House of Secrets and Vows (Crown of Deceit #1)

24. A Creeping Doubt

24

A CREEPING DOUBT

I pick up the note sitting next to the box.

My pulse races as I break the seal on the envelope and pull out the letter inside, already guessing what it will say. The paper is heavier than it should be in my hands as I read the message.

Tonight is your final night at the Solstice and your chance to stop Prince Nevan from ever sitting on the throne and endangering the innocence of this kingdom.

The dagger has been laced with a deadly serum that can kill the prince. Saying too much is dangerous, but he isn’t human, and nothing but the dagger will be enough.

The vial holds a sleeping elixir that takes ten minutes to hit the bloodstream and only lasts the same amount, so use it wisely.There is a library near the ballroom to give you and the prince some privacy.

The Valazican people are counting on you.

-Felix.

I swallow the nerves stuck in my throat.

Felix wants me to kill Prince Nevan.

My chance for revenge has come. Now I can avenge Aella and protect the kingdom.

I’ve wished for nothing else for the past five months.

So, why is doubt creeping in?

My hands shake as I hide the dagger and the small vial of liquid with the dress then slip the box underneath the bed far enough that no one can find it without crawling on the ground.

I’m supposed to kill the prince.

Gods . As many times as I’ve imagined my revenge, the thought of finding it tonight sends a wave of nausea through me.

The prince hasn’t been who I expected him to be. Sure, he’s arrogant, very aware of his physical attributes, and saunters around the palace like he’s already king, but he isn’t the power-hungry monster I’d predicted.

The taste of blood startles me, and I realize I have bitten the inside of my cheek hard enough to bleed.

The Valazican people are counting on you.

No pressure.

For so long I’ve wanted Felix’s trust for the biggest assignments. Well, here’s the biggest assignment he has ever given anyone.

Could it be a punishment for turning down his advances and then screwing up my last task? Because if I do manage to pull it off, getting out of the castle without getting caught will be near impossible.

It’d be easy to write off my fear as self-preservation. If I’m caught, I’ll be hanged. But I’m self-aware enough to know the queasiness coursing through me isn’t from the thought of dying.

It’s from the thought of following through at all.

Nevan is tied to the House of Blood, I remind myself. Even if he doesn’t want to be. There is no undoing what he’s done. Just yesterday he wanted to tear into my throat in the carriage. The hunger in his eyes had been clear.

I remember the horror that pierced my chest like a blade through the heart as Alabek dragged me from The Silver Lady. I left Aella there to be used as a fucking human wine bottle, and Prince Nevan had been the one to drink from her.

Some days I wish I’d stayed and fought. I would have ended up dead with the rest of that night’s patrons, but at least I wouldn’t be plagued with the guilt that lingers, even now.

Before I let my thoughts drive me to madness, I leave my room and take a walk outside to the gardens. The fresh air calms me a little, though I can’t shake my nausea.

Bees buzz around the bushes, which are all in full bloom. I lean in and smell a rose before sitting on the same bench Nevan had sat on the night of the first revel.

Nevan is a monster.

He’s dangerous and, more than likely, will destroy the kingdom if he inherits the crown.

But even as my logical side warns me of how deadly he is, I’m not sure I believe those things anymore.

I don’t know that he killed Aella. Perhaps Mavet was the one who finished the job after Nevan drained her blood. Or maybe he couldn’t stop, and he’d taken every last drop.

The thought of Aella left there, lifeless, sours my stomach.

Soon, the pink glow of sunset creeps over the sky, and all but one bee has returned to the hive.

The lonely creature sits on a rose petal, still as death. When I get closer, I notice its injured wing.

“Poor thing.” I hover my hand over the creature.

I’m no stranger to loneliness. For so long, I thought a life of solitude was my destiny. And then Aella found me and gave me not only purpose, but friendship.

And now, all thanks to a prince about to be named heir to the Valazican throne, I’m all alone once again.

As I turn to leave the garden, the bee leaps from the rose into the sky.

When I return to my room, a tray of food sits outside my door, but I walk right by, too queasy to eat.

I undo my braids and let my hair fall in loose waves before slipping into the dress. I’d been right—the dress fits snugly through the bodice and hip areas, but I hadn’t noticed the slit that rises scandalously high up my thigh.

It’s a smart design. Fitted enough to showcase my figure but free enough in the skirt for easy moving if necessary.

After I strap the dagger around the thigh on the covered side, keeping it out of view, I stick the vial of sleeping elixir under the neckline of my dress, which is tight enough to hold it securely.

Then I head to the ball.

The ballroom is on the far side of the castle, and when I get there, there’s already a long line waiting to enter.

“Well, hello again,” a female voice says behind me.

I turn to see Emeryn approaching in a hunter-green dress that molds to her torso and hips, flowing loosely from the middle of her thighs.

I smile. “That dress is stunning.”

“Oh this?” Emeryn twirls around, and the bottom of the skirt flares out. “Thank you. My tailor outdid herself this time.”

