His Secret

40. Matías

CHAPTER FORTY

MATíAS

“Did you have fun?” I ask Adrian as we make our way into the hotel room.

“I did,” he says with a smile. “I sort of expected whips and chains and punishments.” He laughs nervously.

“Oh, is that what you’re interested in?” I ask with raised brows.

His cheeks blush. “No. I don’t know. In some ways, I still feel like I did all those years ago—trying things for the first time. I’ve not had much experience since college.”

I take his hand and squeeze, and then lead him to the couch. “Well, there’s a variety of things that can happen in places like that. But I’m not in the lifestyle like most people. I enjoy the level of control I can have. I like power play. Things like that. I’m not requiring people to call me by any titles, or dolling out contracts. We have agreements and boundaries, and that’s what calls to me.

“Well, I think you liked when I called you sir,” he teases with a smirk.

I sit on the couch and face him. “I’m not opposed, and I am your boss, so you should call me sir.”

He chuckles. “Noted.”

“You don’t have to have sex, or be fully naked to have that power dynamic. I told you what to do, I kept you from coming until I was ready, and just those things can be thrilling. I don’t have to whip you. Plus, I didn’t want anyone at the window to see what was mine.”

His lips twitch. “You say you do this to keep from getting attached, so is that what you’re doing with me?” He looks down when he says it, not wanting to meet my gaze.

“With you, everything’s different,” I admit. “I feel like I’m out of control with you. In fact, I am. You hold all the power. You always did.” He looks up at me, confusion marking his brow. “In college, we did whatever we had to in order to keep us a secret. We holed up in my room, we snuck around in yours, we didn’t go on dates. You controlled what we did. And now, you’re married. You could choose to stop what we have. It’s all up to you.”

“Matías, that’s not?—”

“It’s fine,” I say, cutting him off. “Having control in the bedroom is one thing. It’s fun and exciting, but I’d let you do anything to me. I don’t want to keep from cuddling or falling asleep together. And that’s scary for me, because I know it could all come to an end. Again. But it’s you, Adrian. There’s something between us, and I could never turn it down.”

His brows are drawn in as he chews on the inside of his lip. He’s fighting with himself over his feelings or what to say.

“I want to be honest with myself,” he says. “I want to be honest with everyone.” A long silence follows his statement. “I don’t know when.” He stares into my eyes. “I don’t know when, Matías, but I’m going to try to figure it out. I don’t need my father’s money anymore. But he still has connections. He found out I’m working for you, and I don’t know what that means. I don’t know if or what he might try to do. And I’m not sure how to bring this up with Charlotte or my mom and sister.”

I squeeze his knee. “Okay.”

With a sigh, I let the conversation end there. I should look at this like a fling. Something casual—no strings attached, but it’s not possible. Adrian and I come with strings, and as soon as we’re near each other, they start to tie knots, drawing us close. I could cut them, but why would I want to live without a part of me?

“We leave tomorrow. Back to the real world.”

“Yeah,” he says through an exhale. He turns his head as it rests on the back of the couch, looking at me. “It’ll be different, but…I still want to see you.”

I grin. “You know where I live. And work.”

He smiles. “Indeed, I do.”

The journey home goes faster than I wanted. I know I’ll see him again. It’s inevitable, but it will still be different. He’ll have to have excuses now. Lies to tell. I’ll be second to his wife and that’s a punch to the gut. But I don’t have a right to complain.

I pull into my garage and pop the trunk. We walk around to remove our luggage and put it at our feet.

“Well,” he says, scratching the back of his neck. “I guess I’ll see you later.”

“You definitely will,” I say with a grin.

He comes in for a hug, but when he goes to pull away, he stops and studies my face. Then he leans in and kisses me.

I cup the side of his face with my hand, deepening the kiss. You’d think we hadn’t spent days doing this, because we kiss like it’s the first time. Or last.

When we disentangle ourselves, he takes a breath and grabs the handle of the suitcase.

“See you.”

I lift a hand and watch him walk out of the garage and head to his house.