Holiday Cheer from Andrew Grey and Amy Lane

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

“WHAT ABOUT this one?” Luther asked as he pointed out a tree on the lot of the Weis supermarket.

“Isn’t it a little tall?” Alex asked.

“We could move the table in front of the window and put it there. The lights would shine through, and it would be festive.” And just like that, Alex could picture the tree in that spot.

“It’s perfect,” he said quietly. He stroked the tree’s soft needles and paid the attendant before he and Luther loaded the tree on top of Alex’s car.

He drove home slowly, and once they were there, Luther hefted the tree off the car, and Alex hurried ahead to get the stand ready. Alex put the table in the spare room, and then they brought the tree inside and got it in place. Rudolph hurried over to check out the new addition, sniffing and poking around under it before prancing away and jumping onto the sofa, where he stood with his front paws on the arm to watch the proceedings like the prince he seemed to think he was.

“We need music,” Luther said, getting out his phone. Instantly, “Sleigh Ride” began to play, and the room seemed to fill with cheer.

Alex already had the boxes of decorations and lights in the corner. He got out the first string of multicolored lights, which he had made sure still worked, and Luther bravely began winding them onto the tree branches. Alex’s first instinct was to point out imperfections, but he held himself back. Once he had the lights strung, Luther stepped back and used the final string to fill in any holes. “That’s better than I usually manage,” Alex told him. “Thank you.”

“Is there any pattern to the ornaments that you like?” Luther asked, interrupting his singalong rendition of “Jingle Bell Rock.” Alex hadn’t had this much fun in a long time.

“Not really. There aren’t a lot of them.” He was afraid his tree was going to look bare, but Luther seemed to have a way, and they placed the ornaments with enough space that by the time they were through, his tree didn’t look completely pathetic.

Then the song changed to “Mele Kalikimaka,” and Luther tugged Alex over and slowly danced him around the room.

“You’re a nut.”

“But a fun one.”

Alex couldn’t argue with that and put his head on Luther’s shoulder. The two of them swayed through the rest of the song. Then Rudolph wanted to get in on the action, running in circles in his own happy dance.

The song came to an end and Luther kissed Alex, this time harder than before, with passion that rose between them quickly. Alex’s head swam in it, and he sighed softly in Luther’s tight embrace, holding him in return.

Alex cupped Luther’s cheeks in his hands, returning the kiss with one of his own just as the doorbell rang. A knock followed, sending Rudolph into a barking frenzy.

“What is that? Are you expecting someone?”

“No. But I know who it is.” The knock came again, more insistent this time. “It’s my mother.”

It was Luther’s turn to tense. The way he held Alex shifted, and then he pulled away. What was it about his mom? “You’d better answer the door before she decides to break it down.” His humor seemed gone, and in an instant, the holiday cheer that had filled the room evaporated like fog in the wind. Luther lifted Rudolph, calming him as Alex opened the door and let the whirlwind that was his mother into the house.

“I knew you were home. I could hear the music,” she declared as she stepped inside. “Did you get one of those dog alarm doorbells?” Her question died as she saw Rudolph. “When did you get a dog? You were always afraid of them.” She set her purse on the nearest chair and took off her coat. She usually draped it over the back of the chair, but now she held it like she didn’t quite know what to do.

Rudolph growled, and Luther did his best to soothe him. Clearly he didn’t like her.

“Can you hang this up for me? I don’t want to get dog hair on it.” She handed over the coat without even looking in Alex’s direction, knowing he would do as she asked. “Who are you?”

“This is Luther. He’s a friend, and he volunteers at the shelter where I got Rudolph. He helped me get the things I’d need for him, and the two of us have been seeing each other.” God, why did he always feel like a teenager again when his mother looked at him that way?

“But you hate dogs,” she said softly, as though she were dissecting everything Alex did. It was unnerving. “You always have. Remember the time the neighbor had that brown boxer and he snapped at you for no reason? And the time your cousin’s chihuahua snapped at you when you went to pet it? Nasty little thing.” She turned up her lip, and Alex’s mind clicked on those instances and a chill went up his spine.

“Rudolph is a wonderful dog, and Alex has been courageous enough to face his fears.” Luther came over and passed Rudolph to him. Alex cuddled Rudolph close, and he stopped growling, though he never stopped watching Alex’s mom.

“What did you need?” Alex asked. “You don’t usually just drop by.” His mother was more the kind of person who called in advance like she was making an appointment to have her hair done.

“Yes. You made me forget. Your father and I were talking, and we can arrange for another cabin. There are a few left on the ship. We thought you should come with us for the holidays. I always thought it a shame that you wouldn’t be with us. This way we can all be together as a family. You and Melody would have your own cabins next to each other.” She said it as though it was the greatest idea ever and like she was doing him a big favor.

“Maybe I should get ready to go,” Luther said softly. “You and your mom have things to talk about.” He turned away.

“You don’t need to go,” Alex said gently.

“I think I should,” Luther said, and Alex nodded. He couldn’t make Luther stay, but he didn’t want him to go. Hell, he wanted to beg him to stay. His anxiety was already going through the roof. His hands shook, and the tension in the room seemed to pull out all the oxygen.

“Don’t,” he managed to say, touching Luther’s arm. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, using a technique he had since he was a kid, trying to shut himself off from everything. Rudolph licked his chin and up his neck, making Alex smile a little, and some of the chill slipped away. “Mom isn’t going to be staying very long.”

“We need to talk about this cruise. If you’re coming with us, there are a lot of things that I’m going to need so we can get everything filled out properly. I thought I could book the cabin using your computer, and then we can fill out all the passenger information. They’re going to need it right away.”

