His Tiny Sun

Chapter 36 - Justice

CHAPTER 36

Justice

? Sean: hey u free tonite?

? Jonah: Yeah why?

? Sean: i need ur help

? Jonah: With what?

? Sean: isabel has a date

? Sean: i wanna stalk them

? Jonah: Isabel has a date!?

? Sean: its with the barman from the other day

? Sean: i dont trust him

? Sean: she said its not a date but i dont believe it

? Jonah: Why would she lie?

Jonah sat up in his bed as his phone rang, Sean’s big goofy face appearing on his screen.

“I don’t think she’s lying. I’m saying he is,” Sean said as soon as Jonah answered the call.

“Nicco? About what?” Jonah asked.

“What do you mean, about what? He’s bringing her to a fancy restaurant. He’s paying . He’s gonna at least expect her to suck his dick.”

Jonah lay back down and stared at the damn spiderweb he still hadn’t gotten rid of.

Guess we’re officially roommates now.

“It’s possible he just wants to be friends,” Jonah offered.

“What? Did you fall on your head?” Sean all but shouted. “Guys like him don’t want to just be friends with girls.”

A smile appeared on Jonah’s lips. He knew where this was going. “Guys like him?”

“You know what I mean!” Sean shouted, for real this time. “Tall, buff, white teeth, curly blond hair, blue eyes, works in expensive clubs, probably fucks ten women a week.”

Jonah’s smile widened. “Are you jealous?”

“Wh—why would I be jealous ? ”

Jonah shrugged, even though Sean couldn’t see him. “I don’t see why else you’d be so worked up about this.”

Sean huffed. “Because he’ll try to take advantage of her!”

Jonah scratched his chin as a yawn seized him. His psychotherapy session had left him drained, but in a good way. It felt great to explore and fully acknowledge his feelings for Alan. They’d even established that it would be okay for him to let the three words out next time they crossed his mind.

Butterflies fluttered in Jonah’s chest just thinking about it. “I told him she wasn’t interested in romance or sex.”

“And? He wouldn’t be the first asshole who thinks he can ‘fix’ her with his thick wallet and magical dick.”

“Mm-hmm. True. And what did she do to those assholes?”

Sean stayed silent for a moment, then let out a loud sigh before grumbling, “Kicked them in the nuts.”

“We’re not going to stalk Isabel tonight.”

“Maybe you won’t.”

Jonah jolted up. “I’m coming to your place. Right now. I’m bringing beer. You better be there.”

“Beer?”

“Yup.” Jonah hung up, then climbed out of bed, put his phone into his pocket, snatched his keys and wallet, and rushed out of his house.

He couldn’t blame Sean for being worried, but he doubted Nicco was stupid enough to try anything without her consent. Flavien knew his phone number and address, and would give them to Jonah in a heartbeat if he asked—which Nicco was no doubt aware of.If the dude were to so much as touch her hand without her consent, Jonah and Sean would show up at his door and make him piss his pants in fear.

Perhaps Eric and Marina would tag along too; they’d obviously grown fond of Isabel over the two days they spent at Flavien’s beach house. They seemed like the kind of folks Jonah could count on to make a scumbag regret all of his life decisions. Eric looked like an unhinged maniac, and Marina reminded Jonah of those silent assassins in the movies. The four of them would make the perfect team.

Jonah stopped at a convenience store, where he grabbed a six-pack of Sean’s favorite beer. He took out his credit card, smiling at the pictures of Alan and Elliot side by side in his wallet, then rushed out of the establishment as soon as the transaction was complete. Time was of the essence.

He arrived at Sean’s apartment building a few minutes later and parked next to Sean’s sports car, grateful that it was still there. Knowing Sean, he was probably on the brink of losing his fight with himself and rushing down the stairs to drive to wherever Isabel and Nicco were dining tonight, where he’d have pressed his face against the window and stared at the guy like a freak.

Jonah raced up the staircase, then knocked on the door and immediately let himself in, nearly colliding with Sean. It had been a close call. Sean was standing on the doormat with his car keys in his hand. “No stalking,” Jonah said as he shoved the six-pack of beer against Sean’s chest and dropped it in his arms. “Let her have fun.”

Sean glared at him, but Jonah crossed his arms and stood his ground. To Sean’s evident frustration, his intimidation tactics had never worked on Jonah.

The thought made Jonah feel awful.

