I Knew You Were Trouble

Chapter Twenty-Five

New York, USA

‘How did you spend New Year’s?’ Meredith asks.

With Aidan McArthur inside me , I think, biting my lip at a delicious memory.

Except in twenty-four hours, I’ve heard nothing from him, and despite constantly checking my phone for any messages, I know it’s all my fault. Every time I type something out to him, I end up deleting it, for some irrational reason wanting him to be the one to message me first.

Meredith’s question is directed at Bianca Lawson, who perches on a stool in her bedroom at her parents’ elegant Upper East Side apartment, overlooking the Metropolitan Museum and Central Park, whilst Meredith applies a blusher. Bianca is a natural blonde but with highlights, her long, wavy hair falling to below her shoulders. She is tall with enviable legs, an elegant nose and high cheekbones. I can see why a guy like Caleb Whitlock might lose his mind over her, whether he likes to admit it or not.

‘Oh, it was pretty quiet, you know,’ Bianca murmurs. ‘I didn’t want to go to some bar and have someone recognise me. They always start singing that damn song… saw through you like cheap glass… do you think I miss you now… ’

She sings the last bit. I’m hardly surprised she knows the lyrics. “Shame About My Face” has rocketed to the top of the downloads chart in over thirty countries, and stayed there.

‘I hung out here with a couple of girlfriends. Drank cocktails, watched the fireworks from the windows. That was kinda it. Hoping this year is better than the last couple ones.’

Fireworks. I feel heat rising again.

‘Lexi?’ Meredith says.

‘Sorry, what?’

‘I said I think we’re done here. You wanna come see?’

I walk over to Bianca, studying her. She looks perfect, but it isn’t the look I had envisaged. I want to recreate a memory in Caleb’s mind: to aim straight for his heart. You wouldn’t know this was a girl who used to have her own reality TV show.

‘When you go out…’ I ask. ‘When you used to go out… did you wear a lot of eye make-up? More than you’re wearing now?’

Bianca glances in the mirror. ‘Sure, a little more, I guess. Like more liner. More mascara. A lip gloss, maybe.’

I look to Meredith. ‘Can we do that?’

Meredith nods. ‘Sure, of course.’

‘Thanks. I’ll see how Duncan’s getting on.’

In the vast, sumptuously decorated living area overlooking Fifth Avenue, Duncan is still moving furniture around. I looked it up, and apartments in this building sell for millions of dollars.

‘It’s fine as it is,’ I say, holding up my hands.

‘Nah, not happy,’ Duncan responds with a frown, his blonde brows drawn together. ‘Light’s all wrong.’

It’s Saturday afternoon. We’re all a little jet-lagged. The Reunification Tour restarts at Madison Square Garden for four consecutive sold-out shows, but not until Thursday. It’s a luxury, the boys spending their time rehearsing and doing promotional work on all the big American talk shows, Manhattan already going a little doolally for all things Rebel Heart. Even the arrival of their plane this afternoon was splashed all over the news networks.

I lower my voice, tilting my head towards Bianca’s bedroom. ‘We haven’t talked about Meredith.’

Duncan straightens, hands on his hips, starting to sweat with the exertion. ‘No, no. Don’t do that. New Year’s resolution. Go for girls who actually like me. Not ones who’re out of reach.’

‘Did you even try asking her out yet?’

‘I’m fine as I am, Lex. Chickenshit though it might be, I’m not chasing.’

‘Or how about this for a New Year’s resolution? Ask. Meredith. Out.’

He scowls, shoots invisible daggers at me. ‘Will you fecking leave it, woman?’

‘Did you even message her over the holiday?’

‘I sent a few.’

‘And?’

He rubs the back of his head. ‘And nothing. We went back and forth a bit. I could have done a better job at flirting… ach , I’m chickenshit, I know.’

I go over to him, gripping both his biceps. ‘One last question, I promise. Did you miss her when she wasn’t around?’

He looks sheepish. ‘I tried not to… aye, I did.’

‘Then there’s your answer.’

Duncan nods, looking to the floor. ‘You clear things up with Aidan over the holiday?’ he murmurs.

I’m saved from providing him with a response when Meredith bounces into the room, followed by a slightly nervous-looking Bianca. Duncan backs away.

‘We’re ready,’ Meredith hums.

‘You look lovely,’ I say to Bianca, who now looks exactly like she did on her TV show. ‘Duncan’s just rearranging a few things but we’ll be able to start soon.’

