Hostile for the Holidays

15. Stella

FIFTEEN

STELLA

“Where have you been?” Sadie asks, pushing a bowl of popcorn into my hands.

“I was with Jasper,” I say, grabbing a handful of popcorn and shoving it into my mouth.

She grins wickedly. “Oh, right. Your boyfriend .” She winks at me. I should have never told her that we weren’t really together.

“Shh.” I glance around nervously. “I don’t want Daniel to suspect anything.”

“Daniel’s out with Cady Cosgrove. They really hit it off last night and he took her to dinner and a movie tonight.”

I take a moment for that to sink in. If Daniel isn’t pursuing me then do Jasper and I even need to continue this dating ruse? I expect this development to make me feel relief, but that’s not the emotion that comes to the surface.

“Oh, that’s great.” Using my upper teeth, I pull the corner of my lip into my mouth.

“What’s the matter, Stell? Are you having second thoughts about rejecting Daniel?”

“No, that’s not it at all. I’m happy for Daniel and Cady.”

“Well, good news, it looks like you’re off the hook and don’t need to fake date Jasper anymore.”

She has no idea how not fake the orgasm he gave me this afternoon was. It was so not fake that my legs are still wobbly from the aftershocks.

That’s right. It has been confirmed. Jasper Jensen knows how to use his tongue and his fingers to please a woman. To please me . Never in a million years would I have thought that would happen.

But god, did I love having his mouth on me. His tongue both teasing and demanding against my clit while he thrust his fingers inside me. It was the most intense orgasm of my life. But also, the way he was with me after. Kissing me sweetly and helping me get dressed without a mention of anything in return. And from the sizable bulge in his jeans, it was clear he was turned on.

Now I’m thinking about Jasper’s dick and wondering what it would feel like in my hand, in my mouth, inside… gulp . I try to not finish that thought, but my brain is one step ahead, already conjuring up images of Jasper bending me over that table in the warehouse office, or hiking up my skirt and drilling me on the side of my house. We really need to find more suitable places for these activities.

“Well, it’s better to be safe than sorry. I should probably let this thing with Jasper play out until I’m back in New York.” And collect a few more orgasms. “Just in case things with Daniel and Cady don’t work out.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Sadie’s still smiling at me, her smugness evident. “You can admit you like Jasper. I won’t tell anyone.”

I’ll admit no such thing.

“Shut up.” I give her a friendly shove into the dining room where Tom is sitting at the table.

Sadie yelps out of my reach before rushing into Tom’s arms. He wraps his arms around her and she playfully feeds him a handful of popcorn which he devours before snuggling into her neck.

There’s an ache in my chest, and a feeling like something is missing. A longing for something that I can’t quite put my finger on.

I pull off my coat and boots in the mudroom, then join them at the dining table.

Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” is blaring from a small Bluetooth speaker on the table.

“Wow, this nineteen seventies banger is really setting the holiday mood,” I say.

“We’re cultivating our wedding reception playlist. Any requests?” Tom asks.

“Actually,” Sadie interjects, “we’re not taking requests because I already have over eight hours of music and I’m trying to whittle it down to six.”

“Any Christmas music by chance?” I ask. “You know, since it’s the holidays.”

“Yeah, but Christmas will be over then, and everyone will be tired of hearing it, so no.”

“Hey, Stell-bell,” my dad says, walking in with a beer, “you want to play a game?”

“What are you playing?” I drop into the empty seat at the head of the table.

“Seating charts,” my mom responds, following him in from the kitchen with a large paper layout of the reception venue and a stack of small sticky notes. “It’s a puzzle and the challenge is to know all the family drama and dynamics so you don’t sit people who dislike each other together.”

“And my sorority sisters who are and aren’t speaking to each other right now,” Sadie chimes in.

I can’t help the disappointment that washes over me. I thought there might actually be a family game night.

It’s not that I don’t want to help with Sadie’s wedding to-do list, it’s just I thought there would be a balance of wedding stuff and holiday traditions. It’s becoming clearer that we’re just going to sweep past the holidays this year and try again the next. But once Sadie and Tom are married, there will be splitting time between his family and ours. I’m all too aware that I didn’t know it was happening at the time, but last year was our last time together as a family of four during the holidays.

“You’ll win that every time,” I tell my mom. “Your sisters are the ones that need to be flagged for violence.”

