If This Was a Movie (Evergreen Park #2)

Chapter 32 – Jules

THIRTY-TWO

JULES

The party goes fine, both Harper and Ava coming to help out, and I’m relieved when I don’t have to spend too much time with them, constantly getting pulled one way or the other.

I know the second they get me alone, one or both of them are going to try and pick my brain, and I’m scared of that.

I’m scared for Ava to tell me to jump in without fear or confirm I’m just a big baby, letting my old wound be an excuse for why I’m not going all in with Nate.

But I’m also scared for the more cynical Harper to give me her opinion, to tell me I’m right to be cautious considering everything that’s happened, the way I got hurt last time.

And as I wave off the last kid, wishing him and his family a great holiday, I walk back into the center knowing my time is up.

“Okay, what’s going on?” Ava asks as we start cleaning up the community center together.

“What?” I ask, tossing a greasy paper plate from the pizza I bought the kids into the trash.

“What’s going on? You’re moping around like you’ve just been dumped, but you aren’t even dating anyone. Unless…”

The statement hangs in the air, waiting for me to fill it with the truth we all know, but I don’t answer, and Ava continues.

“Unless you started something with Mister Hot Dad, and you’re so stuck in your head you don’t even want to talk to us about it.”

I keep moving, grabbing cups and dumping them into the sink in the corner before tossing them.

“I think that’s pretty obvious, Ava,” Harper says. “They started something the day she agreed to their little deal.”

Ava nods, tossing a chip from the bowl into her mouth and chewing thoughtfully.

“Here’s my theory: you got in there, and it all felt the same as it did in January. It was like there wasn’t a whole year between the two of you. And that was all fine until it started to feel a little too real. And then you, our sweet, soft-hearted, scaredy-cat girl, keep thinking about the what-ifs.”

I glare at her but don’t respond.

“Let me guess: he gave you an ultimatum? Make a decision or get out?” Harper guesses.

“Oh, if he did, you have to get rid of him, that’s not—” Ava starts, but I can’t take it anymore.

“No!” I say finally, the urge to stick up for Nate is all-consuming. “No, he didn’t do that. He’d never do that, you guys. Everything is…everything is great.” Ava tips her head at me, brows furrowed, clearly not believing me. “They are! We even went on a date today,” I say, trying to act normal, even though the reminder of our conversation from a few hours ago makes my stomach hurt.

Nate wants more.

Nate wants more and wants me to admit I want more, but I don’t know if I can. If I’ll ever be emotionally ready to take that leap, to take the risk. I’ve been acting this entire month like it’s just some silly fantasy world, but the reminder that I would be moving back to my place eventually and that we were already in the deep end was a dose of reality I wasn’t prepared for.

“Then what is it, Jules? I can’t figure it out. Why are you moping around like someone killed your dog if everything is so great?

“He said we'd be moving in together.”

“Okay? That feels obvious, Jules. He has a daughter, and your place isn’t that big. Did he say it had to be soon? Or that you had to get rid of First Position?”

“No. He was mentioning I could rent out my place or build a lounge or more studios.”

“Okay…? That seems like the ideal situation, Jules. What’s wrong?”

“I just…I didn’t expect it. I hadn’t really thought of this moving beyond Christmas. I told him from the start I didn’t want this to be anything because I want to focus on my friends and my?—”

“Oh my god, can we stop with this lie?” Harper snaps, exasperated.

“What?”

“It’s a lie, Jules. You aren’t focusing on us or your business. You’re focusing on finding any excuse you can to keep your heart safe.”

The brutal honesty hits hard, and I still as my friends walk over to me. Ava reaches over and grabs my hand, and I feel it then: the wobble of my chin.

“I know in January, when you thought you found something special and then thought it was all a lie, you were hurt. And it changed you, Jules. We all saw it.” Harper nods. “We saw you shut down and build a wall up. But I also saw you with them last week, and I saw that wall was down, babe. So what’s going on? It seemed like everything was going well.”

I take a deep breath before confessing. “I’m scared.”

“Well, duh. You feel everything deep, Jules. It’s your superpower,” Harper says.

