I Knew You Were Trouble

Chapter Eight

Seoul, South Korea

I’m awake early, watching out of my window with a view across the bustling Korean capital, sipping instant coffee that came out of a sachet, the whirr of the traffic below infiltrating my room. In contrast to days earlier in Tokyo, we’ve been relegated to a cheaper hotel along with the back-up dancers and other miscellaneous crew. It’s decent, but the band is not here. They’re staying at the Four Seasons.

For a whole week now I’ve been in Ziggy’s bad books. The only footage I’ve obtained is the boys performing at their concerts in Tokyo. It’s hardly going to set Vaughn Harrera’s world alight: lacklustre footage was the reason they let the last guy go. I’ve thought about contacting him but Meredith keeps advising me to have patience.

I am not a patient person. I like to get things done. There is only one reason I’ve found myself in this position: his name is Aidan McArthur. He has turned the entire band, including their fiery-tempered manager, against me.

And for the life of me, I still can’t work out why.

Fine, so his looks could stop traffic.

I’m thinking about him too much.

But definitely not in a good way.

He’s determined, rude and opinionated.

He’s acting like he’s the one in charge, not Ziggy, not even Vaughn Herrera, and I don’t know how he does it.

I hate him.

Hate. Him.

I don’t care how popular he is. If this continues, he is going to single-handedly drop an anvil on my entire career.

I’ve done my homework. It feels like I’ve read every comment on every fan site. I’ve absorbed Reddit threads. I’ve swotted up on all their backgrounds. I’ve streamed their entire back catalogue, watched every pop video, several times over, feeling like I’m leering over every hip thrust or naked torso.

I now know everything there is to know about Rebel Heart.

All of which means nothing, but I refuse to be caught out.

Aidan McArthur will not catch me on the back foot again.

I’m listening to “Lovesick” for about the sixteenth time when my phone rings. My eyes widen when I see Ziggy’s name on the screen and I swipe up my handset from my unmade bed.

‘Bodhi’s bringing Ravi over to you,’ he says without greeting. ‘I need him back here by ten. No delays.’

I blink. ‘You’re sending Ravi over here ? Now ?’

‘I am. You said you wanted someone to interview.’

‘Yes, but, Ziggy, you need to give me more than a few minutes’ notice. I’m not dressed, I haven’t even showered. We haven’t set up.’

‘Well, I guess you’d better get a move on then, because he’s gonna be there in ten minutes.’

He hangs up without a goodbye. I hate this increasingly short leash that Ziggy is keeping me on.

I growl, rub my eyes in frustration, throw on my clothes from the day before, go out into the corridor and rap hard on Duncan’s door.

‘Bodhi’s driving Ravi over for his first interview.’

Duncan squints. Behind him, his room is pitch black. ‘Like, now? What time is it?’

‘Just gone seven. I don’t even know where we’re supposed to set up.’

‘Use Meredith’s room. She’s got a corner with windows. Light’s decent in there. It’s down there, the last one on the left.’

‘Right. I’ll go wake her up.’

Duncan yawns. ‘I’ll get the kit.’

Half an hour later, Ravi Bala is sitting in a chair in Meredith’s room, with Meredith applying some make-up to his face, after Duncan hooked him up with his microphone. After some deliberation on lighting, I’ve decided to close the curtains, the lights we’ve powered up focused purely on Ravi from the waist up. The contrast between his shirt and his dark skin is striking, and I can envisage the interview in black and white on a wide screen.

‘So how are the guys today?’ Meredith is asking. ‘You enjoying the Four Seasons? What’s going on with everybody?’

Ravi gives a shrug. Observing him over the brief moments that I’ve managed over the last week, I’ve come to see him as the shyest, sweetest of the bunch, with a beautiful, dimpled smile.

‘Korean…’ Ravi hums. ‘Right now, all we do is learn Ko-re-an and rehearse that damn track.’

‘Yeah? For “Gangnam Style”?’ Meredith laughs whilst Duncan works around me. ‘Who’s got it down?’

I look back down at my list of questions, not quite sure how this will pan out, yet I’m interested to catch any updates. Since the night in Tokyo, Aidan McArthur has virtually blanked me, as though pretending I don’t exist. I should be glad, yet his image has taken up permanent residence in my brain, taunting me, threatening to leave my next project for Silverpix, and my career, hanging by a thread.