Bianca takes in all the lights and the two cameras Duncan and I have set up.

‘It’s been a while since I had all the cameras around.’

I put one reassuring hand on her arm. ‘Just breathe, like we talked about.’

Bianca exhales shakily, knotting her fingers together. ‘I think it’s the timing, you know? The shows at Madison Square Garden. Rebel Heart everywhere I look. It brings back not-so-nice memories.’

‘If you want a break at any time during the interview, you just say so.’

Bianca nods again, and takes her seat.

I don’t know how, but news has leaked that the boys are staying at a hotel in Hudson Yards, on the Lower West Side, opposite the Vessel sculpture. On arrival outside the hotel in a cab, we’re greeted by a vast crowd of hysterical teenaged girls clustered on the pavement, hotel security doing a good job of keeping them herded all together.

‘So, what’s the plan?’ Duncan asks in the back of the taxi.

I hand him my hotel key card. ‘Can both of you grab the gear from the back? Head to my room and wait for me there. I’ll track down Ziggy. I want to see if I can get the boys all together in one room.’

‘Do you want me to…’ Duncan murmurs.

‘Wire yourself up,’ I instruct him, referring to the covert cameras. I open the door, making the screams outside even louder. ‘I’ll be doing the same.’

‘I know I’ve asked this before,’ Duncan questions through the crack in the bathroom door as I thread a thin wire from a body camera underneath my top, to which my butterfly broach is pinned, ‘but are you sure this is a good idea? They’re a boy band, not a sweatshop, remember?’

Ziggy has agreed to gather the band together for me, despite my vague reasoning. I raise my eyes to my own reflection and swallow down any feelings of guilt. My relationship with Aidan should be separate from the rest of the Rebel Heart circus, though I’m having a hard time convincing myself of that. ‘My parents both dealt with fiction. I want what’s real. What’s authentic. Cal won’t react the same way if he knows there’s a camera lens in his face.’

‘You’re the boss,’ Duncan sighs, and the way he says it is starting to grate on me.

I stop and stare in the mirror, and wonder if I’ve taken things too far. I have no idea how Cal will react, let alone the rest of the band. Will they see Bianca’s interview as a betrayal?

When I’m finished fixing the camera, I massage my temples. This is why I’m not supposed to get close to them. This is why they’re supposed to be my subjects, and nothing more. I’m not supposed to have feelings towards any of them, and right now, I’m putting my job above any loyalty, or friendships I have made.

Except that I know I feel something. For Aidan especially, but I’ve grown fond of them all.

I swallow.

The next forty minutes could be my downfall.

On arrival at the suite with Duncan and Meredith, we find security has been beefed up. I spy Bodhi looking agitated.

‘Happy New Year, Bodhi,’ I say, trying to hide my anxiousness. ‘Everything alright?’

His expression is pained. ‘Hey, guys. Happy New Year. Yeah, we got fangirls on the loose tonight. Running around the hotel, knocking on people’s doors. Just tryna keep a lid on the mayhem.’

I grit my teeth. His radio crackles. Speaking into the unit, he opens the door for us to go inside. ‘Good luck,’ I mouth to him.

Walking into the suite, my heart begins to hammer. Not because of what I now know I have to do, but because it’s the first time I will have seen Aidan since the morning after, bidding him a frigid farewell in the car outside his aunt’s hotel.

Just inside the door, Cal is standing with Ziggy. ‘Whaddup, Lexi?’ he croons, turning his attention to me, Duncan and Meredith. He’s wearing a fitted white T-shirt and loose-fitting jeans. ‘How’s ya boyfriend?’

Heat rises to the base of my neck. My mouth opens. Has Aidan said something?

‘I’m fucking with ya, darlin’,’ Cal responds with a grin, giving Duncan an exaggerated wink. Duncan offers him a middle finger. ‘Happy bloody New Year.’

‘Happy New Year, Cal,’ I say.

‘Zig won’t say what you wanna show us.’

‘You’ll find out shortly. Are the others here?’

Ziggy points to the bedroom. ‘Through there. In front of the TV, just like you asked. Do you need me here?’

‘Not if you’ve got other things to do,’ I reply and Ziggy excuses himself.

A chorus of ‘Happy New Years’ goes up as Duncan, Meredith and I enter the room. I keep Aidan in my peripheral vision, but don’t make eye contact. Cal follows us in, jumping on the bed, causing turmoil in the way that only Caleb Whitlock can.

