Hung By the Fire (Evergreen Lake: Under the Mistletoe)

Chapter 2

two

COLE

“Tell me what you want, baby girl.”

It wasn’t lost on me that the recipient of my words was vastly different from those in my past. My words used to be met with a moan or a shove in the right direction.

Instead, I stared into big, bright blue eyes and watched her nose scrunch, right before I reared back as the loudest cry yet pierced the air. The small human in my arms didn’t do anything by half measures, and crying was no exception. It killed me that I didn’t know what to do, but I’d never planned on being in this situation. Babies, a family, were never part of my life plan.

Now here I was, and I was lost.

I looked down at Joy and spotted the tears in her eyes, the whimpers as she continued to sob.

What the hell do I do?

“C’mon, sweetie,” I cooed softly, hoping my voice could be soothing to her tiny ears. “You’re killing me.” I paced the length of my back deck, relishing the remarkably not frigid end of November day. Joy was bundled in almost every winter item I could find. “Are you hot?” I hadn’t thought of that, but she’d started crying long before we came out here. I thought the fresh air and the trees in the distance would calm her. For some reason, she loved to stare at them. I wasn’t even sure if she could see them at this point. It was probably mentioned in one of the seemingly four thousand baby books that now littered my home.

Another wail was my answer. Except I had no idea if it was a wail of yes or no.

How do people do this? I don’t understand anything she’s trying to tell me.

For another five minutes I walked, softly talking to the infant in my arms. The one who would never have been there if not for a cruel twist of fate. Now she was stuck with me instead of the people who’d brought her into this world and deserved her.

Something I most certainly did not.

“You think you deserve a toy? What the hell have you done to deserve anything?” My father’s voice rang even more heavily in my head since bringing Joy home. I don’t know why I thought I could accept this responsibility and raise her right. What did I know about a healthy childhood?

“The little one won’t quiet down, Cole?”

I started at the voice coming from behind me. I turned and my neighbor, Mrs. Madigan, was making her way up my porch steps. Though there wasn’t even a hint of accusation in her tone, my response was automatic, “I’m sorry.”

“Why can’t you keep that brat quiet?”

I pushed the words away as I always did. Or at least I tried to. Except they were insidious and never truly left my head, especially now.

“There is nothing to be sorry about,” she whispered. Somehow, I heard the words above Joy’s sobs. Whether I was actually able to listen to them, to take them at face value, was a hell of a lot more difficult request.

“I’m sure this is not the soundtrack to a peaceful afternoon, Mrs. M.” The shortened version of her name was the solution we settled on, because ma’am and Mrs. Madigan wouldn’t fly with her. My parents beat, and then the military drilled, respect into me hard. Funny how I only wound up respecting one of them in the long run. “I know you were up and out early today.” I’d seen her pull out of her drive before six when I was up pacing the inside of my house with Joy. Seemed like all I did lately was try to soothe this little one. I looked down at her, the sobs relenting slightly, but tears still flooded her eyes. I know, sweet girl. I miss them too.

“Work waits for no woman or man.” She crossed the plain wooden planks comprising the back porch. “And nothing this little angel could do would bother me.” Plucking Joy right out of my arms, Mrs. M dropped her voice even more. “What’s the matter, pretty girl? What’s wrong?” Rocking the baby back and forth, a pang of jealousy hit me. Mrs. M was practically a natural with Joy while I was lucky I even know how to hold her. Was I doing even that wrong? Was that why she was so unhappy? Mrs. M wandered back over to the corner of the porch where she’d just come from, still attempting to soothe Joy, and in the process giving me a small reprieve.

How much of one could it be though, considering everything that had happened in my life lately?

Turning toward the forest in the distance, I tried to find the solace I thought Joy sometimes found there. The same peace I’d thought I could find when I was house hunting and pushed open the back door. The place needed work. A lot of work, but the structure itself wasn’t what sold me. The view of endless trees and soaring mountains called to me when little else did. I’d grown up in the desert, bleakness as far as one could see. At least that’s what it felt like to a boy who desperately sought refuge from the shit show of my house. Even though I left that in the past, I still wanted the freedom I’d found in nature. It was a whole different world in the forest. So, when I saw them, practically in my backyard, I couldn’t do anything but scoop this place up.

I leaned on the railing, thankful it didn’t buckle and send me tumbling to the ground. Something else to add to the never-ending list of “to dos.” When I bought the place at the beginning of the year, I had a list of renovations a mile long. I hadn’t anticipated becoming a father during that time. So, like much of my life, the house was also in a state of, what felt like, permanent disarray.

Brian, I sure as hell hope you know what you were doing, because I have to say, buddy, I think you were smoking some bad shit. Almost as if my best friend were answering me, a gust of wind rushed past me. Glancing back over my shoulder, I breathed a little easier seeing Joy had quieted, Mrs. M sitting on the rocking Adirondack chair. It seemed like nothing I had done for hours had helped, but within minutes, Mrs. M had her peaceful. Was this what it was going to be like from now on?

