Here’s the Thing (Seddledowne #4)

Chapter 17 – Tally

seventeen

TALLY

Tell all the truth but tell it slant.

— EMILY DICKINSON

“ H ey,” I said softly, giving Ashton a full smile. “I promise I’m not trying to be weird. And I want to be with you. But I have to talk to my mom about something.” We’d been a couple all of twenty minutes and I was already ditching him.

I hated how wounded he seemed. “Are you sure you can’t ride with me?”

Mom pulled up in her car and waved to us.

“This is really important.” My hand fisted around the bottom of his untucked dress shirt. “I’ll head straight home, change, and meet you at the lake, and I will not leave you for the rest of the day. I promise. ”

“Okay.” His forehead furrowed. “Will you tell me what this is all about?”

“Yes,” I said without missing a beat. “Absolutely.” Telling Ashton was the whole reason I needed to talk to Mom.

Anna and Blue drove by in Stella. Theo and Charlie waved from their backseat. I’d confused everyone with the traveling arrangements I’d made in the last few minutes. But I needed to do this now so Ashton and I could start on the right foot.

I smiled at Ash. “We’ll be right behind you.”

“All right.” He returned the smile, but I could still see the hurt in his expression.

I pulled him close for a kiss, making sure he knew we were good.

Once we were on the road with Mom at the wheel, her gaze flicked to me. “Why aren't you riding with him?” She nodded toward Ashton’s white truck right in front of us.

“Because.” I turned to face her. “I wanted to tell you…that I’m going to tell Ash.”

“Good.” She squeezed my hand. “I’m so glad you’re with someone you want to share that with.”

“I am. But Mom? I want to share everything with him.”

Her gaze snapped to mine and the car swerved slightly. “What do you mean, everything ?”

I blew my breath out slowly. “Everything, Mom.”

“No,” she boomed. Zero to sixty, just like that. “You know you cannot do that!”

“Mom,” I said calmly. “How am I supposed to have a real relationship with him if he doesn’t know everything about me?” She opened her mouth to counter and I plowed over her. “Look what it did to Madden.”

She levied a glare. “You can’t.”

I glared right back. “I love Ashton. Way more than I ever loved Madden. And I won’t do that to him. I won’t hurt him by keeping secrets.” My mouth screwed down tight .

Her eyes were wet and scared. “Tally, we agreed not to say anything.”

“No.” My fingers curled into fists. “ You agreed. I was just a kid doing what my mom told me.”

“I was trying to protect you. To protect us .” She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “It was the only option.”

I sighed and squeezed her shoulder. “I know. You did the right thing. At the time. But it feels like that was a different life. I’m different now. I’m grown. I have dreams.”

She gulped back a sob.

I squeezed again. “I want to get married and have a family with him. Probably.” If he’d even want me when he found out.

It was way too soon to be making those kinds of declarations, but I couldn’t picture our relationship heading in any other direction. Ashton was thirty-two years old. His family constantly teased him about his single status, making comments about how if he didn’t hurry up and procreate, he was going to be eighty by the time his kids were grown.

Mom grabbed onto the word probably like it was the last seat on the last helicopter out of a war torn country. “Exactly. Probably is not definitely. Definitively. It’s not one hundred percent certain.” Her gaze flashed to me, pleading. “We didn’t make it this far on carelessness. On trusting people we weren’t fully certain of.”

“Mom.” I groaned. The thought of telling Ashton everything had felt freeing. To have it off my chest, to have him with me in this felt like the right thing to do.

She flipped the blinker, still following the line of Duprees in front of us. “What happens if they find out that he knows? Or what happens if things don’t work out with Ashton? Think about that. Think about Theo and Charlie. Think about yourself.” She shook her head adamantly. “You can’t only think about what you want.”

“So what? I make a life with him and never tell him the whole truth? You want me to go to my grave with this?” I threw my hands up. “Or, I tell him twenty years from now and he’s so angry that I lied to him, that he leaves me?”

“I don’t know!” Her pupils had swallowed the brown of her irises. “I’m doing my best, okay?”

I sighed and let my head fall against the headrest. She sniffled and I watched her as she drove. She was a good mom. A really good mom. She’d sacrificed so much for me, for Brianna, for Theo and Charlie. She was the kind of person who put a brave face on and did whatever needed to be done no matter how hard or scary. But she was more than brave, she was resilient. The kind of person who would pack up her girls, and her two grandkids, in the middle of the night, and disappear without a trace. She’d start over somewhere new like Seddledowne. She kept her head down and her nose clean and she never complained about the hand life had dealt her.

