His Tiny Sun

Chapter 38 - Living

CHAPTER 38

Living

Jonah had definitely grown too tall to fully enjoy blanket forts, but he wouldn’t be complaining. Not tonight. Only fond reminiscing was allowed as they drank and ate the same crap they did when they were teenagers, while listening to the lame music they used to love.

It had been his psychologist’s idea—well, in part. Ian had asked him whether there were people, places, or contexts that might make him feel safe enough to explore his good memories of Elliot. It was something they’d started doing during their sessions, but Jonah had soon found out that facing his fears was much more difficult when he wasn’t seated in the blue chair.

Jonah sat against the back of the sofa Sean had turned the other way to support their fabric roof. He experimented with different positions, eventually finding the perfect angle for the blanket to stop obstructing his view of his friends. Keeping his head still, he took a sip of his watermelon-flavored cooler, grimacing at the ungodly amount of sugar. “I can’t believe we used to like this.”

Sean snorted. “You’d drink anything back then.”

Sean wasn’t wrong; so long as something could get Jonah drunk, he ingested it. Being intoxicated was the only way he was capable of being affectionate with his girlfriends. “Well, I was an idiot.” Jonah said before pointing at the bowl filled to the brim with bright orange shit. “Pass me the Cheetos.”

Isabel propelled it in his direction. The bowl slid across the floor and came to a stop right in front of him. It brought back memories. “Remember the night we had a Cheetos tournament?” Jonah asked.

“Aw, yeah!” Sean exclaimed as he pointed an enthusiastic finger at Jonah. “That night was epic .”

Jonah smiled. “Elliot was so drunk— wait , wasn’t that the night he lost his pants?”

Sean barked a laugh. “Man. I completely forgot about that.”

“Did he ever find them?” Isabel asked.

“Nope.” Jonah shook his head. “Still a mystery to this day.”

Elliot had been of the hyperactive kind of drunk. Jonah had long believed alcohol made him become a different person, but having experienced heavy anxiety since Elliot’s death, Jonah now realized it was actually the other way around. Elliot wasn’t reserved; he was subdued.

He was a charismatic leader with a genius brain, crushed by the weight of the complicated set of rules he’d imposed upon himself to survive a world he was too good to be a part of. When he was tipsy, however, it all flew out the window. He’d constantly come up with the most ingenious shenanigans that sent them on crazy adventures in the realm of their collective imaginations.

They’d never realized, back then, that Elliot had been providing them with the escape they all needed.

Isabel grimaced at Jonah. “Isn’t it the same night you kept insisting on measuring your dick to everyone else’s?”

“It is!” Sean exclaimed. “Man, you were so annoying.”

Jonah cringed. He’d forgotten about that. He truly was an idiot back then. As soon as he’d found out that he was above average, he’d kept seeking new ways to brag about it. He was so blatantly overcompensating.

What had Elliot even seen in him?

No. No negative thoughts.

Elliot saw the good in everyone. He was an expert at shedding light on their best qualities. Whoever befriended him saw their self-esteem improve.

“Hm,” Sean uttered. “Guess it makes sense now.”

Jonah looked at Sean. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You wanted to see our dicks.”

Jonah snorted. “Keep dreaming.”

Isabel gasped. “So that’s why Elliot lost his pants!”

Sean gasped in turn. “He wanted to show you his dick!”

Jonah snatched a Cheeto and threw it at Sean’s face just as he started laughing, the projectile landing straight into his mouth. They all froze and stared at each other as they took in Jonah’s unexpected exploit, palpable hilarity building up in their improvised refuge.

Sean chewed, then opened his orange-shit-filled mouth wide for another one.

“Wait!” Isabel exclaimed, looking at them with a mischievous smile as she rubbed her hands together like they were in a cartoon. “Let’s up the stakes. ”

They all knew she was going to win if they did a reboot of their Cheetos tournament, but Jonah and Sean were nothing if not determined to one day surpass Sniper-Isabel at any activity which required good aim.“If I win,” she said, “you two will cook me a five-course meal while wearing my Pokémon aprons—and yes , photographic evidence will be produced.”

That wasn’t too bad. The pictures would put a smile on Alan’s beautiful face, so it was worth the humiliation.

“If I win,” Sean said, “Jonah has to record himself saying John sucks.”

Isabel laughed. “ Ohhh , that’s a good one!”

“Why am I the only one getting punished if you win?”

Sean pointed at Isabel. “And Isabel has to clean my hockey equipment for a month.”

“Ew!” Isabel exclaimed with a grimace.

Ew indeed. That shit was disgusting.

It was a fair deal.