I debate my next words. I know exactly who she is. I can play along with this game, hoping that Emeryn has no desire to share my truth, or I can take the offensive.

Tonight will be my last night in the palace, so I settle on the latter.

Once Emeryn is beside me, I lean in and whisper, “You must be well paid as a servant if you have a tailor.”

I’m prepared for her to deny it, or to threaten me to keep my mouth shut, but instead, she only grins at me.

“Well done. I’m impressed. If anyone has ever noticed who I am, they’ve never had the balls to call me out on it. It seems we have more in common than good taste in dresses.” She grabs my arm and links our elbows. “But don’t worry, your secret is safe with me if mine is safe with you.”

“No one knows who you are?” I keep my voice low and my words vague in case someone is listening in.

The woman brings her mouth to my ear. “No one pays attention to me when I’m a servant. It’s why I chose the role.”

“Chose it?”

“You have your secrets, and I have mine.”

“Fair point.” I can’t argue that, so I meet her gaze and nod, promising to keep quiet about what I know.

I can only hope Emeryn will do the same.

As much as I want to ask how she’s able to change her appearance so convincingly, now isn’t the time or place, not with too many around to overhear.

A wave of murmurs draws my attention.

Prince Nevan passes right by the line of people, and when he sees me, he grins.

“Hello, Zariah.” He glances at Emeryn, and dips his chin to us both. Then he reaches his hand out to me. “Honor me with the first dance?”

All the eyes in the line focus on us, and my stomach twists into a knot.

“Since you asked so politely,” I reply in a flirty tone.

As I pull away from Emeryn, the woman whispers so quietly I almost can’t hear, “Be careful who you trust. Things aren’t…”

The murmurs around us amplify and block out the end of her words.

Princess Ameerah waltzes by in an icy blue gown the color of her eyes.

She holds her head high, ignoring the mumbling insults that follow her like a shadow through the room.

After the princess passes us, Prince Nevan takes my arm and leads me into the ballroom.

“You look beautiful,” he says.

“As do you.” He is always well dressed, but he’s outdone himself tonight. His suit is a dark shade of brown, decorated with gold embellishments that bring out the speckles in his eyes.

At first, no one notices our entry. But as soon as one person does, a wave of whispers flows through the room.

“No big announcement today?” I ask, careful to keep to the character I have built, the one who sees past the demon he has become.

He lifts a hand and waves to the sea of eyes with a large smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

“I was supposed to enter up there.” He glances at a wide, grand staircase on the far side of the room. “But I was hoping to avoid attention today.”

As we pass people, most bow or curtsy. I know the gestures are meant for Nevan, but I can’t stop the heat from spreading across my cheeks. Because, although the formality is solely for the prince, the following stares and comments are most definitely about me.

So much awareness in my direction makes me uneasy, especially with what I will soon do. “Arriving with me is sure to cause rumors.”

He dips his chin at someone, who I realize is Lachlan. “Let them talk.”

I keep my face pleasant, praying the slight line of sweat building on my forehead won’t drip down my face. Lachlan’s appearance only makes my escape more difficult.

After tonight, I won’t be safe in the kingdom. Once again, I’ll be forced to flee.

But if I’m able to make it out of the castle, I can worry about my next move then.

“Announcing Prince Maddox,” a voice says from the staircase.

I send up a quick prayer of gratitude to whoever might be listening as all the attention turns to Maddox as he descends the stairs.

I thought Nevan was dressed formally today, but Maddox’s outfit makes him look boring. Silver embroidery stands out against his midnight blue suit. The back of his jacket is long and lengthens his torso, giving him the appearance of being tall and lean.

Maddox doesn’t smile at the crowd that has gone still. He doesn’t even appear to notice the wide eyes and gaping mouths. His stare is as honed as a steel blade shining in the sun, bright and deadly.

When his stare settles on Nevan’s arm linked with mine, it sharpens.

It's clear I've ignored his warning—blatantly, even. After he took the risk of cautioning me, I'm sure he's furious.

What will he think of me after I've killed his brother?

There have been too many eyes on Nevan and me to ever get away without being suspected. At best, I can escape before I'm caught, but I will be the most wanted person in all of Valazica.

At worst, I won’t even escape.

“Let’s dance.” Nevan twines his fingers with mine and tugs me to the center of the ballroom where a few couples are already dancing.

Soon, we're moving to the music of the live orchestra. Nevan holds one of my hands in his, his touch hot, and the other rests firmly in the middle of my back.

The room is filled with Valazican nobility. Just one of the dark suits of the men and bright-colored gowns of the women likely cost more than food for an orphanage for a month. There is so much wealth in this room, it’s sickening.

If allowed a chance, could Nevan truly someday be a king who helps those who suffer so greatly?

It's clear he has little love for the spotlight and traditions that come with his title of prince. Someone like him would have the power to disrupt the entire system.

Nevan leads as we move as one. “You seem distracted.”

“I’m not used to so much attention.” It’s true, but not why my mind can't calm down.

