Home for Christmas

Chapter 13

Jude and I devoured most of the mince pies and drank almost all of the gin – it was quite a small bottle – before I headed back up to the apartment, and I was grateful to wake the following morning without another alcohol-induced headache, because, in my mind at least, it was a very special day.

‘Bella, what are you doing?’ groaned Jude when he appeared, sleepy, tussled and delicious-looking, as I hammered up a string of outdoor lights around the stained-glass-panelled front door, which was inside the brick and wood open-fronted porch.

I realized it wasn’t a special day to him, but I still couldn’t rein my excitement in.

‘What does it look like?’ I responded, leaning around the side of the step ladder with nary a care for my safety.

‘I have no idea,’ he grumbled. ‘I don’t want to properly open my eyes to look, because it’s very dark, it’s ridiculously early and I’m pretending I’m still asleep.’

‘It’s not that early,’ I tutted. ‘And besides, don’t you have work to do today? It is Monday, after all.’

‘I’m not starting work at this hour,’ he groaned again, giving a shiver because he was still in his PJs and it was frosty out.

‘I’m putting some lights up,’ I told him. ‘I would usually have put them up yesterday in readiness for today, but the time ran away with me and I was distracted by… all that gin.’

I had been distracted by what he’d told me, too, but I wasn’t going to bring that up and risk getting his week off to a bad start. In all honesty, given that he’d now only got a few days left in Wynbridge, I didn’t think I’d ever mention it again. It was such a horrendous thing to have experienced, and I resented Tabitha and Barny and the fact that their cruelty had blighted Jude’s former love for Christmas.

I could well imagine that the trauma had left him reluctant to truly trust another woman again, too. I remembered that he had joshed about being offended that I hadn’t made a move on him once I’d told him I only went in for brief affairs, but perhaps he hadn’t been joking, after all. Maybe that was as much as he felt able or willing to commit to now, too.

The irony that I had developed unexpectedly deeper feelings for him wasn’t lost on me. If I hadn’t, and we could have got over the Connelly connection I’d previously cited as a barrier, we might have had a really fun month.

Dismissing that tragic thought, I steered my attention back to the task currently in hand.

‘I usually put a few festive lights up inside now, too,’ I said, ‘but I’ve got to wait until I’ve waved you off next week to do that. Unless…’

‘No,’ said Jude, finding his voice again. ‘Don’t even think about it.’

‘In that case,’ I laughed, ‘you’ll just have to put up with a bit of early a.m. hammering out here today, won’t you?’

‘You still haven’t told me what the occasion is,’ he grizzled, scratching his head and making even more of a mess of his hair.

‘It’s the twenty-fifth of November, of course,’ I said, my sing-song tone suggesting that he should have known. ‘Exactly one month until Christmas Day.’

‘And that’s a big thing, is it?’ he asked, hopping from one cold foot to the other.

‘It is in my world,’ I declared, jumping off the ladder and stepping out of the porch to see how the lights looked.

It was hard to tell without firing them up, but I thought I’d positioned them pretty much as I usually did with the benefit of the daylight on the twenty-fourth. They went around the door and up and over the tiled roof, then wrapped around the brick pillars right to the ground on either side. The porch was also flanked with two standard clipped box balls in deep red, glossy ceramic frost-resistant pots, and I’d already added tiny lights to those, along with a few all-weather fairies, who were dressed and decorated to match the season.

‘Would you care to do the honours?’ I asked Jude as I folded the stepladder up, ready to put it back in the garden shed.

‘What, now?’ He frowned, rubbing his bare arms.

‘Yes,’ I said, ‘it’ll be light soon, so we need to get a wriggle on if we want to admire the full effect.’

He looked at me for a moment, and I wondered what he was thinking. Probably what a pain in his butt I was.

‘Okay, hang on,’ he said surprisingly and disappeared back indoors again.

While he was gone, I put the stepladder away and made sure the other seasonal porch pots, which were filled with red cyclamen and deep-green ivy, were equally spaced and not too exposed to the potentially wet winter weather, which they didn’t much like. If the temperature really plummeted or the rain lashed down, I would lift them properly inside the porch, but the effect wasn’t as spectacular as when they were arranged as I’d set them up now.