I stand in front of them, clutching one of my cameras. My heart is thumping. Duncan and Meredith take their seats in nearby chairs, facing them.

‘What’s this all about, Lex?’ Ravi grins, kicking off his shoes onto the floor.

‘Yeah, sexy Lex, what gives?’ Cal echoes.

‘You’re not gonna subject us to a homemade porno of you and Duncan, are you?’ Miller asks, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see Aidan glowering. Duncan’s expression darkens at Miller’s comment, but he says nothing. J.B. has already given Miller a swift kick.

‘Cal,’ I say loudly, and a hush descends.

Cal blinks. ‘Me?’ he asks from the bed. ‘Fuck did I do?’

The boys stare at me in silence, waiting. I swallow hard, still terrified I’m doing the wrong thing.

‘I need to say something. Sometimes, in a job like mine, you do things because you can’t leave something alone… You have to get to the bottom of something. Leave no stone unturned, so to speak.’

I pause. They’re looking at me as though they’re worried for my sanity.

‘I interviewed Bianca Lawson today,’ I state.

For a split second, no one utters a word. Then Miller starts laughing. Ravi sucks his breath.

‘You what ?’ Cal explodes. ‘What did you go and do that for?!’

‘I… I needed to hear her side of the story. Or, rather, to give her the opportunity to give me her side of the story.’

He throws his arms up in the air. ‘I already know her side of the story. The bitch put it out on Twitter!’

Ravi looks confused. Aidan crosses his arms over his chest, as though reserving judgement.

‘I thought you’d perhaps like to watch it,’ I continue.

‘No, I don’t wanna bloody watch it!’ Cal fumes.

‘I think you’ll be surprised.’

Ravi comes to my aid. ‘Come on, Cal, at least see what she’s got to say. It’s not like you actually have to talk to her.’

‘Why would we want her in the documentary?’ J.B. questions in his French accent. ‘Why do we care what she even has to say?’

‘Exactly what he said,’ Cal says. ‘I already told ya, Lexi, I don’t wanna know. Back me up here, Aid.’

Aidan is yet to speak. I swallow, because I’m not sure exactly where the two of us stand. He gives a shrug. ‘If Cal doesn’t wanna watch it, he doesn’t wanna watch it.’

Cal salutes him. ‘Thanks, mate. Too bloody right.’

I look to the floor. I’m starting to regret them gathering together. Maybe I should never have approached Bianca Lawson in the first place.

‘You wanna know what I think?’ Miller announces, his gaze settling on Cal. ‘I think you’re fucking chicken. I’ve said it from the start, you like her. If you didn’t, the fact that she made some bullshit comment on Twitter wouldn’t have meant jack to you. But you’ve literally not stopped talking about it for two years straight. You wrote a whole goddamn song about her. Who does that, about a girl they claim not to like?’

Aidan’s lips have twisted into a smile. ‘He’s got a point, mate,’ he murmurs to Cal.

‘Raise your hand if you wanna see what Bianca Lawson has to say,’ Miller says, putting his arm in the air.

Ravi’s hand shoots up. After a second or two, Aidan’s follows suit. J.B. gives a shrug, before raising his hand.

‘You blokes are all bloody charlatans… fucking traitors the lot of you,’ Cal blurts.

‘I think you should all see it,’ I say.

‘Nah, mate, I’m gettin’ out of here,’ Cal complains, and goes to get up off the bed. Aidan clamps a hand down on his shoulder.

‘Mate, it’s just one interview. Doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it.’

‘Fine,’ Cal groans, falling back. ‘I’ll watch it. Under duress. Anyone asks me, I’ll tell them you all forced me into it.’

‘Put it on, Lexi,’ Ravi encourages me.

Duncan gets up and helps me hook the video camera up to the TV. He remains standing, positioning himself to get a good angle through his hidden camera.

A few minutes later, I’m able to play the interview through the TV. A hush descends, and when Bianca appears on screen, there is a collective sucking in of breath.

The footage begins with Bianca stating her name and age. Her face fills the TV screen.

‘Shit, Cal, Bianca Lawson still looks good,’ Miller comments.

‘Shut up, man,’ Cal shoots back, his gaze fixed firmly on the TV from the moment he sees her. ‘Don’t talk.’

