Hers To Keep (Servite Academy #2)

Chapter 32

Chapter

Thirty-Two

SCARLETT

“ W hat do you want from me, Ace?” I cry out as he creeps in, joining me in his bedroom back at the beach house. The drive here was terrifyingly silent, neither one of us daring to be the first to speak. The events of the morning have exhausted me, the truths that were revealed too much for my feeble mind to process. But now we’re here all alone, and I know I can’t ignore this for long.

I begged him to leave me alone and give me space at least to take a shower and wash away the vomit from my skin as I threw my soiled clothes in the trash bin in his bathroom. I was hoping after I showered, he’d continue to leave me alone and let me rest.

My swollen eyes burn, threatening to close as I sit here on his bed, but I know there is so much we need to talk about. Now that he’s here before me, there’s nowhere left for me to run and hide and avoid the inevitable.

“I want you to tell me you’re okay, Scarlett. Baby, I want you to tell me how you feel after everything that’s happened today,” he says, moving to sit on the bed beside me, careful not to get too close. The bed dips as his weight shifts, but I unknowingly scoot further away from him. He glares down at the space I’ve created between us, then back up at me with a dark sadness in his eyes. Eyes that drive me insane yet are the only ones to calm the madness within me. The fuel to my eternal fire, yet the only thing that can tame its flames.

“I feel nothing.” I chuckle lightly as he moves in closer to me. “Isn’t that sad? I'm numb to it all. Day after day, a horrible new truth is revealed, and I have become numb to it all.” Once again, I shift away, trying to keep my composure when everything inside me is getting ready to explode. So of course I lie to him.

How am I supposed to explain what I feel, when there are so many feelings and emotions going through my mind right now?

I’m not even sure what’s real.

“That’s not healthy, babe. I’m here. Tell me what you need.” he pleads, but there is only one thing he can do for me.

“To be left alone,” I beg, but instead of heeding my pleas, he reaches out to me, enveloping my hand in his, tenderly entwining his fingers with mine. I look down at our interlocked fingers, my hand minuscule compared to his, and the ache inside of me only grows.

“I can’t do that,” he mutters quietly, the deep rasp of his voice coating my entire body with a desperate need as he brings my hand up to his lips, placing soft kisses against it.

We’ve never been like this. So fucking vulnerable in front of each other. I’ve let my guard down and he’s showing me a side of him I wasn’t sure existed. The devil inside of him now is just a fallen angel who fell from grace and doesn’t know how to find his way back.

All the while I’m an angel they’ve dragged down to hell, but it’s up to me to decide if I will burn in its flames, or if I will reign.

I stand up abruptly, shouting as I turn away from him. “Then what do you want me to say!?” The events from earlier today, the torturous occurrences from the past few weeks, the horrifying truths from the previous months, all come flooding back like an ocean of guilt drowning me, suffocating me as each wave harshly crashes into me. I pace the room erratically, and he nervously stands, his fingers restlessly weaving through his hair. The same agonizing look of not knowing what to do next clouds his eyes.

“That you love me!” he shouts out, stunning me. I freeze, staring at him, my eyes growing wide as I take in the sight of him. Ace looks utterly distraught, his eyes a usual clear shade of blue, now bloodshot and swelling out. “Admit it to me, admit it to yourself, but goddammit, Scarlett, just fucking say it!” His face is now an image of utter agony as he walks over to me slowly, dropping down and kneeling before me, his head hanging down low as he breathes harshly. Ace reaches out grabbing both my hands in his, bringing me down to kneel in front of him. He cups my face tenderly in his, and his eyes look down to meet mine—their captivating shade a spellbinding blue opal—as his voice softens.

“Because I fucking love you, Scarlett Steele! I’ve loved you from the moment you told me to go to hell. From the moment you told me to go fuck myself. What kind of a sadistic son of a bitch does that make me, that the more you fought me, pushed me away, the more I hurt you, the more I wanted to make you mine?” His words sting, like shards of glass on my fingertips, not because of their meaning, but how badly I wish he wouldn’t say them. He can’t love me.

I pull back from him trying to stand but he pulls me back toward him gripping my shoulders and holding me in place. “You don’t understand what love is,” I cry out, my tears threatening to break free from the dam that’s been holding them back since we arrived back. “This thing we have between us, not sure what it’s called but it can’t be love. Love shouldn’t be this dark, it shouldn’t be this fucking hard. We have so many obstacles in our way. So many people are trying to keep us apart, to make us turn on one another. You lie and betray me time and time again. I can’t love you because I’ll never be able to trust you.”

There it is--what’s been holding me back from screaming how I feel from the top of my lungs. At least that’s what I keep telling myself, yet here I am.

Ace is the only person I can turn to. The only place I want to be after everything that’s happened is here with him. How fucked up does that make me?

His hands move back up to cup my face between them as he pulls me closer, our noses rubbing gently against one another. I ache to have my lips on his. “How can I make you see that everything I do is for you,” he whispers quietly against my lips. “I’ve had to sacrifice myself, my soul, and my fucking sanity to make sure he stays away from you, and I will continue to do so. To repent, to apologize, to beg for your absolute forgiveness for my part in all and everything that’s happened to you.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Ace. We shouldn’t have to sacrifice everything that we are for love. We keep making sacrifices to protect those around us, to protect each other, but where the fuck has it gotten us? Absolutely nowhere. We’re worse off. Wesley threatens me daily, things you don’t even know of. You’re not protecting me from him, you never will be able to.” I break free from his hold, quickly standing and moving toward the window overlooking the wavering ocean below and gray skies that threaten to consume us in complete darkness.