“She’ll call you if she’s in trouble,” Jonah said with a reassuring voice, dropping the attitude. “We’ll be on his tail in no time, and make him regret being born.”

Sean nodded fiercely and extended his arm for a fist bump, which Jonah returned with a strange dose of satisfaction. “Damn right, we will,” Sean exclaimed. He glanced at the beer he had nested in his other arm, then back at Jonah, his scowl getting replaced with an air of slight bafflement. “You don’t like beer.”

Jonah shrugged. “You do.”

Sean squinted in silence for a few seconds, like he couldn’t believe his eyes—which was fair. Jonah also struggled to believe how, although he had the knowledge and means to, he’d never thought of doing something just for the sake of being a good friend. It wasn’t too late to make a change, though.

“Wanna play NHL?” Sean asked, still squinting a little.

“Sure.”

“Have you played before? I can’t remember.” Sean said as he turned around and led the way to his living room.

“Nope.”

“I’ll lower the difficulty level so you don’t get your ass handed to you.”

Jonah had a track record of beating Sean at all his favorite video games when they were teenagers—even though he’d never had a console at home—but he refrained from pointing it out.

There was no reason for Jonah to be so damn competitive all the time—especially not in circumstances like these. They were just two friends having a beer and chilling together. Performing had no place in the equation.

After handing Jonah a controller and a beer—and grabbing the same for himself—Sean sat on their big brown chair and turned on the TV.

Jonah opened his beer and threw the bottle cap in the case, then took a seat on the sofa and rested his feet on the coffee table. He still had a faint hum of anxiety in his chest, as he always did, but otherwise felt remarkably relaxed.

This had the potential to be a fun night—the kind Jonah might want to have on a regular basis. He found himself looking forward to exploring the topic with his therapist.

“I’m glad you came,” Sean mumbled as he shuffled through the game’s options.

Fucking Nicco. The bastard had been right again.

“I was gonna do something stupid,” Sean continued, before taking a swig of his beer.

Not trusting himself to say the right thing, Jonah extended his arm, prompting Sean to do the same. Their bottles clinked together, expressing without words what Sean needed to hear—or so Jonah hoped. From the smile on Sean’s face, he figured it had worked.

Jonah’s chest filled with warmth as he realized how gratifying being a good friend could be. He was already aware that he’d been neglecting those who cared about him for years, but he now realized that he’d also been denying himself access to these very feelings. It was hard not to be angry at himself for it, but his psychologist’s words helped, like they always did.

‘Your past self did what he had to do to survive. The fact that you now question those coping mechanisms means you’re not just surviving anymore; you’re living.’

Sean startled as his phone rang. He let go of his controller and immediately picked up the call. “Did something happen?” he asked as soon as the phone reached his ear.

Jonah had a mocking remark at the ready, but it soon became clear from the look on Sean’s face that something had happened. Jonah’s heart rate skyrocketed as he leaned forward and tried to pick up what Isabel’s panicked voice was saying.

“Slow down,” Sean said. “I don’t understand what you’re saying. Are you okay? Where are you?”

Jonah stood up, snatching his keys and wallet from the coffee table and taking a step toward the door, all the while keeping his gaze set on Sean not to miss his signal.

“Oh…” Sean uttered as he gestured for Jonah to sit back down, which he didn’t do. “No. He’s here.” He gave Jonah a look that made his blood run cold. “With me.”

“What happened? What’s going on?” Jonah hissed, his body tense from head to toe.

Sean would better tell him soon; Jonah was one second away from snatching the phone from his hand to ask Isabel directly.

“Okay…yeah. Call me if you need a ride. Okay. Love you.” Sean hung up and looked at Jonah with tears in his eyes, which only made Jonah’s nails dig deeper into his palms. “They, um,” Sean said in a broken voice. “They found the people responsible…for Elliot.”

Jonah’s eyes widened, but his vision narrowed. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be happening. He was getting better. He was getting stronger. He was finally happy. He was finally living.

He blinked, holding on to the back of the sofa as everything became a distant blur, apart from the suffocating weight that spread across his chest. Why was it happening now? Was it all he deserved? Would they haunt him for the rest of his existence? Would they keep on ruining his life until he decided he’d had enough?

“Jonah—”

Jonah wasn’t in the living room anymore. The door was getting closer. His body felt heavy. The floor was unsteady beneath his feet. He couldn’t breathe.