Probably. Brian and Tricia were idiots thinking you could take care of a baby. They should be here to soothe her. Instead, they entrusted her to your grumpy ass.

Like always, the minute I started thinking about my best friends, hell, my only friends, my thoughts turned maudlin and self-deprecating. How they thought I should raise their baby was a question no one seemed to have the answer to.

Least of all me.

“I think she’s down for the count.”

I turned at Mrs. M’s hushed comment. “I’m sorry.” I cringed at the look she gave me, so I kept speaking to head her off at the pass, “I know, ‘don’t say that,’ but I can’t help it. You didn’t sign up to help with an infant.” Joy was four months old, and I’d had her for almost two months now. A baby like this should be with their parents, but they’d been taken away and she was left with an honorary uncle who had no fucking clue what to do with a tiny human.

“I’m a woman who loves babies.” She smiled my way. “You didn’t really sign up either, so the least I can do is help you. You know you can ask for help, Cole. There are people in this town who would be glad to help.”

I wasn’t quite sure of that. To say I wasn’t a people person was putting it mildly. I could interact with the world at large, and I was pleasant, if I do say so myself, at work, but after that I wanted alone time. My friend group was small and with the loss of Brian and Tricia, virtually non-existent.

“I don’t know, Mrs. M. I haven’t exactly been racking up the friendships here.” Propping myself on the railing, I crossed my feet at the ankles and my arms over my chest. My company raised her brow at my patented protective gesture.

“You could if you wanted to. I happen to know your teammates invite you out all the time.” When I raised my brow at her, she simply laughed. “I hear a lot of things. This town is small when it comes to gossip.”

She was right though. The men and women on my team at the firehouse invited me to hang with them all the time. I tended to stay to myself a lot, never accepting their offers. Less ways to get hurt being alone, and I’d been hurt plenty in my past. Now I had a different reason.

I nodded toward the sleeping bundle in her arms. “Not exactly easy to do, Mrs. M.”

“Oh, poo. You didn’t go out before Joy came into your life.”

I couldn’t help but wince at her phrase. Brian used to say that’s why they picked the name, because the baby would bring so much to their lives. So why the fuck weren’t they here to experience it? It wasn’t the first time I’d asked the question, and it likely wouldn’t be the last.

“I plead the fifth.”

Mrs. M shook her head. “You don’t have to. So, here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to stay with this little cupcake for a little while, and you’re going to go out.” She lifted a finger, pointing it my way before I got a word out. “Nope. Not a word. You go back to work this week, and I know you’re still stressed about leaving Joy with Darlene.”

I cringed. “Apparently that’s not an option now.” Darlene, the wife of one of my teammates, had volunteered to watch Joy since she stayed at home with their little ones and it was the same schedule. “Her mom fell and broke her hip. She’s taking the kids to go help her parents. I can’t exactly send Joy with her.” I didn’t know what I was going to do. I had to get back to work, but it’s not like I could leave Joy by herself, and she obviously wasn’t old enough for school. I watched the gleam start in Mrs. M’s eyes. “Absolutely not. You work too. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“First, you wouldn’t be ‘doing’ anything, I’d be offering, but first things first.” She rose from the chair and walked my way, the baby cradled in the crook of her arm. Every tear had dried on Joy’s face, and for the first time in what felt like days, I breathed a sigh of relief at her apparent peace. If only it could last when it was just her and me. “We’re going inside, you’re going to show me where everything is I’ll need for a few hours of watching the little one, and then you’re going out. Get a drink. Watch a game.” She winked, before saying on a laugh, “Flirt with a pretty woman.” I rolled my eyes because that wasn’t happening. “Joy and I will be fine for a few hours.”

That I believed.

What I had a hard time trusting was that Joy would be fine with me as a parent.

Forty-five minutes later, I pushed through the door of The Reindeer Hole, having failed at convincing Mrs. M her idea was a bad one.

Every head in the place swiveled to assess the newest arrival, and judging by the number of bulging eyes and dropped jaws, my presence came as somewhat of a shock. It’s not like I’d never come into the local bar, but it was a rare thing in the four years since I moved to Evergreen Lake. Every time had been when the team convinced me to join them.

Never had I come in alone.

Nodding at people I knew, and some I didn’t, I crossed the room, heading for the bar. One drink and I’d head home. I’d tell Mrs. M I did as she suggested and that would be that. Only one other person, a woman, occupied a barstool, but I wasn’t here to make friends or flirt, no matter what had been suggested to me.

