Hers To Keep (Servite Academy #2)

Chapter 40

Chapter

Forty

SCARLETT

O ne, two, three, four, five…

I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve almost found happiness in life. The first time I arrived at the Grayson’s and found my family there, even though in the beginning, we rarely got along. Second, when we arrived at the academy and for a few moments found peace, starting over in a new place where we could make something of ourselves. Third, when I gave my relationship with Drake a chance, only to fuck up and lose him completely. Fourth, when Ace and I first started going out, the thrill of being with the school’s bad boy; even after everything he did, he somehow continued to make me lose all sense of right and wrong. And finally, when we fought against all odds, to fight for our love, to fight together.

But it was all in vain. It was all for nothing.

Yet for the first time, I am content with never knowing true happiness. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. I realize it’s just something I don’t deserve, a gift I will never receive. I am condemned to a life of solitude because I am surrounded by nothing but sinners, and that’s my punishment. Because in this twisted world, evil always wins.

So I am content with knowing that my chosen family, my loved ones are safe, while I am to burn in this purgatory. All is once again right in the world.

All that’s left is for me to work for the devil himself at the most depraved of his hells, but it’s the only option I have. I should be devastated, utterly manic after my argument with Ace and having to act like I’ve betrayed him, but I don’t feel a damn thing.

Like some kind of malfunctioning zombie walking through a hoard of people, forgetting about the ravenous hunger within me, I walk toward my bedroom, dragging my feet and oblivious to all around me. Inside my bedroom, I don’t bother closing the door before undressing and walking back out to the restroom. I turn the knobs of the bathtub, letting hot water flow out and fill the tub before stepping inside and dropping in one of those calming bath bombs Stella uses. My entire body is submerged under the hot, foamy water as I lean my head back against the edge of the tub, closing my eyes and letting the aroma of lavender and eucalyptus subdue me.

I hear heavy footsteps approaching, stomping louder as they enter, but I don’t open my eyes, as I already know who it is and why she’s come. I hear a loud, desperate sigh escape her when suddenly, a wave of water sprays my face, entering through my nostrils and making me cough as I slowly open my eyes and try to adjust my sight to the scene before me. I find Jade standing hunched over the tub, glaring furiously at me.

“What the hell, Jade!?” I shout, as she reaches in and splashes me once again.

“What do you mean ‘what the hell’ , what the fuck, Scarlett!? What game are you playing now?” Her voice is raspy and deep, not a hint of humor, not a hint of anything but rage.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m not playing any games!” I shout back, not bothering to shield my naked chest as I sit up in the tub, the foamy water doing nothing to cover me. I know my body, which is covered in scrapes and bruises, is visible to her but if she’s here, she already knows what happened.

“Oh, don’t come at me with more of your bullshit, Scar. You forget who you’re talking to. I’m your sister! I know you better than anyone, better than I know myself. You think I don’t know something has happened? Whatever went down since the day you went to Servite Manor changed you. You are horrible at keeping secrets, sis, you always have been.” She raises her hands up exasperated as she continues to berate me. “Have I acted like a clueless dumbass this whole time, hoping you’d come to me on your own and confide in me? Yes! Have you? No! So I’m asking you again? What the fuck, Scar?”

“Jade, please just go, my head hurts, and I just want to be alone. I don’t have the answers you’re looking for. I don’t have any explanations or justifications you’d care to hear.” I sink back down under the warm foam of the bubbles around me, dunking my head beneath the water. I lay underneath for as long as I can hoping Jade will have left when I finally come back up for air. But she hasn’t.

“Then just tell me why, why are you throwing away the only relationship you’ve ever cared about!?” I open my eyes to look at her, a genuine question seen in her eyes as she watches me. Worry, fear, resentment. It’s all there in the clear green of her round eyes. And it breaks every piece of my already shattered heart to see her like this.

“How did you know?” I ask, wondering how she already found out I broke things off with Ace. I thought she was here because of the explosion, but it seems news has traveled fast.

“Bass told me what happened with Ace after the explosion and fire at the cabin, but never mind how I found out. What I want to know is what the hell did that fucker Wesley Servite threaten you with now? I mean just look at you, you look like fucking shit, Scarlett. ”

I shake my head laughing. “Nobody threatened me with anything. I just came to realize my relationship with Ace was toxic and going to get me nowhere. I mean look what happened to me because we’re together. We almost got fucking blown up. Besides, Wesley has been right all along—we got the opportunity of a lifetime to come here and get the chance to become something more in life. I guess I just finally took him up on the offer of being part of something important, something worth being a part of.” My blatant lies sound ridiculous even to me, but there is no other way to do this. Wesley is a dangerous man, but Franco Marchesi is lethal. I have to keep them both as far away as possible from everyone I care about.

