I Knew You Were Trouble

Chapter Twenty-One

London, England

Inside the children’s ward at Great Ormond Street Hospital, I’m keeping a low profile. The past couple of nights have brought restless sleep. All across the ward, Rebel Heart are donating their time to the charity, meeting sick children, taking photographs, signing autographs and even performing an impromptu a cappella number beside the bed of a ten-year-old cancer patient. After the performance, half the doctors and nurses burst into tears, and all of the parents. Even Bodhi had watery eyes. Together with Duncan, I filmed the entire process.

Outside the hospital, crowds of fans have gathered, hoping to catch a glimpse of their idols. Leaning against the wall just outside the ward, I watch as Duncan approaches, lowering the camera from his shoulder. ‘You want me to carry on?’ he asks.

‘I think we’ve got enough,’ I say. ‘Else this documentary is going to end up being about ten hours long.’

Duncan takes a moment to power down the camera. ‘I won’t lie. You look knackered, Lex.’

I attempt a smile. ‘I think the helicopter ride took it out of me. Feels like I need a break.’

Duncan glances behind him, at the band members still all smiling and posing for the cameras on the ward. There is also another film crew present from the BBC. ‘Aye, don’t know how they do it.’ He moves to the wall to lean beside me. ‘So, you coming with me for Christmas this year, or what?’

I can’t hold back a laugh. ‘I was wondering when you might ask me.’

‘Ach, come on, Lex. We always have fun. Plus, Hogmanay.’

I look to the floor, bite my lip. When I glance up, I think I see Aidan watching us, but he looks away as soon as I make eye contact. ‘I’m good, thanks, Dunc. I’m going to go home to my flat. I miss my flat.’

‘I was thinking you would say that,’ he says. ‘I hate the thought of you spending Christmas alone.’

‘It’s just another day.’

‘Aye, but it’s meant to be a family day.’

‘You say that as someone with family.’

We stand in silence. ‘What about Aidan?’ he asks. ‘Did you talk to him?’

‘Nope.’

‘Did I mess things up for you?’

I give a heavy sigh. ‘I would have had to confess to him eventually.’

I glance up. Aidan is talking to a young girl, perched on her bed. Her expression shows how in awe of him she is, and I don’t blame her. He has a magnetism that I can’t explain.

‘Did you say goodbye to Meredith?’ I ask Duncan.

He shifts his stance awkwardly, running his hands through his short hair. Meredith has returned to California for Christmas.

‘What is it?’ I ask.

‘Nothing. Doesn’t matter.’

‘Tell me.’

‘Figured I’d ask her out. You know… have to stop pining over you at some point, Lex.’

I feel warmth touch my cheeks, but I’m pleased to hear his statement. ‘I thought you weren’t interested in Meredith.’

‘Was when she was taking care of me in Malaysia. I just…’ He shakes his head. ‘She’s probably not interested in me, like.’

‘I disagree. Ask her out.’

‘Aye. I might. Shame I don’t look like Danny Miller.’

‘You look better than Danny Miller.’

We stand in silence again for a moment, soaking up all the commotion taking place on the ward, Cal keeping all the kids entertained with his clownish antics.

My eyes flit back to Aidan, wondering how the pair of us have been stubborn enough not to have even attempted a conversation in more than a week. I seem to have burned my bridges with him, and I’m even left wondering if I imagined our ten minutes of passion in his dressing room in Cape Town. Because we are worlds away from that ever happening again.

‘Hello,’ a voice blurts beside me.

I turn my head. Standing next to me is the woman I first saw in Paris, holding onto Aidan’s arm. It was impossible not to recognise her back in the hotel bar, because everything about her looks oddly familiar. She’s Aidan’s twin sister, Paige McArthur.

I straighten, moving away from the wall. ‘Hi,’ I say.

Paige sticks out her hand. ‘We haven’t been introduced yet. I’m Paige.’

‘Lexi,’ I say, shaking it. ‘This is Duncan.’

