Here Comes Santa Paws (Christmas Falls: Season 2)

30. Roman

Chapter 30

Roman

“The in-unit laundry is always a crowd-pleaser.” The blonde leasing agent smiled knowingly as she closed the utility closet doors in the hallway. She continued toward the kitchen, where several brochures were laid out on the counter. “As for amenities in the apartment complex, there are two pools, a sauna, and a state-of-the-art gym.”

The Tucson apartment was clean, new, bright, and nondescript. It was in the heart of the urban area but lacked views of the desert landscape and felt sterile compared to my cozy duplex. Not to mention it had a smaller footprint than my current place and no garage without an extra monthly fee.

“Good to know.”

I loved swimming. It would be nice not to have to drive over to the gym like I had to in Christmas Falls and would save a monthly membership fee, though this mid-range apartment was already about two hundred bucks more a month than my duplex.

She placed a folder in front of me and opened it to reveal a paper application on one side and a stack of brochures on the other. The top brochure was about their pet policy. The dog on the cover reminded me of Carol. It triggered a pang in my chest.

She must’ve noticed my attention land there.

“Dogs and cats are welcome with an additional deposit and modest monthly pet rent.”

Carol had been only a thought away since I’d driven to the Christmas Falls airport yesterday. I was worried about her and needed to check in with Elias, but I didn’t want to interrupt his outing with Jim today. I’d call him soon.

God, I couldn’t believe I’d been so self-absorbed. I’d committed to caring for Carol, and what did I do? Left her at one of the most stressful times in her life. She was due to give birth any day. I was such a fucking asshole. She’d shown me since the first time I’d seen her that she was comfortable with me, and instead of taking that seriously, I’d left when she needed comfort most.

At least she’d been warming up to Elias. He was better for her anyway. He’d make sure she went to a family who deserved a good dog like her instead of a dickhead like me who would thoughtlessly abandon her during such a critical time.

“I appreciate the tour and all the information. Can I get back to you? I’m waiting to find out whether I got the job.”

Her straight teeth gleamed white against her suntanned skin as her smile climbed several watts. “Absolutely! My card is in that folder. Call me whenever you’re ready to put a deposit down. Don’t forget the free month you’ll get if you commit to a multi-year lease.”

That thought left me green around the gills.

“I appreciate it. Before I go, do you have any recommendations for good hiking trails in the area?”

I left after she directed me toward a path through nearby foothills. When I got to my rental car, I plugged the trailhead’s location into the GPS. Might as well check that out as well to get a full sense of what might soon be my new home.

As I drove, I tried to imagine going to the nearby grocery store and grabbing coffee from the cactus-themed café I passed. Usually, when I scoped out a new place, it was easy to figure out how to adapt my routines. It wasn’t coming as easy to me this time.

Brown foothills came into view with the sun shining high over them. It was a perfectly mild winter day to go for a hike. I’d have to bundle up to do the same in Christmas Falls, though I supposed the trade-off was summer. Hiking here in summer would probably melt my camera.

The setting was gorgeous, and I kept waiting for that feeling in my gut. The one I got every time I moved that told me I was making the right decision. That it was the right place for the next leg of my endless journey.

My phone rang with a Tucson number, so I pulled into a parking spot at a gas station.

“Hello? This is Roman.”

“Hi, Roman. This is Abdul. Thanks again for coming all the way here. We really enjoyed talking with you today.”

I took a calming breath and tried to keep my nerves in check. Oddly, I didn’t know whether the nerves wanted him to offer the job or reject me.

“Thank you. I appreciated the opportunity to meet with you all.”

“I believe we mentioned you were our last interview. The search committee met after you left, and we unanimously decided to offer you the position. We’d be honored to have you join our team. Your ideas and background are exactly what we need to grow our clinic.”

Abdul continued to talk about the pay package and benefits. All the while, my gut remained stubbornly silent. My attention drifted to the house across the street. Christmas lights hung around a saguaro cactus. I smiled, imagining how much Elias would love that. It made me miss Christmas Falls and how his lights shone brighter among freshly fallen snow. I hadn’t experienced that pang of homesickness since we left Dahlia Springs all those years ago.

My phone buzzed with a new text from Elias. As Abdul talked about paid leave, I launched my messaging app.

Elias: [selfie of Elias looking tired but happy as he sits beside a pile of bedding with Carol on it]

Elias: She’s in the early stages of labor! I’ll keep you posted. Hope it’s all going well there [heart emoji]

My gut fluttered like a thousand butterflies had burst from their cocoons.

Now my gut has something to say?

“So, what do you think, Roman? Will you join our team?”

