Holiday Cheer from Andrew Grey and Amy Lane

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

“YOU KNOW you don’t have to do this,” Palmer said with his usual gentle expression. He had been Alex’s therapist for the last few years, and Alex knew he was right. There was no real need for him to go to the shelter, except that he was determined to conquer one of his fears. The list of things he avoided was long: birds (they carried disease); heights (because he just knew he was going to fall); clowns (the damned things were scary); even rabbits (he just knew those beady eyes were judging him). And dogs. Every other kid he’d known growing up had a dog, and they had to shut them away every time Alex came over, which he didn’t do very often because they didn’t want to play with the weird kid who didn’t like Fido.

So here he was standing outside a shelter near Carlisle, Pennsylvania, where he could hear the barks, yips, and howls of what sounded like a million dogs. His instinct was to get back in his car, close the door, start the engine, and peel the hell out of there, except that would involve another of Alex’s issues—wasting his tires by spinning them. Instead he stood still, breathing in through his nose and out his mouth the way Palmer had taught hm.

“Are you Alexander?” a “stop the clocks and hold time still so Alex could take in the epitome of gorgeousness” man asked as he strode across the gravel path from the converted barn that held the shelter. Alex willed himself not to do something stupid as the man’s lips parted and his mouth drew upward and deep blue eyes took on a sparkle. “I’m Luther. We talked on the phone a little while ago.” Luther wore jeans that hugged his thighs just the right away. His coat was unzipped, so Alex got a peek at his lime green shirt, open at the collar to reveal the barest hint of golden skin before it disappeared behind the fabric.

He refused to draw into himself the way he usually did when he met people he knew were so far out of his league that he might as well not even try. The barks and yips drifted out of the building and into the cold early winter morning. Alex’s fear threatened to rise, but Luther simply smiled more brightly. “That’s me,” he finally answered, proud his voice didn’t crack.

“You said on the phone that you have an issue with dogs and that you were hoping to have a chance to face it,” Luther said. “That’s pretty brave.”

“How many dogs are there?”

“We currently have fifteen. There are some larger dogs as well as smaller ones. We are working with a few to correct some behavioral issues. Those are not ones we’re going to put with you. Since you said that you were trying to get over a fear of dogs, I thought of five that are really well-behaved. Can I ask what it is that you’re actually afraid is going to happen?” Luther asked gently.

Alex liked that Luther didn’t make a move toward the shelter or try to push him forward. Talking was good. That was what Palmer had told him. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s going to attack me or… eat my face or something.” He could tell Luther was trying not to grin.

“Okay. First thing, we don’t have any face-eaters here. All of the dogs I think I can introduce you to are sweet animals. They might try to lick you, and a few of them will bound around because they’re so excited to see you. These are dogs who love attention and people.”

Alex felt himself tense. “Are you sure?”

“Very much so,” Luther said. “Why don’t you come inside? All of the dogs are in enclosures. I thought you could just look around and see them. They can’t get out, and you can take your time.” He led the way to the door and opened it, then held it while Alex decided if this was truly a good idea or the worst thing he’d tried since those watermelon smoothies with vodka last summer. Yuck.

Making up his mind, he took a step inside. Enclosures lined both sides of the concrete aisle floor, some larger than others. The scent of dog was prevalent but not unpleasant. “There’s a lot of them.”

“Yes, there are, and we got a call an hour ago about a couple more that Mitchell is going to pick up when he finishes at the clinic. I volunteer here a couple days a month just to help out after work and on weekends.”

Alex swept his gaze over all the dogs. Some of them looked like the embodiment of him: closed off, way back in their enclosures. One even shook a little. “So these are all alone?”

“Yes. We are trying to find each dog their forever home. Don’t feel like you have to hurry. I know this is a big step for you, and the dogs are always a little energetic when someone comes in, but they’ll settle down.”

Alex nodded, his heart racing as he took a step toward one of the enclosures. “Is something wrong with him?”

“Her,” Luther corrected gently, those big eyes going even softer. “Yeah. When we found her, she had three puppies and was giving them everything she had. Elsa here was so thin and malnourished that a lot of her hair had fallen out. The pups are weaned now, and we’ve been feeding her well, so her hair is growing back.” Luther knelt by the cage, and Elsa came over to him. She was reddish brown, wide in her shoulders, but not too big. Luther opened the enclosure, and Elsa went right to him and rested against his leg.