“My superpower?”

“I’ve never met anyone with more empathy than you. I’ve never met anyone who sees fairy tales in everyday moments and who believes in the best of things. Ava, she’s our go-getter. I don’t even think she thinks the sky is the limit. She sees something, she wants it, she gets it. She saw Jaime and made that man hers.

“I am the realist: I overanalyze and pick everything apart, and it’s worked out well for me. I have Jeremy, and I have the fashion line, and I’m happy.”

I don’t touch on how she doesn’t even seem to be convincing herself on that.

“But you, Jules, You’re the dreamer, the optimist. You see the best in everyone, and in the past year, you’ve seen that as a weakness. You’ve hidden it so far, and we were worried it would be gone forever. But it’s back, and you seem…like you again. Your romanticism isn’t a weakness, Jules. It helps you see the real potential of things and turn them into reality. Just look at this place,” she says, waving her hand at the mess left from the party. “First Position was just a daydream, what, three? Four years ago? And now it’s booming. You’re proving everyone wrong, and that’s because you liked this run-down building and knew the potential.”

“And look what happened,” I say with a scoff. “I didn’t know what I was doing, and it flooded.”

“There’s mishaps in even the most angst-free movies, Jules. If this was a movie, that would be the beginning of your own fairy tale. You just have to be brave enough to take the leap.”

I wait long moments before finally, finally , I confess what’s been eating at me for a year.

I felt the way I changed when I thought Nate broke my heart, and I didn’t like the road I felt I could fall down.

“What if it turns me into her?” I whisper.

“What?”

“My mom. What if I get my heart broken and I turn into her? Turning marriages into opportunities and using people. I remember that she used to believe in love. And now she’s some Stepford robot.”

Ava rolls her eyes like that’s a ridiculous question.

“You could never turn into her. Have you met you, Jules? You’re a hopeless romantic. You believe in true love at every turn, except when it’s looking you dead in the eyes.” Harper glares at me like even she knows that what Ava is saying is true.

“You think Nate’s my true love, too?” I ask.

She sighs, looking out the window and not at me when she answers.

“I think I’m too much of a realist to believe in something as grand as that, but if I did, I’d think you found it. I think Ava found it. I don’t think whatever higher being that exists would put Nate in your path twice if there wasn’t a reason. I know that when you lost him, your mood had never been worse.”

I glare at her and smile.

“I think tomorrow you have to put on your big girl panties and talk to him. Tell him what you just told us and that you’re scared, but you want to try.” That makes my stomach flip. “You tell him you’re crazy in love with him and it’s scary, but that being scared is a part of life.”

“I’m sorry, what? ” I ask, that stomach pit turning into full-blown nausea. Ava rolls her eyes.

“Harp, she’s clearly not ready to address that truth right now,” she says. “Even if we all know it is true. And Jules, he loves you too, which I think you know.”

Do I know that? Do I know that Nate loves me? Or that I love him? That’s crazy, right? A month ago, I was swearing off even the idea of love, and now…

“But…but it’s been a month,” I argue, and Ava gives me a small, pitying smile.

“And when does time ever come into play with matters of the heart? And it’s been a year , Jules.” She sighs, then links her arm through mine. “But enough moping around for now. I think we’re mostly done cleaning up. We can go to my place and watch movies and dissociate until I have to take you home. You can talk to Nate in the morning.” I smile at her weakly.

“You know what this calls for?” Harper asks, grabbing a package off the counter.

“Cookies?” Ava asks, and Harper smiles wide.

“Cookies. Cookies cure everything,” she says, looking at me before putting the leftover snacks into a bag to bring to Ava’s where we eat way too much junk, laugh way too hard, and drink a bit too much wine, so Jaime ends up being the one who has to drive me home.

When I eventually make my way into the cottage, throwing my bag on the floor, I see a vase on the tiny counter, filled with peonies. My stomach flips and simultaneously plummets when I read the note.

See you tomorrow for coffee. Miss you. -N

It’s then, I know that no matter what, I have to talk to Nate tomorrow, and I have to be brave.