Hostile for the Holidays

25. Stella

TWENTY-FIVE

STELLA

Sadie and Tom’s wedding is pure magic. Nestled in a rustic lodge surrounded by snow-covered pine trees overlooking Snowcap Lake, the reception tables and dance floor are draped in a canopy of twinkling lights and crystal chandeliers that look like dripping icicles. The tables are adorned with vintage candle holders and centerpiece arrangements of sugared berries, winter florals, and succulents.

I lift the frosted lowball glass I’m sipping cognac from and let the notes of vanilla, spice, and caramel dance on my tongue before burning their way down my throat. I don’t even know where I got this drink from. One of Tom’s parents’ friends was drinking it and suggested I give it a try. I figured I had nothing to lose at this point.

With Jasper not in attendance, Sadie said fuck it, kept the seating chart as it was, and left his seat empty. I know she thought he would show. Make some grand gesture and declaration of love, but I reminded her that he already did that on our front lawn and I pelted him with snowballs in return.

I brought Gideon, the Christmas gnome that Jasper bought me at the tree farm craft market, as my emotional support gnome and sat him on the table beside me. When I sense people attempting to come up to talk to me, I start feeding Gideon cake and that seems to keep them from stopping.

“Hey, Stella.”

I look up to find Daniel standing at the table. I guess Gideon didn’t do the trick.

“I’m here to check on you.”

“That’s nice,” I say, noticing my words are starting to blend together, so I push the cognac glass away. “Thank you.”

“Full disclosure. Sadie asked me to. I’m with Cady now, so I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

I have to laugh at the irony in his statement.

“Oh, right. You and Cady. That’s great.”

“I know it seems sudden, but when you know, you know.”

My thoughts wander to Jasper. Or you think you know and everything is completely different than what you thought.

“And no disrespect to what we had.” He motions between us. “It was one night of passion, but me and Cady are something else. I can’t even describe it.”

Daniel makes this relationship thing sound so easy. I wonder if I’m missing something.

“Can you try?” I ask, genuinely curious.

Since our fight in the snow yesterday, Jasper hasn’t texted or called. I didn’t expect him to, but it does feel like after all these years, and everything we’ve been through, he wouldn’t so easily back off. I know I’m not being fair. Wanting my cake and eating it, too, and all that. But after a night of restless sleep, and a day filled with watching Sadie and Tom love each other for exactly who they are, faults and all, I’m starting to rethink things.

Maybe coming clean to Daniel will make me feel better about the situation. It can’t hurt.

“Jasper and I were never really together.”

Daniel blinks. “What?”

“I saw you at the airport and didn’t want to deal with your flirting so I pretended Jasper was my boyfriend.”

His mouth starts to curve into a smile and then he laughs. “That’s a good one.”

“I’m serious.”

“Nah.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “You and Jasper are relationship goals. I knew from watching you with him I had no chance. It’s the best thing that could have happened because seeing you two together helped me get over you and find Cady.”

I sigh. If Daniel won’t believe that Jasper and I weren’t a real couple even when I tell him to his face, then I’m at a loss. “Okay. Sure. We’re madly in love. But we have some unresolved issues and now we’re not together anymore.”

“You two are going to work it out. I know because I see the love between you.” He leaves me with that, rushing off to find Cady in the crowd of guests on the dance floor.

God damn it. Even Daniel was thoroughly convinced we were a couple. I’m the one who couldn’t get it through her thick skull.

But that’s not true.

I suspected it on Christmas Eve. When Jasper gave me the bow earrings. It wasn’t the value of them, but the fact that he paid attention to something he knew I’d like. And I discovered there was no setup by his mom, and there never had been. When we slow-danced in his living room and he kissed me like I was his. There was an inkling then.

And then in Jasper’s room after he had me for the first time, I knew what it was.

Love.

That hadn’t been the scary part.

It was seeing my drawing and hearing that Jasper had loved me, not for the past ten days, but the last ten years, even more than that. That moment had hurt because it felt like a betrayal. I’d built the foundation of who I was largely on my rivalry with Jasper. Hearing that he was never playing the game the way I was made me feel silly. I’d put trust in what we were, but that no longer existed. It felt like a race that only I was running while Jasper was already at the finish line waiting for me to catch up.

It wasn’t our relationship that was fake. It was our rivalry.