My dad nods. “She’s right. Janie has been on a warpath since the divorce. I’d appreciate not sitting next to her.” He writes her name on a sticky note and places it at a table on the map in the back corner.

“You can’t put Janie in the corner,” my mom insists. “She’s been through a lot. No matter how emotionally exhausting she is, she’s my sister and I love her. Just like Stella and Sadie love each other.”

“I love your crazy ass,” I tell Sadie.

“I love yours more,” she replies.

Sadie and I stick our tongues out at each other to express our sisterly love, and my mom rolls her eyes. We’re grown adults now but there’s something fun about acting like little children to bug our parents.

“What did you do today?” my mom asks.

“I went to Toys for Tiny Hearts with Jasper. We wrapped toys and then ended up driving around looking at Christmas lights.” I toss another handful of popcorn into my mouth. “Oh, and our lights look great. Dad, you must have worked all day to put them up.”

My dad thumbs through the stack of invitations, preparing to start writing names on sticky notes. “I didn’t put the lights up. We were at the reception hall today with Tom and Sadie’s wedding planner.”

My mom sets a bowl of pretzels onto the table. “Jasper had it done.”

“What?” I reach for Sadie’s wine glass to wash back a popcorn kernel that has lodged itself in my throat.

“He called a few days ago and asked if it would be okay to have someone come hang everything. I told him it wasn’t a big deal, we’re doing a low-key Christmas this year, but he insisted and said it was a gift for you.”

I’m in shock. Jasper arranged to have my family’s house decorated for Christmas?

We used to compete about whose house was decorated the best for Christmas. Jasper would spend an entire weekend outside with his dad hanging lights, to put on a spectacular display while my dad pulled a Clark Griswald trying to untangle the messy strands from the previous year.

This year he could have easily rubbed in the fact that my family had done nothing to decorate, but instead he had the lights put up for us? I don’t understand.

“I know you and Jasper have had your differences over the years—” my mom starts.

“Differences?” Sadie scoffs. “Is that what you call being at each other’s throats for twenty years? There’s been a war going on, Mom. Stella versus Jasper. Good vs. Evil. I’m surprised there hasn’t been a standoff in our street with a catchy musical number for comedic relief.”

“Oh, like Westside Story ?” My mom sighs wistfully. “I’ve always loved that musical.”

Sadie shakes her head. “Except the characters were in love and it was their families that were the issue. So that’s not what’s happening here.”

My mom smiles. “Well, clearly you two have patched things up because you’re together now.”

My dad takes a drink of his beer. “I’m just happy I didn’t have to climb up on the roof. If Stella’s boyfriend wants to pay for light installation, I’m not going to turn it down. I’ve got a wedding to pay for.”

“I would have helped you hang the lights if we weren’t so busy with all this wedding stuff.” I can tell by Tom’s offering, he’s feeling a bit competitive with Jasper’s gift. He has nothing to worry about. Jasper’s not competing for boyfriend of the year because we’re not really together.

But it still makes me wonder why Jasper had the lights installed.

“I’m going to take a walk,” I announce, heading for the mudroom and my coat.

“Lainey and Alex are coming over later to put together the welcome bags, you want to help?” Sadie asks.

“Yeah, I’ll be back,” I toss over my shoulder before heading out the front door.

On the porch, I dust off a leaf-covered chair to sit on, then take out my phone. I pause a moment, staring across the street at the Jensens’ house. Then I type out a text to Jasper.

Why didn’t you tell me you had our lights installed?

He responds immediately.

I didn’t think it mattered.

Impulsively, I fire off a quick response.

It matters.

I stare at my text wondering how Jasper will interpret it.

What about him having our lights put up is bothering me? That he did it without asking? That it cost money? Or the fact that he’s my childhood nemesis and it feels like a power move?

It matters because it makes me wonder what is going on between us. I don’t have a fake dating manual but I’m certain having Christmas lights installed on your fake girlfriend’s house isn’t in it. Neither is receiving mind-blowing orgasms but those are non-returnable so there’s nothing I can do about it now.

Please tell me you’re not going to have them taken down.

I wouldn’t do that. I’m not mad you did it. I just don’t understand why.

Because I knew it would make you happy.

I stare at my phone screen, reading his text over and over.

