Hung By the Fire (Evergreen Lake: Under the Mistletoe)

Chapter 27

COLE

“Oh, whiskey girl, Cole definitely wants you.”

Standing amid hundreds of beautiful blooms, Bethany was the most perfect, the most stunning thing in the whole store. I couldn’t believe my doubt, in myself, in love, had ever led me to almost throwing this away. Of almost losing her.

I’d made some stupid moves in my life, some mistakes I wasn’t proud of. Letting her get away would have been beyond anything else.

Now I just had to show her I was in it for the long haul.

“Mrs. M, can you help me out and watch Joy for a few? I’d like to talk to Bethany alone.”

“Like you have to ask twice?” The woman practically ran over to meet us at the door. “Come to Aunt Nadine, my little cupcake.” She plucked her right out of my arms, to Joy’s absolute delight. “We’ll be right here.”

For her part, Bethany stood stock still, part confusion, part hope, and a whole lot of love shining in her eyes. I understood all three, and I was ready to toss that confusion right out of the window.

Extending my hand, I waited silently. I wouldn’t rush her, wouldn’t push her. Though as the seconds ticked by, I grew nervous I was too late. That she wouldn’t give me time to explain. Finally, finally, she stepped around the counter and traversed the store to put her hand in mine. When she did, something settled inside me. This would be tough, but not impossible.

I wanted to rush her outside, to spill my guts to her before I lost the courage or got so nervous I fucked everything up. However, I did not want her frozen while I did it. Before I could say anything, Mrs. M handed Bethany’s coat and hat to her.

“Here. Now go.”

Bethany was still slipping her arm through the sleeve when I pulled open the door and ushered her outside.

“Walk with me.” I reached for her hand, hoping she wouldn’t avoid me and breathed another sigh of relief when she clasped my hand once again. I didn’t really know what I’d do if this went down in flames.

We walked down the block and crossed the street in silence, until we stopped in front of the town tree. The festival was over now that Christmas had passed, but the tree would remain lit through the new year. I led us over to one of the benches and reached around for the knapsack I had tossed on my back. The blanket I pulled out was only one of a few things it held. The other had to wait until the time was right.

Brushing off the bench, I placed the blanket over the seat.

“It’s waterproof, so it should be fine to sit on. I keep it in my truck in case I ever break down or blow a tire in the snow, at least it should protect me a bit.”

Bethany sat in silence, her gaze fixated on the tree when I wanted her attention on me. Except, I thought I had to earn it at this point.

There was no point in delaying what I had to say. She’d either realize I was telling the truth or I’d have to figure out another way to convince her I’d come to my senses.

Because living without Bethany was not an option.

“You know my story, or at least the bare bones of it. Some time, some day, I’d like to tell you everything.” She continued her study of the tree, but she placed her hand on the bench next to mine. Like that day on my porch when she came into my life for the second time. My fingers itched to touch hers, even through the warmth of my glove. “When a person is told for years they’re unlovable, not wanted, they start to believe it. I started to do everything I could to protect myself from feelings in general, at least happy feelings, not only love. It was why I stayed to myself here, why I let so few people in.”

“Except for Brian and Tricia,” she spoke softly, but in the unusual quiet of the park, I heard her clearly.

“Except for them.”

“And Joy,” she continued like I hadn’t spoken. “And my aunt.” Her finger brushed mine and I relished even the slightest physical connection between us. “You don’t have to have tons of people in your life if you have the right ones. The ones that showed you they loved you. My aunt is a pretty good discerner of people. Do you think she would have been so willing to help, that it would have been so important to her to show love to you and Joy if you weren’t worthy?”

“It’s because she knew Joy was suffering.”

She turned, her look saying “I know better than you and you’re an idiot.” I did not want to be on the receiving end of that look too often. “I’m not going there with you again. She was not ‘suffering,’ she was hurting from loss and my aunt is no one’s fool. She knew the kind of man you are.”

I kind of thought I knew the man I was too, but the past few weeks had dispelled a lot of my beliefs. Right now, I had to get everything out, all she needed to know.

“I was lost when I lost them. I didn’t understand anything. Not why they were gone and I was still here, when they had so much to live for.” I thought Bethany was one step away from setting me straight again, when she rolled her eyes and looked away. So I pushed through before she could speak. “Not why they thought I would be the best option for Joy. Not how to take care of her, how to stop her from crying. Hell, I didn’t even know how to change a diaper. When I say the first attempt was a shit show, I mean that both figuratively and literally.” I couldn’t help the smile that took over my face at the memory, as nasty as it was.

Bethany faced me again, the corners of her mouth ticking up. “I can imagine. It must have been a sight.”

“Joy thought it was the funniest thing ever. I think in that first week it may have been the only sound she made that wasn’t a wailing sob.” Looking back on those first few weeks, was hard. Until I remembered how far the two of us had come. “She was so upset all the time, and I knew she was missing her parents, knew she realized I had no clue, but they’d entrusted her to me. I plowed through because Brian and Tricia asked me to. They gave me a gift, but until you came along, I didn’t know how great of one it was.”

“It wasn’t me.” She turned back to the tree, but I didn’t miss the tear tracking down her face. It seemed like all I did was make her cry. In that single moment, I vowed it would only be happy tears from here on out. I just needed the chance to prove it to her.