Ace stands and follows me, his hot breath felt against the skin of my exposed nape. “I won’t give up until he’s destroyed, I won’t stop fighting for you until my last breath. If I have to burn with the devil to make sure you, my angel, are spared, then that’s what I’ll do.” He softly places his hands upon my shoulders but removes them instantly when I flinch at his calloused touch.

I turn to him, my tears now free falling helplessly against my cheeks. “I can’t, Ace, please don’t make me do this. I can’t fucking take it. My heart can’t handle this much pain. I’m falling apart, crumbling before you. Can’t you see?” I babble helplessly, “Every day another piece of me dies, and I don’t know how much is left. I’m tired of finding out new secrets, of being threatened time and time again.”

He closes the space between us, the room around us now a black hole trying to swallow us, but he’s the only thing I see. His lips are merely an inch from mine, but he doesn’t move to touch me. He just hovers over me, staring down at my lips as I lightly bite down on my bottom one. Bright blue eyes dilate with desire, with a desperate need as they look back up at mine.

“I know how you feel whether or not you admit it to yourself. I can sense it when I’m here with you. When my lips touch yours, when my heart––”

In that exact moment, I break. The look in his eyes, the one that I know mirrors what I feel in mine, tears whatever fragile string holding the rest of my sanity together. It snaps and I don’t hold back.

“Of course I fucking love you!” I shout, eagerly taking his lips in mine. Our mouths crash together in a wave of desperate need and undeniable passion. I kiss him fervently, with all the anger and frustration of everything that’s occurred, with all the hope and longing for the words he spoke to me, for the feelings he declared to me. Our lips tangle helplessly, dancing like they have so many times before, remembering the rhythm they’ve learned to love.

Because that’s what this is… love. Vulnerable, intense, and fucking irrevocable. His tongue enters my mouth, swirling around eager to taste every inch of mine, while his teeth graze against mine—their chattering sending chills through me. I pull away, letting him go for a moment, frantically gasping for a breath as I speak against his swollen lips.

“How can I not love you? Everything about you pushes me to feel things I’ve never felt before. To do things I’ve never thought myself capable of doing. To fight, but I shouldn’t. I’ve fought so hard to get rid of this ache in my heart for you, because I don’t deserve to feel so much fucking pain. And you don’t deserve it, you don’t deserve my love. All you’ve ever done is try to break me, hurt me, lie to me, betray me. You’re a monster, a murderer––”

“How many times do I have to tell you I didn’t kill him,” he yells out, harshly gripping my face, once again taking my mouth in a forceful kiss, but I pull away, the fury of his denial burning like a blazing fire consuming me in its blistering rage.

“Ace, I know what I saw! I can’t unsee it. God, I’ve tried, but every time I lay down to sleep, when I close my eyes, I hear it. I see it play out in front of me so vividly. The gun in your hand, the sound of the gunshot, and his body falling before your feet.”

“It wasn’t my gun that went off!” he insists, his hands once again restlessly gripping his tousled blond hair.

“Then whose was it?” I ask, hoping for once the truth will come from his very own lips. The lips that spew venom against mine, but make it taste like the sweetest of poisons. Intoxicatingly fatal. “You refuse to tell me who the man in the red cloak was. If it was he who killed Chaz, then please tell me who it was?”

“I can’t, Scarlett,” he says, his face changing from exasperated to solemn. “I wish I could, but I can’t. The truth would break you even more than I already have. Besides, you wouldn’t believe me even if I did.”

I laugh tensely at his blatant denial, at his continuing betrayals. “Then what’s left for me to think? You’re doing this to us, Ace. You’re choosing to continue this detrimental pattern, this toxic habit we’ve grown accustomed to. You’re the one stopping us from being together because you will always choose this world before me. You will always choose him first.”

He pushes me back firmly against the window, his hand moving down to grip the exposed skin above my waist, while his other one moves to grab the back of my neck tugging me into him. His mouth is so close to mine, his breathing irregular, and his eyes darkening with every word he speaks.

“I need you to trust me, Red. I need you to go against everything your heart and mind are telling you and have faith in us. Fight for me, fight for us because I won’t stop. I’m stubborn. I’m ruthless. I’ve done so many things I regret, things that repulse me. But none of those things is loving you. I won’t stop until I make everything right. I won’t stop until I prove to you I’m worthy of you, worthy of your love. You’re an angel, my Goddess, and I’m a devil just like him. Damaged and condemned but you are my redemption. And that’s all I have left. My only hope, my divine intervention.”

With one last kiss, he walks away from me, step by step until he vanishes, leaving me alone with the ache in my heart vibrating through me. He’s asked me to trust him, but I’m not sure I can.

I tried to fight the magnetic pull that dragged me to him. I pushed him away. I fought him every chance I got. I challenged his every move, but in the end it didn’t work. Every day I fell harder and harder for him, and there is only one explanation.

It finally happened.

I’ve finally lost my mind.