Hurry Up And Wait (Owens Protective Services #24)

28. Kavanaugh

28

KAVANAUGH

The soft knock on my door did nothing to drag me from the hell I was in as I stared out the window of my apartment. I knew she was waiting for me. I could smell her perfume the moment she entered the apartment. There would be a lot of questions, a lot that I didn’t want to explain to her, but if we were going to work together, I didn’t see another way around it.

“Are you okay?” Her soft voice drifted across the room, easing the tension in my shoulders slightly.

“Did you know?”

“About the candidacy? Only as of last night. I thought he told you.”

I turned, swirling the drink in my hand. “That wouldn’t have gotten the reaction he wanted out of me. Besides, if he had told me, I probably would have walked away.”

“But why?” she asked, walking further into the room.

“Because the senator is only out for himself. You heard him up there today.”

“Yes, he was very proud of you. Your service to this country is remarkable. You should have heard him after you left. The emotion in his voice, how he told us all how difficult it was for you upon your return. ”

I scoffed at her description. “The emotion. That’s a good one. Did he tell you that he didn’t once try to contact me while I was in the military?” She shifted uncomfortably. “Did he tell you about the time I was in the hospital and they thought I wouldn’t make it?” I nodded, remembering those dark days—how every horrific, excruciating moment replayed in my mind. “My unit was ambushed, and the family that was helping me was massacred. See, they were our informants. They put their lives on the line to help us gain intel. And in return, we were going to get them to America where they could be free. But someone caught on that they were helping us, and they died on the side of the road, gunned down before they were mutilated in front of us.” I swallowed hard. “In front of me. ”

“Bradford—”

“I took three bullets. Two to the chest and one to the leg. I helped one of my men get to safety, but that was it. And when help arrived, it was already too late for them.”

“That’s not your fault,” she argued.

“Maybe not, but when I was awarded a fucking medal and I had to stand up in front of all those cameras and—” I chugged the last of my drink, closing my eyes as I remembered the flash of bright lights. “It’s not a fucking publicity stunt. Those people lost their lives. And the one time I could have used a father, he was too busy to come to me. Not even a fucking postcard,” I scoffed. “So, don’t bother telling me how proud he was of me or how he knows how difficult it is for me. All he cares about is voter sympathy. Another fucking thing to add to his portfolio to make him look good.”

The way she looked at me, like she could tell how hard this was and only wanted to help me, nearly had me going to her. Not for lust, but just to know that there was someone who understood how much this fucking sucked.

“I’m sorry. If I had known…”

“That’s why I told you to be careful around him. You’re stuck in this contract, but don’t be fooled by his motives. He doesn’t care about you or what you need. He only cares if it will make him look good for his campaign. ”

She nodded, twisting her fingers as she stared at the ground. “What will you do?”

I sighed heavily, pressing my fingers against my tired eyes. “I really don’t know. I need to talk with my boss, and then I need to figure out a way to deal with the senator.”

“And what about your friends?”

“Eli and Red?” She nodded. That was another fucking disaster I didn’t know how to deal with. They hadn’t signed up for any of this crap, and I wasn’t entirely sure they would stick with me. They were loyal to a fault, but this was beyond getting shot at. This was politics and it was a dirty business. The idea that either of them could get dragged into the senator’s machinations was more than I could stomach. “I have to talk with them. They might walk.”

She took a hesitant step forward, then another until she was right in front of me. “Bradford…I’m sorry for what happened today. I don’t know anything about the military or how horrible all of that must have been. But I know you’re strong. Whatever you decide to do, I’ll be here. And not just because I have to be, but because I respect you. So…if you need something, please let me know.”

I gave a slight nod before she turned and walked out of the room. I hadn’t expected to find an ally in my fake fiancée, but it was nice to know she was there, even if she had no idea what she was stepping into.

