If This Was a Movie (Evergreen Park #2)

Chapter 10 – Jules

TEN

LAST YEAR

JULES

“He’s it,” I say as I drive to the grocery store, my friends on the Bluetooth of my car.

“It?” one of my two best friends, Harper, says in disbelief.

“I know it’s crazy, but he’s my dream man. My love at first sight, knew it from the very first moment I saw him, absolute perfection. He’s my rom-com,” I explain, feeling a bit silly but unable to really care.

I spent two nights at Nate’s house before I had to reluctantly leave to live my real life, but we’ve been talking non-stop since then, and somewhere in my heart, I know this is special.

“Jules—” she starts with a sigh because she’s seen some variation of this a few times.

Of the three of us, Harper is the most practical. Ava is the fun, impulsive one, always ready for some grand adventure. Harper is the one who keeps our feet on the ground…and out of prison. While I’m the romantic, living in my head where I’m safe from reality and waiting for my love story.

My entire life, I’ve seen signs and meanings at every turn, making it easy for me to twist the most basic nicety into something more. I meet a man, and before the first date is even over, I can envision white dresses and the two-point-five kids, even when the dresses are really just red flags waving.

This isn’t the first time I’ve come home from a date and said that I was wildly into a man, only to have my heart destroyed a week later.

But this time is different. I can’t explain it other than something in my gut knows this is different. Even though I know it sounds crazy, I can’t deny it.

“I’m serious! I know it sounds crazy, but I know it to my bones.”

“I get it,” Ava says in my defense as I park and transfer the call to my phone before heading into the store. “I saw Jaime in that bar, and I think part of me knew; we were just way too stubborn to even consider admitting it. I think that’s the way you know someone is your person. All of the books and movies have a moment where they meet, and they know to their bones, you know? Sometimes, it just takes a bit for them to get to that point. Jules is just skipping all of the bullshit.”

“Exactly!” I say, glad someone understands and confirming that I’m not completely insane.

Just a day ago, Nate and I spent almost two days holed up together before the roads were cleared and he had to take me home. Every moment since the time he kissed me on his kitchen island has felt almost magical.

Like I’m walking on clouds and it’s finally my turn to live the fairy-tale love story.

“I mean, didn’t you have that with Jeremy?” Ava asks, and I know she doesn’t mean it in a mean way, thinking Harper would agree without hesitation. Instead, I watch on the FaceTime call as her nose scrunches up and she shakes her head.

“It’s not a need, Harper, to have that feeling from the start,” I say, jumping in to save her feelings. “You’re much more practical than Ava and me.” Ava catches on, nodding with wide eyes.

“Oh, for sure. So much more logical. Jules and I just jump in headfirst and hope we don’t break our necks.”

Harper’s lips purse, and she sighs.

“I’m just saying that you should be careful, Jules. We don’t want you to get hurt. You are the most amazing, loving, trusting person I know, and I love that. One day, though, you’re going to get hurt. You know, sometimes when you jump in without looking, the water is deep, and sometimes it’s too shallow, and you get hurt.”

I sigh. I knew Harper would be the one to worry because that’s just her nature.

“And I’m just saying, I know it’s deep, Harper. I feel it in my gut.” My phone is balanced between my shoulder and my ear as I grab a cart.

“I’m just worried about you. You love so hard and so completely, but not everyone deserves that, you know? I think—” she starts, but my mind stops processing her words when I hear a newly familiar voice speak from one aisle over.

“Come on, honey, let’s go,” a man’s voice says.

“Daddy!” a small, squeaky voice responds.

“Sloane, can you grab those crackers Sophie likes?” the man asks.

Nate. It’s Nate speaking, and a small voice calling him daddy, I think. I step closer to the end of the aisle then peer around, seeing his tall build and broad shoulders, a little girl with a curly blonde mop of hair on his hip, a pink cast on her arm, and a ballerina Ashlyn doll dangling in her hand.

My breathing stops.

Vaguely, I hear Ava and Harper in my ear, but I can’t process them or hear any words they’re saying. Not when a gorgeous blonde turns to smile at him. “Yeah, no problem. You want princess ones, sweetie?”

The girl on Nate’s hip nods, squealing something and smacking Nate in the head with the doll in her excitement. The whole precious little family laughs at the mishap, and I fight getting sick right there in the cereal aisle.

