Hers To Keep (Servite Academy #2)

Chapter 21

Chapter

Twenty-One

SCARLETT

S pending the week before Christmas at the Grayson’s is the one thing I wished for, and for once in my life, it came true. I knew it was a long shot to beg Agent Servite to let us spend the holiday with them, a whole week out of the confinement of our boards at the academy, but out of the “kindness” of his heart, he agreed.

I know there will be repercussions for this wish I was granted; nothing ever comes free with him. But I figured because the kids who replaced us at the foster house had been lucky to find forever homes, going back to visit would be plausible. Right now, as I sit here at our old stomping grounds at Dixie’s Arcade in Pleasant Hills with my “siblings” beside me, nothing else matters.

I’ll dance with the devil all year long for this one week of peace.

So the six of us are back, Stella in tow, refusing to spend the holidays with her cousin and uncle in Los Cabos, lying out on the beach sipping margaritas. Why she turned that down, I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t want to spend a holiday with my father’s twin, a constant reminder of him and what she blames him for. She’s had to spend the last few years with them but this time, she has us.

I lean against the air hockey table beside Jade with Stella standing across from me, staring across the room where Drake, Kai, Jaxon, and Ruby are playing skee-ball. Things are still rocky between us to say the least. The divide I caused by betraying Drake and siding with Ace after all he’s done to us, caused more of a rift than I had expected. I knew they’d be pissed at me, hurt even, but I thought we were family. And I thought if anyone would understand the choices I was forced to make to protect our family, it would be them. Each of us would do anything to protect each other, our chosen family, but I guess we weren’t as close as I’d first believed.

Jaxon is pissed. He acts like it was him I betrayed, when honestly, I thought the one least affected by my choices would be him. He’s always seemed carefree and unbothered by anything and everyone, and I thought he’d always support me no matter what. Though he’s acting like I betrayed him, and I think I have Ruby to thank for that. Because Ruby is frankly pleased she can finally be a straight bitch to me. She never genuinely liked me and only put up with me because I was best friends with her brothers and became a permanent fixture in her family.

Though it’s Kai’s disappointment that hurts the most. I thought he understood why I had to do what I did, and he wouldn’t judge me for it. At first it seemed like he didn’t. At the cabin he was the only one other than Jade and Stella that dared talk to me, but he had to choose sides, and he chose Drake’s. That day when I went to the Astor House to talk to Drake, I sensed the shift in him. He didn’t outright berate me or throw what I did in my face like Jaxon, but worse, he ignored it. He stood there silently as Jax gave me a piece of his mind, and I guess that hurts more than any insult Jax could have spewed at me. In a way, I guess I’m happy he stayed by Drake’s side; I have Jade and Stella, even Ace on mine. I’d hate for Drake to lose his brother because of this, and Kai isn’t just his best friend and brother, he’s the only person, besides me, that knows his darkest truths.

As for Drake, I don’t think he will ever be able to look at me the same way again.

“How long do you think they’re going to hold a grudge?” Jade asks, adding some quarters into the table for a new game.

“As long as it takes,” I reply, moving across the table where Stella stands. She looks out of place, dressed in her designer jeans and cute Sherpa fleece sweater, and those expensive furry UGG boots on her feet. A Silver wouldn’t be caught dead in an arcade in the middle of the slums, yet here she is—choosing to come back home with us instead of some fancy vacation at a luxury resort. She’s the real deal, not a phony like everyone else we’ve met, not an entitled asshole angry at us for being dragged against our will to their pretentious school. A true diamond in the rough.

Which is why it pains me to see her hung up on Kai, when deep down I know she’s only going to face disappointment with him. I’d say she deserves better, which she probably does, but someone like her is exactly what Kai needs. Someone who will be by his side, no matter the challenges, someone who would fight for him when he’s so determined to give up on himself. But Stella’s also damaged. Maybe it’s not as obvious with her, but it’s there. It’s in her desperate need to make friends, to find a new family. It’s all any of us have ever wanted, we were just lucky enough to find it in each other. I hate that this divide I caused is also affecting her.

I need to distance myself from her and Jade. To give them the opportunity to keep the close-knit family they need without me pushing them away. Besides, I can’t fathom being near Jade with all the secrets I’m keeping from her. It’s like a slap in the face, betrayal after betrayal, as I stand here with her, shamelessly playing game after game of air hockey, boldly lying to her face .

Jade kicks the vending machine, frustrated when it doesn’t release her candy bar. “I get it, Drake’s pissed you dumped him and moved on with his, dare I say, arch-nemesis, but the rest of them, they’re acting like you’re the one who fucked up on them.”

“Jade, see things their way. If the tables were turned and Drake was the one who broke up with me to go with some other girl, Carrington, or Wynter, or any of those girls for example, would you continue to hang out with him like nothing ever happened?” Her expression changes, as she now directs her glare toward me.

“That’s not the point,” she says, rolling her eyes.