“She looks strong.”

“Under normal circumstances, she would be. But now she’s a little weak. You can pet her if you want. She’s a real sweetheart.” The way Luther said the words almost broke Alex’s heart. He could hear the hurt for her in his voice, but more than that, Alex saw the pain in those big brown doggie eyes, like she understood a hurt that went so deep, you didn’t know how to climb out. “You don’t have to.”

“What will happen to her?” Alex asked, not ready to try touching… yet.

“Hopefully we can find her a home. Mitchell spayed her, and she’s growing stronger. I’ve been thinking about adopting her myself,” Luther said. “But I want to do that with each of the dogs, and Mitchell says I need to be sure.” He lifted his gaze to meet Alex’s. “I’m a big softie.”

“It doesn’t look like it at all to me,” Alex said before clamping his lips closed.

Before Alex could die of embarrassment, Luther chuckled warmly, his gaze darkening for just a second. “I really am. If I could, I swear I’d take half the dogs home with me.”

“You don’t have one?” Alex asked. He found his attention drawn to Luther, his worry about the dogs around him abating somewhat.

“No. I’ve moved a couple times in the last few years, and I haven’t been settled enough for a dog. I just got a job in the psychology department at Dickinson College, so hopefully I’m going to be here for a while. I just have to make sure I get the right companion.” For a second Alex wondered what kind of company Luther wanted, but then he was probably being foolish. Of course he meant one of the dogs. He wasn’t talking about Alex, even though Luther made Alex’s temperature rise. He gave Elsa a gentle pat, and she licked his hand. Then Luther guided her back in the enclosure and closed the door.

Alex followed him through the shelter, watching each dog as they passed. A few whined, and one barked, making Alex jump.

“That’s Janie. She’s just loud,” Luther said as he approached the enclosure. The dog stopped barking and stretched, her backside in the air, tail wagging. “She’s just getting my attention.” He petted her gently, and Janie settled down. “Sometimes it’s just a matter of seeing what they want.” They moved on, and Luther opened another enclosure and took out a small dog that couldn’t have weighed more than five pounds. “This is Dolly. She loves people.” Luther held her gently. “Come on over. She’s just a sweetheart.”

“Okay.” Damn it all, Alex felt like a kid. Hell, most kids did this all the damned time, and here he was ready to piss himself over a tiny dog. He reached out and lightly stroked behind her ears, half closing his eyes, ready to pull away at any second.

“She likes you.”

Alex continued gently stroking between her ears, and Dolly looked up at him with beautiful eyes. “She’s so nice.”

“Yes, she is. Most dogs are. I know that some can be really energetic, like Rex over there. He has so much energy he doesn’t know what to do about it, so he comes off as aggressive, but he just wants attention.” Luther continued holding Dolly for him, and Alex kept petting her. Before he knew it, Luther had transferred Dolly to his arms, and Alex just petted her while she lay there.

Alex blinked when he truly realized he was holding a dog. “How did you do that?” he asked. “You just gave her to me and….” He could feel his tension rising.

“You were comfortable, and she’s happy with you.” Luther gently stroked his shoulder. “You aren’t going to hurt her, and she likes you.”

“She does?” All the dogs he’d met growing up had tried to jump on him to push him down. They barked and raced at him like they wanted to chase him away. Dolly was sweet, and she slowly turned her head, then rested it against his chest.

“She’ll stay right there for as long as you want to pet her,” Luther said quietly before taking Dolly and gently setting her back in the enclosure. “You realize you held a dog? And I think you liked it.”

No one ever teased Alex, but Luther seemed to be. For a second, he wondered if Luther was picking on him, but that smile had returned.

“Okay. I guess I did.” Alex smiled to himself. He and Palmer had been dealing with his anxiety issues for a while, and they had agreed that Alex should try working on just one of them to start. Alex had chosen dogs because he passed by the veterinary office and the shelter every day on his way to work at a grocery store corporate office, where he was in charge of store payouts.

“How about another?” Luther asked. “This is Rudolph. He’s mostly Jack Russell terrier. He was brought in because his owner passed away. Her son brought him here to get rid of him.”

Alex found himself almost unable to talk. “You mean he just threw away this little guy?”