I note that she’s wearing strings of candy necklaces, which she has been handing out to some of the children. ‘You’re the Scottish one, right?’ Paige says.

‘Aye, that’s right,’ Duncan replies, also shaking her hand.

‘You’re the documentary crew.’

‘That’s right,’ I smile, finding myself staring at Paige and, now that she’s up close, counting the uncanny similarities to her brother’s facial features. She has his same dark hair, the same shape of nose, and she’s also tall.

‘Aidey’s told me all about you. I’m dying to see the finished product. How much longer are you filming for?’

‘Maybe another two to three months or so.’

In front of us, Cal is singing again, getting all the kids involved.

‘I’m gonna get some of this,’ Duncan says as he excuses himself, switching the camera back on.

I feel a tight lump in my throat, standing next to Paige and not knowing what to say. ‘Are you going to the show tonight?’ I manage, my voice coming out hoarse. The boys are playing in North Greenwich at the O2 Arena.

‘Yes, definitely. I watched it in Paris. My god, it’s something, isn’t it? The crowd went so nuts for J.B. I’m thinking tonight will have a much more British feel. Maybe all the Aidan fans will come out of the woodwork. Give his ego yet another boost that it really doesn’t need.’

‘That must feel odd. Seeing a bunch of strangers screaming his name.’

Paige nods. ‘It was odd at first. Before, he was just ordinary Aidan. Now he’s pop star Aidan. I can’t quite reconcile the two, you know?’

‘You were on the reality show too though, right? You auditioned for the girl band?’

‘Yes,’ Paige admits with a gangly grin. ‘God, seems like years ago now. I got all the way to LA and ended up being a runner-up. I always explain that the competition was much tougher for the girls. More than a third more girls auditioned around the world than boys, did you know that?’

‘No. I didn’t know that.’

‘I tell Aidey the bar was pretty low for the boys, and that’s the only reason I’m not standing where he is today.’

She winks and I laugh at that. I like her a lot.

‘What are you doing for Christmas?’ Paige asks.

My chest floods with panic. ‘I’m, ah, probably going to spend it with Duncan in Edinburgh.’

‘Right,’ Paige replies. ‘That’ll be nice, I’m sure.’

We fall silent, watching Cal continue to be the complete entertainer, the rest of the band all shaking their heads in embarrassment.

Paige suddenly speaks again. ‘Because I was thinking, and, you know, if you didn’t have plans, I was going to invite you to our parents’ pub for New Year. It’s called The Fox Den. On the Surrey-Hampshire border, it’s not too far out of London. I thought you could interview me for your project.’

‘I—’ I begin, lost for words. Usually, it’s me who goes cap in hand asking for someone to interview, not the other way around.

‘Don’t worry,’ she says, lowering her voice. ‘Aidan won’t be there. He’ll be in London.’

Secretly, I like the idea of seeing where Aidan grew up.

‘Why don’t you take my number?’ Paige suggests and I find myself reaching for my phone.

The only way a person would know it is Christmas Day in my flat is because there’s too much cheese in my fridge and a saucepan of mulled wine going cold on the stove top. I don’t really do decorations. Instead, I’m hunched over my laptop on the floor with a glass of the same mulled wine and yet another mince pie for company, watching through the covert footage taken so far for the documentary.

I skipped Rebel Heart’s three back-to-back London concerts, instead watching the O2 Arena lit up from across the other side of the Thames River, my coat pulled around me. Duncan agreed that he would stay on an extra day, recording some additional footage.

I’m still in my pyjamas at five o’clock when my phone screen lights up. My father is calling me from LA.

The first time he calls, I don’t answer. I think about switching off my phone for the remainder of the day. On the second call, I let out a heavy sigh.

It’s Christmas. I should at least acknowledge his existence.

‘Hello,’ I say blandly into the phone.

His voice sounds strained. ‘Hi, Lexi. A very merry Christmas to you.’

‘Merry Christmas,’ I say back. I hear my voice echo down the line.