And I can hold onto the way I felt about him all those years ago or I can move forward with how I feel about him now.

Through the blur of my unshed tears, I scan the room, my eyes are desperately searching for…for what? Jasper isn’t here.

My chest aches with the thought of him sitting at home alone. On New Year’s Eve. He should be with the one he loves. He should be with me .

But I’m here and he’s not.

Then, it dawns on me that I can go find him. All of my bridesmaid duties are done and the last event of the evening is the countdown to midnight.

“As we get closer to counting down to the New Year, Tom and Sadie ask that their guests gather by the large windows overlooking the lake for a fireworks display accompanying the new year’s arrival.”

Glancing out the window, my heart drops.

It’s snowing. Jasper’s house is miles away and I’m in heels with no transportation.

I’ll borrow someone’s car.

But then I remember all the guests were shuttled here from the parking lot down the mountain. Even if I can borrow someone’s car, I’ll need to ride the shuttle first. And there’s the small issue of the cognac I’ve been drinking and the fact that I shouldn’t be driving anywhere.

“One minute until the new year,” the DJ announces.

My heart races at the announcement. I’m stuck. There’s no way to make it to Jasper.

I pull my phone out to call him. Even if I can’t see him, maybe I can talk to him. Maybe I can make things right before the new year.

His line rings and rings, but he doesn’t pick up.

Defeated, I shove my phone into my clutch.

As the countdown draws closer to midnight, the sound of the crowd chanting is drowned out by the whooshing in my ears. My throat tightens and fresh tears brim at my lash line. All I want is to see Jasper. To kiss him at midnight and tell him I love him.

Five…

I let the tears fall. There’s no point in holding them in anymore.

Four…

I start moving toward the exit. I can’t be here right now. I need fresh air.

Three…

Just as I’m about to reach the door, a firm hand grips my elbow and in the next second I’m spinning in my heels. Around, around, until two steady hands grip my waist, catching me as the momentum threatens to spin me past my destination.

Two…

Standing in front of me, in jeans and a wool coat with a dusting of snow in his hair, looking handsome as hell, is Jasper.

One…

I open my mouth to speak, but my words are swallowed by Jasper’s demanding mouth on mine. My hands find purchase in his thick locks which are damp from the snow. My whole body sighs with relief and then I hold on for dear life as Jasper and I work out all the emotions of the last twenty years in this one kiss.

When our mouths finally release each other, I’m breathless and weak in the knees. It’s a good thing Jasper is holding me up.

“You came.” My hands slide inside his coat to feel his warmth.

He shakes his head. “I tried to do what you asked but I couldn’t stay away, Stella. You said it was bad luck to start the year with someone you hate, well I couldn’t stand the thought of starting the new year without the person I love.”

He brushes his thumb against my wet cheek. “I love you,Stella. Even if you can’t move on from the past and trust that my feelings are genuine, I need you to know that I’m sincere.”

My hand covers his, holding it to my face, and the sound that comes out is half-sob, half-laugh.

“Don’t cry, Sparky.” He says it with so much affection, I think I’m going to melt into a puddle.

“They’re happy tears.” I shake my head, laughing again. “I’m happy you’re here and that you still love me.”

He shakes his head, a low chuckle releasing from his chest. “It’s been one day.”

“I know, but those snowballs were pretty hard.” Against his sweater, I rub my hand over his chest where I pelted him, then drop my lips there for an apologetic kiss. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.” His lips are on mine again and I could easily get lost in his taste.

But then I remember, I haven’t even told him the most important part. I part our lips to lock my eyes on his.

“I don’t hate you, Jasper. I don’t think I ever did and that was the most startling realization. It’s why I ran, because it was scary to find out that I’m in love with my nemesis.”

His hazel eyes widen like he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing.

“What are you going to do about it?”

He wraps his arms around me. His hands sliding down my back to cup my ass.

“I’m going to kiss you again.” I press my lips against his softly. “Take you home with me tonight. And when you move to New York next month, make you move in with me.”

“I love this plan.” His lips tease along my jaw and I know I could easily get lost in him again, but I still haven’t officially said it.

My hands cup his face so I can pull him back to meet his eyes again.

“I love you, Jasper.”

His eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning.

“Say it again.”

“I love y—” Jasper doesn’t let me finish. His lips capture mine and we’re lost in each other all over again.