“You mean to be part of his whorehouse?” She laughs maniacally. I look at her confused on how she even knows about The Gallows but realize they must have filled her in on everything. “I get you’re scared, but you have Ace on your side, Scar, you have me, Stella, the guys, hell even Ruby would come to bat for you if you really needed her to.”

“Don’t be fucking na?ve, Jade.” I sit up straighter, looking directly into her jade green eyes that watch me nervously. “To think we would even stand a chance going up against him, it’s fucking stupid of us.”

“You know, I don’t even recognize who you are anymore.” She sits on the edge of the tub only a foot away from me, an unrecognizable gleam in her eyes as she looks at me with utter disdain. “I hate my father. I hate him with an insurmountable passion. If I ever see him again, I don’t even know what I’d be capable of.” My body tenses. If only she knew he was dead, and I’ve known all this time. “And I hate him not for the reasons you’d think. I don’t hate him for being a shithole of a father, for being an alcoholic, a criminal. I don’t hate him for leaving, for running off and leaving me behind with your psycho mother. I don’t even hate him for driving my brother, the only family I’d ever known, away from me…”

She stands, heading toward the vanity mirror, placing her hands on either side of the sink as she stares at me through my reflection in the mirror. Tears are visible in the green of her eyes, her eyelids swollen and red. I hate the fact that she’s hurting, that she feels this way because of me, but if I continue to act like I haven’t committed the ultimate betrayal against her, I am only going to make things worse. Her dark blonde hair is tied up in her usual high ponytail, loose tendrils delicately framing her face, and at that moment, my courageous and loyal sister is nothing more than a pile of insecurities and fear.

“I hate him because of what he did, and the effects that came after. Being taken away from the amazing family we found at the Grayson’s, because of some stupid vengeance against him and the woman you call mother. Because of that, I lost the one thing that means more to me than anything in this world, I lost my sister. I lost my sister to the devil himself. I don’t know what sick, twisted game you’re playing. I don’t know whether this is all an act, or you’re trying to protect me once again. I just know that whatever it is, you can’t trust me with, goes to show you were never the person I thought you were. You were that one constant in my life, the one person I knew would never leave. My mother left, she went and died birthing me. My father left. My brother left. Hell, every person in every relationship I’ve ever tried getting into leaves me, but you—” She shakes her head, a look of despair consuming her. “You were the one who was always supposed to be there for me. Because in the end, all we really have is each other, and now I can’t even count on you.” Her words sting, my soul aching in agony, trembling fiercely inside, but on the outside, I’m impassive, indifferent.

I swallow my fears, my sadness, my anger down like a stack of nails choking me as I bite down on my tongue, the metallic taste of blood dripping down my throat. “It is what it is, Jade. That you thought I’d always be there, that you believed things would never change, goes to show how na?ve you really are. Roman was right to leave when he did. Hell, maybe he found a better life. He’s not stuck around hoping things won’t change, hoping for things to get better. He was a realist, knew that things for us would never change for the better. That we’d always be who we were born to be and would be destined to make the same mistakes as our parents. He just got out before he did. It’s not too late for you, Jade—to ensure you don’t make the same mistakes as your father, trusting a woman he had no business trusting.”

Jade laughs frantically, tears endlessly flowing from her eyes. She looks like a mess, like what I feel like, deep down inside, under all the wreckage of the last few weeks, under the facade I hold in place shielding everyone from the utter disaster I’ve become. She turns to face me, crouching down on the edge of the tub, her hands splayed out before me.

“I’d rather make his mistakes a hundred times over, then to fall for the devil’s tricks.” She reaches a hand to me, running her soft fingers over my bruised cheek. “You once said we were foolish to believe that anything could come between us. What’s changed?” she asks, her voice soft, and shaky.

I close my eyes, tears pooling in my lids refusing to look up at her and see the solemn look I’m responsible for. My sister, who was once my only confidant, is now just a reminder of what I’ve lost. I whisper softly, not bothering to open them. “Everything.”