‘How you been?’ he asks.

‘Good. I’m fine.’

‘You got people there with you?’

‘I’m on my own, Patrick.’

‘Oh, I… I’m sorry to hear that. I just wanted to check in and, you know…’

I pinch the bridge of my nose. These conversations never get easier.

‘I see you booked a new project,’ he says. ‘That band everyone seems to like.’

‘They’re called Rebel Heart. Kind of massive in the music world.’

I don’t like the tone of voice that I’m using with him. Like I’m a stroppy teenager. I know it’s rude, but I can’t seem to empty my voice of any resentment.

‘I knew that. I did. How’s that going?’

‘Fine. It’s all fine.’

‘I saw that you’ll be in NYC in January.’

I swallow the lump in my throat. He’s checked the tour dates.

‘Wondered if I could maybe fly over,’ he continues. ‘You know how I love the Big Apple.’

‘You don’t have to do that. The tour goes to LA.’

‘But I could see you sooner if I came to New York.’

‘I won’t have a lot of time.’

‘I could shout you lunch one day? You could manage a lunch with your old dad, couldn’t you?’

I’m quiet for a moment. I don’t have an excuse. ‘Whatever.’

I wince, rubbing my forehead. I sound needlessly cruel. Over time, my indifference towards him has altered. The more he asks to see me, the more I pull away. It’s not a habit that’s easily broken, and I always envisaged that over time we would drift apart, and then the Christmas and birthday messages would stop coming.

They haven’t.

‘Why don’t I call you when I get to New York,’ I suggest.

‘I’d love that, Lexi. I’d love to see you, even for a few hours. I miss you, Pumpkin.’

Mid-morning on 31st December, I wait in the entrance hall of The Rabbit Warren, a quaint countryside hotel with racing green décor and furnishings, hand-sketched prints of rabbits and hares on the walls, together with other animals like pheasants and badgers. In the corner, a low fire crackles, warm air giving off hints of lavender. Beside me on the tartan carpet are my two Peli cases of kit, brought down from London in an Uber. Paige wore me down with her entreaties over WhatsApp to come and spend New Year’s at the McArthur family home. Whilst I eventually agreed to a visit, I insisted on booking myself into a hotel, rather than accept her offer of accommodation. Paige sent me the name of the nearest one to the pub.

Nerves tangle in my stomach. I haven’t asked if Aidan knows that I’m visiting. According to Paige, he won’t be around. Aidan and I haven’t exchanged messages since our time in Dubai. Christmas was lonely, but it isn’t the first time I’ve spent the festive season alone. There’s something satisfying about doing what I want, when I want, not having to answer to another living soul. I’d kept myself busy making mulled wine and snowman biscuits, reading and watching hours and hours of Christmas TV.

The little bell ringing above the entrance door brings me back into the room. Before I have time to react, the owner of the hotel – a dark-haired woman in her late fifties – has emerged from the room behind the check-in desk.

‘’Ello, my darling,’ she beams.

Paige McArthur bounces into the room and wraps the woman in an embrace. ‘Hey, Aunt Viv,’ she exclaims. She’s wearing workman’s jeans and a short, light green Parka, a cropped white T-shirt underneath showing off her flat stomach. I know she’s a dance instructor and runs a local studio. I get to my feet.

‘Hey, Lexi.’ She beams, and we share a light embrace.

‘Oh,’ her Aunt Viv bursts out. ‘I didn’t know this young lady was a friend of yours.’

‘I’m here to interview Paige for a documentary I’m working on,’ I inform her. ‘About Rebel Heart.’

Aunt Viv nods knowingly. ‘Well, you’ll never find Paige short of words when it comes to Aidey’s success. His biggest champion, right here. Takes good care of her brother.’

‘I don’t know about that.’ Paige grins with a playful roll of her eyes, and once more I find myself picking out the resemblances between them. ‘Come on, shall we go?’