She was right. If I told Ashton everything and the wrong people found out, it wasn’t just my life that would be affected.

I leaned my head against the passenger side window. “Fine. I won’t say everything.”

Mom’s face relaxed. “Thank you,” she whispered. “You should tell him the other stuff though.” Her mascara had created abstract art beneath her eyes. “I’m so sorry. For everything. I never should’ve married him.”

“Stop beating yourself up.” I searched the console for a tissue. I found a fast food napkin and handed it to her. “You were broken hearted and alone with your two daughters, and you thought you were making a good decision. He fooled us all.” I shook my head. “Let’s have a good day, okay?”

She blew her nose. “Yeah. Let’s have a good day.”

An hour later, I was in my bedroom at the little house, tearing through a box labeled Tally’s clothes. They were my clothes. I’d labeled the box. So where was my freaking swimsuit?

Brooklyn knocked on my open door, wearing her string bikini and a pair of jean cut-offs. “You almost ready?” Her eyes scanned the room from floor to vaulted ceiling. “This place is sick.”

“It is,” I said, still searching. “I haven’t lived anywhere this nice since…before.”

Anna was next to her, wearing a slightly more modest bikini and similar shorts. She looked at her phone. “Everyone’s at the lake, waiting on us.”

I threw my hands up. “I can’t find my suit.”

Anna snapped her fingers, flipped around and walked down the hall, disappearing out the front door.

Brooklyn joined me beside the bed, sorting through the second open box of clothes.

I lifted a pile of jeans and dropped them, frustrated. “It’s not here. I don’t know what happened to it.”

Still sorting, Brook mumbled, “It’s for the best. That thing looks like you got it in seventh grade. The elastic is dry-rotted.” She infused each syllable with industrial-grade sarcasm. “Nobody wears Speedos in real life, you know that, right? They look like the skin of a dead seal. Not the least bit flattering.”

Anna came jogging up the hall, a wad of cloth in her fist. “There you go.” She tossed it at me. The fabric hit my stomach with a soft thud, falling onto the bed in front of me. I lifted the bundle to find a black bikini that would cover almost nothing. She broke into a crooked smile. “Aren’t you glad I brought a spare?”

“No.” My laugh was defiant. “Absolutely not.”

“Yass.” Brooklyn nodded. “You want Ashton to be all over you? Put that baby on. ”

Anna covered her ears. “He’s my uncle. He’s my uncle. He’s my uncle.”

Brooklyn smacked her in the shoulder. “You gotta change your mindset. He’s Tally’s boyfriend now.”

She shivered. “No. He’s my uncle until the day I die.”

Brooklyn held up her hands. “I’m just sayin’. I can guarantee he is over at that lake right now, biceps glistening in the sun, pecs popping with the simple effort of breathing. You know I’m right.” She cocked her head at me. “Now put that teeny little bikini over your hot little body and go show him you’re gonna give him a run for his money.” She pointed. “You know you’ve got a hot body too, so don’t try to argue the point.”

“I have stretch marks,” I hissed. “On my stomach.”

Anna pursed her lips. “You have two tiny stretch marks. I have more than that on my butt and Blue couldn’t care less. Hasn’t stopped him from putting his hands all over me every day of our marriage.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, my hands shaking. But then I pictured adorable little Charlie who was just becoming a decent swimmer, over at the lake without me. I needed to get my butt moving.

“Yeah. Fine. Whatever.” I went into the bathroom. Then I slipped out of my graduation dress and pulled on the bathing suit which was even tinier than I’d originally thought. I turned and checked myself out in the mirror. “No. No way.” I covered my eyes, hiding from my own reflection. It wasn’t that I looked bad. I didn’t. I looked good. Really good. But there was way too much of me showing. “Guys!” I called. “I can’t.”

My bathroom door opened and they stood there, eyeing me like I was a scandalously dressed mannequin at the mall.

“Oh girl,” Brooklyn said. “Yes, you absolutely can.”

Anna looked impressed. “You can keep it. It looks better on you. ”

Brooklyn waved her hand up my body. “You could be one of those J. Crew models. All thin and willowy.”

“I have no boobs.”

“You have boobs,” they said in unison.

I pushed past them into the bedroom. Then I dug through the box, searching for the jean cut offs I’d seen a moment earlier. I slipped them on and grabbed a baggy Seddledowne PE shirt to cover my top half.

Brooklyn shook her head in disapproval. “ Tally .”

Now I was the one holding up my hands. “Just…let’s go.” I hurried down the hall, tying the T-shirt in a knot at my hip.

