CHAPTER 22
DALLAS
A message from Wills is followed by several photos of various wrapped boxes.
Wills
What is this?
Dallas
Gift boxes.
Wills
Why are they here?
Dallas
They’re for you, obviously.
Wills
Why are you buying me things?
Dallas
Because you’re my fiancée, and I’m taking you on a date, and I love shopping.
Wills
I’m not sure if you’ve hit your head recently, but I am your FAKE fiancée, and this is a FAKE date.
Dallas
You should delete that message. That’s not something you want anybody else to see. If you don’t want them, I can take them back.
The humping dots appear, disappear, then appear again.
Dallas
Seriously. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, so if they really bother you, I will take them back.
Wills
You don’t have to do that. But how do you know my size in EVERYTHING?
Dallas
Wills
That only accounts for my panties.
Dallas
I went through your closet when I was at your place for dinner with the family.
Wills
You did not.
Dallas
You’re right. I didn’t. I’m very good at guessing. If this hockey career doesn’t pan out, I figure I can move to carnivals.
Wills
But the clowns, Dallas.
Dallas
Good point. Better not fuck up this career then.
Wills
Aren’t you glad I’m here to keep you out of trouble?
Dallas
Immensely grateful. I’m happy to show you how grateful with any body part you’d like.
Wills
Thank you for the clothes.
Obviously, she’s ignoring my offer. Hopefully she’ll let me come up to her place at the end of our date so I can get another hit.
Dallas
Entirely my pleasure.