Ravi grins. ‘I mean, I gotta hand it to Cal. Like, he has no idea what he’s actually saying but man, that guy can really mimic the original. But hey, guess he had it down as a kid, right? That’s why we’re doin’ it. He’s got Miller truly worried. It’s like Miller can’t get his tongue around all the pronunciation, you know?’

‘Miller’s tongue’s probably been otherwise engaged,’ Duncan mumbles under his breath.

Ravi laughs. ‘That’s no lie. He always did like our trips to Asia.’

‘You think he prefers Asian girls, to like… Western girls?’ Meredith asks.

‘If a girl shows willing, I don’t think he cares what nationality she is.’

Duncan lets out a snort of contempt, holding his light metre in the vicinity of Ravi’s hairline.

‘Uh, Lexi?’ Ravi asks, shifting in the chair. ‘Do I get the questions in advance?’

‘If you don’t mind, I’ve decided not to share them first,’ I tell him, softening my tone. ‘I’ve been refining them for a few days though. You’re the first interview, so… you’re the guinea pig, sorry, Ravi.’

‘That’s cool,’ Ravi replies. ‘I mean, Ziggy came in at breakfast and said one of us had to go, and Aidan said we weren’t doin’ it, but then he and Zig got into this argument about Silverpix and money and stuff… and Ziggy said we had to, and no one else volunteered… I mean, I was the only one to put my hand up so…’

I blink at him. ‘You mean, Aidan’s still telling everyone not to come to me for an interview?’

‘I mean, he is, but Zig overruled him. I think Cal said he would go next, but the other three…’

His voice tails off and I feel my heart sink. I tried making peace with Aidan and look how that turned out. Yet still he’s trying to tear me down.

‘Uhm, Lexi, I was wondering,’ Ravi says. ‘I was thinking… I wondered if we can avoid the topic of, you know… me and… girls.’

I look him in the face. A key issue I planned on asking each of the boys about is relationships, particularly with the opposite sex. I glance back down to my notes. ‘Sure, I can leave that out if you want. We don’t have to get into any specifics. It was more of a general question.’

Meredith finishes what she’s doing and Ravi shifts in his chair. ‘I’d rather not talk about that stuff, that’s all. My mom’ll be watching.’

I make a point of scrubbing out one question with my pen to make him more comfortable. ‘Sure. It’ll just be me and you. Dunc, are you done?’

Duncan beckons me over to the video monitor he’s set up. I nod at the image of Ravi displayed.

‘Ravi, I have to ask that you remain relatively still throughout. Otherwise, you’ll go out of frame.’

When Ravi flashes a cheeky smile and nods in agreement, I turn back to Duncan. ‘Can you take Meredith downstairs for a coffee or something? Come back in about ninety minutes? Or I’ll text you.’

‘Nay problem,’ Duncan says and I smile towards Meredith, who gathers up her things. Duncan makes a couple of final checks to the equipment, and when they are gone, I lock the door.

‘Ravi, before we begin, can I ask your opinion on something?’ I ask.

‘Sure.’

‘It’s about Aidan,’ I say. ‘I wanted to ask why you think he’s… so against me being here. Why he doesn’t seem to trust me.’

Ravi gives a shrug. ‘I mean, he’s not really said anything. Aidey’s one of the good ones, you know. We all look up to him.’

I try to keep things businesslike. ‘I’m sure you do. I just… have I done something to offend him? What’s his reasoning for not wanting an interview? Surely you’ve all had hundreds of interviews?’

Ravi swallows nervously. ‘Maybe ’cause it’s you, I guess? We looked up your documentaries. You’re really good, Lexi. And as for Aidan… I think he’s just trying to protect who we are, you know? He doesn’t trust people easily. He has his reasons.’

I nod then look to the floor. It’s not fair of me to try and get the truth out of Ravi. I lift my head, plastering a smile on my face. ‘So, are we all set to begin? Is there anything you want to ask me first?’

‘No. Mostly I get interviewed as part of the group. Usually when the questions are about, like, what I eat for dinner.’