‘Perfect,’ I sighed happily.

I thought it all looked as pretty as a carefully crafted Insta picture. Or it would when the lights went on.

‘Here you go,’ said Jude, finally coming back out and looking much more awake.

He was dressed, trainers included, and carrying a tray with two steaming mugs on it.

‘It wasn’t made in a teapot, I’m afraid,’ he smiled, ‘because I was trying to be quick, but I thought it might add to the moment and thaw your fingers out a bit. You must be frozen.’

I wriggled my chilly fingers in my snowflake-patterned fingerless gloves.

‘I’m okay,’ I said, feeling a bit choked that, despite his dislike of the season, he’d decided to play along. He might have just been humouring me, but under the circumstances and given what I now knew about him, I very much appreciated that. ‘But the tea is definitely very welcome.’

‘Well,’ he said, putting the tray back in the porch, ‘you know, it’s important to make an occasion out of these things.’

I felt even more choked when he said that.

‘Even Christmas things,’ I said, giving him a nudge, ‘and at an uncivilized hour?’

‘Just this once,’ he said, looking down at me and making something disconcerting happen to my heart again, ‘and only because it’s you, Bella.’

‘In that case,’ I said, after a beat had passed and I’d managed to pull my gaze away from his, ‘we should definitely fire these lights up, shouldn’t we?’

‘It would be a waste not to, now that we’ve gone to so much trouble,’ he laughed. ‘And I will do the honours if you tell me where the switch is,’ he added, handing me his mug. ‘Then you can stand back and properly admire the spectacle.’

I didn’t tell him that I usually turned the lights on, then felt my way out of the porch and on to the drive with my eyes squeezed shut. He probably already thought I was a bit bonkers, and I didn’t want to further confirm his suspicions.

‘All right,’ I said, gulping down the hot tea, ‘but take the mugs with you and leave them in the porch, otherwise I won’t be able to clap my hands and jump up and down.’

‘That’s a necessary part of the proceedings, is it?’ he laughed again.

‘Yes,’ I said seriously. ‘It’s utterly integral to the proceedings.’

‘What are you like?’ He rolled his eyes, but still took the mugs from me and strode off.

‘The switch is just next to the door,’ I called after him.

An electrician friend had set up a double outdoor socket for me a couple of years ago when I realized the natural winter light at the front of the house wasn’t strong enough to power solar lights.

‘Are you ready?’ Jude called.

‘Yes,’ I said, clasping my hands together, ‘go on.’

‘Three, two, one…’ he shouted, properly getting into the swing of it for me.

‘Oh, Jude,’ I said, clapping and jumping at the same time, ‘come and look!’

He came and stood next to me, bringing Tink with him, and then turned around. Rather than keep looking at the lights, I watched him. A slow smile spread across his face, and it grew even wider when he spotted the fairies peeping out of the box balls.

‘There’s no mistaking who lives here, is there?’ he said admiringly. ‘It’s just as well I’m going next week, Bella, because you’d have me believing in the magic of Christmas again if I was staying much longer, and I’m not sure I’m ready to re-embrace it yet.’

‘But you might be one day?’ I whispered.

‘Perhaps,’ he whispered back.

His admission was music to my ears and, without thinking, I reached over and pulled him in for a hug. At least, my initial intention had been to give him a hug. Missing the moment to simply rest my head on his shoulder, I suddenly found my face just an inch in front of his.

‘Jude,’ I softly whispered as my lips were compulsively drawn to lightly meet his, and he returned the gentle kiss I gave him with a firmer one of his own.

My head had every intention of pulling away, but my heart kept me melded to him. I kissed him again, and he kissed me back. His mouth felt wonderfully warm against mine, and his lips were every bit as soft and full as I had so often imagined they would be.

Neither of us drew away and the moment became deeper, more intense and heading hastily towards hungry as our arms tightened around each other. There was no denying that my feelings for him had surpassed lust and ‘brief liaison’ territory. The kiss cemented the foundations of a deeper connection that I had already known was beginning to grow, and I wondered if Jude was feeling it, too.

‘Sorry,’ he suddenly said, letting me go and taking a step away. ‘I’m so sorry, Bella.’