I help Paige load the Peli cases into the car. It’s a short drive in a Range Rover down a hedge-lined country lane to get to Aidan’s parents’ pub. I squeeze my hands between my thighs to keep them warm.

Paige turns a corner and parks at a haphazard angle, yanking up the handbrake. I lean forward, taking in the view out of the windscreen. To my left is a substantial house, with ivy and clematis creeping up the facade. Attached to it and adjacent is what must be the pub, the brass lettering reading The Fox Den .

‘The Fox Den and The Rabbit Warren,’ I say with a nod of understanding. ‘I hadn’t realised the connection.’

Paige rests one hand on top of the steering wheel. ‘My aunt runs the hotel side of the business. Dad and my brother Rohan run the pub. My dad is the landlord, works behind the bar mostly, as well as my sister-in-law, part-time.’

‘So that’s your brother’s wife, Jo-Jo, is that right?’

She grins. Her smile is infectious. She has none of her twin’s propensity to glower. ‘That’s right. Leave the cases in here for the time being and I’ll give you the grand tour.’

I follow her out of the car and across to the main house, through a cosy pub to a large pub garden at the back. In the distance, across the field, two men are arranging some black boxes.

‘That’s my dad and Rohan,’ Paige says, pointing. ‘They’re setting up for the fireworks tonight. Pub opens back up at four today so there’s no one else around. Aidan’s gone to some party somewhere, so you’ll miss him.’

I force a smile. I wonder how much Aidan has said to her about our relationship.

‘Probably for the best,’ I say, swallowing a lump in my throat.

‘Would you like a peek at his room?’ Paige asks, giving me a devilish look.

‘Do you think he’d mind?’

She tosses a handful of her long hair over her shoulder. ‘He never has to know.’

Minutes later, we’re at the far side of the house, walking through a red door at the back of a garage that leads directly to a staircase.

I follow Paige, climbing the stairs. At the top, my jaw drops at the sight. The walls are covered in memorabilia: photos, album covers, awards, posters. It is a Rebel Heart treasure trove. At one end of the room is a door to an en-suite bathroom, a long desk, and in the middle of the room a super king-sized bed. The ceiling rises to a high vault. I feel heat rising from the base of my neck at having just walked into Aidan McArthur’s bedroom.

‘We call this the annex,’ Paige explains. ‘We moved Aidey out here when he outgrew his room soon after Rebel Heart formed. We keep telling him he needs to buy his own house.’

I take a long, shaky breath.

‘Well,’ Paige grins, following my gaze, ‘what d’you think?’

I give a nod, not knowing quite how to respond. Moving to the nearest wall, I stare at a photograph of Aidan as a young boy in white tights and a leotard, holding up a medal.

‘Of everything in here, you had to look at that ,’ Paige laughs and shakes her head.

‘Is that you next to him?’ I ask, pointing to the photo. ‘How old are you both here?’

‘About seven. Maybe six. We were in ballet class from the age of three or four. My mother was a ballerina. Then later she realised that neither of us was actually very interested in ballet, so she moved us to modern dance. This one is us, about aged nine. We both won the county finals.’

‘Wow,’ I breathe.

I move along the row, taking in the different pictures and photographs. Framed on the wall is an advert for a designer brand of men’s cologne, Aidan standing in water up to his waistline, shirtless, mouth open, hair falling into his eyes and staring at the camera. I recognise the image from several duty-free shops at airports I’ve passed through, yet I’ve never quite grasped how overtly sexual it is. I feel a tingling sensation wash over me.

‘Mum’s got cupboards of the stuff if you want any,’ Paige comments. ‘She gives it out as Christmas gifts every year. It’s embarrassing.’

I realise I am ogling his naked chest and I turn away. Outside the window, I can hear car tyres on the gravel and the sound of voices. I’m drawn to looking at Paige, who has suddenly started to fidget.

Without warning, the door at the bottom of the staircase opens, and I hear footsteps on the stairs.

When Aidan reaches the top of the staircase, I freeze, not sure where to look.