I position myself so I am facing Cal. I watch as, off screen, I am easing Bianca into the interview, getting her to talk about her childhood, her family and studies. We’d gone over all the questions at the beginning off camera, so she’d known nothing would come as a surprise. Her nerves are still evident.

The boys watch the video in enthralled silence, listening intently to Bianca speak.

‘Can you tell me how you first met Caleb Whitlock?’ I ask on screen.

Panic flashes in Bianca’s eyes, though she swiftly regains her composure. ‘It was just under two years ago now,’ she begins. ‘It wasn’t long before Rebel Heart split up. I got sent backstage passes for the show at Madison Square Garden on February sixteenth. I took two of my girlfriends. I don’t think I expected anything to happen there, you know, I thought it’d be a fun night out. I was a fan, you know, but not like some of these crazy girls. I liked their music.’

Cal shifts, getting to his feet. He’s restless, uncomfortable. He shrinks to the back of the room, his arms crossed over his chest, his expression unreadable.

Bianca stops for a moment, letting out a shaky breath. ‘Anyway, we got invited into the after-show party, I don’t remember who by, there were some other celebrities I knew there, and a few photographers. When we got into the venue, Cal came straight over to us. He asked me if he could get all of us a drink. He was still buzzing from the show; I think he’d just gotten outta the shower. He definitely paid me… particular attention. He knew who I was, and he’d seen my reality show. A little while later, he took my hand and led me to this secluded little corner, right at the back of the room. And we… you know, we made out. For quite some time. We talked too…’

‘What did you talk about?’ I hear myself ask on the TV.

On screen, Bianca gives a forlorn smile. ‘He was telling me how much he loved Pavarotti. Which was kinda weird, because I do too. My parents, they love the opera. They go to the City Opera, Carnegie Hall, like, all the time. I don’t know, we kinda clicked.’ She smirks. ‘He was a really good kisser.’

There is sniggering. Miller gives a mock cheer.

‘Shut up,’ Cal snaps. He’s backed all the way to the window, his expression pained.

Bianca looks uncomfortable, looking down. Behind the camera, I had motioned for her to raise her chin a fraction. ‘I felt bad for abandoning my girlfriends, you know, and it seemed like Caleb wanted more than for us to just kiss. I freaked out a little and I told him I would be back in a few minutes… so I went to find my girlfriends. Took me a while to track them down, and I must have been with them for maybe twenty minutes, not all that long, at least I didn’t think so. When I went back, he was…’ Her breath hitches. ‘I saw him making out… with some other girl.’

At that moment, the boys all react, once more sucking in their collective breath.

‘Hold up!’ Miller howls. ‘Pause it! Pause it!’

I hit the pause button.

Miller turns his head. ‘What the fuck? You kissed another chick in front of her?’ he shouts at Cal.

Cal’s at the back of the room, looking to the floor. The base of his neck has gone red. He’s reeling, as though a hazy memory is dawning on him. ‘Just play it, Lexi,’ he says with a wince.

I hit the play button. ‘And how did that make you feel?’ I am asking Bianca off screen.

Bianca gives a tight, exaggerated shrug. ‘I don’t know, I… I probably read too much into it. Like, I thought he was into me. So, yeah, I was hurt. I guess I was wrong. We left soon after. Me and my girlfriends, we got the hell outta there.’

‘Cal hadn’t taken your number?’

‘No… no. Nothing like that.’

‘So… you had no way of contacting him?’

‘No, not by any direct means.’

‘And then what happened?’

Bianca draws another shaky breath, pushing back her shoulders, running her fingers through her hair. ‘I went home. Went to bed. When I woke up, somebody called and told me that I was on the front page of the Post . I couldn’t believe it. It was this blurry image… somebody had taken a photograph of me and Cal at the party, making out. And I was mad, you know, because, I was like, what the hell, he was with someone else five minutes after me…’

‘So then when you sent the tweet… you were angry.’

Bianca bites her lip. Tears spring to her eyes. She gives a nod. When she speaks, her voice catches inside her throat. ‘I think I was angry with him, yes. I felt humiliated.’

‘And when you sent the tweet, do you remember what it said?’