Clearly he wasn’t feeling any of what I was, and I had less than a second to recover from the disappointment and mortification as the freezing air filled the space he had previously occupied.

‘Why are you sorry?’ I laughed, somehow managing to look right at him and still pretend that everything was fine. ‘I’m not sorry.’

‘You’re not?’ His eyes searched my face.

‘No,’ I told him. ‘Of course I’m not. That was a wonderful way to celebrate the start of the countdown to Christmas, wasn’t it?’

‘Trust you to make it about Christmas,’ he said, looking relieved. ‘No mistletoe, though.’

‘Says who?’ I laughed, pointing at the ball of silk mistletoe hanging under the roof of the porch.

As much as I would have loved to, I never got the real thing, because I always worried that the berries might fall off and that Tink would find them before I did. Or Jasper would, if he was visiting. He’d be the dog most likely to sniff them out and devour them, and that would mean yet another trip for him to the vets.

‘I hadn’t spotted that.’ Jude smiled. ‘We should have been under it, shouldn’t we?’

Had it been anyone other than Jude, I might have suggested stepping into the porch and having another go, but it was Jude, and I knew from how my head and heart had reacted to his lips pressed against mine that I couldn’t possibly allow myself to kiss him again. I couldn’t recall another time when my actual soul had responded, so the kiss had been a truly unique, as well as unsettling, encounter. Unsettling because Jude was practically on the verge of leaving, and I was now in danger of waving my heart off with him.

‘I think we were near enough for it to count,’ I therefore said.

I was just about to remind him that we should also veto a rematch because of the Connelly connection we’d previously flagged up, but my phone began to ring, robbing me of the chance.

‘Oh, it’s Mum,’ I said, looking at the screen as I pulled it out of my pocket. She really did have impeccably spooky timing. ‘I’d better answer.’

‘Of course,’ said Jude. ‘And I should really make a start on getting ready to head to the hall. Angus phoned last night and said he’s found something he wants to show me. I hope it’s got something to do with my work and isn’t just some random thing that he’s found in one of the boxes in the loft.’

‘Of course it’ll be something random he’s found in a box,’ I laughed, trying to sound as unaffected by our moment as he obviously was. ‘I’ll see you later. Merry Christmas.’

‘And to you, too,’ Jude said, smiling back.

I wondered if he’d purposefully not said the words.

‘Hey, Mum,’ I said, quickly answering the call before it cut off and watching Jude disappear back into the house, taking the tray and mugs with him. ‘How are you?’

‘How are you, more like?’ she asked. ‘What are you smiling about?’

‘How do you know I’m smiling?’ I laughed.

‘I can hear it in your voice,’ she explained. ‘What’s to do? Admiring the lights you doubtless put up around the porch yesterday, or something else?’

‘That and possibly something else,’ I told her as I ushered Tink around the side of the house to the apartment door.

‘Well, now,’ she said, ‘I’m intrigued. I know it’s very early in the day over there, so could it be a gentleman caller? Or even a gentleman over-nighter?’

‘Mum!’ I tutted.

‘Come on,’ she said, sensing that she’d either hit or come close to the truth. ‘Tell me. It’ll make a change for you to make me blush, rather than the other way around.’

Once upstairs, I reached for the kettle and filled it at the sink.

‘Okay, okay,’ I caved. ‘It’s the guy I messaged you about – Jude.’

‘The chap who the Connellys convinced you to take in for a few weeks?’

‘Yes,’ I said, ‘that’s him.’

‘Well, what about him? A mild flirtation or a full-on fling?’

‘Neither, really,’ I said, awkwardly sloshing milk into my mug with one hand while I cradled the phone between my neck and shoulder. I would usually put Mum on speaker, but this was one conversation I definitely didn’t want the person currently downstairs to inadvertently overhear.

‘Neither?’ Mum asked. ‘Don’t tell me he hasn’t fallen head over heels in love with you, Bella, because I won’t believe that for a second. You’re the hottest ticket in town!’

‘Oh, Mum,’ I tutted. ‘I wouldn’t say things have gone anywhere near that far, but I do think there’s… something.’

‘Of course there is,’ she said firmly. ‘I’m sure he’s mad for you.’