Brooklyn was right at my heels. “Please tell me you’re taking that off when we get there?”

I shook my head.

“Tally.” Brooklyn sighed.

“Leave her be,” Anna said.

Five minutes later, we hopped out of Stella and hurried around to the back of Ford’s house. Lake A, as Ford called it, was at the bottom of the hill. Everyone was there, including Blue’s mom and Anna’s other grandma, Miss Lisa, as everyone called her.

My stomach unclenched when I spotted Charlie on the huge water slide. Ashton was at the bottom, hands resting on top of the water, waiting to catch her. I pressed a hand to my heart as I watched her slip off the end and float into his arms. Theo was on the beach, building a sand castle with James, Griffin, and Cash, Peyton’s boy. The rest of the kids were fifty yards out, jumping on a huge inflatable trampoline, doing cannonballs into the water. Silas and Lemon were hanging on the edge. He had an arm wrapped around her. It made my heart swell. The way they still looked at each other, you’d think they’d just fallen in love. I hoped Ashton would look at me like that a decade from now.

My gaze flitted to Ashton. Brooklyn was right, his muscles were bared for the world to see. So were his brothers and Blue. But I didn’t care about any of them.

“Take it off.” Brooklyn smacked me on the butt as she ran by. “I dare you.”

Anna laughed, hurrying behind her. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. Trust us.” Then they were both gone, peeling their clothes off and sending them flying into the air behind them, squealing as they raced to the water.

Ashton turned to watch them. Everyone did. He saw me and I looked away, pretending not to notice.

The massive body of water, which had sounded heavenly minutes ago, was suddenly looming in the distance. There was a long table full of gorgeously prepared charcuterie boards probably set up by Jenny. I meandered that way and picked up a paper plate that had a big swirling Congrats Grad printed on it in sparkling silver script.

I wasn’t hungry, but I wasn’t ready to strip down either. At the far end of the table, Peyton, wearing a pair of running shorts and a Downward Dog tank, scooped up a handful of grapes. When she spotted me, she walked over.

“Hey girl.” She grinned, her blue eyes almost iridescent against her dark hair. “Congrats on finishing your masters. And landing Ashton.” She winked and popped a grape into her mouth. “Or should I say, on him finally landing you? 'Bout time.”

Apparently, everyone had known but me.

I felt myself blush. “Thanks. On both accounts. I’m feeling pretty blessed today.”

I looked at the table of food, overwhelmed by the Dupree’s generosity. I knew this was mostly for Anna, but the huge sheet cake that said Congrats Anna and Tally! reminded me that it was at least a little bit for me.

Peyton fanned herself with a plate as she eyed the water. “Let me guess, you’re dreading taking your shirt off too?”

An embarrassing wheeze escaped my throat. “How’d you guess?”

She shrugged. “It’s your first day together. First time he’s going to see all that—” she waved a hand at my body “—as your boyfriend.”

“Yeah.” I pressed a hand over my forehead. “Pretty much. Why are you dreading it though?” Everyone knew Peyton had a great body. Way too many guys in town talked about it. And too many women hated on her for it and for having the face of a supermodel.

She picked up a mini sweet pepper that had been halved and stuffed with some kind of fancy cream cheese. “Ford’s playing it cool today, thank goodness. But I can see it in his eyes. The second this shirt comes off, he’s gonna pounce.” She took a bite of the pepper.

“You sure you don’t want to give him a chance?” I gestured at the house, commercial sized playground, and the lake full of water toys. “You could be the mistress of all this.” I’m pretty sure she didn't get my Pride and Prejudice reference.

“Not even close to worth it.”

I clicked my tongue. “I dunno. He told me whatever lucky lady locks him down will get serenaded to sleep every night.”

She wiped her perfect lips and huffed. “Locks him down? For a week until he moves on to the next woman. No, thank you.” She picked up a second paper plate and fanned her chest. “I know his drill and I am not going to be another notch in his belt. That man only likes the chase.” She fanned harder. “Good gracious. I’m sweating in places I didn’t know I could sweat. Besides, I’m raising a boy who is going to treat women with respect if it’s the last thing I do.” I blinked, trying to follow.

Her jaw clamped as she muttered something about stupid, douchebag men between clenched teeth. Then she ground out Braxton’s name.

She plucked her tank and held it away from her chest. “At least you have immunity from Ford. He wouldn’t touch you now if you were the last woman on earth. He’s super loyal to his brothers.”

Ford hadn’t hit on me once in my life. Everyone treated him like some kind of caricature but I genuinely liked the guy. He’d been nothing but generous and respectful to me.