“Jonah!” Sean shouted.

Something grabbed his wrist. Jonah jerked his arm away and snatched the doorknob. His head was throbbing. His throat was squeezing. It was unbearable. He needed space.

“Please,” Sean sobbed. “Please don’t go. We—I need—you.”

Jonah squeezed the doorknob hard enough for the edges to dig painfully into his skin. He blinked at the door—his escape— then glanced at Sean, whose blurry face was contorted into a grimace of heart-crushing distress.

I can’t , Jonah told himself as his extremities went numb.

I can’t , he told himself as the static in his ears got louder.

“I can’t,” Jonah murmured under his breath, his lips barely responding to his brain’s command. He couldn’t drive like this. He would have to walk back home. No—he couldn’t go home. He’d find a place. The woods. Or an alley. Or—it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. He needed to disappear. Now.

“ Please ,” Sean cried out, piercing Jonah’s heart with a dozen knives.

Jonah closed his eyes for a moment. Then for a moment longer. He couldn’t stay here. He would make things worse. Hurt Sean with his venom. Break their friendship beyond repair.

I can’t.

Jonah made an attempt at taking a deep breath. Then another. He tried to remember his psychotherapist’s advice. The words were slippery. He couldn’t hold on to them. His head was empty.

I ca—

Jonah took in a sharp breath. Expelled it through his trembling lips. He took another quick breath. Exhaled it just as quickly. He took a slower breath. Deeper too. Filled his lungs with air. His thoughts started working again. He exhaled with a whimper.

I c—

He reopened his eyes and saw him. Elliot. Smiling at him. Immortalized forever on the walls of their friends’ apartment. The angel they were now deprived of because of those pieces of shit human garbage who deserved nothing but to be skinned alive and beaten to death.

“Jonah,” Sean murmured. “Please don’t do something you’ll regret.”

Jonah let go of the doorknob and pulled Sean into his arms.

———

‘Do you like what you see?’

Alan smiled to himself as he reread the paragraph he’d just written. As it turned out, writing elaborate sensory descriptions was much easier when a scene was based almost entirely on reality. A reality which had defied Alan’s wildest fantasies.

It was decided: if he ever lived with Jonah, they would install giant mirrors in their bedroom. They’d just have to remember to close the door when they had people over…

…or maybe they could build a sex room in their basement instead. They could put an imposing armoire in front of the door to conceal it from their guests. It would have wheels and be easy to move out of the way whenever they needed access. Alan liked the thought of a hidden door; it would make their sexcapade feel like some sort of forbidden rendezvous.

Alan now knew what his next story would be about.

If, for one reason or another, Alan failed to become a psychologist, perhaps he could be a full-time erotica author instead. He didn’t have any financial stress, so it wouldn’t matter whether he became famous or not. It wouldn’t allow him to contribute to society’s well-being as much, but perhaps he could help the world by educating people about safe sex practices…

…although, he did enjoy writing not-so-safe sex scenes too, so maybe not.

It’s not gonna happen, dummy. Stop planning for it.

Alan was going to be a psychologist, and a good one at that. He’d made up his mind, and he was determined to make it a reality.

Alan’s phone chimed happily from his nightstand. He finished writing his sentence, then grabbed his phone and smiled at the screen when he saw the notification. Sean had sent him a friend request on social media. Alan had a great time with him and Isabel while they were at Flavien’s beach house, and he’d been eager to get to know them better. He was happy to see that the feeling was mutual.

Alan approved the request, then his fingertips had barely grazed his laptop’s keyboard to resume writing that he got a message from Sean.

? Sean Smith: hey u busy right now?

Alan frowned at the screen. What could possibly prompt Sean to ask him such a thing? A last-minute invitation to hang out with them, maybe?

? Alan Thomas: Not really. Why?

? Sean Smith: can u come over?

? Sean Smith: something happened n i think jonah needs u

Alan’s heart sank.

Oh, no. No no no.

? Alan Thomas: What happened?? Where are you??

? Sean Smith: hes at my place

? Sean Smith: its elliot they found who did it

? Sean Smith: i dont think jonah should be alone tonite

Alan climbed out of bed and stubbed his toe on his bed frame in his hurry. He barely noticed it.

? Alan Thomas: I’m coming. What’s your address?

