Howls and Home Runs (Mascot Matchups #1)

10. Wilder

Chapter ten

Wilder

I t happened again. Memories of Andy flood my mind. Wide eyed, shaking in fear, covered in his own blood. I’m a monster. “I’m sorry.” Falling to my knees, like a sinner confessing. Hating that she might think I don’t want her now, when all I’ll ever want again is Lainey. Only Lainey, forever.

With concern painting her beautiful face, she moves in front of me, taking my own in her hands and looks deep into my eyes. “What happened back there? Where did you go, big guy?” My head sinks into her soft hands as her calmness washes over me, but my thoughts are a dark storm pushing back .

Do I tell her? She deserves to know. But what if she leaves and never comes back? The storm builds in my mind, monstrous thoughts blinding me like lightning. I picture Lainey in Andy’s place and snap back to reality. Lainey needs to know.

“My last handler… there was an accident.” Gory images flash through my mind as I debate telling her the whole story. Would Lainey still want to be here with me? With a murderer?

Lainey tugs me gently to stand, and I slowly rise off the floor back onto my paws. I focus on her breathing, it soothes me bringing me back to this moment. She feels calm, too calm for what I’m about to tell her.

“His name was Andy-” Lainey’s brow furrows before cutting my words off.

“Andy Whitsail? The handler who got murdered? Did you… that was you?” Her voice comes out shakily as she takes a step away from me. My paws instinctively reach out for her before I force them back to my sides. She’s scared. Scared of me . My tail sinks.

“It was an accident. He was startled, I tried to show him I was aware, alive… he tripped and I tried to keep him safe but my claws…” My paws rise as I look down at my new paws, but my eyes only see the old ones. Covered in Andy’s blood.

Her arms wrap around her body, closing herself off from me. If I had a heart it would have broken at that very moment.

“They said h-his back was mangled. L-like a wild animal attacked him.” She eyes me warily, the putrid scent of fear permeating the air.

“I tried to help him up and keep him quiet so Coach Reynar wouldn’t hear him here so late. It was never my intention to harm him. I loved Andy. I… I-”

A floodgate of emotions slam into me causing me to stumble backwards, the memory taking over my senses. Backing away with my paws up to show Lainey I won’t hurt her, I stammer, “You should go. It’s late. I’m so sorry Lainey… I’m so…” I close my eyes, my back hitting a locker, sliding down to the floor cradling my knees to my chest. Reliving that night over and over again.

Blood. Andy’s glossy eyes. The sound his body made when I-

Lainey quickly gathers her things and runs for the door, looking back at me with tears in her eyes before tossing it open and fading into the dark hallway. I lose track of time as I sit on the floor begging my mind to stop replaying the memory. I paw at my head pleading, “Please. Please stop. I didn’t mean to. Please. Stop…”

The sun shines brightly through spaces in the door, pulling me from the torment. I drag myself off the floor and back into my locker. Back to the darkness. Alone. “I’m so sorry.” My sobs turn to whispers then silence.