‘If you don’t want to answer something, say so, and we can move on. Relax your shoulders. Breathe. You’ll be fine. Are you ready?’

Ravi nods, his eyes wide. I switch the cameras to recording mode.

‘This is Ravi, interview one. 2nd November, eight a.m.,’ I confirm to the camera, before taking a seat to one side of him.

An hour later, Ravi has talked all about his family’s history as immigrants to Canada, growing up as a shy brown-skinned boy in a majority white city, the audition process, getting to the finals of the show in LA and what it’s like to have the adoration of billions of tween and adolescent girls. It’s a strong interview, though there’s nothing to make it stand out. I’ve already picked out some sound bites in my mind.

I pause before asking my next question. ‘I read that you used to self-harm when you were at school. Would you mind talking a little about that?’

Ravi’s demeanour shifts. My words catch him off guard. For the first time, he looks away from the camera. The rawness of his reaction means I already know the shot will make it into the final cut.

It was something I initially picked up from Meredith’s binder. Barely a footnote. But I looked into it. There are precious few mentions online. The original revelation came from someone Ravi’d gone to school with.

‘Is it okay to talk about?’ I ask, not wishing to startle him.

He raises his head. I see tears in his eyes.

‘I didn’t really know myself as a kid,’ Ravi says, just above a whisper. ‘I mean, I couldn’t really identify with who I was supposed to be. Who I wanted to be, versus what my parents expected me to be.’

‘And what did your parents expect you to be?’

‘An engineer. A scientist or meteorologist. They were pretty shocked, the first time they saw me dance. Like Western-style dance, you know? Not bhangra.’

‘Did you train as a dancer? Did they know about that?’

He shakes his head. ‘I picked it up in the playgrounds. On basketball courts. From movies. I’d practise at my friend’s houses.’

‘Did you self-harm there too?’

He looks down. ‘I’m still the odd one out. Amongst my friends. Even in the band, look at us. I’m still kind of the odd one out.’

‘What makes you the odd one out, Ravi?’

He bites his lip, shakes his head. I wonder if he is referring to the colour of his skin.

‘What did you use? To harm yourself?’

The tears are falling now. I know I need to continue down this path, no matter the crushing sense of guilt sitting in my gut.

‘My cousin gave me a utility knife once. I used that mainly.’

‘Do you have scars?’

To my surprise, Ravi unbuttons his cuff and rolls up his sleeve. On his forearm, on the lighter underside, is a huge web of crisscross-shaped lines. He rubs them lightly.

‘The costume guys always cover it for me. I’ll either have sleeves on stage, or my arms are wrapped up. You’ll never see me with bare lower arms, not like the others. Sometimes the guys, they wear just the longer sleeves too, so I don’t stand out.’

I realise that he’s right. ‘You don’t think it’s important for the fans to see your pain?’

Ravi laughs. He wipes his face. ‘I don’t think that’s part of the image that the record company want us to represent.’

‘But what about the fans who also self-harm? Don’t you think it would be helpful for them to see? To know that none of you are perfect or infallible?’

His eyes gloss over. I wonder if I’ve pushed him too far. ‘That really would be the start of something, wouldn’t it?’ he murmurs. ‘It would mean coming clean. And… I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet.’

When we’re finished, Ravi is anxious to get away, and I call Bodhi to come and collect him. In my room, I show the footage back to Duncan and Meredith.

‘I can’t help feeling that I’m scratching the surface,’ I say, pacing, already thinking of follow-up questions.

‘It’s the first time I’ve ever seen Ravi so vulnerable ,’ Meredith admits.

‘Well?’ I say to Duncan, who’s yet to react. ‘What did you think?’

He sucks air through his teeth. ‘Hidden cameras. Getting members of a boy band to bare their souls to you. It’s a dangerous game, Lex. It’s exactly what Silverpix is gonna expect from someone like you.’ He grins, as he adds, ‘I think it’s brilliant.’

I smile, but underneath I’m nervous. I worry that the rest of the band will refuse my offer of an in-depth interview. And, more pertinently, that Aidan McArthur will remain determined to cause trouble.

For starters, it would be nice if I could get him out of my head.