? Sean Smith: 420 rose street apt 7

? Alan Thomas: Be there soon

Alan opened the cab company’s app and requested one at his address, then shoved a few things into his backpack before rushing out. Jonah needed him. There was no time to lose. “I’m going to see Jonah,” he told Eric, who was watching an old movie by himself—a brand-new hobby of his.

“O…kay. Did something happen?”

“Yeah. It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later.”

“Do you need a ride?”

Alan froze with his hand on the doorknob. “You would?”

“Of course I would!” Eric exclaimed as he got up from the sofa.

Alan gave him a grateful smile, then swiftly opened the app to cancel his cab. Eric wasted no time snatching his keys and putting on his shoes, not even bothering to lace them before leading the way out. They both ran down the stairs and climbed into his car as soon as he’d unlocked the doors with his little remote.

“420 Rose street,” Alan said as he put on his seatbelt.

Eric opened his map app and entered the address at the speed of light, then turned on the ignition of his car and left the parking lot with a loud squeal from his tires.

The ride to Sean’s place was a silent, but short one, meaning Alan had just started drowning in his thoughts when they reached their destination. “This is where he lives?” Eric asked.

“No. Sean and Isabel live here,” Alan said as he unbuckled his seat belt, feeling winded just from that movement alone .

“Will you be okay?”

“I think so.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

Alan squeezed Eric’s wrist. “Thank you. Bye.”

Alan climbed the stairs to the third floor with a heavy heart, his eyes already tearing up as he imagined how Jonah must be feeling.

His throat squeezed suddenly. What if Sean was mistaken? What if Jonah didn’t want Alan here?

Alan’s stomach churned when he recalled the way their night had ended last time he came here. What if Jonah left him again?

Be strong , Alan ordered himself. This wasn’t about him. It was about Jonah, who needed him to be strong. Alan would not let him down.

Alan knocked on the door and listened closely as he heard footsteps on the other side. A visibly distressed Sean soon appeared in his field of view as it swung open, increasing Alan’s anxiety even further.

Alan resisted the urge to hug Sean, but barely.

“Thanks,” Sean said, his voice weak and low, before pointing at the hallway. “He’s in the living room.”

Alan nodded, gathering all his courage to stay strong as he dragged his heavy feet toward the room that held so many conflicting memories.

Do it for him. He needs you.

No number of psychology classes would have prepared him for the scene that appeared before his eyes.

Alan’s heart shattered into pieces at the sight of his tall, strong, confident boyfriend, who now looked like a fraction of himself. Jonah sluggishly twisted his head to look at him, and if not for the twitch of his eyebrows, it would have seemed as though he didn’t recognize him—didn’t see him.

Alan felt wholly unequipped for the situation.

Alan’s feet led him to the sofa, even though his heart screamed with impending doom and his head urged him to retreat. He sat next to Jonah and held his gaze for a moment, before slowly wrapping his arms around him.

Jonah didn’t respond. He stayed completely immobile, making Alan’s heart race erratically as he was hit with memories of that cursed night .

Please. Jonah. Please.

As though reading his mind, Jonah returned his embrace.

Alan closed his tear-filled eyes as he stroked Jonah’s back softly, exhaling a long, calming breath at the sensation of Jonah’s arms pulling him a little closer. “Want me to stay with you tonight?” Alan asked, his voice as wet as the big tears rolling down his cheeks.

Jonah nodded against the side of his head.

“Do you wanna go home now?”

Jonah nodded again.

“I’ll get us a cab.”

Jonah shook his head.

Alan caressed Jonah’s hair, and used his gentlest voice as he said, “I don’t think you should drive.”

“Walk,” Jonah murmured hoarsely.

“Okay. We’ll walk. Do you wanna go now?”

Jonah nodded.

Alan pulled away and took Jonah’s limp hand in his. They both stood up from the sofa and made their way toward the door, crossing paths with Sean on the way.

“Thanks for being here, man,” Sean said with a wavering voice.

“Want us to stay?” Jonah asked.

“No. Isabel will be here soon.”

“Kay. Text me when she gets home.”

Alan blinked repeatedly in an attempt to dry his tears as he watched them firmly squeeze each other’s arms while sharing silent words through their devastated eyes.

Alan wiped his cheeks with his sleeve, then gasped as he suddenly found himself pulled into Sean’s arms.

“Keep me updated,” Sean whispered in his ear.

“I will.”