“But that is exactly the point.” That and the fact that Ace and the guys beat him badly, while Agent Servite practically threatened to kill him, but I don’t vocalize those last thoughts. Drake wouldn’t have told them what happened that night. If he had, I’m sure they wouldn’t be as subtle with their anger and hatred towards me. Not to mention they’d chastise me for staying by Ace’s side.

It’s Christmas morning, and here I am, in the middle of the Grayson’s living room, sitting around the synthetic Christmas tree with dollar store ornaments, plastic, colored spheres, and electric lights on strings, surrounded by a group of people, of which half love me, and the other half currently hate me.

Christmas has never been high on my list of favorites, just another day reminding me of the family I never had and the perfect childhood I missed out on. But the last three Christmases were different. Not in the number of gifts I received, or traditions I took part in, but because of the people I was with. The Grayson’s were my silver lining. They were the hope I found to still exist. Not the most affectionate bunch, not the greatest maternal figures, because they let us come and go as we pleased, and do whatever it was we felt like doing, but in the way they respected us as equals, and not like we owed them everything for giving us all they did .

We all were burdens to our parents, some of us more than others, but none of us had a childhood worth remembering. So we all created a new one with each other. New memories and traditions, our chosen family. Until now, we were united as a family, but now things aren’t as they were. We’re once again a family divided, and I’m the one to blame.

Christmas Day is also Drake’s birthday, and whether or not we are talking again, I’d never miss his eighteenth birthday. So here we are sitting around the tree, presents in hand, thanks to our academy allowances.

“This is all I’ve ever wanted,” Sarah, our foster mom, says as she brings us each a hot cup of cocoa. The smell of cinnamon instantly hits my nostrils as I take the hot mug in my hand, bringing it up to my nose for a sniff. Sarah makes the best cocoa in the world. Well, I’ve never really had any other to compare it to, but the equally delicious ratio of chocolate, cinnamon, and nutmeg is perfection. Not to mention it’s topped off with a homemade scoop of vanilla bean whipped cream and an extra sprinkle of cinnamon for me. Grayson moves to hug her wife, snuggling her face into the crook of Sarah’s neck.

“To have our children back again with us. We’ve missed you kids,” Grayson adds, as they move to sit on the couch behind us. “But at least you’ve all had each other these last few months.” There’s an awkward silence that looms over us, as we all sit looking down at the floor, hoping they don’t notice our reluctance to be together again. I was hoping we’d keep this visit as civil as we could to prevent worrying them about our problems, but my wish is futile.

“Yeah, at least we have each other,” Ruby mocks, breaking the tension and silence with her snarky attitude. Grayson and Sarah look back and forth between each other noting Ruby’s sarcasm. “It’s a good thing we’re a family, who’d do nothing to betray one another. Right, Scarlett,” she adds, her green cat eyes looking at me murderously .

I have so many responses on the tip of my tongue I’d love to throw at her, so many snide comments and retorts, but I bite my tongue in order to not further worry our foster moms. They had to have noticed something was different. The tension in the room has been suffocating, everyone giving each other hateful looks, quick snide glances, and hardly speaking. The inseparable, wild bunch have been in their own world this week. Stella, Jade, and I have been holed up in our old bedroom, Ruby and Jax holed up in his, and Kai and Drake have been God knows where, doing who knows what, only coming back home to sleep. The only time we’ve seen each other was the other day at the arcade, and even then, we were apart. But they’ve turned a blind eye to it all, hoping that spending some time back in our old home would repair whatever’s been broken.

Little do they know that ship has long sailed, and I don’t see the possibility of this rift ever being repaired.

“Ruby, back off,” Drake mutters under his breath, trying to prevent one of his sister’s psychotic rants from further ruining this day. He’s been extra dark and broody today, despite he and his sister are turning eighteen, but birthdays have never mattered to Drake. If anything, he says they’re just yearly reminders of another year spent in this fucked up world.

Ruby stands, clearly more agitated than before as she directs her rage toward Drake. “What? She gets to destroy our family and I’m the one that’s reprimanded for it. Please, brother, I thought the days of you being her lap dog were over. Any self-respecting man would throw her to the curb after what she did.”

“Enough,” he shouts out, abruptly standing up to face her. Her eyes widen at the audacity of his dismissal. That, in her eyes, means he’s once again defending me over her. “You say she’s the one that ripped this family apart, but you’re about to lose me too if you don’t stop with the fucking blame game. Grow up, Ruby, we’re eighteen now remember. The days of me putting up with your petty comments and childish rants are over. She did what she did, get over it,” he pauses looking over to me, a torturous agony visible in his hooded green eyes. “I have.”

Drake walks away, leaving me with an ache I feel in my whole being. The look in his eyes before walking away will continue to haunt me every time I think back to that day—as he sat in the chair, clinging to dear life. All because of me. He walks toward the backyard, surely to sit upon the brick wall separating us from the train tracks on the other side. It’s where he always goes when something’s bothering him.

I stand up to follow him out, but Kai’s hand quickly grips my arm. “Let it go, Scar,” he says, looking up at me, but his reluctance to let go shows he knows I can’t do that.