‘On both sides, actually,’ I unguardedly added.

Mum didn’t respond for a moment, and I realized that, still feeling heady from the kiss Jude and I had just shared, I’d gone and blurted out a confession I hadn’t intended to share with anyone.

‘You mean,’ Mum finally said, ‘that you like him as well as him liking you ? As in, properly liking?’

‘I do quite like him,’ I told her, belatedly reining in my enthusiasm.

‘Well,’ Mum gasped, ‘that’s a turn-up for the books.’

‘I know,’ I said, ‘but it isn’t going to come to anything, because he’ll be gone in a week—’

‘Given how much you love short-term romances,’ she said, ‘that would usually make him a prime candidate, wouldn’t it?’

‘Usually,’ I confirmed, ‘yes.’

‘So the fact that you’re holding back tells me that you more than quite like him, Bella.’

‘Yes,’ I said, because I couldn’t deny it, ‘I know it does. And the kiss…’

‘You’ve kissed him?’ Mum gasped.

‘Just now, on the porch,’ I blurted out, cursing the words that kept falling unbidden and unchecked from my mouth. ‘To celebrate turning the house lights on.’

‘And how was it?’ Mum asked. ‘The kiss, not the switch-on.’

I closed my eyes and recalled how high my libido had leapt as Jude had pressed his body closer to mine. I also ran a finger over my lips, remembering the soft, then urgent, pressure.

‘Absolutely wonderful,’ I admitted. ‘But under the circumstances, it definitely won’t be happening again. I won’t be making a habit out of it between now and the first of December.’

Mum tried to say something further, but I insistently said that she didn’t need to warn me about heartbreak, because I wasn’t going to be setting myself up to experience it, and then I conclusively changed the subject. It took a few attempts to get her to drop the topic, but I managed it in the end.

Holed up in the apartment, focused on making fairies, I didn’t see Jude for the rest of the day – or the next couple of days, either. I had slunk away from the house on Wednesday to take my turn selling on the Christmas market stall, and I made sure the coast was clear when I returned home again early that evening.

All the creeping about felt a bit cloak and dagger, but the physical and mental response I’d had to that kiss had made me realize that stealth mode was necessary if I didn’t want to put my heart in further jeopardy ahead of the festive season.

‘Bella!’

Clearly Jude hadn’t got the memo, because he came knocking on my door late on Thursday morning. His sudden hammering made my heart race, but this time because he’d made me jump. I glanced at the calendar. It was the twenty-eighth of November. Still a few more days until he was due to depart, and my avoidance plan was about to lose its initial momentum.

‘Come on, open up!’ he called. ‘I know you’re in there.’

I looked at Tink, who was standing with her head cocked to one side, and pressed my finger to my lips. With any luck, Jude might come to the conclusion that I had taken her for a walk and disappear back into the house again.

‘Bella!’

Tink began to woof, and I knew the game was up. I gave her a look, and she started to race madly about, barking even more loudly.

‘Hold on!’ I shouted, moving as far away from the door as I could in the shortest possible time. ‘Just a sec.’

I took a moment to gather my thoughts, grabbed my earbuds, then strode purposefully over to the door.

‘Hey,’ I said, opening it wide with what I hoped was a look of surprise on my face. ‘Jude! Sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was listening to some music,’ I embellished, holding the earbuds up. ‘Have you been there long?’

He looked wrong-footed.

‘You okay?’ I frowned. ‘Is something wrong with the house?’

‘What? No,’ he said, dragging a hand through his hair. ‘No, everything’s fine. I was just…’

‘You were just?’ I prompted.

‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘Sorry. I think I made a mistake.’

‘Oh?’

‘I’d got it into my head that you were avoiding me.’

‘ Avoiding you?’ I asked, frowning again. ‘Why would I be avoiding you?’

‘Well—’

‘Don’t stand out there,’ I interrupted, opening the door even wider and playing the hostess. ‘Come in. There’s tea in the pot.’

With my friendliest smile in place, I poured us both a mug and offered to share my serving of overnight oats, seeds and fruit, which I hadn’t got around to eating for breakfast.

‘No, thanks,’ said Jude, accepting the mug but not the food. ‘I’m good.’

