His Secret

51. Adrian

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

ADRIAN

“She’s a good woman,” Dad says when we’re in the car.

“She is. Don’t you think she deserves better?”

“Better than you?”

I nod, backing into the street. “Better than someone who is incapable of loving her the way she should be loved.”

“I’m sure you love her,” he says, looking out his window.

“Not in a way you should love your spouse. I’ll never be what she wants, just like she can never be what I want.”

“And what you want is that man ?”

He manages to make the word man sound like a slur.

“Dad,” I say with a sigh.

“I’m truly asking. You said you wanted to be able to talk to me and be honest. Well, it’s been a long time coming. So let’s talk. You want to leave your wife and be with a kid you knew in college? Is that the only…” He hesitates, stumbling over his words. “The only…uhh…experience you’ve had?”

“If we’re gonna talk about this, it’s going to be about me and not about him or anyone else. What I want is to be who I am and have the freedom to make decisions for me, whatever those might be. I don’t want to be afraid of your reactions anymore, because you know what? This is already a scary thing for me. But having your words in the back of my head, your threats and your disgust…that lives with me and I’m tired of it. I’m an adult, and you have to get to the point where you understand that your children become their own people with their own lives and it has nothing to do with you.”

I stop talking when we get to a light, expecting him to say something, but he doesn’t. We go through two more lights before he says anything.

“I think we’re due for a long talk. Maybe many. But I’m gonna say this for now,” he states as I pull into a hotel parking lot. “If you’re telling me you’re gay and that you’re going to break apart your family, then I want you to be sure about what you’re doing. You were with this man in school—something I chalked up to experimentation and messing around. And if he has been the only person you’ve had this…experience with, then I’d say you need to get some more experience under your belt. You say you’re attracted to men, and he’s a man, but he’s not the only man. You can’t throw away everything to be with the only man you’ve ever been with. He holds memories. First times, I imagine. It’s special for most people, but firsts don’t equate to forevers. It hardly ever works out that way. I’d just think about it, if I were you.”

I’m taken aback by his response. My brain is working overtime to filter through his words to find the cruelty I’m used to, and then he opens the door.

I look over at him, but he’s not looking at me. He gets out, closes the door, and gives it a couple pats before walking to the front of the hotel.

Instead of going straight home, I drive around for a little while.

Technically, I just came out to my father. I didn’t say the words, but I didn’t have to. Like I told him, he always knew. The truth has always been between us.

He may not like it, and may not understand, but it’s not for him to do either of those things.

His words about Charlotte not being able to handle this confession swirl around in my head, and I suppose the fear of sending her into a spiral has always lived within me. But does that mean I live a lie forever? She deserves better. We both do.

When I get home, she’s asleep, so I pull my blankets and pillow out of the closet and lie on the couch. Sleep doesn’t come easy, but I eventually close my eyes so I can end the day.

In the morning, I only go into the room to grab my clothes. She doesn’t stir as I open and close the closet. I shower in the bathroom in the hall, get dressed, and then make my way to the car.

I greet a few people on my way to my office, but as soon as I’m at my desk, I’m bombarded with calls and emails. Work is demanding, but it keeps me from daydreaming about other things.

Matías is absent from the office for most of the morning. A meeting I have runs a little late, cutting into my normal lunch time, but when I make my way back to my office, I stop in my tracks when I see my father.

He’s near the elevators, his phone in hand.

“What are you doing here?” I ask when I approach.

He looks up, his brown eyes meeting mine with a hint of surprise in them. “Will you be able to make it to lunch with Charlotte and I?”

My brows furrow. Is he serious? “I didn’t think I was invited.”

He pockets his phone. “Well, you are. ”

“And what’s supposed to be discussed at this lunch?” I question, looking around.

“Nothing. Anything.” He gives a nod and tight-lipped smile to someone who stops to wait for the elevator. “I’m leaving afterward.”

I take a couple steps away, trying to get to a spot in the hall that’s away from all the foot traffic. He follows.

“Are you planning on telling David?” I ask in a quiet voice.

“I think if you’re going to go through with this, then you need to tell Charlotte before her father finds out. Don’t you think?”

Once again, it feels like he’s taking my side, which doesn’t seem right. I don’t trust it.

“Are you okay with…this?”

He sets his jaw. “No. But what can I do at this point?”

I want to ask him what his problem is. Is it with gay people in general? Is it simply because I’m gay? Is it because of his business and legacy that he keeps going on about? But now’s not the place to get into that.

“Well, you tried your best,” I say with a smile that holds zero amusement.

His eyes find something over my shoulder that steals his attention, but I continue to watch him. His hair is more gray than brown these days, but it’s the only thing that really shows his age. While he has some lines and wrinkles, they’re not too deep. He still takes really good care of himself—the picture of health. He’ll be around a while, and running his company for at least another ten years. He has time to find someone else to take over. He’s got capable employees. I spent many years there, and I’m probably not even the most qualified person.

His expression changes slightly, so I turn to find what he’s looking at. I step back. It’s Matías.

He spots us, his steps slowing as his eyes bounce between my father and me.

“Mr. Cruz,” my father says, stealing my breath as I look at him.

I look back at Matías who simply gives a courtesy nod.

“I was wondering if it was possible that you allow my son a longer lunch today so he can eat with me and his wife?”

