Not that I’m going to tell him that. He has a big enough head already.

Suppose I should trust his judgment when it comes to his friends. I don’t really understand why or how he became friends with the likes of Christian Tallow to begin with–outside of them both going to the same college. Tallow is a billionaire oil tycoon who could not have grown up more different from us. We worked our asses off just to get by, and Tallow came from a wealthy family who helped him build his own massive wealth.

The bar’s front door opens and a group of four guys come inside, talking and laughing loudly. I spare them a glance, but that’s about it. Since half the town works on the rigs, it’s a safe assumption they’re roughnecks. They make their way toward the pool tables on the other side of the bar, and I turn back to Gary. He’s watching me with an arched brow and a small grin playing around his lips.

“What?” I demand to know, frowning. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You want to go talk to those guys?” A smirk plays behind the lip of his beer.

“That is such a weird thing for you to say.” I turn back around on my stool, effectively tuning the group out. Definitely not interested.

“What? Is it so wrong for me to want to see my baby sister settled and happy? To actually go out with a guy and have a little fun once in a while?”

“I appreciate your concern, Gary, but I’m fine. I don’t need anyone right now. Between work and taking care of Mom, I’m too busy, anyway.”

The look he sends my way tells me he’s not letting this go anytime soon. And I have a feeling I’m not going to like what he says next.

“What are you going to do when Mom isn’t around anymore?” he asks.

The question makes my stomach twist so hard, bile rises up my throat, but I manage to swallow it back down and push away the fear and pain that his words provoke.

“I’ll figure it out,” I say, my words weak even to my own ears. “I’m an adult, Gary. I can manage my life on my own.”

“But you shouldn’t have to.” He slams his bottle down with a little more force, causing a few peanuts to fall out of the bowl. “You should have a family of your own and a life outside of our family’s tiny bubble. It’s what you’ve always wanted.”

“Look who’s talking,” I reply, slapping on a grin to hide the effect what he’s saying is having on me. “Am I really getting this lecture from my workaholic brother who gets bored with a girl so quickly, she doesn’t last more than a couple of dates?”

“Yeah, well, I’m not exactly the family type,” he says. He looks away, a shadow falling over his eyes, but I’m too fired up to deal with his own insecurities.

“You do realize how hypocritical that is, right?”

Gary grumbles under his breath a moment before replying, “whatever. I just worry about you, okay? I know Mom worries, too. We just don’t want you to be lonely.”

I appreciate his concern, I really do. But I’m not a little kid anymore. But now’s not the time or the place. He’ll be leaving soon, and I’ll miss him. No point spending what little time we have left arguing. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I’m very happy with my life, and if I decide someday that I want the whole marriage, kids, and white picket fence. I’ll make it happen.”

Gary smirks and shakes his head. “You make it sound so easy, but I know you, Haven. If you do decide to give your heart to someone, he’s going to have to be someone extraordinary. Someone who isn’t from Blue Ridge. The world is much bigger than this place, and you belong out in it.”

His words warm my heart, but I don’t let him know that. I lift my glass to take a long drink, not wanting Gary to see the effect his statement is having on me. He’s right. The world is much bigger than Blue Ridge, but this town is what I know and where I feel safe. It’s where my family is. Venturing outside of Blue Ridge would open me up to all the heartbreak and dangers the rest of the world holds. I’ve experienced enough pain in my life, and I’m not interested in going out and inviting more in.

Blue Ridge is where I belong, and I just need to keep on focusing on the things that matter most to me so that I don’t lose them. My family, my friends, and my job. I don’t need more than that. Gary might not get it, even if I fully explained it to him, but that’s okay. I don’t need him to understand. I just need him to come back from the oil fields safe and sound.

If I can maintain what I already have and the people I already care about, I’ll never have to let anything or anyone else in…so I won’t have to worry about losing anyone else either.