He’s right. I was happy to see my childhood home all lit up. It was comforting and nostalgic, when most of my visit home has been the opposite. But the fact that Jasper knew it would make me happy is what is getting me.

This is very confusing. That’s never been a reason for you to do something.

It is now.

My mind wanders back to Jasper on his knees this afternoon. And in the car before that when he admitted all his sex dreams were about me. I don’t know how to feel about this development. I thought I was fine with him casually going down on me today but I’m starting to question his motives. And why he didn’t expect me to reciprocate. Because besides pulling his hair, I didn’t even touch him. Things between Jasper and I have always been tit for tat. It feels unsettling to leave him at an advantage.

He knows what I taste like and how wet he can make me. And what I look like when I come.

Because I was horny, I let my guard down and gave Jasper ammunition. If or how he’ll use it is to be determined.

Or I can level the playing field.

I want to return the favor.

My parents already put up their Christmas lights.

That’s not the kind of favor I’m talking about.

You don’t owe me anything.

Fine. But what if I want to give you something?

…

The three dots come and go, twice, then disappear altogether. I wait a minute in case there’s a delay but sure enough…nothing.

Did he just leave me on read?

An inkling of a feeling is starting to fester inside me.

Was today part of some elaborate hoax? Give me an incredible orgasm to throw me off track, decorate my parents’ house, then ghost me? The adult in me wants to say fuck it, who cares? His loss and move on. But younger me, whose been on the defensive with Jasper for decades, is compelled to action.

Before I have time to think, I’m out of my chair and marching across the snow-packed street. With every crunch of the snow beneath my boots, my fury grows. Ten seconds later I’m pounding on his front door.

“Stella!” His mom, Julie, answers with a huge smile. “What a lovely surprise. I didn’t know we were expecting you.”

I don’t have time for pleasantries, I need answers.

“Yeah, hi.” I stuff my hands in my coat pockets. “I need to talk to Jasper.”

“Of course. Come in. I’ll grab him for you.” She waves me in and the smell of gingerbread cookies envelopes me like a hug.

My mouth immediately waters.

Then, I hear it. Michael Bublé crooning “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas.”

The fireplace is roaring and their living room looks like it’s straight out of a holiday décor catalog. Greenery wrapped around the banister and over the fireplace mantel. Not only the large tree in the front window, but a smaller tree I can see on the landing up the stairs. It’s a tasteful explosion of plaid, red and cream. There’s more holiday décor in this ten-square-foot sitting area than there is in my entire house.

“Hey.” Jasper appears in the doorway. He’s in the same clothes from earlier today. The sweater and jeans he was wearing when he licked my pussy, except now he’s got a pair of brown loafer style slippers on his feet instead of boots. I don’t know why that feels odd to me. Like I expected him to change? Because I didn’t change my clothes. My underwear is still wet, or it might be wet again from the sight of his tousled hair and charming smile. Or maybe the memory of him on his knees in that green sweater is making me forget why I’m even here.

“You didn’t respond to my text.” My words come out sharp.

“I’m sorry. It was my turn to draw for Pictionary so I had to put my phone down.”

“Pictionary?” I ask.

“Yeah, we’re playing the holiday version.”

Of course, Jasper and his family are having a game night. It’s almost like he lured me here to rub it in my face. Except he didn’t invite me, I just showed up.

“Okay, well thanks for the lights.” I turn to leave because I suddenly feel out of place. Not sure what Jasper and I are doing. What the parameters are for our fake dating situation. Aware that if he wanted me to hang out with his family, he would have asked me.

“Do you want to play Pictionary with us?” he asks.

And I want to, desperately. But part of me had planned to stomp off across the street angry with him for having the Christmas experience with his family that I want.

I look longingly at the plate of gingerbread cookies on the console table. The cozy set up for an evening of old-fashioned family fun.

“I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not. I want you here.” He rubs my shoulders soothingly. “I thought you had plans with your family, otherwise I would have asked you earlier.”

“Yeah?” These sweet confessions from Jasper are like bread crumbs that I’m eating up. If I’m not careful, I’ll end up deep in the dark forest unable to find my way out.

But fuck it, I really want to play holiday Pictionary.

“Okay.” I nod. “I’ll stay.”

In the living room, Jasper introduces me to his aunt and uncle, his cousins and their spouses. Jasper’s parents, Julie and James, give me a hug, as well as his younger sister, Juniper.