His tone is polite if not robotic. But the last two words have a bite.

Matías glances at me then nods to my father. “Of course. Enjoy your lunch.”

He walks away, and I stare at my father with what has to be a dumbfounded look on my face.

“What?” he questions.

I sigh and shake my head. “Nothing. I’ll be right back.”

Back in my office, I grab my cell and send a message to Matías.

Hey. Sorry about that. I wasn’t expecting him to be here today. I didn’t even know he was in town until last night. It’s a whole long story that I’ll explain later. But I’ll be back as soon as I can.

I pocket the phone, go back out to find my dad, and ride the elevator down with him. He offers to drive; he apparently rented a car sometime this morning.

He types an address into the GPS and begins the drive to the restaurant in silence. After a few minutes, I say something I probably shouldn’t. But I don’t care.

“Matías is someone you’d really like and respect. If you met him in any other capacity, I think you’d appreciate him as a person. He has a good head on his shoulders. He’s smart and cares a lot about his work.”

Dad’s quiet for a little bit. “Yes, that’s unfortunate then. Though I don’t know if I’d agree, because someone who cares about work and has a good head on their shoulders probably wouldn’t have an affair with their married co-worker.”

I sigh and look out the window.

We don’t speak again until we’re at the restaurant, sitting with Charlotte at a round table.

She looks a little surprised to see me, but we don’t greet each other. I just sit down and wait for the waiter to arrive.

After we place our drink orders, my father looks at Charlotte. “How do you like the area? Do you miss Chicago yet?”

She smiles a little, eyes flickering in my direction before answering. “I do miss Chicago. It’s a bit smaller here. Not what I’m used to, but you know, it’s fine.”

My father nods. “You could come visit.” A quick look at me. “You both could. It’s not too far away.”

“Yeah, I was thinking about going back for my father’s birthday. I know he likes to have these big extravagant parties.”

“And he’s turning sixty, so it’ll be extra big,” my dad says with a small laugh. “Have you talked to your mother?”

I look over the menu as they have their conversation, wondering why the hell I was invited in the first place.

“Yeah. I guess she’s been busy redecorating their new place.”

“Oh yeah. Her and Suzie may have found a new hobby,” my father says, talking about my mom. “She’s already talked about wanting to re-do our guest room.”

“What’s her plan?” Charlotte asks .

“Oh, I don’t know. She has her own plans. I nod and agree, and she’s happy.”

Charlotte laughs. “You guys are so great together.” A pause. “I guess some people are just meant to be. Soulmates. Do you believe in that?”

I fight to keep from looking over my menu. I let out a soft sigh and pretend to read some more.

My dad clears his throat. “I believe in soulmates,” he says, surprising me. “But I believe there are different types. Most people think a soulmate is the one and only person you’re meant to be with forever. I think you can have a platonic soulmate. I think you can have a romantic one. I think you can even have more than one.”

I finally lower my menu, watching my father with confusion on my face. I’ve never heard him talk about relationships at all.

“More than one? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of a soulmate?” Charlotte asks.

“No. Not to me, anyway. Sometimes people come into your life and change it in a way that alters your path, your outlook, or fixes a part of you. That doesn't mean you have to be with them forever. They served their purpose.”

I swallow, hanging on his every word.

“But Suzie…she’s your soulmate, right? Your forever.”

My father looks at her, but I see his eyes shift slightly in my direction, like he’s just now aware that I’m here.

“She’s my forever, yes. But she wasn’t my first soulmate. She wasn’t my first love, either. A series of events led me to her.”

This is news to me. Mom has always talked about their relationship with this fairytale haze over it. They met in college—a meet-cute in the quad due to having mutual friends. They had their first date two days later, and were in love and together from then on. They never spoke of other relationships.

The table goes quiet, and then the waiter appears. Conversation shifts into non-important things. My dad tries to pull me in with questions about work, but I answer only what he asks. I’m too focused on what he said earlier. Were his statements for Charlotte or for me? It sort of felt like both.

I was here for her to help her in her journey, but not necessarily meant for forever. Or is he saying that Matías was part of a series of events in my own journey.

After quickly eating, I look at my watch. “I need to get back to work. I have another meeting soon.”

“Oh. I can take you back,” Dad says.

“It’s fine. We don’t even have the check yet.” I pull out my wallet.

Dad raises his hand. “I got it.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna grab an Uber. I’ll see you later,” I say, looking at Charlotte. I turn my attention to my dad. “Hope you have a good trip back. I’ll see you…sometime, I guess.”

He nods and I just put my hand on his shoulder before I leave.

Outside, after I order a car, I check my text thread with Matías and find he hasn’t replied to my last message.

Once I’m on my floor, I go to his office and knock.

“He’s not here,” Lucy says from behind me. “Just left a little bit ago.”

“Oh. Okay,” I say. “I’ll just send him an email.”

Behind my desk, I pull out my phone again.

Hey. I want to talk to you. Are you coming back to the office today ?

I wait ten minutes before I start focusing on work. I go the rest of the work day without a reply and without seeing him again.

In my car, before I head home, I try again.

Matías. What’s going on?

A few minutes later, my phone vibrates. I’m already driving, but I chance a glance at it anyway.

I’m guessing your father didn’t tell you.

My heart plummets. What did my dad do?