Illicit Temptation (Astoria Royals #3)

CHAPTER THIRTY

Shea

I t’s come to this. I can’t hold it in anymore. I feel like we’re getting too close, and I’m going to get my heart broken all over again.

“Tell me what, Shea?” Trace looks down at me with such gentle eyes, I almost reconsider.

Swallowing, I jam my watery eyes close. “Those weren’t regular birth control pills.”

“Go on,” he says, hunger in his voice for me to explain further.

“They were a special dose that also reduces fibroids.” I open my eyes and look for a reaction to see if he knows what I mean. I pray he can figure it out, so I don’t have to say the awful words I’ve not been able to tell anyone.

“Fibroids?”

“Benign cysts in the uterus.”

To my horror, the color drains from his face. “What?”

God, I have to say it out loud. Taking a few breaths to summon the courage I need, my wobbly voice utters, “I... Oh, Trace, I probably can’t have children.” It hurts less to make it not so final.

“Who told you that?” he asks with an angry tone I wasn’t expecting.

“My doctor. I’ve had this issue for years.” I swallow and need water for my bone-dry throat. “It’s why I kept Archer around. He had kids. He didn’t need—”

“Did he know?”

I shake my head. “I had no reason to tell him, he kept putting things off. But this isn’t about him. This is about you and me. You’re delaying us getting a divorce like you’re holding on to hope that we can have something real. But we can’t. I won’t make you a childless man. You’re so young and—”

He crashes his mouth down on mine. The kisses hit me with a force like an atomic bomb. “Shea,” he says, his voice cracking. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I don’t want your sympathy.” I pull away and try to stand up. “I’m fine. I’ve known this for a while.”

He grabs me. “No, I’m not losing it right now because I feel sorry for you. I did... I did something terrible.”

Fear rakes through me. “What?”

“Those pills you’ve been taking since February...they weren’t your doctor’s prescription.”

My heart pounds. “Ex cuse me?”

Shaking his head, he says, “Where’s your purse?”

“You’re scaring me.”

He stomps through my bedroom. When he finds my purse, he turns it upside down and yanks out my pink case.

Opening it, he swears under his breath and rips out the full sleeve. “These are fertility meds.”

“What?” I bark.

He goes to the toilet, and one by one, he pops them out of the sleeve over the bowl. “I had to figure out a way to keep you.”

“By knocking me up?” I’m outraged, but also...flattered as hell that he’d go to such lengths.

Only...

“I’m sorry.” He sinks in front of me, hugging my waist. “All this pain you’re in is because of me. You said you hadn’t had these cramps since you started those pills. This is my fault. I’ll give you back your other pills when you’re ready to take them again.”

“The pain will pass.” I exhale and run my fingers through his hair. “But what the hell am I taking? Will it hurt me?”

“The qua... The doctor who gave them to me said it’s Clomid.”

“Oh. That’s not...dangerous.” I lift his scruffy chin to make him look in my eyes. “I can’t believe you did this.”

“I want you, Shea. I’ve always wanted you. Three years ago, I got pulled away. I’m here now. I have... My cousins have something big happening. I’ll be set. Your brothers will approve.”

“You’re not hearing me, you sweet man. I can’t have kids.”

“I don’t care.”

“You’re just saying that.” I groan from the pain.

“I promise you, I’m not.” He stands up and lifts me into his arms. “I planned to ask your father’s permission whenever this damn trip to Dunbar happens.”

So much has been going on behind my back it shocks me. “Trace...”

“Just consider it. Let me prove to you what you mean to me.”

I’m overwhelmed but in so much pain, I can’t think straight. He’ll change his mind. I’m sure of it.

“Shea?” he presses.

“I’ll...think about it.”