Tears fall. Beside the window, Cal holds his head in his hands. At the time of the interview, my heart had gone out to her, but I’d known we had to continue. ‘I can’t even say it out loud now… I’m so ashamed of what I said… I didn’t know… it was gonna go viral. I left my phone for about a half hour after. Then when I got back, I realised things had snowballed… “ Rebel Heart NYC ” was trending, so were my words. About ten minutes later I deleted the original tweet. But it was too late by then; somebody had already taken a screenshot of it under my account, and instead, that started doing the rounds. People started tagging me with comments. Then it seemed like it was everywhere. It blew up.’

‘What happened after that?’ I ask off camera.

Bianca wipes her face, but it’s clear for anyone to see that she’s heartbroken. The boys have all gone quiet. ‘The fans came after me. Of course they did. I mean, I was already a known face, except now I was public enemy number one. So many people I’d never met started calling me horrible names, wishing me dead. Once they knew my name, they found out where I lived. It went on for months . I had to change my number, delete everything. There were times I couldn’t bring myself to leave my apartment. Eventually, I moved back over here with my parents. It felt safer that way.’

‘Are you seeing anyone now?’

She shakes her head, biting her lip, still wiping tears.

‘What was your reaction to the song coming out?’ I hear myself ask, ploughing on. ‘Knowing it was you who’d spawned the single?’

Bianca is unable to look at the camera. The tears are coming quicker than she can wipe them away, some of her eye make-up now running down her cheeks.

‘When I heard about it,’ she breathes, ‘I just wanted to die. He has some pretty choice words to say about me, huh? Hey, it’s a good tune. But I want people to know the truth of what happened that night. I left because he’d already moved on. It was pretty obvious he wasn’t into me.’

During the interview, I waited for her to compose herself. ‘What would you say to Caleb if you ever saw him again?’

The break in tears doesn’t last. For a moment, Bianca just sobs, unable to speak, burying her face in her palms.

‘That I’m so very sorry,’ she manages at length, raising her head. ‘That I never meant to hurt you. But you hurt me too… I wish I’d never sent that tweet. It’s the biggest regret of my life. I hate that you’re out there and knowing you think badly of me. And I never thought that about your face. Ever. You have a handsome face. I just got swept up in it all…’

When she addresses him directly, Caleb looks crushed.

‘Bianca, would you like me to turn off the camera now?’ I say off screen, and Bianca nods her head.

I stop the video.

A silence descends over the room. Nobody moves.

For a moment, the atmosphere is tense, no one saying a word.

‘What did I do?’ Cal whispers, more to himself, head in his hands.

‘I knew it! I knew we didn’t have the whole story!’ Miller blurts, breaking the spell. ‘Cal, you’re a fucking idiot! She disappeared for, like, twenty minutes, and you went and got yourself someone else. If I was Bianca, I would’ve said a lot worse about you on Twitter. Like, shame you’re such a dick.’

‘You didn’t give us the full story, Cal,’ Ravi says quietly.

One hand covers his face. ‘I forgot about the other girl,’ he croaks. ‘I’d had a drink; I thought it was more than twenty minutes. I thought she’d left the party for good.’

I’m almost surprised when I hear Aidan’s voice. ‘Cal, you’re gonna need to do some serious grovelling. We’ve put out a number one single which is based on a half-truth, which basically amounts to a lie. She came back to you, you moron. Our entire track is based on a misunderstanding.’

‘I didn’t know that, did I?’ Cal whispers again in agony, holding his head in his hands. ‘Fuck!’ he then hollers, getting to his feet. ‘Why do I always have to be such a massive prick?’

‘You should go visit her and apologise,’ Ravi suggests with a grin.

‘She’s in Manhattan, not all that far from here,’ J.B. adds. ‘Or call her.’

Cal paces. ‘Nah, nah, I gotta do better than that, mate. I gotta make this up to her good and proper.’ He rakes his fingers through his curly hair. ‘ Shit . What can I do? I gotta make amends.’

I suppress a smile.

‘Dude, it’s been two years, she’s not gonna care,’ Miller states.

Not for the first time, I wish Miller would keep his mouth shut.

‘You heard her, didn’t you?’ Cal argues. ‘She said she wished she’d never said what she did. And I sure as hell didn’t act my best either.’

‘That’s a whole lotta water under the bridge, man,’ Miller then scoffs dismissively.

‘Will you shut it?’ Cal snaps. ‘I gotta fix this.’

He comes over to me, gripping my wrists before folding me into a hug. ‘Thank you for bringing this to me, Lexi,’ he says, still holding onto me. He pulls back. ‘Fellas, I’m gonna need your help.’