“I love your sweater,” Juniper says. “You’ve always had great style.”

“Thank you.” I blush, because even though I know I have good taste, another woman acknowledging it is always nice to hear. “I love your dress.”

“Thanks. I got it after I saw it on your Instagram.”

“Well, it looks better on you.”

Jasper’s cousin, Jana, joins our conversation. “So glad you could make it, Stella. We’ve all heard so much about you.”

“You’ve heard about me?” I ask, a bit shocked that Jasper would be giving so many details to his family about his fake girlfriend.

“Jasper doesn’t stop talking about you. He told us all about your day at Toys for Tiny Hearts.”

“I hope he didn’t tell you everything.” I laugh nervously.

Jasper wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me in close to whisper in my ear. “I can still taste you on my tongue.”

“Stella, I might need your services in the next few days,” his mom says, smiling at me.

I try to block out Jasper’s words, but it’s impossible, so now I’m fighting through the awkwardness of my panties being wet while his mom talks to me about gift wrap.

“Of course, I’d love to help.” And I mean it, not just because I like gift-wrapping but because I suddenly have the warmest feeling in my chest and I want to keep it there.

“What about me?” Jasper protests. “I offered to help wrap gifts.”

“You’ll be my backup wrapper. In case Stella’s hands fall off,” his mom teases.

Jasper’s lips push out in a mock-pout.

“Aww, it’s okay. We can’t all be all-star wrappers,” I tease, throwing my arms around his neck to comfort him.

“Thanks, baby.” His voice is low, as if my words were truly comforting.

We stare at each other a moment, then the oddest thing happens. Jasper kisses me and it’s the most natural thing in the world.

It’s a soft peck on the lips. G-rated, very family-friendly. But the way my body responds is viewer discretion advised. Dirty thoughts and likely to contain nudity.

Still in Jasper’s arms, he turns to the group.

“Now, everyone, I’ll warn you Stella is excellent at this game.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask.

“You know you’re a good artist.” He drops his gaze to mine and winks. “You always have been.” Like how a smell or hearing a song that’s tied to a memory causes it to surface, in an instant, Jasper’s comment transports me back to the seventh-grade winter art fair.

Students submitted work to be purchased by donation that benefitted the food pantry. It was pretty much parents buying their kids’ artwork to raise the money but it made us feel like we were contributing. I had spent hours on a winter wonderland drawing. At the time, it had been my best work and while I would be proud to show it off to the community and help raise money for the food pantry, I loved it so much I was having second thoughts about entering it.

But in the end, I wanted to help with the cause, so I submitted it to the charity art fair.

Jasper bought it.

And the next day at school, he told me with the smuggest smile on his face that he had ripped it up.

I’d fought to throw some snarky comeback at him, about how it didn’t matter, or that he wasted his money, but the truth was, I’d put so much effort into that drawing, it broke my heart to know it was destroyed.

For the longest time I wasn’t convinced that the fifty dollars he spent on it, that benefitted the food pantry, was worth the heartbreak of that experience. I’d have cracked open my piggy bank and made the donation myself to keep my art.

It was the moment that the feud between Jasper and I had become personal. Not simply anything you can do, I can do better. It was war.

The weight of Jasper’s palm on my hip brings me back to the present.

We were kids. I should let it go. But can I?

“All right, Stella. Let’s see what you got.” Jasper’s aunt grabs a marker from the tray at the easel and hands it to me.

I take a card from the stack, then approach the easel.

I nearly cackle when I see it says “Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer.” It’s an elaborate one but with a few key components, the sleigh with reindeer and a detailed grandma walking down the sidewalk, my team guesses it with plenty of time to spare.

While Jasper and his team are busy guessing Jana’s drawing, I steal a glance at him. I let myself strip away all the tension and hostility between us and study him objectively. The dark-framed glasses that he wears to read, those long lashes and his sculpted jaw. I’m at war with myself because the way he’s made me feel in the past is colliding with the attraction and curiosity that I have to know more about him now. It’s a tricky place to be and I don’t like tricky. Or change. I want Jasper to be the same guy he was in high school, but that doesn’t work because people change and grow. They start multi-million-dollar corporations and charity foundations. They make gestures that show you they’re thinking about you and remember things you liked.

I’m more confused than ever, but I decide to take Sadie’s advice and embrace what feels good.