I didn’t much fancy it myself now, but having made such a show of normality, I had no choice but to tuck in. Tink sat next to Jude with her head on his lap.

‘Sorry I cut you off before,’ I said, having eventually swallowed a mouthful. ‘You were about to tell me why you thought I’d been avoiding you.’

He began to stroke Tink’s head and let out a long breath.

‘It seems stupid now,’ he said, as a slight blush bloomed. ‘Especially as I can see how much work you’ve got on.’

The table in front of the sofa was covered in fairy things, and there were a couple of open crates, too, packed to the brim with bits and pieces, along with a notepad and tablet.

‘I am a bit swamped,’ I told him, which was true.

As well as the Christmas market stall, Holly and I were sharing a stand at the school fair on Friday, and I still had lots to do ahead of that.

‘So,’ he said, looking sheepish, ‘you’re actually working hard, rather than staying out of my way.’

‘Of course,’ I said, thinking for the second time in recent days that I was looking like a less-than-likely candidate for Santa’s nice list that year. ‘I’ve had no reason to avoid you, Jude, have I?’

‘I can see that now,’ he tutted, ‘but I’d got it into my head that after our kiss—’

‘Our kiss on the drive?’ I asked, blinking at him over my oats.

It was obvious which kiss. We’d only had one.

‘After our kiss on the drive,’ he carried on, ‘I thought you’d been staying out of my way. I was beginning to panic that I was a rubbish kisser,’ he said, making an even worse job of making light of the situation than I was.

The truth was, he was a stand-out kisser, not a rubbish one.

‘Of course you’re not a rubbish kisser,’ I laughed as I pushed the jar of oats away. If I ate another mouthful, Jude might end up wearing them. ‘Far from it!’ I said jollily. ‘You’re a fabulous kisser.’

A kisser who had made me feel far too much, as it turned out, but he didn’t need to be told that as well as how wonderful he was.

‘Well, that’s all right, then,’ he responded equally as heartily. ‘Phew!’

‘And I haven’t been avoiding you at all,’ I bluffed. ‘As you’ve now realized, I’m just bonkers busy with work.’

‘Good,’ he said, slapping his hand on his thigh and only just avoiding Tink’s nose. ‘Great. Because I’d hate it if that kiss had made things awkward between us again, Bella. It feels to me like we’d only recently got over me being a prat when I arrived.’

‘And my shock at you not liking Christmas,’ I quipped, then hastily added, ‘though with good reason.’

‘Exactly,’ he said. ‘I didn’t want that kiss to be the reason we didn’t see each other between last Sunday and next.’

‘That’s not the reason at all,’ I reassured him. ‘And besides, in my experience, kisses come thick and fast at this time of year.’

‘They do?’ he faltered.

‘Absolutely!’ I laughed. ‘I can barely get back from a trip to the pub from now until New Year without someone planting a smacker on my lips or a peck on my cheek.’

‘Oh.’

‘I blame the mistletoe headband,’ I quipped. ‘I shouldn’t wear it, really.’

Poor Jude looked completely confused, but I hoped I’d done a convincing enough job of making him believe that I hadn’t been staying out of his way on purpose. The abundant-kisses comment was all made up, but perhaps I should kiss someone else in front of him to really hammer the point home.

And in the spirit of making him believe me…

‘Let me make it up to you,’ I said to him. ‘My ill-timed absence, that is. I’ve had an invitation to the Brambles distillery Christmas party on Saturday night. Why don’t we go together? You can be my plus-one. It can be your last hurrah before you leave on Sunday.’

‘A Christmas party?’

‘Oh, sorry,’ I said. ‘That’s not your thing, is it?’

In truth, I would be relieved if he turned the invitation down. It had been reckless of me to suggest it, prompted by the guilt of lying about avoiding him and the exact opposite of what I knew I should do to protect my heart.

‘Not as a rule,’ he said with a smile, ‘but as it’ll be my last night here, and as it’s you who’s asking, Bella, I suppose I could make an exception.’

‘Great!’ I choked out, feeling even more grateful that I’d given up on the oats. ‘And as festive dress will be expected, you’d better ask Angus if the offer of one of his seasonal sweaters still stands.’

Jude looked as peaky as I felt after I suggested that.