I Knew You Were Trouble

Chapter Thirty-Six

‘This Friday night. What y’up to?’ Duncan asks me over the phone.

‘Precisely nothing, I imagine,’ I say. ‘Why?’

‘Thought I could come over and keep you company. Cheer y’up.’

‘Great. How about we go for dinner?’

‘Takeaway is fine. I’ll come to you. I’ll be there before eight.’

On Friday, in preparation, I buy beer and bottles of wine. When the intercom sounds, I buzz him up.

I open the door to find Meredith standing in front of Duncan. ‘Surprise!’ she squeals, and, gasping, I throw my arms around her.

‘What are you doing here?’ I blurt.

‘Duncan invited me. Plus, I spoke to Vaughn about a possible move to the London office, so I’m scoping out possibilities.’

Later, in the kitchen, as she helps me cut ingredients for a salad to accompany takeaway pizza, I glance back at Duncan in the living room. He appears to be moving things around. I’m full of questions.

‘And, things between you two… are they…?’

Meredith blushes. ‘We’re…’ She flip-flops her head from side to side. ‘Righting a few wrongs.’

I raise my eyebrows. ‘And how’s that working out?’

She beams. ‘Pretty good so far. And if I can get a job with Silverpix in London…’

Smiling, I glance back at Duncan, who still seems to be moving furniture. ‘What is he doing in there?’

‘Not happy with the Feng Shui,’ Duncan retorts, a bottle of beer in his hand. ‘Whenever I come here, it looks weird, you know?’

I don’t know, but we have a perfectly pleasant meal of takeaway pizza with a bottle of red wine, laughing about our better memories of going on tour with the world’s most popular boy band.

‘I mean, that’s the rock and roll way to go, isn’t it?’ Duncan laughs. ‘Actually getting booted off the tour?’

‘Duncan, I have to ask,’ I say. ‘Meredith is sitting right next to you, yet your phone has been glued to your hand all night. Who are you messaging so furiously?’

‘Sorry,’ Duncan mutters, pocketing his phone. ‘This football league thing I’m in.’

He knots his fingers with Meredith’s, lifting her hand and kissing the back of it, and my heart is fit to burst.

‘Mind if I put the TV on?’ Duncan asks me a minute later, as I’m loading plates into the dishwasher. I turn to see Meredith already curled into the crook of Duncan’s arm, his fingers in her hair.

‘Whatever you want to do,’ I say. ‘I might stack the dishes.’

‘Do it tomorrow. Grab a drink. Sit down and watch.’

I give him an odd look. He’s been acting strange since he got here.

‘Fine,’ I exhale, taking a seat adjacent to the pair of them with my glass of wine. ‘What do you want to watch?’

‘Duncan says I have to watch Maxwell Horton; that he’s really funny,’ Meredith chips in.

‘The chat show?’ I question. ‘He always has good people on.’ I look up to find Duncan is pointing his phone at me. ‘What is up with you and that thing this evening?’

‘What? I’m not doing anything,’ Duncan shrugs, returning his attention to his handset.

On my wall-mounted TV, Maxwell Horton starts, the Irish host doling out some jokes designed to embarrass politicians and celebrities. Horton names his guests as two well-known young actors. ‘We’ll also have some live music from a very special surprise guest act this evening, ladies and gentlemen,’ he announces, to which the TV audience reacts with oohs , aahs and resounding applause.

I watch, curling my feet under me and wondering how it is we’ve ended up ceasing all conversation and switching on the TV.

I watch the interviews. In the back of my mind, I hear my phone buzz.

Duncan nods over at my handset on the table. ‘Might wanna check your phone, Lex. Think you’ve got a message.’

‘How do you know that?’ I ask. ‘Is it from you?’

There’s a slight smile on his lips. ‘Don’t ask me, go get your phone.’

I get to my feet, walking over to the table.

The screen says 1 new message . Underneath, it reads, Aidan .

My bottom lip trembles. I’ve craved a reply from him for so long, yet now I’m too frightened to read it.