Luther gently squeezed Alex’s arm gently. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” Alex nodded, and Luther leaned close. “I promise. You talk over what you need to with your mom.” He got his coat, and Alex still held Rudolph as Luther reached for the door. Alex was well aware that Luther couldn’t get out of the house fast enough, and he felt like if he didn’t stop Luther somehow, he was never going to see him again. His nerves jangled, and he didn’t know what to do. Luther opened the door and then paused. He returned to where Alex stood, leaned down, and kissed him gently. He also gave Rudolph a few pats and then left the house, closing the door behind him.

“Good. He’s gone.” She brushed off the seat of one of the high-backed chairs before perching on the edge of it. “Now you and I can talk about the plans for the holidays. Your father and I thought we’d make the cruise your Christmas present….”

As she went on with her plans, he stood there, barely listening as his mind clicked in a million different directions. For as long as he could remember, he’d always been nervous and anxious. “Mom,” he said gently. “It’s great that you, Dad, and Melody are going on a cruise for the holidays, but I don’t want to.” He really wasn’t interested. “It’s nice that you want me to go along now, but it’s not what I want.” Besides, she hadn’t considered the fact that he had already told them that the vacation schedules in the office were set. “I can’t get the time off at this late date anyway.”

“Please. Like what you do won’t wait until after the holidays.” She rolled her eyes.

“Mom,” he said more firmly. “If I go, then Jane will have to cancel her plans, and I won’t do that to her. Someone from my department needs to be in the office, and I let the people who work for me have the time this year.” God, he felt better standing up to her a little. She always steamrolled over what he wanted or thought.

“Still, your father and I think—” she began, the way she always did. Like what the two of them thought should hold sway over everything and everyone.

“No, Mom,” he said more forcefully. “I can’t do that. I appreciate the offer to join you, but I can’t.” He sat on the sofa, and Rudolph stood on his lap, his tail still, watching Mom without moving, which was rare for his energetic dog. “Was there something else that you came over to see me about?” She could have just called—that would have been easier. But it was harder for him to tell his mother no in person, and she knew that.

“Can’t I come to see you?” she asked.

“You can, but you don’t usually.” She kept watching Rudolph. “Do you want to hold him?” Alex asked. “Rudolph is really nice, and I’m finding that he’s good company. Luther is helping me learn how to take care of him properly.”

She shook her head. “I don’t care for dogs. Never have. Melody kept asking for a dog all the time, but you were so terrified of them, so we told her no.”

Alex leaned forward. “Except it was you who didn’t like dogs. You never wanted Melody to have one either, so you used my anxiety as an excuse to tell her no when it was possible that if I got used to a dog, I’d get over my issues and come to love them.” He’d certainly come to adore Rudolph easily enough.

“How was I to know?” she snapped, eyeing Rudolph like he was the devil himself. “It was best that you didn’t get one. We were always traveling, and it would have been hard on any animal that we got, being left in a kennel or with a pet sitter.”

Alex stood and brought Rudolph closer. His mom’s eyes widened, and she sat back to try to get away.

“And you’re scared of dogs. All those years you told Melody that it was me when it was really you.” He sat back down. “So what else have you projected onto me?” After years in therapy, he had learned the lingo pretty well.

“You were afraid of dogs,” she said. “I didn’t do that.” She sat up straighter, and Alex knew that expression. She would deny doing anything wrong to her last breath.

“No, but you used it.” His entire childhood, he’d heard his mother tell Melody or her friends that they couldn’t get a dog or that they couldn’t go hiking because Alex was anxious around animals or that Alex didn’t like the outdoors because there could be bears. And yeah, he had been worried about stuff like that, but his parents hadn’t soothed him or tried to talk him away from the fear. Mom had just told Melody that they couldn’t go camping or to Yellowstone because of him. “I like dogs. At least I like Rudolph, and I know now that they aren’t going to bite or attack me. I met a number of dogs at the shelter the other day, and I’m going to go back until I get over this fear. I’m tired of being worried all the time and anxious about everything.”

“Well, that’s good,” she said gently and then sighed. “So you aren’t coming with us.” She never seemed to let anything go.

“No. I can’t get off work, and I have Rudolph to look after. Even if I could take the time off, I wouldn’t put him with a pet sitter or in a kennel. He and I are just figuring things out.” He gently stroked Rudolph’s wiry head. “You and Dad have fun with Melody. I already have plans for Christmas Day. Luther invited me to spend the day with his family, so none of you have to worry that I’ll be alone.” He glanced at the tree near his mom and smiled at what Luther had helped him do. “Is there anything else?”

She stood, and Alex got her coat. “I’ll see you before you leave next week,” he offered.

“Don’t feel like you have to. I’m sure you’re going to be very busy,” she told him. He knew it was because she wasn’t getting her way. The invitation to join the cruise was nice, and Alex appreciated it, even if they had waited until the last minute. But he wasn’t going to let her make him feel guilty or anxious about not going. It just wasn’t possible, and that was all there was to it. Maybe if they had asked him months ago, when they’d initially decided to go, he could have. But right now Alex had a good excuse to stay home, and that was the right thing for him.

Alex saw his mother to the door and kissed her cheek before closing the door behind her, then set Rudolph down.

His family was going away for the holidays, and he was staying home. A few years ago, the thought would have sent him into worries about loneliness and being left out. But now all he could feel was relief. It was best that he made his own way, and he was looking forward to spending the day with Luther… and even meeting his family. Now that was a surprise.