“He did. From what Mitchell said—Mitchell runs the shelter and is the vet up the street—Rudolph here hated the son with a passion, barking at him and snarling all the time. So if we know nothing else, Rudolph has good people instincts, because the guy was a real jerk.” Luther let Rudolph out, and he pranced right up to Alex and wound through his legs, happy and maybe a little jumpy, tail going a million miles an hour. Rudolph put his front paws on Alex’s legs and looked up at him with what had to be a doggie smile.

“What do I do?” Alex asked.

“Just pet him. Rudolph is so wonderful. We’ve had some interest in him, but everyone seems to pick a different dog. He’s really special, though.”

Alex took a deep breath, and sweat broke out on the back of his neck. But he had just held a dog, so he could do this. Before he could change his mind, he leaned down and petted Rudolph, whose tail just wagged faster, if that was possible. Rudolph licked his hand, and Alex pulled back. “Is he tasting me?”

“Sort of,” Luther said. “He isn’t going to bite you. Dogs use their nose and tongue to explore the world the way we use our hands and eyes. So it’s okay. He’s just getting to know you.” Alex tried again, petting Rudolph. He wasn’t sure how much more of this he was going to be able to take. The dogs had been good and the experience was positive, but Alex wondered how long it would be before something went wrong—because something always did.

“He’s really sweet,” Alex said to try to reassure himself. Palmer had said that saying positive things out loud so he could hear them when he was stressed might help him.

“Do you want to sit with him?” Luther asked. Then he led Alex to a chair. He sat, and Rudolph jumped onto his lap and balanced on his legs, tongue out, tail going, watching him with that doggie smile.

Luther said nothing, and Alex petted Rudolph, who sat down. “I think I like him.”

“He sure likes you.”

Alex kept petting Rudolph. “Do you get a lot of dogs at this time of year?”

“Christmas is a hard time for a lot of people. Mitchell says that the holidays are a time when lots of people get dogs. Some get them as gifts for others, but Mitchell discourages that. A dog is a personal choice. Last year he had someone bring a dog back the day after Christmas for a refund.” Luther rolled his eyes, and Rudolph licked Alex’s chin. Under normal circumstances, something like that would send his anxiety through the roof, but Alex didn’t seem to mind with Rudolph.

“I really like him. You’re a good boy,” Alex told Rudolph, who leaned against his chest. “You seem to like me too.” Alex took a deep breath, and to his surprise, some of his general anxiety began to abate. The world tended to be a source of worry for him. He and Palmer had talked through this a number of times. He was on medication and had tried yoga, breathing, meditation, and God knows what else. But this little dog soothed him in a way he never would have thought possible.

“Hello,” someone called from the door.

“Should we put him back?” Alex asked as a man and a woman came inside. “You need to help them.”

Luther smiled at him once more. “Just sit there with Rudolph and relax. I’m going to help these people. You can take all the time you want.” He leaned closer, his breath warming Alex’s cheek. “Maybe what you both need is a little attention and care, and there is nothing like a little puppy love.” He went over to greet the couple and show them through the shelter while Alex sat with Rudolph.

He watched and petted the energetically sweet dog. Alex kept half an eye on the couple as Luther talked to them about various dogs. They took a few out, including Elsa and a dog named Tally, as well as Rex and Tipper, but they couldn’t seem to make up their minds.

“I think I want a smaller dog,” the woman said. She looked at Dolly and one other before turning her attention to where Alex sat. As soon as she looked at him, Alex’s anxiety went wild. He had no idea why, but he didn’t like the woman at all. Something got his back up, and he put an arm around Rudolph to shield him from her.

“Is that dog available?” she asked, pointing a manicured finger in their direction.

“That’s Rudolph. He’s been here in the shelter a few weeks,” Luther said. He gave her Rudolph’s backstory as the dog pressed closer to Alex, pulling his tail close. The wagging came to a halt. “He’s—”

“Not available,” Alex found himself saying in a rush. “He’s being adopted. But I’m sure you’ll find the perfect dog for you.” Preferably someplace else , he added in his mind. “Isn’t that right, Rudolph? You’re coming home with me.” That tail started going fast, like he understood Alex. Rudolph licked his chin again, prancing on Alex’s legs even as Alex wondered if he’d made a huge mistake.