‘Who’s it from?’ Meredith asks.

I can’t answer, my fingers shaking. I open my phone, navigating to the WhatsApp message screen, and see that, finally, my message to him has two blue ticks.

Aidan’s reply contains five sentences:

I love you.

I miss you.

I am so so so so sorry.

There’s something else I need to say.

So please watch.

My hand sails to my mouth, tears stinging my eyes. Before I know it, Meredith is on her feet and grabbing my hand, pulling me back in front of the TV.

‘What’s going on?’ I breathe, confused, vaguely aware that Duncan appears to be filming me with his phone, yet I want to read Aidan’s message over and over again, as if to check that his words are actually real.

‘Watch,’ Meredith giggles.

‘Now, ladies and gentlemen,’ Maxwell Horton schmoozes on camera. ‘We’ve got quite the surprise treat for you tonight. Especially you ladies… you’ll see what I mean…’ Horton exaggerates a wink at the audience, and can’t resist a cheeky laugh. ‘Singing a brand-new track, exclusive to the show, called “Agony”, please give it up… it’s Rebel Heart!’

There is frenzied screaming and applause. The camera swoops. Then the voices die down. In the centre of my flat, I feel my knees give way, holding onto Meredith’s hand.

The lights are low when the music starts. I realise there are candles surrounding them, the Rebel Heart boys each sat on a stool with a microphone. They are wearing black suit trousers, black shoes, and crisp white shirts with the sleeves rolled up. J.B. is with them, but his torso is mostly covered by a guitar. I can hardly believe my eyes.

Aidan is at the front, his head bowed. Watching him, my own heart swells.

As J.B. begins the melody on the guitar, Aidan sings.

They tell me that I care too much, thought I’d find a way back to

okay

But if I’d known that I’d regret it all, that ugly moment I sent

you away

Now I’m sitting here, I’m empty, never gave you chances to

explain

Just cut you out of everything, seems now I can’t handle the

pain

And sorry only goes so far

I’m left with all these aching, heart-shaped scars

The memories of you I’m drowning in

You’re everywhere I look, you’re seeping in

By the time the boys join in to harmonise the chorus, their voices soaring, I can’t hold my emotions anymore. The tears are falling and I cover my mouth. I can’t take my eyes from him.

Give me one more chance, to take you home

I’ll treat you right, take it slow

Can picture our future

Know we’re meant to be

Give me one more chance, to take you home

I failed you once, but now I know

Can picture our future

Begging you, don’t set me free

It’s my fault, and I just can’t take this… this agony

This agony

This agony

Hearing his words, I’m broken. I glance across at Meredith and she squeezes my hand, her face crumpling.

On the TV, the song continues. By the time it’s over, the whole studio is rapturous in applause. Maxwell Horton has his hands high in the air.

And then they’re gone again.

I look to Duncan. He’s been filming me this whole time. I go back to my phone, my breathing unsteady. ‘I have to go there,’ I manage, my voice strained with a sense of urgency. ‘I have to call him; I have to see him. They still film that show in Television Centre, right? White City? Duncan? This is live, right?’

Duncan stops filming me. ‘Might wanna go downstairs first,’ he deadpans.

I gawp at him. ‘What?’

‘I said… you might wanna just head downstairs first. Out to the street.’

He gives a nod towards my front door, which leads out towards the street that overlooks the riverside. My jaw goes slack.

‘Downstairs,’ Duncan mouths, only this time pointing.

I swallow hard, my phone sliding from my fingers to the surface of the sofa. Hot tears are falling now. I walk to the front door and yank it open, and suddenly I’m racing down two flights of stairs, hitting the door release button, darting out of the front entrance to my building and running out into the warmth.

In the July air, the sky is tinged with blue, but the light is fading fast. I come to a halt and look around. He comes out from the shadows, suddenly there, in person, still wearing the suit, looking unsure of himself.

I see him swallow.

‘Hi, beautiful,’ Aidan then says.