“It was.” Even if she never believed that I loved her, never agreed to stand by my side well into the future, I needed her to understand what she did. “You’re the one who got through my thickheadedness.”

I took out the letter and passed it to her. “I got this today.”

In silence I watched her read it, watched her chest hitch as she sobbed.

“I never cried.”

I hated admitting it. Would she think all my talk about how much they meant to me was bullshit if I didn’t cry for them.

Bethany moved closer, leaning against me and everything settled within me as if all was right with the world. “My mom didn’t either. We used to sit by her bedroom door, thinking she’d do it there in private.” She interlaced our fingers, and I moved them to my lap. “Then someone called looking for Dad and she lost it.”

“That was me today. Everything happened so fast, and I was consumed with the thought and reality of taking care of Joy, that I pushed everything to the back. Today it hit me like a ton of bricks when I read that letter.”

“It’s the smallest things sometimes. Maybe it helped being so young when my dad died. I could let go pretty easily.” She lifted the letter she held in her free hand. “I hope this let you do more than grieve. I hope you can see what you meant to them.”

I did, but I also didn’t want her to get the wrong impression though, that I came back to her because of Brian’s teasing.

“I loved Brian and Tricia, and until that letter, I don’t know if I really believed they loved me. But they did. There will never be a day that I don’t regret them missing out on Joy’s life. Hell, on my life.” I swiped at her tears and Bethany turned her face up to me. “I never saw any kind of life for myself. Never believed happiness or love or a real future was in the cards. Then Joy was placed in my arms, and I knew I had a future. One where I raised a little girl to be the best version of her parents I could.”

My time to lay it all on the line was here, and I was less nervous walking into a five-alarm fire than speaking my truth to Bethany. Not because I didn’t think she’d believe it, instead I worried I was too late, that I’d already fucked things up beyond repair.

“Then I walked into The Reindeer Hole one night, and this beautiful woman spoke and her voice got me drunker than the strongest whiskey. When I saw her, I knew I should leave. She was a goddess, way too good for me.” I took both her hands in mine, making sure she shifted until we were face to face. “I could kid myself and say I would have been fine with one night, but the minute I walked out that motel room door, I wanted more. Not just of your body, though I would never say no to that, but of you. Of the person you are. I was terrified when I saw you walking with Mrs. M because I knew I couldn’t resist you, no matter how much I should.”

She smiled, that sexy tilt of her lips I adored. “I know the feeling. Seeing you standing there, with Joy in your arms, destroyed any hope I had of denying the pull you had on me. I wanted to run, away from you and to you all at the same time.”

Letting go of one of her hands, I reached back into the bag, pulling out a box and placing it on her lap before I clasped her hand again. “I told you I loved you and I do. I told you I wasn’t sure I knew how to do it right, but that was a lie. Whatever way we love each other is right, because it’s us. It’s what we’ve built together, so how could it possibly be wrong? I’m going to make mistakes, with you and Joy, same as are you, but we have love and that will make everything better.”

I nodded at the box, and she took her cue, freeing her hands and starting to peel the paper back.

“This wasn’t a forgotten gift. Your aunt sent me something and I knew what I had to do.”

Bethany’s hands trembled as she pulled off the box top. Inside lay a frame, the picture inside one of the three of us from Christmas morning. Our gazes were locked on each other, Joy staring up at both of us. Tears fell onto the glass as she ran her fingers over our image.

Joining our hands again, I lifted them to my lips and brushed kisses along her knuckles. “I lost the only family I had ever really known, but somehow in all of that I managed to find a new one. This is my future. I may not deserve it, because I don’t know if I could ever deserve you and Joy, but it’s the one that I want. I want to build this family, the one that I have right here with me. I want three stockings hung by the fire.” I dropped my voice and leaned in closer. “And maybe a few more.” When she grinned and let out a low chuckle, something inside me eased. “I want you and Joy to wear your matching necklaces and remember the people who brought you both to me. I want us to be the ones she calls Mom and Dad, while we tell her about her parents. I want?—”

Bethany’s hand covered my mouth for a heartbeat, before her lips replaced it. We both lost track of time as we lost ourselves in each other.

Breaking the kiss, she whispered, “I never want you to think you don’t deserve love again, that you don’t deserve us, because you do. I know it.” Grasping my face in her palms, she continued, “Coming back to Evergreen Lake was the hardest and best decision I ever made. Loving you and staying here, is easily the easiest and second-best decision I ever made.”

“I’m probably going to make some dumb moves. I’m new to this relationship thing and all.”

“That’s okay. I have all the time in the world to wait for you.”

I slid my hand behind her neck, dragging her to me for a kiss that we should probably have taken indoors. At least if the whistles were any indication.

“You go, Firefighter McHotpants. That’s the way to enjoy the holidays,” Bernice yelled from across the park, Mildred, Sheila, Mrs. M, and Joy standing next to her.

A smile, wide and bright enough the sun would have ducked away in embarrassment spread across Bethany’s face. “That’s right, my sexy firefighter, are you going to be like Santa and make my holidays merry and bright?”

“Oh, whiskey girl, never mind that, every day of your life you’re going to be sated and loved. That’s my Christmas promise.”

The End