Taking up a corner seat, I shrugged out of my coat and put my phone on the bar top. I told Mrs. M to let me know if there were any issues with Joy. To be honest, I sort of hoped there were. That way I could leave since I swore I could feel the stares of half the patrons on me. I thought I was a bit of an enigma in this town since I never tried to fit in with the small town vibes. I settled here because I thought I could just sort of fade in, disappear into the forest. I should have known that wasn’t really a possibility in a place like this. I watched as the bartender poured the woman’s drink before making his way to me. I nodded at the bottle he still held in his hand. He settled the whiskey in front of me before moving back to the woman.

“Seriously though. I must be a glutton.”

The silky voice coming from the other end of the bar grabbed my attention. It reminded me of the smooth whiskey on my tongue, letting me savor every note before it slid down my throat. Something about her voice did it for me. Trying not to appear too interested, I pulled the brim of my baseball cap down lower and took my first look at the woman.

Fuck me.

She was stunning. Long, dark hair curled over her shoulders like it wanted to caress her. My hands tingled at the thought, and I gave them a little shake. I’m not here for this. She gazed down into her glass before lifting it to her cherry red lips. I bet she’d taste as sweet as they looked and hit as hard as any alcohol. Giving my head a slight shake, I tried to quell the thoughts that raced through my mind at simply the sight and sound of this stranger. Unbidden, an image of her whispering to me as I slid my lips along her body played through my mind. Fucking jackass. I dropped my head, staring intently at the blank screen of my phone.

What the hell was wrong with me?

“Joe, three guys. Three. All of them cheated on me.” She slammed her glass on the bar top. “The last one decided to have a date with her in the same restaurant I was meeting him at. The balls on him.”

I actually would question if the douche had any balls at all if he cheated on this beauty. How could one man cheat on her, let alone three? I sure as fuck wouldn’t. Before I realized what I was doing, words flew from my mouth. “They’re all assholes.”

Green eyes, the color of spring leaves, hit me with a sucker punch. Damn, but I could get used to looking into them. Something was definitely wrong with me.

Her lips tipped up in the sexiest little grin. “You think?”

I was relatively sure my ability to think had just flown the coop.

I couldn’t ignore the playful lilt to her question, even as her gaze darted away from mine. A little bold, a little shy, and a whole hell of a lot intriguing. I shifted on my seat, my cock paying way too much interest in a woman whose name I didn’t even know, but then again it had been quite a while since anyone had piqued my interest. Well, before Joy came into my life. A relationship wasn’t in the cards for me, and I didn’t want to lead anyone on here in Evergreen Lake.

Still, this was one night, and it felt good.

“I know.”

This time her smile lit up her whole face. “You don’t even know me. I could be a clinger or maybe a cheater myself.” One eyebrow quirked up high, begging me to challenge her.

And for once, I wanted to engage.

Flirting didn’t really suit me. I tended to find a woman that seemed interested and made my move. I didn’t normally enjoy watching her smile my way or take a sip of the amber liquor in her glass as she waited me out. This was a game I wasn’t used to playing, but damn did I want in.

I winked her way. “Something tells me you’re not.”

“What something?” She got off her stool and made her way toward me. A light pink sweater hugged her breasts. That damn tingling in my hands started up again, jealous of a fucking sweater. What was wrong with me? I didn’t answer myself, mainly because I couldn’t. She completed the outfit with a dark skirt coming to right below her knees and black boots that met the hem. She hoisted herself onto the stool next to mine, facing me so our knees were a hair’s breadth apart.

I wish I knew how to answer her, but this whole situation was surreal, so I kept my dumbass mouth shut.

For what seemed like hours, but was likely a matter of minutes, I watched as she studied me. We didn’t exchange words, but something in the way she watched me made me feel as if words were unnecessary. She ran her tongue over her lower lip, before catching the plump cushion between her teeth. My cock surged to life once again. I shifted slightly, hoping she wouldn’t notice. But what if she did? Then she’d probably call the cops on the creepy guy, and I did not need that getting back to the department.

As soon as I managed to get my unruly dick under control, a featherlight touch stroked the ink on my arms, and in an instant, I was as hard as a rock again.

“Did these hurt?”

A gruff chuckle escaped my lips because, right now, almost everything hurt. The pain of the tattoos was nothing compared to what to led to some of them, and none were as bad as the way my dick was pounding against my zipper right now.

“Some.” For some reason, playing this game with her was lighting me on fire. A fire I should run clear away from, even when I normally headed straight for the flames. “As for how I know, sometimes you just know.”

Like I knew I had no business being a parent. Like I knew I had no business flirting with the woman in front of me. I may not know anything about her, but somehow, I knew this woman brought sunshine to others. She was the type who deserved the whole package from a man, and I didn’t mean his dick. That was not something I was built for.

“Yup, sometimes you just know.”

Something in the way she said it should have had me running for the hills.

Instead, I sat and waited.