Peyton’s gaze flicked over my shoulder right before a pair of hands slipped around my waist from behind. On reflex, I flinched.

“Hey, what’s taking you so long to get in the water?” Ashton asked in the low timbre that made my gut purr. I relaxed as he pulled me against his wet, muscled chest. “I thought you’d ditched me.” There was a smile in his voice that said he was kidding. Mostly.

I leaned to the side, pulled him down closer, and pressed a quick kiss to his mouth. “Never. You’re stuck with me now, whether you like it or not.”

“I like it. Trust me.” He rested his chin on the top of my head.

Peyton’s paper plate fan went even faster. “That’s going to take a minute to get used to. I think I might have to go for it, Tally. Heat wave-1, Peyton-0.” Again, I blinked. Peyton went from one topic to the next so fast, I was going to need eye drops.

“Get in the water, Peyt.” Ashton laughed.

“She doesn’t want to take her shirt off,” I said. I didn’t want her to take her shirt off. Aside from the fact that Peyton in a bikini was going to put the rest of us to shame, I’d lose my Just Say No to Teeny Bikinis In Public buddy.

“Oh, I want to.” She picked up another plate and double-fanned herself. “I’m about to die from heatstroke. But the barracuda will smell blood in the water the minute I do and I won’t get any peace for the rest of the afternoon.”

Ashton chuckled. “I just spotted a tattoo mishap on the barracuda. Feel free to use it if you need ammo. It’ll really eat him up. Why do you think I got out?”

We looked out to the lake to see Ford, waist deep, sporting a murderous expression. His chest was so tatted up it looked like an inner city overpass. It occurred to me then that I’d never seen Ford shirtless. Except in a music video once. And that video was at least six years old.

I laughed. “With all that ink, it was bound to happen.”

Peyton cackled. “Oh, do tell.”

“Apparently,” Ashton took on a scandalous tone. “He jilted his tattoo artist. Not too bright if you ask me.”

“Shocker,” Peyton said.

Just then Ford’s eyes locked on Peyton like two heat seeking missiles. He torpedoed through the water, heading her way.

“ Cuss ,” she breathed. “Hurry. Tell me where the tattoo is. It could take an hour to find it myself on that walking graffiti wall of permanent poor choices. Ain’t nobody got time for Where’s Waldo right now.”

I snorted. This woman.

Ashton laughed. “It says only she can ‘safe’ me . Right over his left pec.”

“Only she can safe me?” Peyton guffawed. “Who’s she ? Is that the name of one of his songs?”

I quickly shuffled Whiskey and Women’s song titles through my head. I knew them like the back of my hand. Brooklyn—even fully in love with Jonah—was obsessed with Ford’s band. Played them nonstop like they were the only music available on the planet. “I don’t think so.”

“No idea.” I felt Ashton shrug. “Apparently he’s getting it fixed next week so you better get your jabs in now.”

“Oh, heck yes.” Peyton huffed out a laugh. Armed with that piece of knowledge, she flung her plate-fans across the lawn like a pair of frisbees, stepped out of her shorts, and walked straight for Ford, confidently peeling off her shirt as she went. Peyton had a lot to be confident about.

Standing on the sand, Ford gave her a look that said he’d just taken her top off in his mind. Oh Ford . Ashton must’ve seen it too because he made a noise of disapproval. When Peyton got to Ford, he said something to her that we couldn’t hear. She gaped and poked him in his left pec, snapping back a retort that, again, we unfortunately couldn’t hear. Then she hooted.

Ford’s narrowed gaze swung on Ashton.

“Uh oh.” Ash’s chest rumbled against my back.

I giggled.

Ford growled angrily. He swore, looking mad enough to punch somebody. We heard that just fine. Theo, James, and Cash did too, looking up from what they were doing, eyes like quarters.

Peyton stuffed her shirt in Ford’s open mouth. “Stop cussing!” Her accent grew thick and her tone incensed. “There are children present.” Then she took off for the lake yelling, “Only she can safe me? That’s what you get, Cowboy Casanova! Hashtag Karma!”

My abs ached from laughing so hard.

Ford spit the shirt out, lifted it to his nose and… sniffed? Then he pointed at Ash as if to say, I’m coming for you…later . He dropped the shirt, turned on his heel, and sprinted after Peyton, who had disappeared under the water.

With that done, I turned to the table of delectable food. It was too hot and my anxiety was cranked too high to eat any of it. My hands started up their shaking again.

Ashton let go of his hold on my waist and stepped up beside me. He plucked a strawberry from one of the charcuterie boards and popped it into his mouth.