“You know I’ll never be able to, Kai,” I answer, pulling out of his grasp and torturously following Drake out back, leaving Ruby to sit in her well-deserved self-pity.

Just like I thought I would, I find Drake sitting atop the brick wall, his back to me, his legs hanging over it, and a lit cigarette in his hand as a cloud of smoke floats above him. The smell of cannabis hits me as he exhales the sweet smoke from his lips.

“Guess we’re going for something stronger today,” I say, jumping up to join him on the wall, but unlike other times, he doesn’t pass me the joint. He just sits there blankly staring up at the nothingness before us. The tracks are vacant, as they usually are, the sun shielded by thick dark clouds, and the threat of a thunderous storm is brewing within them. Much like what’s about to happen here and now.

“So this is the way we’re playing it? You act like I’m not at fault, unless we’re together.” He sits in silence, not bothering to acknowledge me, with no intention of looking my way. “The silent treatment, wow, real grown up now, aren’t we,” I mutter, looking up at the dark skies above us. I used to find staring up at the sky and dreaming among the clouds comforting. Now it’s just a black hole that consumes me, my mind getting sucked into it whenever I give myself any time to sit and contemplate the horror my life has become these last few months.

I laugh hysterically, at the irony of the last time we were here, thinking the worst thing that could happen to us was being forced to attend school with a bunch of rich, privileged jerks. I guess in a sense that was the turning point in all of this.

After that, it all fell into place for Wesley Servite like a domino effect.

“You lost me, no need to lose anyone else on my behalf.” My laughter quickly turns to tears that sting as they fall upon my icy cheeks. “You’ll come to lose them by your own betrayals soon enough.” Hearing those words from his very own lips, lips stained with blood because of me, cut like shards of glass embedded in my heart, being dug in deeper and deeper with every insult he throws my way.

“I thought you understood, Drake?” I mumble, my words barely distinguishable in between sobs. “I’m not just doing this to protect you anymore. Honestly, if I’m being true to myself, I don’t think it was ever really about that. He’s like no one I’ve ever met. The things I feel when I’m with him, the way he is with me, it’s like nothing I ever imagined possible.”

Drake finally looks my way, the rage inside of him bubbling at the center, like volcanic lava about to erupt. Green eyes darken as he scowls furiously at me. It’s the first time I’ve outright told him how I feel about Ace, and whether that hurts him, it needs to be said. “He’s the fucking devil, Scar. How can you not see that? This whole fucking place, his whole family, they’re evil incarnate.”

Suddenly, a door slams behind us, both Drake and I turning back at the sound, and it’s almost as if I’d summoned him. Ace appears from behind the glass door of the house, a deep scowl on his face as he sees me sitting beside Drake, clearly visible are the tears in my red-rimmed eyes. I look behind him to see everyone who was in the living room now standing behind the glass watching us intently. Jax and Kai stand ready to attack if needed, Jade and Stella with wide gazes as the tension unfolds before their eyes. Ruby stands in the far-right corner, a smug look on her face as her eyes meet mine finding the solemn look within them. All while Grayson & Sarah stare worriedly, not understanding the gravity of what’s about to unfold.

I turn back to Ace, where he stands motionless, heeding the plea in my eyes, begging him to stand down. I don’t want there to be an altercation in front of Grayson and Sarah. I wouldn’t know what to say, how to explain to them the mess my life has turned into. Grayson’s words to me the day we left haunt me as I look around at the scene before us.

Promise me one thing, you’ll show those pricks that you kids are from Pleasant Hills, and here, we are family. We are Graysons. We stand together, and nothing, or no one tears us down.

Well, I showed them.

I jump off from my place on the wall, turning back toward Drake, his anger like venom, seething within him. I need to leave here and never come back. The pain I’ve caused my family is unbearable. The reminder of what my life was like here, the small glimpse of happiness I got, and what I will never get back, is like a recurring nightmare. So once again, like a broken record, I tell another wicked lie to make him hate me even more than he already does. Well, not really a lie because I’ve foolishly come to believe it, but more of a warning, pushing him to stay as far away from me as he can.

I’m toxic, a poisonous flower whose beauty hides the venom within me, fooling those around me into believing I’m pure, angelic even. When in reality I’m the deadliest there is. A flower that kills without warning, a silent drug who kills, leaving no trace. He thinks Ace is the bad guy, but I’m the one who’s at fault.

“Some say he’s a God, others say he’s the devil, but in reality, he’s just a fallen angel lost on earth, cursed to live a life of solitude. Forever alone wandering this hell, paying for his family’s sins, tormented until his soul is forgiven for the wickedness it’s done. I should know, I’m living it too. It’s why I can’t stay away. It’s why we’re meant to be together. I’m here to enact his penance. I’m his ultimate test and he’s my ultimate sacrifice.” I turn and walk away from him and toward Ace, not bothering to look back at him as he speaks.

“How. Fucking. Poetic.”