His Heart for Christmas (Love is Back in Mistwood Hollow #1)

Chapter 7 - Emma

Forgetting what Josh and I shared is impossible. I want more of him and I want him more than I want to work at the tree farm, even if I like seeing him every day. So, I let Tony know I’m not working there anymore and take the six foot tree I’m owed.

Josh puts it on top of my car and arches an eyebrow at me. “You’re not working here anymore?”

“Someone mentioned it’s a problem. And since I want more... like last night,” I whisper, my cheeks warming. “I made a decision.”

He smiles very slightly before he can cover it, then he shakes his head. “I’m almost twenty years older than you.”

“As long as we can hold a conversation and enjoy our time together, I don’t see a problem with that,” I say. I rub his hand on my car door. “Be careful. There’s a storm rolling in tomorrow.”

“You’re the one who needs to stay safe for me,” he growls.

“What? Are you going to fight a storm to protect me if I don’t? I might like to see that,” I tease with a light giggle. I make sure no one’s watching since I don’t know where he stands on PDA, then stand on my toes and kiss his cheek softly. His beard tickles my lips, but I still remember how it felt against the inside of my thighs and my whole body warms. “Later.”

He curls his finger in my belt loop, pulling me closer to him. He lowers his head, making his dark blue eyes more intense. “Be safe. Stay inside and be good.”

My breath catches in my throat. I feel his fingers tease the top of my ass, then he draws back. I shudder. “Okay.”

“That’s my girl,” he says simply before walking away.

My mind swirls with that last comment. I want to be his girl. I want whatever title he’ll give me as long as he keeps kissing me, smiling for me, and that laugh. I sit in my car in my drive way, trying to cool myself down even though my windows are starting to fog.

I don’t know why he gets to me so much, but it feels like my heart is going to burst out of my chest just because he didn’t sweep yesterday under the rug. Maybe it meant something for him too?

***

By morning, the snow is already falling in thick, heavy flakes. It’s coming down fast and hard, and with the sky still dark, it barely feels like daytime. My mom and I spend time making cookies and talking until my dad texts me saying he’s having trouble getting his car to start.

I slowly navigate the snowy, icy roads until I reach town. After helping my dad jump-start his car, I glance over at Josh’s place and notice his lights flicker. A wave of worry hits me. His old farmhouse can’t handle much in this kind of weather, and right now, I’m more concerned about him than the drive.

Taking a breath, I head in that direction. I’m just being neighborly in the middle of a snow storm. It’s fine. The wind picks up as I park at his place and the snow starts to cover my windshield in less than a minute.

After a small hesitation, I knock at his front door. It takes a minute and I consider turning around, but then Josh is at the door. He’s wearing jeans and a tank top, his normal flannel missing. He doesn’t have on his normal ball cap either. His dark hair waves and swirls with one short lock falling over his forehead.

His cold eyes sharpen when he sees me. “This is not staying safe, Emma.”

“It is if you let me in,” I whisper, my teeth chattering. When he hesitates, I motion to the roads. “Just for a bit.”

Taking a slow breath, he lets me in and shuts the door behind me just as the wind starts to howl. Josh sighs. “I just made dinner.”

“You don’t have to share,” I say brightly.

He rolls his eyes, but motions me to the kitchen where he divides his dinner into two plates for us. Then we sit together on the couch. We talk about safe things for a while so I don’t say what’s on my mind. I want to bring up everything else we could be doing, but I don’t want to scare him away.

“Does the age gap bother you that much?” I ask softly, unable to avoid the matter longer.

Josh sighs. “Emma ...” The long silence is broken by the fire crackling in the fireplace. He rubs the back of his neck as he watches the flames instead of me. “It’s not the only thing.”

I move a little closer to him and take a breath. “What else?”

He snorts and rubs over his bottom lip. “Look, I ... I do want you, Emma. That’s obvious. I just don’t know if I’m built for more than sex anymore. My last relationship, my marriage ... I gave everything to it. My heart, my soul, my future. It was all wrapped up in her.”

I take his hand gently, not sure if he’ll push me away. He doesn’t. His fingers lace through mine and my heart pounds in my chest at the skin on skin contact. His long and strong fingers are amazing, perfect. We fit so well.

“I gave our relationship and future everything and ... and I lost her. Everything ended with her, Emma. All of it. When I realized how easy it is to lose someone...” He pauses a moment. I don’t interrupt. This is the most he’s ever said to me in one go and I’m excited to hear it all. “I cut everyone off. It’s better to not care than to care too much and end up worse than hurt. I was so lost in every emotion, so lost in general. I drank, I cut off old friends, I put everything that reminded me of her in storage just so I wouldn’t break down at the simplest memory.”

“Josh,” I whisper, squeezing his hand. “No one in this town would ever say you didn’t love her. But ... I want to believe that your life didn’t end when hers did. It might sound ... harsh, but you’re still here. You’re alive and I know that if I passed and the person I loved was still around, I’d want them to find that kind of happiness again.”

He raises his eyes to mine, just watching. I pull his hand into my lap and sigh. “But that’s easy to say when I haven’t been in the same situation. If you don’t want more, if you don’t know what you want, that’s okay. I care about you as you are and I want to be here for you however I can.”

“It’s not fair to you to let this continue if I’m not sure.”

“Don’t worry about what’s fair to me. Focus on what you want. On what you’ll let yourself have. That’s so much more important right now,” I encourage with a soft smile. “And if me being here invades your privacy ...”

“It doesn’t. Not that you could leave, considering the blizzard,” he nods to the windows.

I suck my bottom lip and nod. “Right. Well, how about we put on a movie or I can stay here and read while you go about-”

“Stop talking and kiss me,” he whispers. “Now, Emma.”

I stare at him for a long moment, my eyes wide. I lean in, then stop myself. “If you need time, Josh, I get it. Just because I’m ready for you, doesn’t mean you’re ready for me and I won’t push.”

“I will,” he growls, leaning in and brushing his lips along mine.