I stared blankly at the spread.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “You look…”

“I look what?” Hot for sure. There was a sweat waterfall happening straight down my cleavage.

His lips pressed into a line. “Beautiful.”

I cocked my head. “That’s not what you were going to say.”

“Fine. I was going to say nervous. Nervously beautiful.” He turned to face me, hands propped on his waist.

My eyes dipped down, taking in his board shorts and his ridiculous chest. Good grief. The man had more muscles than a beefcake calendar at a firefighter fundraiser. Nobody to fill in for February through December? No worries, just put Ashton on every page. Everyone will thank you.

My hands did a Vanna White flourish over his torso. “What is happening here?”

“What?” His grin went crooked right before his left pec popped. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His right pec popped. Then they went back and forth like a game of whack-a-mole gone wrong.

I groaned and covered my face with my hands.

“What’s wrong, Tal?” His tone was husky. “Intimidated by my twin peaks of perfection?”

“Yes.” I smacked him on the right peak. “That’s exactly what’s wrong.” I pulled my hand away and wiped it on my shorts. “Your chest is really…wet.”

“That’s called sweat. Because it’s stupid hot out here. We should get in the water with the rest of the smart people and cool down.”

“I can’t.” My hands were back over my face.

He grabbed my wrists and pulled me against him. “What’s wrong? Why don’t you want to get in the water? ”

I let my forehead fall against his shoulder and spit it out as fast as I could. “I couldn’t find my suit so I was forced to wear this string bikini that could double as an eye patch, that Anna ‘just happened’ to have in her car.” I made quote marks. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Brooklyn hid my suit.”

He chuckled. “Then get in with your shirt on. I don’t care what you wear. I just want to be with you. And I also want to not melt.”

My heart fluttered at his sweetness. His acceptance of me and my issues. “I’ll look stupid being the only one wearing a T-shirt.”

“I’ll put mine back on.” He took a step toward the chair where he’d laid it.

I grabbed his arm, stopping him. “No.” I didn’t meet his eye when I said, “Nobody wants you to put your shirt back on.”

“Nobody, huh?” I could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Yes. Nobody.” I blew out my breath in an O. “I just gotta…rip off the bandaid.”

“I’ve seen you in a suit before. You’re pretty hot. Even in that spandex strangler from the nineties you usually wear.” His eyes went from playful to intense in less than a second. “C’mon, Tal. You know you’re gorgeous. The gorgeous-est. Own it.”

“Gorgeous-est? You’d lose your job if Bell heard you say that.” My hands pressed against my flaming cheeks. “But you saw me in a suit…before.” Before he was my boyfriend. Before he knew what he knew. Just…before.

His expression softened. “Do you want me to look away? Wait for you to get in the water and then I’ll get in?”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “No. I may as well get this over with.”

I reached down, grabbed the bottom of my T-shirt, and yanked it up and over my head as fast as I could. I looked down at myself, my chest inhaling and exhaling visibly. Then, slowly, I looked up.

His eyes lifted right behind mine, taking in my stomach and chest, admiring me appreciatively. I had more up-top than Brooklyn but less than Anna. And way less than Peyton.

His head tilted. “Gorgeous-est- est? ” He shoved his hand into his bangs, looking slightly flustered. “Sorry, my internal dictionary just combusted. Might take a minute to put out the flames.”

I blushed but I made myself stay there, letting him take me in. I would not squirm. I would not cower. The way he was looking at me, with love and respect, and like I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, flushed away some of the nerves.

My hands came to my hips, matching his. “I have stretch marks. Two of them. From the pregnancy. I know you can see them.”

His forehead furrowed as he searched me. “Not seeing them.”

I pointed to my right side.

He shook his head and his eyes met mine again. “Still don’t see anything. But even if that’s true, I would love them because they’re part of you.”

I searched his face, looking for any sign that he was placating me. He wasn’t.

I sunk down with relief. “You know if you keep saying and doing sweet stuff like that, I’m just going to fall even harder.”

He leaned down and nipped at my lips. “Looks like my evil plan is working.”

Before I lost my nerve, I undid the button on my shorts and let them drop to the ground. But I couldn’t meet his eyes this time. It was too much. So I took off for the water, yelling over my shoulder, “Last one in has to speak in rhymes for the next hour! ”

I could hear his footsteps pounding behind me. I ran faster, determined to beat him. Rhymes were the worst. I was almost to the shoreline when his strong arms hooked around me, lifting me off my feet. I shrieked in delight.

Ten feet into the water, we dove in, head first…

Together.