I sent off a text, asking the guys to meet me on the roof. I had no idea where they were or what they were doing, but I had some explaining to do. And before things went any further, I had to hear it from their lips that they were still in this, no matter how long it took until we could get the information we needed for Cash. He laid it all on the line for his brother. Now it was time for me to do the same for him.

I headed out, climbing the stairs instead of taking the elevator. Despite having run back here from the rally, I still needed to work off the energy rushing through me. I felt drained on that stage—utterly humiliated to be standing up there while the senator praised me for something I failed at. And when I took off, I ran for miles, never looking back or thinking about where my team was. It was the worst move I could have made, and yet, they didn’t run after me because they knew.

They knew I needed space.

I didn’t need to explain it to them. Hell, anyone who had served could recognize that far-off look in another soldier’s eyes as they recalled the worst of what they had seen or done. I was a fucking master at hiding it, at pushing it all to the background. Humor was the best medicine for me, and working with these guys made it all easier than ever before. But working on this job with the senator…it sent me spiraling, forcing me to face things I wished I could forget.

And now I had to do something I had hoped to never have to do. I had to fucking talk to my team about my worst nightmares. I had to break the easy camaraderie between us to face up to what plagued me.

I yanked the door open to the roof and wasn’t at all surprised that they were already waiting for me. They were in the middle of a discussion but stopped the moment I stepped out.

I stared at them, not even knowing how to begin. “Well, that was awkward,” I chuckled.

I hoped it would elicit a laugh from them, but instead, they both stared at me. There was no judgment on their faces, only understanding, and that almost gutted me.

I sighed, knowing there was no time like the present. So, I launched into the past, telling them about what happened and why the fuck I ran when I was on that stage. And the whole time, they watched me, not saying a word. When I finished, neither of them was looking at me. They were staring at the ground. Hell, I’d be staring at the ground, too, if someone told me a story like that.

“So, there you have it. I tried to keep it from you guys, but?—”

“Why?” Red asked abruptly. “Why the fuck would you hide that from us?”

I rolled my eyes. “Because I fucking hate talking about this shit. It’s in the past.”

“Clearly not,” Eli muttered. “Because the senator just put it front and center for everyone to dissect.”

“Look, I know you guys didn’t sign up for this shit. The move he pulled today puts an entirely new spin on what’s happening and I wouldn’t blame you guys if you walked.”

“Thank fuck,” Red sighed. “Because I really didn’t want to have to follow you around the fucking country as reporters kiss your ass.”

“No shit,” Eli chuckled. “What a fucking relief. So…we’re out.” He nodded, holding his hands wide. “We can go home and Sarah doesn’t have to have a single fucking thing to do with all this bullshit.”

Honestly, I thought they would argue just a little with me.

“Man, Zoe will be relieved. Fox is driving her insane with his grand plans for this new baby.”

Red chuckled. “Best to nip that in the bud.”

“Right?”

They started walking for the door, and that was it. They’d just completely forgotten about me. I’d given them the green light and they were out. I guess I’d suspected it might happen, but I hadn’t really thought they’d walk so easily.

Red yanked open the door and headed inside, still talking about Fox and how he wanted to ply Zoe with Funyuns so the baby would love them as much as he did. Then the door snicked shut and I was on my own. I stared up at the sky and sighed heavily, wondering how the fuck I was going to get through this job without them. I couldn’t be mad. I’d given them an out and they’d taken it.

I just hadn’t expected them to take it quite so easily.

Metal screeched behind me as the door opened. Then Eli popped his head out, quirking an eyebrow at me. “Are you coming?”

“Where?”

“Do we or do we not have a job to plan?”

I looked at him in confusion. “But I thought…”

“That your teammates were a bunch of pussies and would flake out? You’re a fucking idiot.”

Relief flooded me and I nearly sagged. That would have really given them something to laugh at me about. “Yeah, I’m coming.”

“Well, hurry the fuck up. You’re going to need your beauty sleep if you’re gonna be on television.”