Sean and Isabel looked at Jonah expectantly, making a wicked surge of power explode in his chest. “If I win…” he trailed off, pausing to build up suspense,“you’ll henceforth be required to call me daddy.”

———

Just as Alan had anticipated, Eric kept his distance. With all the others, he’d rushed forward like a tiger, piercing his opponent’s defense and securing his victory in no time. Against Alan, however, he was careful—hesitant.

Eric circled him with a smile on his face, while Alan studied the situation from every angle.

Eric wouldn’t let him win—he enjoyed the thrill of being victorious far too much—but he would certainly give him a chance to lose with dignity. Others were watching, and although Eric loved having the spotlight on himself, he knew how stressful it was for Alan.

These combat classes were making Alan step out of his comfort zone in a variety of ways, but things were different now; their Sensei’s attitude no longer made him cry. Not only was Alan’s heart too full of gratitude after witnessing how calm and emotionally available Jonah was since he’d resumed his therapy sessions, but he also had immense respect for the man who’d authored his favorite psychology books. Alan couldn’t help wanting to obtain his approval .

Alan cast a quick glance at their Sensei, who was watching them like a hawk.

What if losing isn’t inevitable? Alan pondered. He couldn’t hope to surpass Eric in terms of speed, strength, and technique but…

“You ready?” Eric mouthed silently.

…Eric was terrified of injuring Alan again, so perhaps he could use that to his advantage.

Alan wiped his palms on his uniform as if they were sweaty, then took a deep breath, putting a frown on his face as he pretended to be trying to calm his nerves. “Yes,” he replied quietly with a quick nod and an unconvincing smile.

That should do it.

Eric nodded back, then immediately lunged forward. He displayed none of his usual ferociousness, though; he was holding back, as Alan had predicted.

Alan pretended to freeze, then collapsed on himself with a whimper as Eric came within touching distance, shielding his head with his arms. Eric’s feet halted in front of him, and just as he started expressing some sort of confused apology, Alan sprang into action.

Alan had practiced that move with Jonah sixteen times, finally succeeding on the seventeenth attempt. Under Jonah’s guidance and support, he’d eventually managed to subdue his tall, robust boyfriend, which he’d initially believed to be impossible.

It had unexpectedly turned them on, and they’d ended up celebrating his victory with some wild, steamy sex.

But today was different. This time, Alan was testing the technique on an unknowing participant—and with no trace of sexual tension.

And to his triumphant bafflement, it worked.

Eric barely had the time to gasp that he was lying face down on the cushioned floor.

“Thomas won.”

Eric sat up. “B-but he cheated!”

“He put into practice one of the core principles of this class,” Ian interjected. “He analyzed his opponent’s weaknesses and used them against him.”

Alan struggled to suppress his laughter at the sheer outrage that appeared across Eric’s features. The prospect of losing to Alan probably hadn’t even crossed Eric’s mind, yet here they were.

Alan beamed with pride as he offered Eric his hand.

Eric gave him a big cranky pout as he reached for it and got up, but it didn’t take long before his scowl turned into a smile. “Well played,” he said as he shook Alan’s hand. “It won’t work twice, though.”

Alan grinned. “I’ll just have to use a different tactic next time, then.” He didn’t really have another strategy up his sleeve for now, but he’d learned that pretending to be confident did wonders. It was a great manipulation trick to use against himself.

Eric grinned back. “I’ll be ready.”

They walked to the other side of the room to free up some space. Alan crossed Ian’s gaze on the way and gave him a big smile, to which Ian responded with a minuscule one of his own.

Excitement bubbled in Alan’s chest. Being connected with such a renowned psychologist would be useful once he accessed the PhD program. He hadn’t gathered the courage to actually talk to him yet, even less so to inform him of his career goals, but when they walked in earlier, Alan had not-so-accidentally spilled the contents of his backpack.

Dr. Gruger was now aware that Alan was carrying three of the textbooks he’d authored.

One little step forward.

———

A cozy blanket of warmth enveloped Jonah as he savored his coffee, feeling almost drowsy from the copious meal he’d just ingested. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate this much.

Jonah finally understood the struggles of consuming delicious things with moderation. Everything tasted far better when he was happy.

Alan and Jonah’s mom were at the sink side by side, doing the dishes together while chatting away. She’d been reluctant to accept Alan’s offer to help, but who could say no to that face? Certainly, nobody in the Delamare household.

Jonah took another sip of his espresso, narrowing his eyes at the back of his mom’s head as she leaned in to whisper something in Alan’s ear. The two of them had swiftly grown close, and it annoyed Jonah just as much as it filled his heart with bliss. There was no way she wouldn’t be using Alan to manipulate Jonah for her sake.

Alan looked at Jonah over his shoulder, his face scrunching as he visibly tried not to laugh.