The dagger strapped to my leg pounds against my thigh with each step. If I kill him, the crown will go to Maddox, who thrives off the attention of the people. His entire face lit up when the crowd cheered for him after he won the fight against Ameerah.

He will enjoy all the perks being king offered, but that doesn’t mean he can’t make the kingdom better.

He’s clearly troubled about what havoc his brother’s crowning might bring to the kingdom.

“I think you draw more attention than you think,” Nevan purrs in my ear. “Your presence is a flame in the dark.”

“Well, aren’t you smooth with your words?”

“I’ve felt dead since my stupid decision, but being around you makes me remember what life was like before.”

I swallow. “I’m not that special.”

He tugs me closer and twirls me around again as the orchestra starts a new song.

Blaise warned me Nevan had a reputation with the ladies. I shouldn't let his words get to me. They are probably just an excuse to get me into his bed later tonight.

I don’t even believe that for a second. Besides the brief moment during our drunken escapade in the forest when I thought he might kiss me, he hasn’t tried to make a single move on me.

Nevan’s arms around my waist are warm, large, and strong. Though his strength is hidden by the fine fabric of his suit, I can feel the muscle of his arms through the thin silk of my gown.

The room continues to fill, and the crowd of others dancing closes in. So many fabrics brush against my skin, and the warmth of the sea of bodies swarms around me.

After three more dances, Maddox approaches us. “Brother, a word?”

“This is a ball,” Nevan replies as he spins us into the dance. “Can’t we speak later?”

“It will only take a few moments.”

“It’s okay,” I cut in. “I’ll go find us something to drink.”

Sweat coats my palms as I cross the room to the bar. There are a few people in line, but when one of them whispers that I'm here with the prince, they allow me to move to the front.

The Valazican people are counting on you.

Felix’s words blare in my mind, followed by an image of Aella’s face.

I've been convinced that Nevan is to blame for her death, but now I can’t help but wonder if, by some chance, he isn’t directly responsible.

But if it isn’t him who killed her, it's because of him that the House of Blood was at the tavern to begin with. He’s been given everything anyone could ask for in this life. It’s no one's fault but his own that he wound up cursed by the House of Blood.

I've spent the last ten years with little sleep and no free time to earn Felix’s respect. If I follow this last assignment, I know I'll finally have it.

But to what end? If I manage to escape the palace grounds, I will spend the rest of my life in hiding if I stay in Valazica. The smarter choice would be to flee, entirely.

Where would I go?

Nevan finds me just after I slip the vial of sleeping elixir into one of the glasses of wine. “Sorry about that. My brother is skilled at ruining everyone’s fun.”

I hand him his drink. He takes a sip, seemingly unaware that it's anything other than wine.

“It’s quite stuffy in here. Is there any chance we could go somewhere private for a little bit?” I ask. “I overheard someone talking about a library nearby.”

“Of course.”

Dozens of people watch as we leave together.

If I have any hope of escape, I have to be quick.

The library is just around the corner from the ballroom, just like Felix’s note said it would be. It's a medium-sized room with bookshelves lining all the walls from floor to ceiling. The smell of dust mingles with the scent of old paper.

He yawns, the first sign of the elixir taking effect.

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” he says as he paces the room. “Are you sure you don’t want to go outside for some fresh air? This library is a bit stale.”

“This is fine.”

He yawns again. “You haven’t told me why you’re here. You’ve known what I am, and it’s clear that you’ve wanted to get closer to me. But I can’t figure out why.”

I touch the dagger from outside of my dress. “You already know I’m the priestess who heard your confession, but I saw you another time after that.”

He quirks a brow.

“I was there the night of the Silver Lady attack. You were gifted my friend.”

I fight the urge to vomit at how blasé it sounds. Gifted , as if Aella were some prized set of pearls.

All color drains from his face, and the pit in my stomach drops.

Any doubt I’d had before vanishes as I picture my friend’s lovely eyes.

Aella was the best this world could offer, a friend when I had no one. She saved me from the cruelty of Valazica, the kingdom that handed Nevan everything.

And what did he do with all that privilege but push its limits? Perhaps he didn’t want to be a monster, but my friend is dead because of his choices.

There's no saving her now.

Avenging her is all I have left.

He staggers to the side, then eyes his drink as if understanding. “You drugged me?”

“Did you kill my friend?” The words come out of my mouth, but the voice isn’t mine. I wait for my rage to make me burst, but numbness washes over me instead.

He flinches as if I had slapped him.

“No. Gods, no. I would never.” He swallows and staggers again, reaching out to a bookshelf to catch his balance, but all he does is knock a row of books to the ground. “I hope I would never. Lately, I don’t know what I’m fucking capable of. But I didn’t kill her.”

He wavers to the side and slurs his words. “She might…”

“Might what?” The numbness lingers, and where I expect hope to bloom, there is nothing.

“I…” he starts before dropping his wine glass, which falls to the ground in a splatter of red.

As I pull out the dagger strapped to my thigh, Nevan falls to the ground with a thud.