My mind starts reeling as it becomes clear: He has a family.

I was some kind of fling, an affair on New Year’s Eve.

I’m a homewrecker.

The flashbacks come pouring in: my mom crying late into the night after she thought I was long asleep, the yelling and throwing of plates at my father when she accused him of what she already knew to be true.

The visits to see my dad and his new family twice, maybe three times a year. The way I felt so completely and totally out of place no matter how wide of a kind smile I put on my face, or the way I always felt like a burden, an unsavory reminder of what my father was always trying to forget: his past.

The way my mother changed that year and decided there was no such thing as love; instead, searching for security. I had to watch countless shitty men come in and out of her life until she finally settled for Stanford and a loveless, but wealthy, marriage.

And here he is: the man I was sure was my dream man come true, someone who stepped out of the scenes of one of my favorite movies and came to life, standing with a gorgeous young daughter on his hip and laughing with an even more gorgeous woman.

Her mother, from the looks of it.

A perfect little family. I can’t have been much older than that girl when everything fell apart for my family. If I continued this thing with Nate like I was living in some kind of fairy tale, would this have been a case of history repeating itself? If I wasn’t at the store at this exact moment, would I one day be the source of some deep-rooted daddy issues in that pretty little girl?

Was it his place he took me to, or was it some crash pad? Does his perfect little family live there too? Where were they? Did he really have an affair with some stranger in a bar on New Year's Eve?

But most of all, how could I have been so stupid?

I was so lost in my delusion and seeing the best in things; being a hopeless romantic at heart, I missed all of the signs.

Oh God.

Oh God .

This is why men are only good when they’re fictional. Because in the real world, they’re always a fucking disappointment.

As I process this, he starts to turn in my direction, the little girl locking eyes with me, and suddenly, my body can move again, my legs forcing me to turn as fast as humanly possible toward the exit before Nate—and his perfect little family—can see me.

When I make it to my car, I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself before I open my phone, realizing he must have texted me between my leaving my place and making it to the store.

Nate

Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. I miss you already. Is that crazy to say?

If I had seen this text five, ten minutes ago, I would have squealed at my luck, at the joy of this man and the excitement I was feeling for the future. Instead, it makes me sick to my stomach and makes my eyes burn at the cruelty of fate and reality.

Shaking my head, I remind myself there’s a reason I live in my head, why I choose to watch movies instead of chase romance, that everything always works out in the fictional world, but out here, in the real world, no happily ever after is ever guaranteed.

The real world brings nothing but blow after blow. It’s time to accept that soulmates and happily ever afters are myths so you don’t lose hope. Sure, there are the one-in-a-million situations, like Ava and Jaime, but overall, it’s all bullshit.

Just one big lie meant to keep the world spinning.

I make my decision then, tapping on his contact and staring at it. I take a moment to mourn what could have been—the silly thoughts and dreams I’d dreamed up after only a day and a half before I sigh, hit the block button, and start the car.

My mind is blank as I make the familiar drive to my best friend’s apartment on the outskirts of Evergreen Park. Anytime my thoughts start to drift, to unpack what just happened, I shake my head fiercely, check the time and how far I am, and count down.

Just five minutes until I can lose it.

Only four minutes.

I only have to keep it together for three more minutes.

Two more, almost there.

I’m shaking by the time I pull into the parking lot for Ava and Jaime’s place. When I step out, I slam the door without bothering to grab my bag, lock it, or do anything like that.

I just move, muscle memory carrying me to the front door, where one shaky finger reaches for the doorbell.

“Hey, babe,” Ava says as she opens the door, distracted. “Are you—” and then she stops, taking in me, my tear-stained cheeks. “Oh, no,” she whispers, opening the door fully and pulling me inside where I can let go.

Because even if I’ll never have a dream man to spend forever with, the universe did give me the blessing of really good fucking friends.

And that is the moment I swear off men. I swear off love. I swear off hope, feeling the gate slam shut over my heart.

It’s not worth it: the pain, the disappointment, the heartache.

It’s not worth it, surely not for a momentary shot at some far-off moment of bliss. No.

I’m not going to reach for that ever again, not when I’ve seen the destruction that small glimmer of hope can wreak.

Never again.