My mind raced. I should scream yes. It was the job I’d been working toward for years—the next logical step in my career—but wasn’t there more to life than work?

I thought of Elias, Carol, Anisha, Jim, Nancy, and even Elias’s yappy furballs. My Christmas Falls community. I finally had what I’d wanted my whole life, so why the hell was I planning to leave it again? I didn’t have to. I’d been so afraid of getting attached and getting hurt again, but now I was the one causing the pain. My parents weren’t moving me to Tucson for their new job. I was choosing to leave.

There was nothing for me in Tucson except a job. I couldn’t even bring Carol with me because she’d need to stay put with her puppies. And most of all, there was no Elias.

I might have lost the community and friends I’d loved in Dahlia Springs, but I was the only one preventing me from having that in Christmas Falls. I just needed to be brave enough to make the decision to stay.

“Thank you so much, Abdul. It’s an amazing opportunity.” I sucked in air to fill my lungs to capacity. “But I’m going to have to decline. I’m sorry to have wasted your time, but I don’t think I’m ready to leave Christmas Falls.”

How had I gone from avoiding my perky neighbor with the nice ass like the plague to wanting to take him on a hike and show him my favorite places to take photos? I wanted photos of us on my walls, not only my landscapes.

“I’m sorry to hear that, but I understand. A cross-country move isn’t always a good fit, but I appreciate your interest in the role. Take care, Roman.”

“Thanks, Abdul. You as well. Best of luck filling the position. Whoever takes it is lucky to work with such a great team.”

After hanging up, I nearly stuck my head out the door to puke but managed to tamp down the worst of my nausea. I was trying to sort through a seemingly endless stream of confusing emotions and sensations in my body. Part of me couldn’t fucking believe I’d turned down an amazing job and immediately regretted it, but as I examined the feeling, it wasn’t what it first seemed. It was a new, stomach-churning sensation of vulnerability. Fucking terrifying.

There was someone I needed to talk to first. A conversation that probably should’ve happened years ago.

I tapped the name from my recent calls, and she answered on the second ring.

“Hey, Mom. You got a few minutes?”

“I’ve always got time for you, honey. What’s up?” I heard her whisper to Dad that it was me, and then it sounded like she was turning down the television in the background.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” She sounded concerned.

“Why did we always move when I was a kid? Why do you guys keep doing it now?” If he’d wanted to, Dad could’ve found a different line of work or a more stationary way to do what he did.

She was silent for a moment. “I don’t know. It’s just what we do.”

I gritted my teeth at that answer, but I couldn’t be mad at her when I’d been doing it myself.

“Why not stay?”

“His job takes him all over, and that’s what I signed on for when we said ‘I do.’ Unfortunately, his job isn’t like yours, where we could stay in one place if we wanted.”

I blinked. “You’d want to stay somewhere?”

“Sure. It would be a new type of adventure.” I could hear the smile in her voice.

I’d always thought my parents kept moving because they enjoyed the lifestyle. They always talked about it like they did and treated it like a series of grand life adventures. Had I misunderstood this whole time? Had they treated it that way for my benefit?

“Honey, what has you asking about this?”

I relaxed into my seat and told Mom about the Tucson job, Elias, Carol, and possibly staying in Christmas Falls.

“Why wouldn’t you want to stay in Christmas Falls since you’ve got a nice young man there? Life’s more fun if you have someone to share it with. Sure, moving as often as we do is stressful, but I always have your father to do it with.”

If I stayed in one place, I could build a life with Elias. I wouldn’t be alone.

At my silence, she continued, “And a dog? I can’t believe you haven’t sent me a photo of that sweet thing. You’d better send me pictures of her puppies. You wanted a dog so badly when you were a kid. Back when we lived in that adorable small town. What was it called? Peony Falls?”

“Dahlia Springs.”

“I’m so sorry we couldn’t do that for you.” Her voice broke.

“Don’t be sorry, Mom. You guys did the best you could. My childhood was great. So many adventures.” My own voice cracked.

She cleared her throat. “Well, if you wanted, you could have lots of your own with your young man and that dog around Christmas Falls. Who knows, maybe your father can take a long vacation between jobs and we can visit.”

“I’d love that, Mom.”

“Us too, sweetheart.”

“Thanks for talking. I feel better.”

“I’m glad.” The smile was evident in her voice. “Now, use that video thing to call us on Christmas so we can meet Elias and Carol. Promise?”

“I promise. Talk to you soon.”

I still had a thousand worries and questions ping-ponging in my mind, but a plan began to form. Talking to Mom had helped me focus on what was important, and if I was going to pull it off, I’d better get to work.