House of Clowns (HUNT Trilogy #1)

Chapter

6 Months After

It’s been six months—six long months without seeing him. By that time, the leaves changed from yellow to green, and the grass outside was no longer dry but tall and lush. Flowers are in full bloom, and winter has given way to spring, yet my heart still wonders where he is and if he will come back.

I thought of him every single night as I fell asleep, I thought of him when I saw couples kissing, and I thought of him each time I stepped into the house of clowns. It’s the worst feeling ever, buried deep within my skin, feeling unwanted by the only person I desire.

Call it love, call it a crush, call it possession; it’s all the same when your heart dictates how you exist. And I chose to pretend.

I smiled at people, pretending to be happy every time I stepped outside. I feigned listening while my mind drifted away. I acted as if I cared while slowly dying inside, and I pretended he was still around, by my side.

I call this the curse of a broken heart .

I had found new friends here, friends who showed me the way to dance in the sky, to live in ways I never had imagined. I had learned to dream while awake, to slip quietly into other minds—a skill which fascinated Hypno more, very probably, than he cared to admit to. I knew he was nursing a quiet crush—not on me, precisely, but on the way my mind worked, how I could slip in and out of people's thoughts. But I also knew that no matter how close I became with anyone, even another clown, my heart wasn't something I could give anymore.

"Hey, beautiful," Hypno said, breaking my thoughts because he handed me a cup of coffee.

I breathed in the warmth, the smell grounding me. "Ready for the show tonight?" I said, sipping.

"Yeah," he said with a sly grin. "Planning to hypnotize a lion this time." His laughter was a flash of teeth, winking and even charming.

"And I plan to fly," I said, my eyes blinking twice as the warmth of the coffee seeped into me.

Hypno's hand found mine, his touch steady and warm. "I know it's hard for you," he said, the softness of his tone surprising. "To take her place. But she'll be with you the whole time.

"I know," I replied, a sad smile curving my lips. "Her and Dhalia, welcomed me like I was family. I'll never forget that.

Rocco's voice boomed outside the tent to introduce the next act.

I turned to the mirror, my gaze drinking in my reflection. Tonight, I was wearing a burgundy satin jumpsuit with panels of see-through across my chest and arms, Ace of Hearts playing cards stitched onto the fabric.

My makeup was soft—my lips painted into that heart shape Ruby always did with perfection, her trademark. Black hearts stretched from my brow to my cheekbone, and a pale pink blush softened my features. Well, tonight I was the Ace of Hearts—for Rio, and for her. It was all for them in that one dance.

"Break a leg," Hypno whispered, and gave my hand a squeeze.

"Hope not," I said, and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek as I dodged toward the back of the tent.

As I approached the platform, Soap here, nothing or no one could get to me. In ugliness, I had found this shining, bright bit of beauty, a space I could flee to. As my act came to an end, I let my body unwind, spiraling down, closer and closer to the floor, until I hovered just above the ground. I was breathless, and just as I prepared for my final move, one single rose of red color floated down, landing into the sand before me.

All have been silent, thinking it is part of the show. But as I looked up, there he was, Rio, watching from the shadows. His gaze was steady, but I could almost feel the distance between us, the ache in places that had not been resolved—the words that had not been said. My heart clenched as I reached out for the rose, my fingers brushing over its petals. Then, ready not to forget him yet, I threw it onto the ground, turned back to the silk, and let it carry me into another final spin.

The audience erupted into applause, their clapping like waves crashing up against me, but I barely heard it. They thought I was performing, that I was okay, dazzling, and whole.

Still, inside I was piecing myself together, pretending all was well. Because, after all, that's what we do under the circus lights; we pretend, we perform, and we make beautiful.