There was no stopping them from plotting whatever they were plotting—and Jonah felt too lazy to do much of anything anyway—so he pursed his lips into a kiss, making his tiny sun display a half-flustered, half-happy smile, before turning back around.

Jonah loved those smiles. They were adorable.

Jonah put his cup back down, his gaze falling to the pictures that were still spread out in front of him. Alan had brought an old picture book tonight, which contained photos of when he was a baby. They’d looked at them over dessert, which eventually prompted Alan to get emotional as some of them showed both his parents showering him with love. Jonah’s mom had held Alan’s hand as they browsed the rest of the pages, which had ended with her giving him a long hug.

Jonah had taken out his favorite ones to snap pictures with his phone. Baby Alan hugging a cranky cat; baby Alan eating a giant ice cream cone; baby Alan holding a seashell to his ear; baby Alan pointing at the sky.

Despite his tragic childhood, Alan was still the same ball of happiness and wonder. Jonah admired his resilience.

“So, we were thinking…” Alan said with a honeyed voice.

Jonah leaned back into his seat, watching Alan as he came to sit next to him. Despite knowing Jonah couldn’t refuse him anything, Alan had still cranked his charms to the maximum, which could only mean one thing: Alan was going to ask him something absolutely outrageous.

Perhaps Jonah would finally manage to stand his ground.

“…that it’d be fun to redo these photos.”

“What?” Jonah exclaimed.

“Well you know…” Alan began as he reached for Jonah’s hand and caressed it softly. “…you still have Monsieur Horsie—”

“—No.”

“Aww, but it would be so fun,” Alan insisted with his beguiling little voice and fluttering eyelashes.

“No.”

“I’d be doing it too.”

Jonah gave him an unimpressed look. “You already have photos of you doing all of this on social media,” he said, gesturing at the pictures on the table.

Jonah saw in Alan’s eyes the exact moment he realized he no longer had a bargaining chip. A glorious sight.

“Besides,” Jonah said, relaxing further into his seat, “you already saw a picture of me with a Charmander apron on. You should be grateful.”

“You’re right,” Alan conceded with a smile.

That’s it?

Jonah didn’t believe for one second that Alan would let go so easily, and his intuition was confirmed when his mom went to the bathroom.

Alan took Jonah’s hand and gave it a kiss, then leaned close to whisper in his ear, “I’ll trade you one picture of you cuddling Monsieur Horsie in exchange for a picture of me wearing whatever you want.”

Jonah’s eyes widened despite himself as heat crawled up his chest…and down somewhere else. “Whatever I want?” he asked, recalling the sexy bunny suit he saw the other day.

Alan pulled away and gave him an alluring smile. “Anything you want.”

“Mom,” Jonah called as he heard the bathroom door opening. “Where’d you put Monsieur Horsie ?”

———

“Would you like to watch the second episode with me?” Alan asked as he joined Jonah on the sofa, sitting between his thighs and leaning against his chest like they both enjoyed.

Alan had already seen it, but Jonah hadn’t. He’d stopped watching the anime after John died. Alan missed discussing the lore and events with Jonah, though; it was what brought them closer initially, so it felt precious to him.

Jonah wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. “Sure. But I’ll complain the whole time.”

“So it won’t change a thing.”

“Seems like someone is in dire need of a punishment,” Jonah said, his lips finding Alan’s neck and pressing a flurry of kisses that tickled.

Alan chuckled and squirmed in Jonah’s embrace, finding himself entirely at his mercy. Thankfully, Jonah was a fair punisher, and he stopped torturing Alan right before his laughter turned into embarrassing squeals.

“I love you,” Jonah murmured into his ear .

Alan closed his eyes and smiled as he relaxed against Jonah’s body. “I love you too.”

They basked in the warm, cozy feeling for a moment longer, then Alan took his phone and cast the episode on Eric’s TV.

As promised, Jonah criticized every little thing, but it only made Alan smile. Alan had already watched the entire season, so nothing could ruin his enjoyment of it—not even his grumpy boyfriend.

Moreover, Alan was far too busy reminiscing of the first time Jonah had sat down next to him to watch part of the very first episode. Alan wished he could go back in time and tell his past-self the good news, then share with him a glorious high-five.

Alan’s phone started firing notifications as they neared the end of the episode. It wasn’t Eric’s electric guitar ringtone, and Jonah was with him, so there was only one person left who could send him so many texts in quick succession.

“What does he want this time?” Jonah grumbled.

Alan checked his phone with a smile. Jonah was quite annoyed by the fact that Flavien and him had become friends. Jonah was obviously trying not to let it show, but he wasn’t very subtle when it came to those sorts of things.

? Flavien: Which one?

