Heston (In the Company of Snipers #25)

Chapter Ten

Alex left Murphy and Mark in the family conference room and walked alone back to Kelsey’s room. The hallway was empty. He was down to his last ounce of strength, and she was the only one who could help him. He needed to touch her. Wished he could hold her, but she had so many wires and tubes attached, all he could do was sit at her side and talk to her, remind her that Lexie and Baby Bradley were waiting for her to come home. That they loved her and talked about her every time he called. That he called them every morning and every night. That he missed her so damned much, he felt like he was dying. Which he would if she didn’t pull through.

Yes, he’d still have Lexie and Baby Bradley. Alex knew that, and he loved them with his whole soul. But how could he go on without Kelsey’s light in his life? How did a man recover from a loss that deep? A pain that lasting? He already felt hollowed out, gutted that his negligence had put her at risk. Take a melon baller to him and you’d find nothing left inside. Just a crusty old shell full of hot air, anger, and self-pity. That was all he had left. All he ran on these miserable days.

He palmed her door open and let himself into the brightly lit room. The nurses kept turning the lights up; he kept turning them down. He dimmed them again. There was no need to blind Kelsey when she came to—and she would—so he erred on the side of hope. Anything else felt like betrayal. Christ, let her wake up slow and easy. Don’t jolt her. Everything in this world did not have to be painful and hard.

By the time he was standing at her right, the side with the fewest tubes and wires attached to her, he noticed her right leg was bare. Uncovered. Up to her knee. Somehow, she’d wormed it out from under the blanket. His heart thudded at that seemingly innocuous event. Kelsey hated blankets on her feet, was always kicking them off. She said she was too warm, that she needed one leg exposed. Even if the thermostat at home was set low and the house was cold, at least one foot or leg would be uncovered.

His heart leaped at the possibility that was her first step back to him. Alex took gentle hold of her ankle, circled it with his whole hand. She was so small and petite. “You’re still with me, aren’t you, sweetheart?” God, he hoped.

She didn’t reply. He didn’t think she would. But the hope in his heart flamed out of control, and Alex gave in to temptation. He owned this hospital bed, damn it. He’d paid for it; he could damned-well sleep in it with his wife if he wanted to. Who cared if he offended hospital staff? Kelsey needed him. Kicking off his shoes, he stripped down to his boxers. Gingerly, oh, so carefully, he lowered the side rail and put a knee on the mattress alongside his wife. “Mind if I join you, sweetheart?” he whispered.

She was still gray. So pale. The helmet on her poor head was there for protection, but it gave her the air of a spoiled little girl who’d rather be outside biking, than made to go to bed just because it was good for her.

Alex did what he said he’d do and carefully laid down beside her. With infinite tenderness, he eased one arm under her neck and curled her into his side. Under his arm where she belonged. He positioned her helmet against his chest, making sure no wires or tubes were twisted. Making sure she could breathe. Not doing anything that might hurt her. He made sure her exposed leg stayed uncovered. Which meant his feet were, too.

Relief flooded his soul. Just holding her. Just breathing the scent of her back into his broken heart. That was all he wanted. To be with her again. Just this. Which was everything. How does a man quantify the light this woman had brought into his life? The change she’d wrought on his worthless soul? Now words came close to how much he loved Kelsey.

Alex fought his tears, but ended up letting them run down the sides of his head as he held onto all that made his life worth living. For the first time since she’d been shot he had a firm hold on her. She was alive. He could breathe. She was going to make it, damn it.

Lying there, with his whole world in his hands, Alex prayed like he’d never prayed before. The Man Upstairs wasn’t his enemy anymore. Hadn’t been for years. Not the same way Alex had thought He was when Sara and Abby had died. Because of Kelsey, he’d become a believer. Even went to church, just not as often as she did. But he went to please her, and that had made the difference. Because of the insights Kelsey shared—or maybe because of her faith—Alex now knew God wasn’t just for faithful followers, the Sunday-go-to-meeting folks who dressed up to be seen, nor the show-up-only-at-Easter-and-Christmas gang. He was for losers and sinners, bastards like Alex. He was for everyone, even atheists, God bless them.

See? Right there? What God had done? Saved a sinner named Alex, saved him good enough that he was now able, maybe smart enough to bless other non-believers without thinking about it. Wasn’t too long ago he’d cursed God, the whole human race, and the universe. Not since he’d found Kelsey. Was that the same thing as finding the Lord? Hell, yeah.

She was finally as warm and safe as Alex could make her. He had agents posted around the hospital, others inside the building, all looking for anyone suspicious. His TEAM was made up of damned good women and men, all sworn to protect Kelsey. If the Irishman were within spitting distance, his men and women would intercept and destroy the sucker. At last, Alex closed his eyes and let the simple comfort of his wife’s nearness work its magic. If this was as much as she could give him in the future, he’d take it and be thankful for every minute he got to keep her.

“Excuse me…”

Alex ignored the soft voice of the nurse at the door.

“Excuse me, Mr. Stewart, but I need to—”

“I’m not leaving, so go,” he hissed into the semi-darkness.

“Shhhhh,” she ordered. “Don’t wake her. Please, keep your voice down.”

“I would if you’d get the hell out of here and let us be,” he snarled protectively.

“Don’t worry. I’m leaving. Just want you to know that for the first time since she’s been with us, your wife’s blood pressure is within normal range. Everyone wondered what happened and, well…” The nurse smiled at him like the damned angel of mercy she’d just turned into. “Whatever you’re doing, Mr. Stewart, keep doing it. She might not respond to your voice, but she knows you’re here. You’re helping her. Now go back to sleep. I’ll stop in later.”

That did it. After the door closed behind the nurse, Alex buried his nose in the crook of Kelsey’s warm neck and cried. “I’m here, sweetheart. I’m with you and I’m not letting you go. Never. Come back to me. Please, come all the way back to me.”