Alan scrolled through a dozen selfies of Flavien in front of his mirror, tapping each one to zoom in on it before switching to the next.

“Why is he sending you all those pictures of him?” Jonah asked.

“He has a date tonight,” Alan said as he switched back and forth between photos number two and eight.

“And?”

“He needs help choosing an outfit.”

“How old is he? Six?”

Alan chuckled as he started typing a response. “He’s just nervous.”

? Alan: Try the pants from #2 with the shirt from #8

“If the guy’s interested,” Jonah said, “he won’t give a flying fuck what Flavien is wearing.”

Jonah wasn’t wrong, but anxiety and low self-esteem were real bitches. Alan happened to be well-acquainted with that fact. “Give him a break,” Alan said, patting Jonah’s forearm gently. “He’s finally moving on from Eric; I’m happy to support him— oh , speaking of. We’re going shopping on Thursday.”

“ Again ?”

? Flavien: Darling, you’re a genius

? Alan: I know ;)

Alan smiled at his phone, then twisted his head to look up at Jonah. “Are you jealous?”

Jonah exhaled sharply through his nose. “There’s no way in hell I’d ever be jealous of Flavien.”

“Then what’s the matter?” Alan asked as he put his phone away.

Jonah opened his mouth to reply, but visibly changed his mind.

Alan was impressed with Jonah’s restraint. When Flavien had sent him a friend request on social media, Eric had immediately given Alan his ‘he’s just using you to get to me’ speech—which Alan presumed was probably true at the time. As for Jonah, he’d failed miserably at hiding his unease, but hadn’t said anything yet, despite Alan constantly rubbing his new friendship into Jonah’s face.

Alan figured it was time to put an end to Jonah’s misery. “I know what he did,” Alan said, watching conflicting emotions cascade across Jonah’s face. “I know what his intentions were, but I happen to believe that everyone deserves a second chance. We all make mistakes.” He let the words float in the air between them, hoping Jonah would get what he was hinting at.

As expected, comparing Jonah to Flavien made the venom pour out.

“Flavien is a snake ,” Jonah spat out. “He’ll manipulate you—”

“—Have you ever thought that maybe I’m the one who’s manipulating him?” Alan asked, holding Jonah’s gaze firmly.

Jonah frowned, his parted lips betraying the thoughts he forced himself not to voice.

“Flavien needed a friend he couldn’t have sex with,” Alan explained.

“And how’s that manipulating him?”

“He hasn’t texted Eric in two weeks. ”

“You’re pretending to be Flavien’s friend to get him off Eric’s back?”

Alan laughed at the look on Jonah’s face. “No. I really like him. He’s fun to argue with, and I love his fashion sense. He’s really sweet, deep down. He’s just…lost.”

Like all of us.

Jonah held Alan’s gaze in silence for a moment, then pressed two fingers underneath his chin and said, “You better not become like him.”

Alan shifted in Jonah’s embrace and turned around to face him entirely, looking into his eyes as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Jonah’s features instantly softened, just like they always did when Alan dropped everything to give him affection.

It made Alan’s heart flutter that he could have such an effect on the man he loved.

Alan inched his head forward, then pressed a slow kiss on Jonah’s lips, which Jonah returned with competing tenderness. Alan licked Jonah’s lower lip, then met his tongue with a languid caress, making Jonah groan with delight as their kiss deepened.

They lost themselves in their bubble of tender intimacy, one of Jonah’s hands finding Alan’s ass and squeezing, while the other one cupped the back of his neck. It gave Alan chills.

Oh, so beautiful chills.

Alan dragged his lips against Jonah’s as they caught their breaths, then pulled away just as Jonah tried to steal another kiss from him. He inched forward again and offered his lips, only to deny Jonah access to them once more.

Alan cupped both sides of Jonah’s head and looked deep into his lusty eyes, capturing his boyfriend’s full attention. Alan’s body was craving more, but first, he had a point to get across.

“I’ll become whatever I want to be,” Alan asserted, his right hand traveling down Jonah’s chest to come rest against the bulge in his pants, to which he gave a gentle squeeze. “And you’re going to love it.”

Jonah let out a growl as he scooped Alan up and sprang to his feet, then threw him over his shoulder like he weighed nothing.

Alan let out a squeal of surprise, then laughed as Jonah carried him to his room. He pushed himself up with his forearm against Jonah’s lower back, and used his free hand to squeeze his boyfriend’s phenomenal ass.

So thick and firm.

Jonah growled again and bit Alan’s buttock, before gently throwing him on top of his mattress.

Alan barely had the time to give Jonah an alluring look before he climbed on top of him and seized his lips into a ravenous kiss.

Alan loved him so much. So, so much.

Life was good.